


Never Let Me Go

by FarenMaddox



Series: Never Let Me Go [1]
Category: Cardcaptor Sakura, Gouhou Drug | Legal Drug, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, xxxHoLic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ashura is a great dad, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, Multi, Poor Kazahaya is just sort of along for the ride, So much angst, and hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-19 01:01:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 86,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarenMaddox/pseuds/FarenMaddox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuuko stepped into the chaos of shifting time and pulled them out, sacrificing herself in the process.  Now the boys are left to grow up as best they can—a little broken, but safe enough to decide who they want to be instead of who they have to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Warrior of Suwa

**Author's Note:**

> This was absolutely based on the splash page of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle for Chapitre 198, with Kurogane climbing a tree and Fai holding Syaoran's hand. Too adorable. Couldn't resist.
> 
> This is a world I made up, and these are alt versions of the Cardcaptors characters, FYI.

Halfway up the tree, Kurogane had a sudden memory of another tree he had climbed to retrieve his mother's shawl. Remembering was more painful than he'd expected. He made sure he was well-hidden in the branches, then hunched over for a minute to allow a single, secret tear to slide down his face and be lost among the leafy canopy surrounding him. Then he straightened up and kept climbing.

He couldn't get all the way to the top of the tree. He was only ten, but he was already too big for the highest branches. Still, it would do the trick. He settled his back against the trunk and went to work.

He'd told his guardian that he needed to survey his new neighbourhood and assess it for potential threats. Then he'd pushed the small limits of his ability to be civil so he could ignore Sonomi-san's smirk and Tomoyo-chan's childish giggling. He'd wanted to yell at them for doubting his abilities, but he also didn't want to be placed on restriction. Surveying the neighbourhood was the closest they'd let him to protecting his people until he got older, so he had to be respectful and keep the privilege of "playing" unsupervised. He'd tugged little Tomoyo-chan's hair as he ran out the door, but she only laughed again. She was a happy toddler.

He looked around and saw exactly what he'd expected to see: nothing. If he was being honest with himself, he'd only climbed the tree because there was nothing better to do. He'd already done his sword training today. At that thought, he sighed so deeply he made the closest leaves rustle.

He could see the orphanage from here, or at least the roof. A couple of boys in town had told him the orphan kids were all weirdos. He'd asked Sonomi-san about it, and she'd told him severely not to bother those poor children, and to remember how lucky he was that he hadn't ended up there, too. She had suggested—just like a woman, honestly—he find out if any of the orphan boys were his age and make friends with them. Yeah, right. A warrior of Suwa was not going to waste his time making friends with little kids.

Even if he didn't really have anything better to do.

He heard some people start shouting. They were loud and laughing, with multiple voices, all of them male. Kurogane's sharp eyes looked past the branches to find the source of the noise. He located three boys standing in a rough circle around something on the ground. He could tell they were older than him, but not much else.

He knew immediately these were the boys that Sonomi-san had warned him about. They lived in the neighbourhood and she'd called them thugs and bullies. Her friend Nadeshiko—who often brought over her daughter Sakura to play with Tomoyo—had told Kurogane it was better to stay out of their way. Sonomi-san only smirked and told him not to hurt them too badly. She clearly recognized that she would be hard-pressed to stop him if he wanted to fight.

He saw one of the boys aim a kick at whatever they were standing around, while the other two laughed. Kurogane realized then that it was a _person_. They were beating someone up. Without a moment of thought, he swung down from his branch and hit the ground running.

"Oi!" he hollered as he barreled up the street. The boys scattered and turned to face him, but the person they were beating up was still hidden behind their legs. "What are you doing?"

"Who's this moron?" jeered a boy with narrow shoulders and a crooked nose.

"Another one of Ashura-san's little bastards, what else?" answered a second boy, who had a beauty mark beside his eye that was _really_ not working.

"I am not," Kurogane scowled at them. Ashura-san was in charge of the orphanage.

"Yeah?" drawled the third boy, the one with a streak of dirt on his chin. "Then who are you?"

"Not that it's any of your business, _asshole_ , but I'm the heir of Suwa."

"Oooo, the _heir_ ," mocked the first one, with the nose.

"Of _Suwa_ ," said Ugly Mark in a fake-impressed voice.

"Never heard of it, little bastard," sneered Number Three.

"That's because you're stupid," Kurogane answered. He saw movement behind the boys, but he knew better than to let it show on his face. "It's not in this world, but Suwa's famous anyway because of our monsters. Maybe if you learned how to read . . . But I guess you can't help being too stupid to learn."

Ugly Mark was clearly ready to jump on him, but he didn't even get as far as stepping forward. The little boy they'd been kicking stood up, tangled and dirty hair hanging around his face, and he kicked the idiot in the joint of his knee. Ugly's leg buckled and he fell. Nose Job turned around with his fist out and caught the little boy across his temple, sending him sprawling back into the dirt.

"Hey!" Kurogane shouted, bunching up his fists. "He's just a stupid little kid! Why are you beating him up?"

"Because he's a freak," said Number Three.

Kurogane tried, for just a moment, to figure out why that was a good reason to waste energy you could use for more important battles. Then he decided he didn't care that much.

"So?"

" _So_?" repeated Nose Job. "He needs to be taught his place around here. He's not just another dirty orphan, he's _really_ a freak."

Kurogane looked at the little boy, who had gotten back up as far as his hands and knees, but no further. He was hanging his head, looking like he was defeated. He seemed to realize he was being stared at, though. One brilliantly blue eye peeked out from behind his tangled blond hair. Kurogane didn't know if the boy was asking for help or not, but he hated bullies, so that was good enough.

"So you don't know anything about other worlds, and you beat up little kids for no reason. That makes you stupid _and_ a coward." He was hoping that Sonomi-san wouldn't restrict him for getting in a fight if it was for someone else, and he had been spoiling for a good fight for days.

"Please. You're just a kid," scoffed Number Three. "I'll have you crying for your mother in seconds." He leapt forward with a grin on his face, not knowing how bad his comment had pissed the other boy off.

The grin probably disappeared somewhere between being taken in Kurogane's hip throw and hitting the ground. Kurogane didn't actually notice, because he was too busy straightening up for an assault from the startled Ugly. He decided these guys weren't worthy enough as opponents to drag the fight out. He roared out a call phrase and infused the sternum strike with a little magic, sending Ugly flying backward into Nose Job and knocking them both down.

There was a moment of silence while all three older boys stared at him. He dropped into a better fighting stance just in case, but he could see the fight leaving their eyes.

"Suwa," Kurogane repeated. "Look it up."

All three teenagers scrambled up from the ground and fled.

"Wimps!" he shouted after them. Then he turned to their victim, who was still kneeling in the street. "Are you all right or what?"

The boy put a hand to the side of his neck, pulling away fingertips red with blood. He gingerly touched his swelling eye. Then he just shrugged. He got up at last, revealing that he was dressed in a weird robe-like garment with a swirling pattern embroidered all over. Kurogane knew that most of the orphans were like him—they'd come here from other worlds. He wondered if the boy spoke a different language or something.

"Can you understand me?"

Those eyes were so blue it was hard to believe, meeting his own red eyes to affirm the boy understood him.

"Well, you could just say so, then."

The other boy only ducked his head and hunched his shoulders.

"Okay . . ." Kurogane muttered. "Well, come on. Those guys will come back if I don't take you home."

The blond boy made no movement, which made Kurogane start thinking he really didn't speak the language very well. Impatiently he reached out and grabbed the boy's shoulder to get him started in the right direction. The boy exploded into movement then. He snapped his teeth and then jumped backward.

" _Ow_!" Kurogane bellowed, shaking his hand and glaring. "What'd you _bite_ me for? I just saved your stupid butt!"

Blondie was backing away, looking at Kurogane with suspicion.

"I'm bleeding," Kurogane said, slightly shocked at how hard the boy could bite. "You freak!"

Blondie flinched like Kurogane had just hit him, dropping his eyes to the ground again.

"Aw, I didn't mean it," Kurogane said hastily. If the little idiot started crying or something, he really _would_ hit him. "Would you just come with me? I don't want those guys to beat you up. And don't bite me anymore!" he warned as he turned and started walking.

The boy trailed several paces behind him, looking fearful. Kurogane's finger was oozing blood and swelling up, so he wrapped it in the hem of his shirt, wincing with pain. At that, Blondie darted forward, snatching up Kurogane's hand so he could inspect the wound he'd created. Blue eyes filled with tears and he patted gently at the bite. Kurogane decided he'd rather _die_ than have to watch some stupid kid crying.

"It doesn't hurt that bad," he said gruffly. "Biting isn't a good fighting technique, anyway. You should practice that kick you did instead."

Something did spark in Blondie's eyes at that, but it went out quickly. He just took a careful hold on Kurogane's hand, using it to guide him down the street but also holding it aloft to keep it cushioned better.

"I know where the orphanage is," he protested. "I live right over there." He pointed with his good hand.

The boy was still wordless and wasn't about to let go of his hand. Kurogane felt helpless against this silent insistence, so he followed the boy all the way to the orphanage. He kept an eye out for the bullies, but he'd successfully scared them off. The orphanage itself was something of a surprise. It was nothing but a two-story house, only a little bigger than the house Kurogane now lived in. The difference was the screened-in porch that wrapped around the whole building, and something about that big porch shadowed by tall trees made Kurogane think of home. He'd been so wrapped up in mourning his parents that he hadn't noticed he was homesick. He missed Suwa almost desperately for a moment, but he pushed the ache down deep.

When they got close enough, he heard a man's voice talking.

"I'm sure he's in earnest, Sonomi-san, but you said he's only ten years old."

Sonomi? Ten? The man was talking about _him_ , and his tone was stressed and worried. Kurogane strained to locate the man, and found him quickly. He was behind the porch screen. Kurogane couldn't see many details through the shadowed screen, but he made out that the man was holding that _thing_ , that _telephone,_ to his ear with one hand and keeping a small child propped on his hip with the other.

"The boys that have been bothering Yuui-kun are in their teens, and I'm worried. Even if your Kurogane did come across Yuui, I don't know if . . . Anyway, if you could come by for just five minutes to watch the other boys, I'm sure I can find him quickly—"

There was an almighty squealing noise, and the small child began to struggle against the man's grip on him. The man pulled his head back from the source of the noise while trying not to drop the twisting little body.

"You-tune!" the toddler shouted joyfully. Kurogane assumed that meant "Yuui-kun" in baby talk, and furthermore assumed that was Blondie's name.

The man whipped around to face the street when he heard that and saw them. "Oh, thank god," he said in deep relief. "Is your ward tall for his age, with black hair?" He bent down and put the toddler on the ground, still holding the phone, and chuckled. "Yes, yes, I'll never question you again. Thank you so much, Sonomi-san. Yeah, I will. Sure. I'll send him along in a while. Bye."

Throughout this conversation, the boy's hand had tightened on Kurogane's, which _hurt_ what with the _bite wound_. Blondie had become even more tense than he already was, and when the man opened the door in the screen, he stopped walking.

The tiny boy was clambering down the steps ahead of the man, repeating "You-tune, You-tune," in a happy chant. He tried to run forward, but he must not have much practice with running yet, since he tripped over his own feet and face-planted.

Yuui finally dropped Kurogane's hand so he could dart ahead to the little boy. The boy was already pushing himself up with a grin.

"You-tune is home!" he crowed.

Yuui was on his knees, brushing dirt off the boy's clothes, and he allowed himself to be smothered in the toddler's enthusiastic greeting hug. His hands stopped brushing at dirt to give the little shoulders a tentative but affectionate pat. The little one seemed to be about the same age as Tomoyo-chan, and Kurogane wondered if he ever went over to play with her and Sakura.

"Is Syaoran okay?" the man asked, coming forward with more dignity than his young charge. He was dressed very casually in pants and loose shirt, and he had long black hair falling straight around his shoulders. He must be Ashura-san, the man who ran this orphanage. He looked sort of like a girl, Kurogane thought. But then, Blondie would look like a girl, too, if he didn't look so much like a skeleton. He hadn't noticed at first because of the loose robe, but this Yuui kid was really skinny.

Yuui nodded in answer to the man's question.

"Asha-san worried!" accused the toddler. Yuui was smoothing his mop of brown hair out of his face, still being held in his embrace.

"Yuui?" asked the man, crouching down beside the two children. "Are you okay?"

Blondie shrugged, which seemed like his answer to everything.

"Oooo, they got you, huh?" the man winced with sympathy, taking in the blood on Yuui's collar and the dirt ground into his clothes. He reached out his hand toward Yuui's blackened eye. The boy jerked his head back, lips parting but not producing a noise. Probably-Ashura looked sad at the retreat, but he just pulled the baby off of Yuui so he could stand up.

"What do you think?" he asked the boy indulgently as he settled him on his hip again. "Should we take Yuui-kun inside to get cleaned up?"

"Syaoran will help," the baby answered.

Probably-Ashura smiled at him, then held out his free hand to Yuui, but Blondie didn't take it. He ran back to Kurogane instead.

" 'Bout time you remembered me," he mumbled, nervous about what Yuui wanted with him _now_. He'd already escorted the weirdo home.

Yuui looked up at the long-haired man and grabbed Kurogane's hand.

"I haven't lost my manners yet," Probably-Ashura said. "I was going to invite him in."

Yuui shook his head, making his tangled hair flop around. He held up Kurogane's hand to illustrate what he wanted. Kurogane finally snatched his hand back.

"You were hurt?" Probably-Ashura asked with dismay.

"Only because your stupid kid bit me!" he snarled. "Anyway, doesn't he ever talk?"

Yuui hunched over like Kurogane had punched him, the way he had earlier.

"No, he doesn't." Still seeming very calm, he gestured at Kurogane's hand. "May I?"

Kurogane scowled as he let the man see the oozing, swollen bite in his finger, which was starting to throb.

"Well, why doesn't he?" he asked.

Yuui looked down at the ground while Probably-Ashura thought about that. He chose not to answer the question at all. "You'd better come let me clean this," he said instead. "Come on in."

Kurogane didn't really _want_ to go inside with these freaks, but he did it anyway because he was becoming very curious. He wanted to know why Yuui didn't talk. So when Probably-Ashura held open the screen door, he headed up the porch steps to go in.

"Yuui-kun, why did you bite him? You really hurt him."

Yuui opened his mouth, and Kurogane thought he was really going to say something, but it was only a silent cry of guilt. He cupped Kurogane's finger in both his hands and bowed his head for a moment. Kurogane stood there awkwardly and tried not to blush. That was total overkill, if it was some kind of apology. Unless the psycho had given him rabies or something. Still, Kurogane didn't think it was fair for him to be in trouble with his guardian.

"He was just scared because those guys were kicking him," Kurogane said. "He didn't really bite me on purpose. Hey, are you Ashura-sama or not?"

The man was just staring at him in surprise, but he shook his head to clear it. "Oh, yes, I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself. You needn't be so formal, by the way. I'm Ashura, this is Yuui, and this little one is Syaoran. You're Kurogane-san, right?"

"Yeah."

"Young man, did you say those boys were _kicking_ him?" Ashura-san asked anxiously.

"Yeah, but I got rid of 'em. They were weak," Kurogane said, not very concerned.

Ashura turned back to Yuui with worry. "Are you _hurt_?"

Yuui shook his head, making his tangled hair flop around. He seemed reluctant to go inside. Kurogane was getting this strange idea that the silent boy didn't like people to be worried about him. But that was stupid, because Ashura-san would just worry _more_ if he didn't look over his injuries.

"Tch," Kurogane said impatiently, "if I have to get fixed up then so do you. Come on."

Now it was his turn to grab the other boy's hand and drag him forward. Yuui came with him, and Kurogane could see that Ashura was very surprised by that. He led the boys up the stairs once they got inside, to a bathroom in a long hallway. Kurogane was curious about the house, but he didn't get to see much before he and Yuui were seated side by side on the edge of the bathtub. Syaoran was put down, but instead of leaving he crawled into the bathtub and played with a washcloth, giggling at his own antics. Kurogane tried to ignore the annoying high-pitched laughter, since he was just a baby. Kurogane could be generous with babies, he figured. For a couple of minutes or something.

The first thing Ashura did was look at each injury. Kurogane just had one, but Yuui had the eye and the cut on his neck, and Ashura patted Yuui's side and asked if that hurt. Yuui was going to lie—Kurogane could tell he was going to lie.

"Of course it hurts, they kicked him there," he said before Yuui could shake his head.

Both of them looked at him with surprise, and he scowled. He was going to blush again. He always blushed at everything, and that was stupid. Warriors of Suwa did not _blush_.

"Do you like your new house?" Ashura asked politely, kneeling in front of Kurogane and running his fingers over the bite.

It wasn't physical pain that made Kurogane clench his jaw. "I liked my old house." He'd wanted to stay. He'd wanted to find some men to rebuild the broken parts. He was the heir of Suwa, and he should stay in his country after killing the monster so he could help his people. But they said he was too young and he had to come to this other world to live with Sonomi until he got older. That damn witch must have made them say that. Everything was that damn witch's fault.

"You would have been alone there," Ashura pointed out.

Kurogane scowled. So what?

"I'm certain this new life isn't the one you wanted, but I think you will find a way to be happy here in this world. Sonomi-san is a good person. She'll take good care of you, and she won't keep you from going home later, if you choose to. Until then, you'll have to accept things as they are and find reasons to appreciate it."

Kurogane didn't know what to say to that, surprised both by Ashura's kindness and the way he didn't talk down to him just because he was a kid. He didn't have to come up with a response, because they were interrupted by the approach of another boy. He appeared in the doorway and stood there taking in the scene. He had sleek black hair, pale skin, and weird, yellow eyes.

"I smell blood," he said quietly.

Ashura stiffened for a second, then he stood up slowly and turned to face the newcomer. "Are you handling it? What do you need?"

The boy shook his head. "I'm okay. Kamui had to go outside, just in case. But I wanted to see what happened. I was worried that Yuui-kun got hurt again. Yuui-kun?"

Yuui leaned around Ashura to give the other boy a thumbs-up, a gesture which Kurogane had only recently learned the meaning of. The new boy revealed a truly sweet smile.

"Good."

"Subu-tune!" Syaoran shouted from the bathtub behind them, attempting to climb out.

"Hi," the boy said, coming over and taking the toddler's tiny hands to help him. "You know my name, Syaoran-kun. You can do it. Can you say my name?"

"Subaru!" Syaoran said proudly.

"Good job," the boy said, releasing his hands. The yellow in his eyes was starting to fade away and leave them dark and deep. The weird colour crept back in when he turned back to the others, though, and Kurogane thought he might be holding his breath. "Is Syaoran-kun in your way?"

"I am not!" Syaoran said indignantly, leaning against Yuui's legs when Subaru reached for him. Yuui patted the top of the baby's head indulgently. "Up, You-tune." Blondie complied, of course, making Kurogane roll his eyes. Syaoran settled in Yuui's lap with perfect contentment and popped his thumb into his mouth. Ashura was looking at both of them with exasperation, a jar of cream in his hands. Then he chuckled and started dabbing the cream around Yuui's eye. He had to be careful not to elbow the baby in the face while he worked. Kurogane would have made the runt leave.

"I'm Subaru," the yellow-eyed boy addressed him, but his eyes were looking at Kurogane's finger. It made him nervous, even though he wasn't sure why, so he wrapped his finger in his shirt again. It seemed to work, because Subaru's eyes were turning dark again.

"I'm Kurogane."

"It's nice to meet you, Kurogane-san."

Even though he looked delicate, Kurogane thought the boy might be his age or even a little older. "Yeah," he muttered in return.

"Did you guys get in a fight?"

"I guess."

"Ooo, did you help him fight the bullies?" Subaru asked, sounding impressed.

Yuui nodded vigorously at that, reaching out his hand to hold Kurogane's shoulder. Gross, why? Kurogane shrugged his hand off, but Yuui looked disappointed. Oh. Right. Since he didn't speak, that was probably his way of talking. Using his hands and stuff like that. He was trying to say something.

"Uh . . . You're welcome?"

Yuui's eyes widened just a bit, clearly pleased that Kurogane had figured out that he was saying thank you. He squeezed Kurogane's shoulder, and he did it really hard because Ashura had soaked a cloth with something that smelled bitter and he was wiping the cut with it. Kurogane didn't complain, though. Warriors of Suwa didn't worry about pain.

"So . . . he doesn't smile, either?"

"He hasn't had much to smile about," Ashura said gruffly. "We're working on that." He brushed Yuui's hair away from his face, his hands gentle. "You okay?" he asked. Yuui nodded, and Ashura gave the tangled locks a teasing tug. "Well, Yuui-kun? Can I cut this off yet?"

Yuui immediately looked frightened, squeezing Syaoran. The toddler had become drowsy, sucking his thumb slowly and letting his eyelids droop, but he used his free hand to stroke Yuui's clutching arm. Seriously, what was wrong with getting a hair cut? He looked stupid with his hair all long and dirty.

"You'd be able to see better," Kurogane pointed out. Ashura had moved on to his bite, and he gritted his teeth to silence a grunt of pain when the bitter-smelling cloth descended.

Yuui's response was to cuddle Syaoran's head against his shoulder and give Kurogane a shy look. The toddler had just fallen asleep, and his thumb fell out of his mouth with a soft pop. Yuui stroked Syaoran's hair, which was much tidier than his, then looked up at Ashura and nodded at him.

Ashura was already turning to the sink to rinse out the cloth, clearly having expected a different answer. He turned back, disbelief all over his face. "Did you say yes?"

Yuui looked at Kurogane again, while Ashura and Subaru were gaping at each other. Kurogane was going to blush again, he just knew it. He scowled at Blondie. He had no patience for indecisiveness.

"What are you looking at me for? You should only do something if you want to."

Yuui turned back to Ashura and nodded again, fingering his tangled hair just to be clear.

"I'll get some scissors," Ashura said cheerfully. He gave Kurogane a bright smile—what for, he didn't know. He didn't do anything and it meant nothing to him whether Blondie cut off his stupid hair or not.

"Let me take the baby," Subaru said as Ashura left. "He can play with me and Kamui outside for a while."

Yuui cuddled Syaoran protectively against him and frowned. He pointed to Subaru's dark eyes.

"We'll be fine. Kamui only had to go outside because of the blood, and that's all cleaned up now."

"He doesn't like blood or something?" Kurogane asked.

"Um," Subaru hesitated.

"You guys are something weird, aren't you?" Kurogane asked without surprise. He knew that the orphans sometimes came from different worlds, and he'd been warned already that they were "weirdos." Then of course those bullies had said they were beating up Yuui because he was a "freak." It made sense that Subaru and this Kamui guy would be something weird. "What's wrong with your eyes?"

"We're vampires," Subaru answered.

"Uh . . . what?"

"Kamui and I are vampires," he said, smiling his very sweet smile again. "We're also twins," he added cheerfully.

Yuui suddenly flinched and buried his face in the sleeping toddler's hair. He made a very tiny choking noise. Subaru's mouth fell open, and he mouthed "oops." He started to sit down on Yuui's other side, but Blondie shied away from him. He stood up again and looked helpless.

"I'm sorry," he said, eyes filling with tears that just made them look even deeper and darker. "I'm really sorry, Yuui-kun."

Kurogane was debating whether or not he wanted to ask what this was all about. If he learned much more about this whole situation, he was going to have to be involved in it. Then somebody might get the idea he wanted to be friends with these freaks or something. He was very happy to see Ashura-san return with the scissors. It was hard not to notice the change in the atmosphere, but Ashura ignored it, keeping his smile plastered on.

"Okay," Subaru said decisively, putting his hands under Syaoran's arms. "Come on, Syaoran-kun. Come play with me and Kamui." The dazed toddler was allowing himself to be lifted but was not helping, and the slender boy struggled with the dead weight. "I promise we'll be in control, Ashura-san," Subaru said. "We won't hurt him."

Ashura ruffled Subaru's hair with a smile. "I know you wouldn't. Keep an eye on Kamui, though, okay? Be smart."

Kurogane was starting to wonder about this Kamui guy. And Yuui still looked very worried, his eyes locked on the sleepy baby.

"I'll go with them and make sure nothing happens," he told Blondie, then mentally smacked himself for saying it. He had no idea why he was volunteering to babysit. Not that it mattered, since Yuui's hand shot out and grabbed him when he tried to stand up. His fingers were clamped down so hard it was making Kurogane's skin turn white around them. "Okay, I won't . . ." he said, mystified.

"See you later, Kurogane-san," Subaru said, and took Syaoran away.

Kurogane was envious that the vampire had escaped Blondie's weirdness. "I should probably go back to Sonomi-san's house now, though."

Yuui wouldn't let go. Kurogane looked at Ashura, but the man just shrugged.

"I'll stay?"

Yuui's hand loosened fractionally, although he didn't let go completely. Kurogane sighed and scowled at him. Did he need an audience for his stupid haircut? Apparently he did, because he held on to Kurogane's arm while Ashura started to work with the scissors. Maybe he was afraid? His eyes were squeezed shut while the scissors snicked near his face, so that must be it. Stupid Blondie was afraid of damn near everything, wasn't he? He was holding on to Kurogane because he was scared.

With that thought, Kurogane puffed up with pride. Yuui could tell that Kurogane was a warrior, so he was keeping him close by in case he needed to fight something. He'd recognized the skills. He might not actually be stupid, then, because it was smart to keep a warrior close at hand if you were afraid of something. Still, they were just scissors, so Kurogane wasn't sure exactly what Blondie wanted. There was nothing to fight!

And his fingers were starting to hurt Kurogane's arm. He tugged at Yuui's fingers to get them off. Yuui opened his eyes in confusion, then he slipped his fingers into Kurogane's and took hold of his hand instead of his arm. That was _not_ what he'd been trying to do. He didn't want to hold _hands_ with some little kid!

"Let go," he commanded.

Yuui's mouth fell open in dismay, but he did as he was told. He clutched his own knees while Ashura worked, squeezing his eyes shut again. He was grimacing like he was in pain. Kurogane growled impatiently and picked up his hand again.

"Don't hurt yourself, stupid."

Their hands remained clasped until Ashura-san was finished. Neither of them was particularly comfortable, but Kurogane would have to be a real monster to just leave when Blondie was counting on him. Finally, all that hair was piled up inside the bathtub and Ashura was combing what was left to get it untangled.

"I'm actually not very good at cutting hair," he chuckled. "But I did my best."

It was sort of uneven and flying all over the place, but at least it wasn't a foot too long and tangled up anymore.

"Well, who knew such a cute face was hiding under that?" Ashura said teasingly, brushing some hair free of Yuui's cheek. "Look at you!"

Yuui ducked his head, but Kurogane wasn't going to miss the chance to finally see the kid's whole face. He had big eyes and a pointed chin and he was very pale. Kurogane didn't consider himself a great judge of children's cuteness, but he figured Ashura-san was probably right. He also noticed, seeing Yuui's whole face at last, that they were closer in age than he'd thought. They might even be the same age.

"He'll be cuter if he eats for about a week," Kurogane pronounced, standing up at last. "Don't you feed him?"

Yuui looked indignant at that, and grabbed hold of Ashura's hand. At least it wasn't Kurogane's hand anymore.

"Well, then, eat when he feeds you," Kurogane said. "You look pathetic."

Yuui scowled at him. Hey, it was kind of nice to know there was _some_ fight in the kid. Kurogane couldn't help insulting him further, just to see what would happen.

"I wouldn't even have to fight you. If I just _sat_ on you, you'd die."

Yuui clenched his jaw and jumped on him, taking them both to the floor of the bathroom. Yuui was on top and was trying to punch him, but Kurogane was right—Blondie was too frail. He rolled over and got on top, then he just sat there without trying to punch him. It wasn't worth it when he was so weak.

"You'll have to try harder than that to beat a warrior of Suwa," he smirked.

Yuui glared up at him, then he relaxed, showing himself beaten. Kurogane got off him, and Yuui shot up right beside him, grabbing at his hand. Oh, not this again. But he was holding it up, showing it to Ashura.

"Bleeding again already?" Ashura-san's eyes were sparkling with laughter. "Let me get a bandage on it."

"Aren't you in charge of him?" Kurogane said grumpily while Ashura fixed his finger back up. "You didn't even try to stop us."

"It's nice to see him so lively," Ashura said without apology. "Why? Were you afraid he was going to hurt you?"

"Hell no!" Kurogane snapped.

Yuui's eyes widened suddenly, and he frowned at Kurogane.

"What?"

He picked up a bar of soap from the bathtub, stepped forward, and touched it to Kurogane's lips.

"Ugh, gross, get that off me!" he snarled, backing up. Yuui just frowned even deeper. "I know, already! I'm not allowed to swear!" Yuui nodded firmly at that, and replaced the soap. "So now you think you're in charge of me, too?"

Yuui nodded again, and something lit up in his eyes. It almost looked like he was going to smile. Ashura came to attention, staring at Yuui. But he didn't actually smile, after all.

"You try to tell me what to do, and I'll just beat you up," Kurogane told him. "I'm going home, now, anyway, and you can't stop me this time. You'd better go with him and eat a bunch of food, because I could beat up your skinny butt anytime."

Yuui frowned, and he pointed at Kurogane and then himself. Kurogane had no idea what that meant, and he didn't care. He wanted out of here before Blondie did anything else weird. Yuui stepped forward, closer to him. He pointed back and forth between them again, then suddenly placed his palms on Kurogane's chest and shoved him back a step. He nodded, his face set.

"You want to fight me right now?" Kurogane asked.

He shook his head, getting frustrated. He dropped his eyes, meekly took the confused Ashura's hand, and pretended to walk away with him. Then he dropped the hand and shook his head. He pointed at the soap. Then he pointed to Kurogane. Then to himself. He put his hands on his hips.

"Yuui-kun," Ashura said weakly. "It's wonderful that you want to talk to us. It's really wonderful. But I don't understand this. Is there some other way you could tell us?"

"Tch, don't bother," Kurogane said, smirking as he figured it out. "I can't tell you what to do, either. Right?"

Yuui nodded, and his eyes were lit up again.

"I can until you get strong enough to beat me," Kurogane said, grinning. He shoved the boy's shoulder as he walked past. "Go eat something, stupid."

He knew, he just _knew_ what Yuui was about to do. He swiftly stepped to the side, and Yuui's kick just barely missed the back of his knee. He'd told Yuui to practice that one, so he knew that's what he would do. While the other boy was off-balance, he pivoted around and grabbed him by the shoulders, flipping him down onto the ground.

"I told you, try harder if you want to beat me."

He grabbed Yuui's hand and hauled him back to his feet, and Yuui held onto his hand as they descended the stairs together. Ashura came behind them, just watching as everything played out. At the foot of the stairs, Yuui tried to tug him deeper into the house, looking up at Ashura with his big eyes.

"I think he wants you to stay for dinner, Kurogane-kun," Ashura said.

Kurogane scowled at the stupid brat. Why him, of all people?

"I can call Sonomi-san and make sure it's okay."

Kurogane sighed and gave in, letting Yuui pull him along. It was just easier to do what the idiot wanted.

 

* * *

 

"So, how was dinner?"

Kurogane was carefully polishing his father's sword, but he looked up when he heard that. "What do you want?" he asked his new guardian, not caring if he sounded rude.

"To see if you had a good time," she said, apparently taking that as an invitation to come in and sit on the floor by him. He drowned his irritation in logical thinking—it was Sonomi-san's house. She was the one who owned this room, not him, so he couldn't tell her to stay out.

"I guess. Haven't you ever met them?"

"I don't want Tomoyo-chan around them too much right now. Ashura-san has told me that some of the boys are dangerous."

Kurogane thought about Subaru's twin, Kamui, who had a bad attitude and a stronger blood lust.

"Well, yeah," he said. "There's a couple of vampires."

Sonomi's eyes widened in shock.

He tried to remember what he'd been told. "They called themselves purebloods. I don't know what that means, but they said they don't have to drink blood to live. But they get cravings for it sometimes, I guess."

"Is that . . . safe?"

Kurogane shrugged. "They could rip your face off, if they wanted to, but they're not that bad. Ashura-san says that's why he takes care of the orphans. He says he has magic and he can help them stay in control and not hurt people."

Sonomi-san nodded thoughtfully, making her sleek black hair fall over one eye. "I'll wait until my daughter can defend herself a little better, in any case."

"Tch," Kurogane scoffed, thinking of this morning when he'd woken up because Tomoyo-chan had been putting frogs in his bed. How the girl had caught frogs with those tiny pudgy hands was beyond him. "She's a nightmare, she'd be fine."

Sonomi only laughed at that, and that was when Nadeshiko-san came in with her own daughter Sakura on her hip and Tomoyo toddling along at her side.

"We're getting ready to go home, Sonomi."

"Pretty!" Sakura said brightly, looking at the sheen on the blade of Kurogane's sword.

"That _is_ a pretty sword, Kurogane-kun," Nadeshiko said. "But I've only seen you using a stick. Why don't you practice with this?"

He blinked at her in shock. "Don't be stupid. And it's not _pretty._ "

Sonomi scowled at his lack of manners, but they were all waiting for his explanation.

"It's my father's sword. Our family sword. It protects Suwa. It's not for _practice_."

"They let you bring it here?"

"It's mine now," he shrugged. "It's called Ginryuu."

Sonomi-san's face became a little sad, and she reached out to stroke his spiky hair away from his eyes.

"I know you didn't want it to belong to you just yet," she said softly. "And I know this isn't where you want to be. If you need anything, you just tell me, okay?" Tomoyo-chan had approached him, and she gave him a clumsy hug. "Kurogane-chan sad," she announced. "I will hug you."

"I don't want a hug!" he bellowed. "You're such a _girl_!"

Tomoyo was mostly unfazed, because she was a crazy little thing. She just ran to her mother, giggling, which made Sakura-chan giggle, too. Kurogane was really not thrilled at having his room taken over by a pack of women. He almost wished he was back at the orphanage, with the freaks, just because they were boys.

Strangely, that seemed to be on Nadeshiko-san's mind, as well. "I heard you found that little boy and brought him home," she said cheerfully.

"A bunch of boys were beating him up. I took care of it," he muttered.

"Did you?" Sonomi smiled. "That was nice of you."

Kurogane clenched his jaw. "If I can't protect Suwa, I'll protect you all," he said. "Even the blond freak."

"Freak? That's not very nice."

"He is a freak. He bit me."

"What?" Sonomi frowned. "Let me see."

"It's fine," Kurogane said calmly, displaying the bandage. "Ashura-san cleaned it for me."

"Why did he bite you?"

"After I beat those guys, I grabbed him to drag him home," Kurogane admitted. "He was still scared, so that's when he bit me. He was sorry, I think. He can't talk, but he grabbed my hand and bowed to me, so I guess that means he's sorry. He's the one who wanted me to eat dinner with them. And he made me stay with him while he got his hair cut. He's a wimp or something, he was scared of the scissors and I had to hold his hand." He noticed the two women were looking at each other significantly. "Anyway, if he ever bites me again, I'll kick his a— his butt. I don't care if he's just a midget. Besides, I think he wants to get stronger and fight me. He acts like he wants to."

They were still looking at each other all weird.

"What?"

"This is the most I've heard you talk since you got here," Sonomi said.

Inexplicably, he started blushing. He didn't know what he was embarrassed about, because he wasn't even doing anything. "So what?" he growled. "You _asked_ me."

"Why can't he speak?" Sonomi asked.

"Hell if I know," Kurogane said flippantly, picking up the cloth to work on the sword again. "I asked Ashura-san, but he wouldn't tell me. I don't want to talk anymore, I'm busy."

"I just wonder if he can, but he doesn't want to."

"I'll ask him tomorrow," Kurogane shrugged. Seriously, why wouldn't they just leave him alone? Couldn't they see that he wanted to be alone with Ginryuu, and not answering more stupid questions about that stupid Blondie?

"Oh?" Sonomi queried as she stood up. "You're going to see him again tomorrow?"

"I don't know, maybe," he said. Then he paused, and looked up. "With your permission, Sonomi-san." He bowed his head. Mother had done her best to teach him a few manners, and it would be dishonorable to her if he hadn't learned anything. He had to be better about that. He wouldn't have anyone thinking she wasn't the best mother in the world.

"Sure, that's fine," she said breezily. "Come on, Nadeshiko, I'll see you two out."

Kurogane quietly wrapped Ginryuu's blade and put away the metal polish. He leaned it against the wall by his bed, and stood there frowning at it. It was not a properly respectful way to treat the ancestral sword, but this was not Suwa. They had weird things here like telephones and light bulbs, but they didn't have a sword stand.

Sonomi cleared her throat, and he pivoted around with his hands clenched into fists. He hadn't known she was there in the doorway again.

"Kurogane-kun?"

"Hai, Sonomi-san," he said, embarrassed, and weirdly saddened. There had been a time when being in his own bedroom had meant he was at home, and had nothing to fear. That was not true anymore.

"There's a room in the attic where I keep some things that belonged to my mother. It's . . . I wondered if you might like to put your sword away for safekeeping."

He frowned at her.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to. I just thought that since it's so special to you, you might like to put it away someplace clean and safe from Tomoyo." She winked at the end, when she said that. Hah, so she _did_ know her daughter was a terror.

"H-hai," he said haltingly. "That would be—I would like to put it away. Thank you, Sonomi-san."

"You don't want to call me your Oba-san?" she said, pouting outrageously.

He just snorted at that.

"All right. We'll find a place for Ginryuu tomorrow. Goodnight, then."

She waited for him to say goodnight in return, which he did after much rolling of his eyes. He didn't know why women were into stuff like pleasantries and polite conversation. Men didn't need such things. He found that he wasn't at all tired when he turned out his light, after so much excitement during the day. But he was self-disciplined, so he resolutely lay down and closed his eyes, anyway. He hoped he dreamed about home.

 

* * *

 

Kurogane didn't really like having breakfast with the Daidoujis. Tomoyo-chan was obsessed with pancakes—the more thoroughly coated in sticky syrup, the better. Looking at all that sweet stuff was bad enough, but she tried to make him eat it, too. He was always trying to protect his eggs and toast from Tomoyo's syrup bottle.

Today, he was baffled. Should he be feeling smug that Tomoyo-chan had turned down pancakes and requested eggs and toast like his? Maybe it was a sneaky plot or something. He wasn't sure if 3-year-old girls were capable of sneaky plots, but he wouldn't put it past her.

He was pondering this as he went outside for practice, making his way to the abandoned lot that was near the house. First, he went through his self-improvement forms, empty-handed and moving slowly to warm up, ignoring the dull pulsing pain in his injured finger. Was Tomoyo actually trying to copy him? He didn't want to ask Sonomi-san. That would just be embarrassing.

As soon as he picked up the long stick he was going to use for his kenjutsu forms, he stopped thinking. He pushed all thoughts and distractions out of his mind. There was only him, and the weapon in his hands. He had to close his eyes, feel the potential power waiting in him, and focus it on something. He breathed deeply, listened to the rustling of the tall grass that swayed around him, and began to move lightning-fast. He shifted through his sword forms with precision, slicing off the seed pods at the top of the grass stalks with each sweep of his stick. It would be better if he had a blade to practice with, he thought. He resolved to find out where he could earn the money to purchase one.

Training went on like that until late morning, when he was tired and sticky with sweat from the late-summer sunlight. He threw aside his stick and frowned. He hadn't wanted to go to school, even if Sonomi-san said boys had to do that in this world, but he might change his mind. There wasn't anything else to do here.

He went to the end of the street and climbed the big tree again, resolving to keep an eye out for those bullies. If they found a kid to pick on today, he'd let them have it. This was his street, now. Nobody was going to get beat up just for being a freak on his street.

He was so focused on finding the bullies that he didn't know what was going on right below him. The high-pitched shout from beneath his feet made him jump and caused his hair to stand on end. There was an instant sick feeling in his gut: the monsters were attacking again, and he didn't have a sword.

Then he looked down. "Oh. It's _you_ ," he said in disgust.

Yuui frowned right back, but Syaoran was sucking on his thumb innocently, like he didn't know that he'd scared the crap out of him.

"What do you want?"

Yuui was holding Syaoran's hand, probably so he didn't get lost or something. Tomoyo was always supposed to hold her mother's hand when they went out. He had a book cradled against his chest with his other hand. That was dumb, you shouldn't keep both hands occupied. You never knew when you'd need one to defend yourself.

Syaoran pulled his thumb back just enough to speak. "Tum play with us!"

It sounded much more like a demand than a request, but then Yuui squeezed his hand.

"Please?"

"You asking, or is it the stupid Blondie asking?"

Yuui looked up at him with a tiny, soft smile, and Kurogane was amazed. Ashura-san had said that he didn't do that. Was this his first smile? Wait, did that mean he was _making fun_ of him?

"I don't play," he informed them. Really, how stupid could you get, asking a warrior of Suwa to _play_ like a little baby or something?

Yuui maintained his soft smile, and squeezed Syaoran's hand again.

"Tatch fish in the creek!" Syaoran said.

Actually, that didn't sound too bad. He used to do that, sometimes. For mother. With the servants surrounding him and cheering him on . . . he'd never had real friends, but they'd been the closest thing he'd ever had to it.

He slid down through the branches and landed lightly on his feet. "Fine. Let's go."

Yuui looked at Syaoran and sternly nodded his head at Kurogane. Syaoran happily obeyed the command he'd apparently been given, and stretched out his hand to take Kurogane's. His slobbery hand that he'd had in his slobbery mouth.

"Gross!" Kurogane said, snatching his hand away. "I'm not going to hold hands with you."

Syaoran's eyes filled up with tears.

"Okay, okay," he snapped, deliberately forcing the little boy to wipe his hand on his tunic before taking it up. "Just don't do _that_."

He glared at stupid Blondie, because this was his fault. Yuui had looked serious, but he hesitantly tried to smile again.

"Heh. Better practice that, too," Kurogane said.

Yuui raised his eyebrows, like he wanted to know why.

"Cause you should do it more often," he shrugged. "You look better that way."

Kurogane didn't know where the creek was, so he let himself be led along, Syaoran's exuberant steps nearly enough to keep pace with his much larger ones. He expected Yuui to get dragged behind, but he was faster and had longer legs than Kurogane had suspected. That stupid robe thing he wore kept him really well hidden.

Not for long, though. Once they got to the creek, they all three stripped down to their undergarments and waded into the water. Syaoran tried to go in too far, and Yuui immediately snatched him back and hauled him into the shallowest part of the bank, where the water was only a few inches deep. He shook his finger at the little boy sternly, and Syaoran stuck his lip out.

"No fun!"

Yuui just scowled, which looked pathetic on him. Really, he just looked pathetic anyway. He was so _skinny,_ with his ribs and his spine poking out. Then there were the scars on his snow-white skin, far too many for a little kid to have gotten just from playing rough. Something had happened to him, Kurogane thought. Obviously, something must have happened around him, for him to have become an orphan and wind up on this world. But something . . . something bad had happened to _him_.

Something worse than watching monsters tear into your home? Watching them eat your parents and leave you alone with nothing but a sword you weren't big enough to use and a sense of shock so strong you couldn't even feel grief? Kurogane had seen the other boy staring at the scars left on his own shoulder from being bitten, so he didn't feel guilty for staring back. Kurogane decided to be grateful that Yuui was mute.

They engaged in a silent contest to see who could catch the most minnows. Kurogane should have won. Yuui was so busy keeping an eye on the baby that he could hardly have time to look for fish. But Yuui was also very, very fast. When he caught sight of a silver flash of fins, his hands sliced in and out of the water in the blink of an eye. They kept pace, making Kurogane more and more frustrated. He should be able to beat this kid! Yuui seemed like he was laughing at him, even though he still didn't smile very well. His eyes were sparkling.

"You think you can beat me?" Kurogane growled, shoving his hands into the water and grasping the tail of a nice fat fish. He yanked it out of the water triumphantly, then his eyes caught sight of the biggest minnow yet, stirring the water around Yuui's knees. He scowled.

Yuui's eyes laughed even harder. His hands flashed down, then up with a huge spray of water that hit Kurogane full in the face.

"Hey!" he shouted, crestfallen that Yuui had caught the biggest fish. Then he looked and saw that Yuui wasn't holding anything. His pathetic little smile was back. He was just _splashing_ him, he wasn't even trying to win! "You stupid Blondie!"

He scooped his hands into the water and splashed him back. Yuui's lips parted in a pant that was almost laughter, and a water war ensued. Even Syaoran managed some passable splash attacks, after five minutes of trying and failing to use his whole arm to spray them. The worst was when Yuui bent down and sucked water into his mouth, formed his lips into an 'o' and jetted water out into Kurogane's face.

"Gross!" Kurogane shouted, and then gave up splashing in favour of tackling the other boy and dunking him into the water. Of course, he went under, too. But he was already soaking wet, so who cared? Yuui writhed around, trying to get away from him and simultaneously trying to dunk him back.

He held Yuui's head under for a minute, just to punish him for starting it. But then Yuui went completely stiff beneath his hands, and bubbles began to rise to the surface too fast and hard to be normal. Kurogane hauled him up again, worried that he was drowning. But Yuui stayed stiff, his eyes wide and wild, and his mouth hung open. Kurogane saw his throat pulsing, and he realized Yuui was screaming. Screaming without sound.

It was the most awful thing Kurogane had ever seen.

He shook Yuui by the shoulders, hard. "Hey! Yuui-kun! _Blondie_!"

Yuui came out of it, snapping his mouth shut and blinking rapidly. Both his hands came up and clutched at his throat. He gaped at Kurogane, his cheeks pink with exertion and what seemed to be shame. There was a fine trembling coursing through him, Kurogane could feel it in the bony shoulders he still held.

Syaoran came splashing out into the deep water and shoved Kuropane in the small of his back, making him stumble to keep his balance. The little boy was in water up to his shoulders, but he didn't seem to care, glaring at Kurogane ferociously.

"No!" he said sternly. "No, no. No touching my You-tune."

He stretched his arms up to Yuui, who automatically grabbed hold of him and dragged him back into the shallows. Kurogane stayed where he was, staring helplessly at Yuui.

"I—I'm sorry," he said, looking down and feeling his face heat up. "I didn't know— I didn't know you'd be afraid. Sorry."

Yuui might hate him now, because Yuui wouldn't have wanted anyone to see him like that. He might not want to see him anymore. But Kurogane thought about all the long hours he'd been passing alone, far from home and with nothing to do and no one to do it with. He didn't want Yuui to hate him. He wanted someone to come catch minnows with. He didn't care that Yuui didn't talk. He just wanted him to be around.

"Hey," he said suddenly, desperately, splashing his way back to the shore. "See this?" He pointed to his shoulder. "That's where the monster bit me, the one who ate my mother and father. I was trying to fight, to protect everyone, but I couldn't." He tried to cover the scar with his hand, feeling the shame of it all over again as he told Yuui about his failure. "And now if someone walks up behind me and surprises me, I have to control myself so I don't hurt them. I can't—I can't stop being afraid that I'm getting attacked again."

The words had all spilled out of him in a rush, and he stopped there, his chest heaving and his hand clenching down on the scar that had only just formed over his recently healed wound. He didn't know why he was saying these things. He had never wanted to talk about these things. He just wanted to stop Yuui from running away.

"See, I get it. I won't do that again, okay?" He thought about the way Yuui had clutched so desperately at his throat. "It was because you couldn't breathe, right? I'll remember that."

There was a long moment of silence. Even Syaoran seemed to realize he should stay still. Kurogane felt like he was holding his breath. Then he let go of his scar, and inched his hand forward, toward the other boy, so they could shake on it. Yuui looked down at Syaoran, who seemed to be nervous because of how tense everything was, and was sucking on his thumb in a kind of fierce way. He looked at Kurogane's hand. His own hand crept out slowly, like he wasn't sure he wanted it to. Their fingers brushed, and then Yuui's hand clutched over his in a quick spasm. Kurogane sighed in relief.

Yuui didn't let go, though. He used Kurogane's hand to pull him out of the water and back to their clothes, and he didn't seem to want to let go even long enough to dry off and get dressed.

"I can't put my shirt back on until you let go," he said at last.

Yuui released him, gave him that soft and hesitant smile again, then seemed embarrassed by it and busied himself with helping Syaoran get his clothes on. Once they were ready, they set off with Syaoran in between them again. Kurogane explained to Yuui the process of lifting a small child up by his arms and swinging him between them, and Yuui did as instructed, swinging Syaoran back and forth and causing him to shriek with laughter. Yuui didn't seem to get it, though. Maybe he didn't know much about having fun? Or more likely, Kurogane thought, nobody had ever done this with him. Maybe his parents had been dead for a long time.

If these boys didn't have a father, who was going to teach them about protecting people and fighting for what you loved? Kurogane felt more grateful than ever that he'd had the best father in the world—in any world. But it made him feel sorry for these two.

"Hey. You wanna learn how to fight tomorrow?"

Yuui gave him a questioning look.

"I practice every morning. If you meet me in the big field behind your house, you can practice with me."

Yuui nodded to him. They were back on their street now, and they could hear Ashura's voice calling out, looking for his charges. Tch. At least Sonomi-san knew better than to do something so humiliating.

"He's probably worried you got jumped by those guys again," Kurogane said. "You'd better go. I'll see you tomorrow."

Yuui waved as his response. Syaoran darted out and wrapped his arms around Kurogane's legs.

"Bye-bye!" he said cheerfully. Before Kurogane could howl in outrage, he ran back to Yuui. "Tum on, You-tune. Asha-san is worried!"

Yuui waved again and hurried down the street with Syaoran. Kurogane headed for the Daidouji house with contentment. He actually had something to do around here, after all.


	2. Summer Sun and Summer Stars

Kurogane usually did not wake until Sonomi knocked on his door. He had an alarm clock in his room, but after a few frustrating attempts to understand the device, he'd given up on it. He didn't even know if it still worked after he'd thrown it against the wall to make it stop beeping.

But that particular morning, he woke up as soon as the sun crawled in through his window and began to warm his face. He had plans today. He was going to give Yuui his first lesson in being a warrior. He had spent all evening trying to remember the simplest exercises and forms. Yuui would probably drag Syaoran along, too, since he seemed to be inseparable from the little one. Was Syaoran old enough to start learning? Kurogane thought he'd been five or six when he first began his own lessons.

He got dressed, and hurried downstairs to see that Sonomi hadn't even started breakfast yet. She was leaning against the counter, holding a mug of coffee and watching the sun rise through the window above the sink. He hung back in the doorway, silent. He felt like an intruder. He sort of always felt that way—it wasn't like she'd _asked_ for an orphan boy, the damn witch just _made_ her take him—but right now it seemed very wrong to come bursting in on her moment of peace.

She saw him hovering there, and turned to him with a smile. "Good morning, Kurogane-kun. You're up early."

"Sorry," he said shortly, not sure if he should apologize. This way she didn't have to come upstairs to get him, right?

"Would you like some hot chocolate?"

He wrinkled his nose. She knew his feelings on sweet things in general and chocolate in particular.

"There's always coffee," she teased.

"Okay," Kurogane said, accepting the challenge.

She didn't argue, she just grinned and pulled a mug out of the cupboard by her head. "I take mine with a little bit of milk. Do you want some?"

"No, thank you." He'd never actually had milk, but he didn't like the way it looked. It was too white and creamy. He just knew it tasted gross.

Her smile when she handed him the cup was positively gleeful. Kurogane looked down into the swirl of steam at the deep brown liquid, then shrugged and sipped it. The bitter taste hit his tongue, and he paused to think about the flavour. It wasn't too hot, so he took a bigger gulp.

"It's good," he said to Sonomi, who looked oddly disappointed. "I like it."

She started laughing, saying she might have known. Might have known what? Kurogane had no idea what she was talking about, but then he privately suspected that she might be a little bit nuts.

"Don't drink too much of it, okay? It has something called caffeine in it, and you're too young to handle caffeine."

"What does caffeine do?"

She told him.

Kurogane made a face and held the mug out to her. "I don't want it."

"Really?"

"I'll wait till I'm old or something. I don't need any energy from weird drugs."

She laughed again, setting down her own empty cup and beginning to drink out of his. "You'll change your mind when you get your first hangover."

"What's a hangover?"

"Nevermind about that. I think I'm going to make oatmeal for breakfast." "Fine," Kurogane said, grumpy that she would bring up something interesting and then refuse to explain it.

"Would you like to help me?"

"Make breakfast?" he asked, horrified. Cooking! In the kitchen! She wasn't a little nuts, she was a _lot_ nuts. "That's for girls!"

"That's what _you_ think," Sonomi replied. "But why should women have to do all the cooking? I have a job, you know. I have plenty of other things to do. Or do you just think boys aren't as good as girls?"

Kurogane narrowed his eyes at her. Of course he didn't think that. If a girl could cook, then so could he! "Fine. Show me how, then."

It had not actually occurred to him that Sonomi-san might have too much to do. She always cooked breakfast, then she took Tomoyo-chan over to her friend's house so she could go to work. Her friend Nadeshiko didn't work, but that was because she had a husband who worked instead. Kurogane didn't know why Sonomi didn't have a husband. But he guess it _was_ a lot of work, to take care of Tomoyo and now him and also go to work all day. Maybe he could help her make breakfast sometimes.

Oatmeal, it seemed, was incredibly easy to make. It came out of a box and you just had to measure some and measure some water and boil it in a pot. Sonomi said making eggs was a little bit harder, and they could try that next time. She went and got her daughter while the oatmeal was cooking, leaving Kurogane to stir the pot. He stood over it with alertness, timing himself between stirs. He was going to prove that boys could cook as good as girls could.

When it was thick and gloppy, he turned the knob on the stove to say "off," just like she'd told him to. He was satisfied to realize he could reach the bowls in the cupboard by standing on his toes—at least he didn't need to drag over a chair or something stupid like that. He put them on the table, then he was stumped. He knew you couldn't put hot things right on the table, because Sonomi put something underneath. But he didn't know what it was or where she kept it. He knew it was some kind of cloth. Finally, he folded up a dishtowel and used that, placing the oatmeal right in the center of the table.

When Sonomi finished dressing Tomoyo and brought her out, she was surprised and pleased to see that breakfast was already on the table. Kurogane could tell she didn't think he could do it. He felt very proud of himself. He was in such a good mood that he didn't even yell at Tomoyo-chan for pouring honey into his oatmeal when he wasn't looking. It didn't even taste too bad, that way.

He bolted down his breakfast and leapt up from the table, then remembered what Sonomi-san had said about being busy because of her job. He returned guiltily for his bowl and the empty pot, and he rinsed them out in the sink. Then he dashed out the door, ignoring the way the girls were staring at him like he'd grown an extra head or something. Couldn't a man just be in a hurry sometimes? It wasn't any of their business.

He ran all the way to the field, looked around, and then immediately started feeling stupid. It was still really early, wasn't it? He hadn't said what time they should meet, but Yuui would have to be crazy to assume he should show up first thing in the morning when the sun hadn't even melted the dew off the grass yet.

He heard a rustling, and turned around and grinned. He _knew_ Yuui was crazy.

"Hello," he said nonchalantly, then looked around with surprise. "You didn't bring the midget?"

Yuui shook his head. His hands looked strangely empty without those grubby little fingers in them. He looked nervous, too. Kurogane got the strange feeling that he'd been using Syaoran as a shield, which was a weird because Syaoran was a baby and couldn't possibly make that good of a shield. Well, he might be nervous, but at least he was here.

"I'm going to kick your butt today," he smirked.

Yuui's eyes lit up with challenge beneath the golden fringe of his bad haircut. He postured himself into a copy of Kurogane's fighting stance that he'd seen the other day when he'd been fighting the bullies, and he was even smiling a little.

"Tch. You're doing it wrong, stupid. Come here, I'll show you."

 

* * *

 

Yuui learned quickly over the next few weeks—almost too quickly. Everything he did was quick, it seemed. Kurogane struggled to remember his own lessons fast enough to keep up with the way Yuui soaked them in, and he had to work hard to get faster so he could keep up with the way Yuui moved. He found that he was learning his own lessons all over again, and doing much better this time around. He'd felt clumsy before. But the endless repetitions to ensure that Yuui was doing it perfectly were making him perfect, too.

Yuui could be an annoying jerk about it, too. He was so smug about doing everything right the first time, and being fast. He would have a smirk in his eyes, and then he'd pat Kurogane's head like he felt sorry for him. Kurogane always wanted to punch him when he did that, but he'd take off running and Kurogane couldn't catch him when he started running. Actually, Yuui was just always annoying. When they got tired and flopped down in the grass to take a break, Yuui would start poking him until Kurogane wanted to scream, which usually led to a wrestling match. Yuui was slippery as an eel and always got away from him. Kurogane tried to force himself to be content with the fact that he was bigger, stronger, and could hit things three times as hard as his new friend.

They would meet in the big field that lay behind their homes every day and train all morning. They would run down to the creek to wash off the sweat of their hard work, then they'd go back to the orphanage to find Syaoran and play with him in the afternoon so that Ashura could spend some time with the other boys. There was a woman who lived in town that came and did housework for him, and cooked the meals for the orphans, but it seemed like there was always something for Ashura to do, anyway. It wasn't unusual to see him up to his elbows in soapy dishwater or helping Motosuwa-san fold the laundry. But he spent the afternoons teaching Kamui and Subaru how to control their vampire natures, and helping Kazahaya to discover how his strange magical abilities worked. He'd told them that time was very important and couldn't be interrupted, and they respected it. Ashura-san was a kind man, but he had a way of speaking that nobody wanted to argue with. Even Kazahaya, who isolated himself in sullen silence when he wasn't working with Ashura. Kurogane was tempted to ask about that kid's attitude problem, but then he really didn't care that much.

Kurogane often ended up staying and eating dinner with the boys, since he was already there. Dinnertime with the Daidouji women was usually very quiet and uneventful. Dinner with the orphans could be fairly raucous, since Syaoran talked all the time and since Kamui took a special pleasure in teasing Kazahaya until he started shouting. It usually didn't take much. Kazahaya had a short temper.

After dinner, Yuui had to go to the library room to read the books Ashura gave him, which meant it was time for Kurogane to go home. But when he found out that Motosuwa-san was married and had a husband to go home to, he decided to stay and help her do the dishes so she could go home faster. He didn't _like_ dishes, but he thought it was tough that she worked at the orphanage all day and then had to go home and work at her own house, too. She told Kurogane he was sweet and that he could call her Chi and tried to give him some anpan she'd made that afternoon. He refused all three and ran away to go home as soon as he could. He was not at all sweet and he did not want to be hugged by crazy blond ladies who pushed snacks on him. Ashura thought it was a great idea, though. He started making all the boys take turns doing the dishes so that Motosuwa-san could go home after she finished cooking.

One day, after they'd been climbing trees all afternoon to see if there were any apples ripe enough for picking, Ashura stopped them at the door.

"Off the porch," he said sternly.

Looking at one another in surprise, they went back out into the open air, dragging Syaoran with them since he was too confused to obey. They looked up at Ashura just in time to get hit by a spray of water from the garden hose attached to the side of the house.

"Hey!" Kurogane shouted.

"You boys are filthy," Ashura said, a smile tugging at his lips. "I'm not letting you into the house like that."

Well, they might have gotten sort of muddy. It had rained yesterday. But the hose was on the dramatic side, wasn't it? Kurogane watched the water sluice over Syaoran, who was laughing as though he actually liked it or something, and realized he could see his face again as the dirt dripped off his chin. Okay, maybe they were _really_ muddy. But now they were _wet_.

He stood there glaring at Ashura, who was laughing at him, until Yuui suddenly darted forward and stole the hose. He took it right out of Ashura's hands, and the man was so surprised that he just let him. First he turned the hose full onto Kurogane, with his usual expression of laughing eyes and upward-curving lips. Kurogane growled at him and ran forward to take the hose away, but then Yuui turned and sprayed Ashura.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Ashura spluttered. Uh-oh, he looked mad. Yuui suddenly backpedaled, lowering the hose and looking worried. Kurogane didn't think Ashura was anything to be afraid of, but he stepped closer to Yuui anyway, just in case.

Ashura looked at the two of them, and for a second he seemed really sad. Then he smiled, and shrugged, and spread out his arms. "Go on, you already got me wet," he chuckled.

Yuui sprayed him again, and his face lit up with joy. Ashura growled in fake anger this time, and darted forward and grabbed Yuui by the arms and swung him around, making the hose spray over everything and sending Syaoran into shrieks of laughter. Yuui squirmed in his grip, and Kurogane tensed up, ready to shove Ashura aside and take Yuui away from him if he was panicking like he had that one day Kurogane had dunked him in the creek. But he looked up and his lips were parted with his silent laughter, his blue eyes sparkling. Ashura stared at him for a moment.

"You're smiling," he said in shock.

Yuui suddenly blushed and looked down.

"He only does it sometimes," Kurogane said, relieved that Yuui was okay. "He's getting better at it, though."

"I'm glad," Ashura said, pulling Yuui into a hug and dropping a kiss into his wet hair. Yuui started squirming again, and this time it really was because he was scared, because he pushed Ashura away from him. "Oh, I'm sorry, Yuui-kun. I didn't mean to scare you." Yuui looked uncertain. "Do you forgive me?"

Yuui nodded, and reached out and took his hand for a moment. Then he even managed to smile again, and shook his head and sent droplets of water flying everywhere.

"Okay, I think that's enough water for today," Ashura laughed, starting to wring out his own wet hair teasingly onto Yuui. "Go on, there's towels by the door. I'll be just a minute out here. Make sure Syaoran gets into dry clothes, okay?"

Yuui nodded, and held out his hand for Syaoran, who was pouting about the fun being over. He waited for Kurogane to follow them, but Ashura shook his head when Kurogane started up the porch steps.

"I need you out here for a minute, Kurogane-kun."

"Okay . . ." Kurogane said, frowning up at him and crossing his arms. Yuui looked worried as he led Syaoran inside, with his forehead all furrowed.

"I just wanted to have a little talk, man to man," Ashura said, taking a seat on the steps and ignoring the squelch of his wet clothing.

"Sure," Kurogane said, following suit. Man to man, huh? He could do that, he supposed.

"I've let you boys run pretty wild this summer, ne?" he said with a smile.

"We're not wild," Kurogane objected, thinking that sounded like a bad thing.

"I didn't think you were getting into any trouble, so I let you go off by yourselves as much as you wanted to. You've been having a lot of fun, haven't you?"

"I guess," he shrugged, trying to sound casual and manly about it. He supposed training had been a lot more fun since he had someone to do it with. And they had done an awful lot of running around getting dirty, climbing trees, and catching fish for dinner when they weren't training.

"It's been good for him. I was afraid he'd never laugh like that."

Kurogane shrugged, and blushed, and felt stupid for it. Why should _he_ be embarrassed that Yuui had started laughing? Besides, it was good, right? Ashura seemed to think it was good, anyway.

"I just wanted to tell you how grateful I was that you came here, Kurogane-kun. He's very different, and with the way he got picked on when he first arrived, I thought . . . Well, I'm glad that you two are friends."

"That's all?" Kurogane said with a frown. "You just wanted to say that?" He felt deeply suspicious. Ashura wouldn't have wanted to sit down and talk to him alone just for that, would he? That didn't make any sense.

"You caught me," Ashura laughed. "You're a very smart boy, after all."

"I'm not, either," Kurogane objected. If he'd been smarter, he wouldn't have ended up here. He would have found a way to heal his mother. Or found a way to stop the monsters from getting in. Or thought of a solution that would allow him to remain in Suwa instead of getting kidnapped by the damn witch. His entire goal now was to get strong enough to make up for his lackings.

Ashura just smiled at that, like he didn't believe him. "There was actually something I wanted to ask you."

"Okay."

"Can Yuui-kun speak?"

Kurogane looked up at the man in surprise. "Huh?"

"You two spend so much time together. I thought if he'd spoken to anybody, it would have been you."

Kurogane was utterly confused. "He hasn't spoken to me. He can't, can he?"

"Well . . . I'm not sure. I honestly don't know if he can't or if he just _won't_."

"But he doesn't make any sounds." Kurogane remembered the day at the creek, and shuddered at the memory. He hadn't wanted to tell anyone about that day, but Ashura was Yuui's guardian and he probably should know this. "He screamed, once, and it looked like it should have been really loud. But he didn't make any noise then, either."

Ashura nodded, looking sad. "I see. Thank you for telling me. I don't know what happened to cause it, but there must have been some kind of injury or illness . . ."

"It doesn't matter," Kurogane said impatiently. Really, who cared if Yuui-kun made any noise? He was quite capable of making his presence known without sound. "He's annoying enough already, I'd have to kill him if he could talk."

Ashura laughed, and ruffled Kurogane's wet hair as he stood up. "I think you two are good for each other," he said.

"Ashura-san?" Kurogane didn't get up, staring down at his feet with a frown.

He paused. "Yes?"

"Why did you ask me?"

"What do you mean?"

"For you to ask me, that has to mean you thought he could," Kurogane said, struggling to explain. "Why did you think that?"

"Oh. You really are a bright kid, aren't you?" It didn't sound like Ashura thought it was a good thing, this time. "It's about Syaoran-kun, actually."

"What about him?"

"He and Yuui both arrived here about the same time, just a few months before you did. Syaoran was still in diapers, then."

 _Gross_.

"I didn't toilet train him."

_Gross, gross,_ _ gross _ _._

"I was going to, but I never had to. They were playing outside together one day, and when they came in for dinner Syaoran-kun already knew how to use the bathroom. I can't explain how Yuui-kun managed to teach him that while they were sitting in the yard, without ever speaking to him."

Kurogane thought about that for a moment, even though he didn't actually want to think about that _at all_ , and was stumped. He couldn't explain it, either.

Maybe Ashura was right. Maybe Yuui-kun could talk and just didn't want to. Kurogane hadn't even given much thought to Yuui's life before he came here or anything like that. It seemed wrong to ask, and besides, they were getting along perfectly well without any of that stuff. Why would he purposefully bring up something ugly when they were having fun? It seemed so unnecessary.

But now he was curious, and that made him mad. Damned Ashura had to go and ruin everything.

"Who cares?" he growled, getting to his feet so he could get a towel and not be soaking wet anymore. "It's not that important."

"I guess you're right," Ashura sighed, holding open the door for him. "I just want him to be happy."

It hadn't really occurred to Kurogane that Ashura might really love Yuui. The boys were just orphans, and Ashura was just the person tasked with taking care of them. Like with himself and Sonomi-san. She was nice to him, but he wasn't her kid. But the way Ashura worried about them, and especially about Yuui . . . He actually cared about them, didn't he? He had hugged Yuui earlier, the way Sonomi and Nadeshiko hugged their daughters. His questions made more sense, now. He wasn't after anything. He just wanted to know if Yuui was okay.

"I think he's fine," Kurogane said. "He likes living with you."

Ashura didn't say anything to that, but he was smiling when he dropped a towel on Kurogane's head.

Kurogane dried himself off and walked past the dining room to go upstairs to find Yuui. Ashura was in the doorway of the dining room as he walked past, and Kurogane heard him say, "Set another place, Kurogane-kun will be staying for dinner."

That was news to Kurogane, but it _was_ getting late and he _was_ getting hungry, so he didn't argue. The answer was a grunt of annoyance, which meant it was Kazahaya-kun setting the table. He was almost twelve, making him about the same age as the vampires, but he held himself well apart from the other orphans. Kurogane supposed he had his reasons, but he still thought it was stupid. When you got into a situation you didn't like, you should just get tough and deal with it, not mope around forever.

"Why doesn't that kid live here?" Kazahaya asked.

That made Kurogane stop where he was. He hadn't really thought about it before.

"Well, we filled this place up pretty fast, and he was the last one to come along . . . Are you offering to share your room with him?"

Ashura was obviously teasing, but Kazahaya bristled like an angry cat. "Of course not!" he snapped. "Why wouldn't he share a room with Yuui?"

"I can't tell you for sure, Kazahaya-kun. Yuko-san asked us to do things this way, so we did . . . Shall I tell her you have a question for her, next time she comes?"

"Ugh, no," Kazahaya replied. "I don't want to see her unless she's going to take me home."

"You already know that you'll be going home in a few years."

"I want to go home _now_! Why did you take me away from my onee-san? I want to be with Kei!"

This had the tones of an old argument, especially from the way Ashura's shoulders were slumped with a sort of exhaustion.

"Oh, Kazahaya-kun . . ." he said sadly. "I never thought I'd be saying something like this, but trust me: you will understand when you're older."

Kazahaya made a disbelieving, snorting sound that made Kurogane's hackles rise. It was so disrespectful! But wait . . . It sounded so familiar . . . It sounded like something _he_ did! How could he be anything like that, he wasn't some disrespectful brat who made noises at the people who were taking care of him—was he? Kurogane resolved to never make such a noise again.

Ashura started laughing, then, and he sounded slightly hysterical. "I sound like a parent," he gasped out. "Me! Who would have thought?"

"Wh-what?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it. Just set the table, and don't forget a place for Kurogane, okay?"

"Yeah, okay . . ." Kazahaya muttered. Kurogane scurried up the stairs before they could figure out that he'd been listening. Yuui was waiting for him up there with a robe to put on so his clothes could dry while they had dinner, and he had his eyebrow raised impatiently as if to ask him what took so long. He probably was asking what Ashura had wanted, too.

Kurogane shrugged. "Ashura just wanted to know if you're happy. He gets worried about you. I told him you are."

Yuui looked surprised by that. He chewed on his lower lip thoughtfully while Kurogane stripped out of his wet clothes and put on the robe. But when Kurogane looked at him, he just smiled and shrugged as if to say that Kurogane was right. Maybe he hadn't known if he was happy. He seemed okay with it, though.

Kurogane decided not to tell him about the other conversation with Kazahaya-kun, though. That one was weird. If Kazahaya had a sister, then why did they get separated? And why _did_ he live with Sonomi and Tomoyo instead of here? Not that he really wanted to share a room with Yuui, because the crazy boy would find some way to annoy him all night when he was trying to sleep. Anyway, Kurogane kept those thoughts to himself for now. He was content with following Yuui down to dinner and engaging in a silent contest to see if they could kick Kamui under the table without him figuring out who was doing it. Ashura was very confused about why Subaru kept giggling while he was trying to eat.

 

* * *

 

". . . but then my dad jumped back up and— _bam_ —punched it right in the face! It started squealing like a pig, and my dad cut in right in half with his sword! He made sure the monster was really gone before he put his sword down. But then he fell over and said he was dizzy, and when we took him home, my mom just rolled her eyes and said she put up kekkais so that grown men didn't have to act like silly children and chase after monsters. But she said Dad was really brave, too, and she kissed him, so I guess she wasn't mad."

Kurogane was swishing a stick through the trees and clearing a path in the overgrowth. Yuui was listening to his story with avid interest, but he wasn't being at all grateful for the path Kurogane was trying to clear. He kept darting ahead, weaving in and out of the dead branches and vines and cobwebs and stuff without any of it touching him at all. Kurogane didn't know how he moved like that. He would always turn back to look at Kurogane and let him know he was still listening, though.

"I think she was mad at him for taking me with him, though. She said I was too young to fight."

He fell silent, and began to regret telling this story. He should have trained harder. He should have been better. His mother had been wrong. He didn't want to think that, because his mother was too special to be wrong, but . . .

Yuui darted back to him and clutched anxiously at his arm, concern in his eyes. He tugged on him, causing Kurogane to realize he'd put his hand over the scar on his shoulder. He let his arm fall. Then he shrugged and started swinging at the overgrowth again.

"I'll be like him when I grow up and go back to Suwa. I'll be brave and strong like my dad." Yuui nodded comfortably, as if he agreed. "And if I get killed by a monster, I'll die with a sword in my hand like he did."

Yuui smacked him on the back of the head, scowling.

"What? I didn't say I want to die, I just said I want to die fighting instead of something dumb!"

Yuui looked slightly mollified, but he gripped Kurogane's free arm and refused to be shaken off even though it made it hard to swing at the branches in their way. He didn't go off ahead anymore, either, sticking close at Kurogane's side. He obviously didn't like Kurogane talking about dying. Well, that was fair. He wouldn't like it if Yuui was talking about dying, either. So when they got to the edge of the forest and came out into their field, he tossed down the stick and put his hand over Yuui's for a moment.

"I'm not going to die, stupid. Relax."

Yuui smiled at him and let him go. Kurogane figured that settled the matter. Then Yuui leapt onto his back, tackling him onto the ground. Kurogane rolled over, roaring in outrage and trying to get away, and he saw Yuui's laughing eyes. He was telling Kurogane not to be so sure of himself, he thought. Well, he could shove _that_ , because Kurogane wasn't going to get any less sure of himself just because stupid Blondie was trying to wrestle him. He might be slippery in a fight, but he couldn't hold Kurogane down any better than Kurogane could hold him.

He jumped to his feet, pulled Yuui up after him, and said, "Come on. I have to take you home with me today."

Yuui stopped, his mouth half-open in surprise.

"Sonomi-san said she should have met you by now. You're supposed to come over for dinner. She already asked Ashura-san, so it's fine. Come on."

He dragged Yuui after him, even though he looked worried and was dragging his feet. Honestly, it was just a couple of girls, even if they were the scary kind of girls. And he didn't know why it had taken him this long to bring Yuui over, anyway. They'd been hanging out together nearly every day for the past few months.

They took their shoes off on the stoop by the back door and burst into the kitchen, with Kurogane intent on getting the introduction over with and moving on to dinner. Sonomi-san had promised to cook something really good since he was bringing Yuui over, and he'd promised to help her clean up afterwards so she wouldn't be too tired to play with Tomoyo-chan.

Sonomi was in the kitchen, rinsing vegetables in the sink, with Tomoyo at her feet. The girl was pushing a plastic car full of dolls around the floor, making high-pitched zooming noises that were not remotely realistic. Kurogane still refused to ride in the real version of a car, but even he knew they didn't sound like _that_.

"Hello, boys!" Sonomi said brightly. "It's a special occasion, so we're having sukiyaki tonight!"

Kurogane brightened, excited about the prospect of not only delicious beef but a particularly easy clean-up.

"You must be Yuui-kun! I'm Daidouji Sonomi, and the rude little girl at my feet who is ignoring everyone—" she poked Tomoyo with her toes "—is my daughter Tomoyo."

"I am not rude," Tomoyo said serenely. "I am driving. My eyes are on the road." She "parked' the car and looked up with a sweet smile. "Hi, Yuui-chan!"

Yuui waved very shyly, but he was trying to hide behind Kurogane. Kurogane rolled his eyes and moved away. Sink or swim, right? Sonomi wasn't going to bite, even though there was no guarantees about Tomoyo.

"I'm very happy to meet you," Sonomi continued with enthusiasm. "You must be very special to be a friend of Kurogane-kun's. There's not many people that could deal with such a grouch."

Yuui wanted to laugh, Kurogane could tell, but he was too shy to do it in front of her yet. But that wasn't funny, anyway!

"Who are you laughing at, stupid?" he said and punched his arm.

Yuui turned to him with a pouting look, rubbing his arm. He hadn't hit him hard enough to merit that, what was wrong with the freak? Sonomi made a clucking noise and rushed forward.

"Kurogane-kun, don't hit him!"

She pulled Yuui against her side, running her hand through his hair comfortingly. "You don't have to put up with him, Yuui-kun. I'll protect you."

Yuui was using his eyes to laugh, now, but Kurogane could see the near-panic lurking just behind the amusement. He'd done it on purpose to get Sonomi-san's sympathy, but he really didn't like her embrace. Kurogane had figured out that he didn't much like to be held by anyone, but grown-ups were the worst. His little plan had backfired.

So Kurogane grabbed him and yanked him away from Sonomi and shoved him out of the kitchen, saying, "Don't trust him, Sonomi-san, he's a liar! We have to wash our hands now!"

Yuui let his head fall on Kurogane's shoulder when they were alone, looking relieved and upset.

"Sorry about her," Kurogane said awkwardly. What was stupid Blondie doing now? But Yuui just sighed and lifted up his head again and followed Kurogane to the bathroom to wash his hands and face.

When they were drying off, Yuui raised both of his hands up to his own shoulder and patted gently at the air. It was his gesture for Syaoran-kun, because he sometimes held the toddler like that when he started falling asleep.

"What about him?"

Yuui waved his hand behind him, toward the kitchen.

"Oh, Tomoyo-chan. Yeah, she and Syaoran should play, they're the same age."

Yuui held up three fingers.

"Huh? Oh, and Sakura-chan, too. You're right." He led Yuui back down the hall to the kitchen, calling out, "Sonomi-san! You and Kinomoto-san should let Syaoran-kun play with the other babies!"

Sonomi had already wrestled Tomoyo into a chair and was putting everything into the skillet on the table. She looked up with surprise. "Oh? Maybe I should. Go ahead and sit down, boys. We have to let everything cook for a while. It's time for Kurogane's present!"

"Present for Kurogane-chan!" Tomoyo exclaimed, clapping her hands.

"Huh? Why do I have a present?" he asked, mystified as he took a seat.

Sonomi handed over a soft, squishy thing wrapped in plain brown paper and tied with a red ribbon. He pulled it open with suspicion and discovered black clothing inside.

"Uh . . . What's this?"

"It's your uniform!" she said. She handed over another brown-paper parcel that was revealed to be a canvas bag with a long strap on it. "That's for your books!" Seeing the look on his face, she raised one eyebrow. "Did you forget that school is starting tomorrow?" Kurogane gulped. Yes. Yes, he had. He'd been so busy this summer that he hadn't realized how quickly time was passing by . . .

"Well, it's a good thing I remembered," she declared. "I already got all your supplies, so you're ready to go."

Kurogane stared at the clothing, and felt weird. He still wore the clothes of Nihon every day, and he didn't want to start wearing the clothes of Heian. Especially not school clothes that he would be wearing for the better part of a year. It would mean . . . it would mean he was stuck here. That he wasn't going home soon. That Heian really was his home until further notice.

He looked over at Yuui, who looked just as stricken dumb as he did. He softened a bit. He didn't really want to go back to Suwa right this minute, did he? He'd already been here for three months, and he guessed he'd known back when the damn witch came for him that he'd be here for a long time. He would go home someday, but he had to accept the life he had here for a while.

"Are you going to school?" he asked Yuui suddenly, wondering why this hadn't occurred to him before now.

Yuui shook his head in a very tiny gesture. He was looking at Sonomi with a lot of fear, or maybe he was just upset about Kurogane going to school—since he, apparently, _wasn't_ going. He ran his hands through his hair and dragged them down over his shoulders without raising his eyes from the table. That was his gesture for Ashura-san.

"You want me to ask him about it?"

Yuui nodded, still not looking up.

"Okay. Whatever. We'll just have to do our training in the afternoon after school," Kurogane shrugged. "And stop being so nervous. Sonomi-san doesn't care if you can talk, either."

Yuui looked up in surprise to see that Sonomi was smiling at him as encouragingly as she could.

"Honestly, Kurogane-kun is such a loudmouth that it's a refreshing change," she said wryly.

"Do you like your present, Kurogane-chan?" Tomoyo piped up. "I helped Oka-san pick!"

He supposed she meant the bag, which was black and had a red strap on it. She would probably be mad at him if he didn't like it, and he didn't want to upset the little beast.

"Yeah, it's good," he grunted.

"Well, then, let's eat!" Sonomi said enthusiastically, obviously trying to move away from the awkward situation Kurogane had created by being too stupid to remember about school. "Go ahead, Yuui-kun, you're the guest so you can go first!"

Yuui was so nervous that he didn't look up after scooping out a small portion into his bowl, and he didn't look up when they all said "itadakimasu!" together. He also didn't look up as he struggled painfully with his hashi, which Ashura didn't make him use and which he hadn't gotten the hang of yet. Kurogane had known he came from a really weird world because of the clothes he wore, but he'd been flabbergasted by Yuui's lack of skill with chopsticks—and with Ashura's willingness to provide him with a fork. Subaru had learned to use them really well, but Kamui still hated them and used a fork on occasion. Kazahaya was completely dexterous, which Kurogane figured meant he came from a world similar to this one or to his own. His language hadn't been messed with by the damn witch, either, the way Ashura said his own and Yuui's had been.

Tomoyo-chan started giggling, which was rich since she was just a baby and could barely use hashi herself. But that made Sonomi-san start giggling, too. Suddenly, she speared a piece of tofu with one chopstick and dunked it into her egg bowl. Kurogane's mouth fell open in shock as she ate it off the end of the stick. She speared a piece of meat next and ate it like that. Tomoyo-chan followed suit, frowning in concentration as she tried to stab a noodle and failed. They looked at the way Kurogane's jaw hung open in horror and started laughing.

"Go on, Yuui-kun, do it this way!" Sonomi laughed. "Let's see if we can give Kurogane-kun a heart attack!"

Yuui's eyes danced as he delicately impaled a mushroom, skipping the egg and shoving it triumphantly into his mouth. He smiled at Kurogane serenely as he chewed.

"You—what's _wrong_ with all of you!" Kurogane spluttered.

"It's very much easier," Tomoyo informed him seriously, and successfully speared through a thick noodle. She got broth all over herself when she transferred it to her mouth, though.

"You're crazy people," he breathed out, picking up a piece of meat the _proper way_ and ferociously dunking it into his egg bowl and chewing it like it had been the one to offend him.

Yuui's lips parted and he started his silent laughter, clearly enjoying Kurogane's distress. Then his eyes darted guiltily to Sonomi and he covered up his mouth with his hands. She wasn't even looking at him, though, she was still laughing and cuddling up close to Tomoyo to try to help her get a piece of cabbage. When she did look up, she just grinned at him and said,

"I'm glad you're friends with him. I think he needs somebody to laugh at him."

"I do not," Kurogane growled. But as he went on eating and saw how much more relaxed Yuui was, he felt a wave of fierce affection for the woman who had taken him in. She might be non-traditional in the worst sort of way, but she had a sneaky way of being very kind, too.

After dinner, he and Yuui-kun did the dishes together, then Yuui had to go home. Kurogane felt very reluctant about this. He was starting school tomorrow, and they wouldn't get to train all morning and run around together all afternoon anymore. He still didn't really understand why he had to go to school at all, but Sonomi said all children were supposed to do that in this world. Kazahaya and Subaru and Kamui had all talked about it at one point or another, so they must go to school.

His stomach felt upset, like the sukiyaki hadn't gone down right. No more kenjutsu forms with the rising sun getting into their eyes. No more water fights in the creek. No more staying out too late trying to catch fireflies. That idiot wouldn't even be around to notice when he got depressed and wrestle him until he felt better. It wasn't like he wouldn't still live right down the street, Kurogane knew that. But he was going to be stuck in a building with a bunch of other stupid people all day long.

Later that night, after Sonomi had put Tomoyo in bed and had retired to her own room, Kurogane put on his regular clothes for the final time, and he snuck out of the house. He ran down the street, hiding in the shadows of the trees, and went to the orphanage. He climbed up the big tree that was on the north side of the house, and peered in through Yuui's window. Yuui was facing away from him, but Kurogane had been prepared for that. He had some rocks in his pocket, and he bounced them off the glass until Yuui whipped around and ran to the window. He stared out at the ground like an idiot, but Kurogane waved until Yuui looked up and saw him. He smiled, and _finally_ opened the window.

Kurogane swung by his hands from the closest branch and just barely managed to drop into the room. He banged his back on the window frame and muffled his groan with his hand. Yuui crouched down beside him and patted him sympathetically, but he stood up and shrugged it off. Yuui stood with him, then just stared at him, obviously wondering what he was doing.

"I don't know why I have to go to that stupid school," he groused.

Yuui just tapped the side of his head and smiled.

"I know it's so I can get smarter. But I don't want to learn about math and science and stuff like that. I just want to learn about fighting."

Yuui shrugged, and gestured at himself, and pointed in the direction of their field.

"I know. But it won't be the _same_." He flopped down on Yuui's bed. "This is so stupid. You should go to school with me."

Yuui made the gesture for Ashura again.

"Yeah, I will. But he's probably asleep by now, I'll ask him later. I'm going to stay here for a while, okay?"

Yuui raised his eyebrows.

"Because I'll hardly see you again until next summer."

Yuui shrugged, and climbed onto the bed. They lay side by side, their legs hanging off the bed and tilting their heads back to look at the stars through the window.

"Don't you care about me going to school?"

Yuui took a possessive hold of Kurogane's arm. _Mine_ , the gesture said, loud and clear. Kurogane turned his head and saw that Yuui looked like he was on the verge of tears. He really was upset, he'd just been hiding it until they were alone. Kurogane felt a little bit gratified. He'd been thinking Yuui didn't even care.

"I don't care about any of the idiots that go to that stupid school. They aren't my friends. You're my friend."

Yuui looked over at him with a concerned frown and shook his head. He patted Kurogane and gently shoved his shoulder, pushing him away from him.

"What? You want me to be friends with them?"

He nodded. Then he resumed his possessive hold of his arm.

"Okay. But you're still my _best_ friend."

Yuui nodded again, looking much happier. Really, why did he care if Kurogane made friends with anybody else? He didn't want to deal with anybody else, he thought one idiot was enough. But if Yuui really wanted him to so much, he guessed he could make an effort or something. But he wasn't going to bring anyone else to their field, or their creek, or anywhere else. He especially wasn't going to sneak over to anybody else's house to watch the stars. That was best-friends-only stuff.

Then they heard a voice. A _woman's_ voice. Coming from down the hall. It was _her_ voice, Kurogane knew it was her.

He and Yuui turned and stared at each other, as if to confirm they weren't hearing things. But it was true. She must be in Ashura's library room, with him. What was she doing here?

"It's the damn witch," Kurogane breathed out.

Yuui nodded, his eyes impossibly wide and silvery-bright in the moonlight.

Without another word, they both cautiously got up and crept out, down the hall, avoiding the one floorboard that creaked when you stepped on it, and they crouched down outside the door to the library. It was open, just a crack. They both peered inside and all but held their breaths to keep silent.

"I'm glad you came, Yuko-san," Ashura said. He seemed honest enough about that, but his smile was sad.

She didn't smile back. She always looked so aloof, like she knew everything. Kurogane hated her for showing up looking like that when his parents were dead and his shoulder was bleeding everywhere.

"Tell me how the boys are doing," she requested.

"Subaru and Kamui are doing well. They have almost full control of themselves, enough so that I'm going to send them to school. They really do keep themselves awfully isolated, just like you warned me. I thought it would be good for them to socialize with their peers."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, perhaps so. And Kudo-san?"

Ashura grimaced. "He hasn't quite accepted things yet. But it's no more than we expected. He doesn't understand what a danger his sister was to him, and I can hardly explain it to someone his age. I just hope he learns to get along with everyone better. I hate to think of his reception with the people you said he's going to live with, if he's still this angry."

She actually smiled at that, like she was picturing something amusing. Which meant it was probably totally awful, Kurogane thought. A witch like her, she would smile at nasty stuff.

"I think they can handle anything he can dish out," she replied. But her smile fell away again. "And Yuui?"

Ashura looked grave, too, but then he tilted his head and smiled. "He's much better. He doesn't speak, but he smiles and he's opened up a lot. He and Kurogane-kun are inseparable. I'm not going to send him to school this year, I want to spend some time working with him on his magical abilities. And I don't think he could really handle school yet, anyway. But Kurogane-kun is going, so I think he'll be okay with it next year."

Kurogane hadn't quite realized that Yuui-kun _had_ magical abilities. He looked at Yuui with wide eyes, and Yuui just shrugged sheepishly. He tried to smile, but it didn't really work. Kurogane didn't want to talk and give away their presence, so he tried to use Yuui's language and tell him with just his facial expression that he didn't care if Yuui had magic.

The damn witch looked so _sad_. "I wish there was a way to apologize for it," she said. "It was my miscalculation that made his life turn out this way."

Ashura looked upset by that and put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't say that. You didn't know. I know you wouldn't have wanted it that way."

She wore an ugly smile, now. "What I wanted doesn't matter. There's only what happened. I'm glad he's recovering. And Kurogane?"

"He seems fine. He's very tough. I'm sure he has his moments, but Yuui's probably the only one who's ever going to see them. I've been wanting to ask you about him, by the way. Why _did_ you take him to my neighbour, instead of just bringing him here? Isn't that why you brought _me_ here? To raise these boys when you changed everything?"

She spread out her hands in a gesture of helplessness. "The Tsukuyomi in Nihon is another version of Sonomi's daughter Tomoyo. She's far too young to have such a strong dreaming gift, but the princess and little Miss Daidouji shared a dream the night that Kurogane was brought to the castle. Amaterasu was willing to keep him, but Tomoyo knew he needed to be in the same world as Yuui. The Tsukuyomi asked the Heian copy of Tomoyo to take care of him. When she woke up, she started asking Daidouji-san when their boy was going to be coming. She wouldn't hear of him going anywhere else."

Kurogane stifled a snort of disgust. Well, that just figured. He did vaguely remember seeing a little princess in that castle where they'd brought him to treat his wounds, and he thought she'd cried, but he hadn't realized that she was connected to Tomoyo-chan. He'd been kind of out of it, so he supposed he could be forgiven for this lack of observation. But why did he have to be in the same world as Yuui? Not that he was complaining or anything.

Ashura chuckled at that. "I have only observed her from afar, but she does seem to be a headstrong child. She _and_ that little girl Sakura, in fact."

The witch's face became deathly serious. "Tell me about Syaoran."

"He's happy," Ashura said immediately. "Perfectly happy. I don't think he even remembers what happened."

"Of course he does," she replied scathingly. "One could hardly forget the sight of one's parents unraveling right in front of your eyes, no matter how young."

Ashura shrugged. "Perhaps he does remember, but it will fade away with time. If he grows up and thinks it important enough to ask me, what do you want me to tell him?"

"The truth," she replied. "Why should you tell him anything else?"

"Tell him that his parents' existence became a paradox and they were simply erased from being?" Ashura repeated skeptically.

Kurogane and Yuui stared at each other again. This was really, really weird.

"Of course. It might be helpful if you mention all the things we managed to stop from happening due to that fact. And that his parents agreed and went peacefully."

"Yes. Yes, I suppose if he has to deal with losing his parents that way, it would be good to know that they were heroes for doing it." He took a deep breath. "Did you try to go to Clow Country?"

The witch nodded, and one of her hands slid up her arm to grip her shoulder, like she was trying to comfort herself.

"Everything is over now, Ashura-san. Our work is complete. All but sending home the children who wish to go, when they are grown."

"What does that mean?"

"It means Clow Country does not exist. We took Syaoran away before he could tangle the threads of time too much, and the clones have disappeared. Since they didn't exist, then they never went to that world, and Clow Country was never created, and incidentally there will never be a Princess Sakura. Syaoran's existence has become a paradox. It was probably that paradox that pushed forward the events in Valeria and in Nihon. I had so hoped that they would never happen, that we could take those boys away before . . . But we tampered with things that we weren't meant to tamper with. Still, it's over now. And so long as Syaoran lives in this world, the imbalance is contained."

"Then why do you look so sad, Yuko-san?" Ashura asked, his voice becoming soft and compassionate. "You've done everything you set out to do. You even rescued _me_ , something I will never be able to thank you enough for."

Her reply was to turn away from him, so that Kurogane and Yuui could see clearly the deep grief on her face, painting itself into grooves around her mouth and standing out sharply in her eyes. Kurogane suddenly didn't think he hated the witch. It sounded like she'd been trying to save them from something. The bad things that had happened made her look so very, very sad.

"I've killed someone."

"Yuko-san, you couldn't have known that Fai was still born and that things turned out—"

Yuui shuddered so hard that Kurogane grabbed onto him to keep him from falling over, but Yuko-san was already talking again, so he just gripped Yuui tight and kept listening.

"No. Not him. You see, I stopped things before Syaoran could remove himself from his own time. And so that other boy will never exist . . . I will miss him, even though he will never exist. How foolish of me. He would have been— ah, never mind. But because he isn't there, then Fei Wang Reed isn't there, either, and everything cancels itself out. There ends up being no reason for—for anything!"

"There was reason," Ashura said firmly. "Besides, you can't say you killed him if he doesn't exist. And you can take the credit for getting rid of that bastard Reed without guilt."

"No. Not him. Not either of them. I am sad that Kimihiro can't exist, but I can't truly regret it."

"Someone else?" Ashura asked, startled.

"There was a boy. A boy who would have grown into a fine man, an amazing man in many ways. He's been ill since he was an infant, but he was destined to overcome this and become incredibly strong. Instead, I have removed his reason for living." She turned back to look at him again, her face stark and empty. "Earlier today, Ashura-san, a little boy named Doumeki Shizuka died of pneumonia and his grandfather is heartbroken. And the person who holds the blame for it is dying, herself."

"Wh-what?" Ashura stammered.

Did she mean _herself_? She'd messed around with time and killed somebody, and now she was _dying_?

"When I leave this place, I, too, will disappear," she confirmed. "After all . . ." A bitter smile appeared on her face. "The dream must end."

"I didn't realize it would be like that," Ashura said, his face pale and horrified.

"You did," she said gently. "I told you it would. Everything is complete now, and time is moving normally, and I—I will simply fade away."

"As soon as you leave here?"

"Yes."

His hands were curling into fists at his sides, and he was looking down at the floor so they couldn't see his face. Kurogane had to tighten his grip on Yuui to keep him from rushing inside to comfort his guardian. His long hair swept over his face, but even so, his tense posture and those fists told them how upset he was.

"You can't," he said hoarsely. "What if I—what if you're wrong? It's true that leaving Celes was good for me, and that working on behalf of these boys has given my magic a very peaceful feeling. But what if that doesn't last? If I— If you're gone, who will stop me? I won't ask it of him, I can't, not after what you showed me—"

"Stop," she said, placing her finger over his lips in a gesture so intimate that it made Kurogane's face burn. He didn't understand what was happening, not in the least, but he was starting to feel less guilty for eavesdropping and more like he should get the hell out of here before they got even more personal. "There is no curse that you have to overcome. So the rest will never happen. You are just as safe now as your young charges, Ashura-ou, king of Celes."

He choked on something that might have been a laugh or a sob. "I never would have imagined this. Not in my wildest dreams. I stepped down from a throne to become a babysitter. And I _like_ it. I love these boys, and I'm happy just to teach them magic. Was I not a good king? I hardly know anymore." He finally looked up. Looked at her. "You must be even more confused than I am. But there is one thing we can both know. We did the right thing."

"I'd like to think we did."

"And you really have to go?"

"It is long past my time already."

His hand reached out tentatively to touch her cheek. "Then let me see you out, Yuko."

With a sigh of pain, she leaned into his touch.

Kurogane suddenly realized that they were about to come out of this door, and that he and Yuui would be discovered here. But Yuui had reached that conclusion first, since he was already on his feet and tugging anxiously at Kurogane to get him moving. They scurried down to his room as quickly as possible while still being silent, throwing themselves onto the bed and pretending to be asleep, just in case.

Sure enough, the door opened a minute later, and they heard Ashura laugh softly.

"I'm not surprised. I think he's more upset about going to school than Yuui is."

"They'll be just fine," Yuko said in contentment. "They're together. From what you've said, they're even taking care of Syaoran. Make sure he meets little Miss Kinomoto, would you? Not that anybody could stop it from happening, I think."

"I'll do my best," Ashura said. "And I will send Kazahaya back to your world at the proper time, so don't worry about him. I suppose the twins will still have to keep an eye out for that Seishirou, but perhaps forewarned is forearmed, ne?"

"At the very least, they won't meet him until they're a little older and less naïve," she agreed.

"You're right about these two, at least. They're going to be fine."

"Mmm. Then I shall take my leave."

"I will walk out with you."

A pause. "Thank you."

The door closed, and they opened their eyes. Kurogane wondered if he should go to the window and watch. But then he kind of thought that Yuko had known they were listening and had simply allowed it. He didn't think she'd allow them to watch when she disappeared. Even though he was curious as to what that would look like. It seemed Syaoran had seen something similar. Kurogane couldn't really understand what the witch and Ashura-san had been talking about, but he gathered that she had foreseen something very bad and had removed them all from their homes to keep it from happening. Even though bad things had happened anyway. There must have been worse things that could have happened.

Yuui was staring at the wall.

"Yuui-kun?"

Nothing.

"Valeria is where you're from, isn't it?"

Still nothing.

"Yuui-kun, who's Fai?"

Kurogane had been certain he would never see anything more terrible than Yuui's silent screaming. He'd been wrong. Yuui's silent sobbing was much worse.

He grabbed Yuui into his embrace, feeling that Yuui wouldn't hate being held by his best friend. He thought back to everything he'd learned about Yuui in the past few months, racking his brains for an explanation. Then he thought all the way back to the day they'd met. That first day, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, meeting everyone for the first time. Subaru had proudly told Kurogane that he and Kamui were vampires, and twins. And Yuui had been sad, and Subaru had started apologizing, and Yuui had flinched away from him . . .

Oh.

"Yuui, I'm sorry," he whispered, holding him close and letting Yuui cry all over him. Yuui never cried, but Kurogane could forgive him this time. He'd cried himself, after his parents were gone. Yuui deserved the chance, too. He held him even after Yuui stopped crying and they were both blinking heavily with exhaustion.

They fell asleep that way, twined together, almost forgetting that just outside the window, the woman who had tried to save them was fading away under the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really, really sorry about Doumeki and Watanuki, okay. It had to be done.


	3. Worlds Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art in this chapter was drawn by the amazing, incredible, always lovely Bottan

snow

accusing eyes

anger

terror

snow

Hand in his, person clinging to him. Looks like Yuui.

(Not Yuui)

Bad Place

dead

Everything dies. Yuui dies.

(Not Yuui)

Who is he? He is not him, and that is not Yuui.

( _Myself_ , something that is not him is crying)

blood

snow

crimson and white and cold and hot and wrong, wrong, _wrong_

(This is not his mind)

pain

grief

snow

Hands reaching for him. Bad hands. Empty, manic eyes.

(Why?)

terror

shock

snow

 

* * *

 

Kurogane threw himself into consciousness like he was hurtling through a closing door. He sat up, panting and gasping, and looked down at the sleeping figure at his side. Yuui was curled up with his face hidden from the slant of the dawn sun, his breathing still steady and soft. Kurogane was alarmed to realize that Yuui slept so peacefully when _that_ was in his mind.

He didn't understand all that he'd seen. It had been too fast. A maelstrom of sensations and images, and none of them were good. Even the one whose hand he held, even that was painful because they were being torn apart . . .

Kurogane shook his head violently, dispelling the images. It was not _what_ he had seen, but _why_ he had seen it that worried him. How had he been in Yuui's mind? Such things were not possible, were they? Well. Travel to previously unsuspected worlds was not possible, either, nor was creating time paradoxes that made people disappear, or touching something and seeing what the object remembered. Feats of magic happened, whether Kurogane thought they were possible or not.

His reached out his hand to touch Yuui, mostly just to reassure himself that he still lived and breathed, and was worried that he'd see it again by touching him. But he saw nothing, and he lay back down and put his arm over Yuui, wishing that by doing so he could block those things from appearing in Yuui's mind. Now he knew why Kazahaya so studiously avoided touching any of Yuui's possessions. He must have done it by accident at some point and seen some of that. Kurogane wouldn't be surprised if the delicate boy had simply fainted of shock. He wondered if he could reverse the process, force his own thoughts into Yuui's sleeping mind and make him see something good instead.

Then his eyes went back to the sun in the window, and remembered that he had to go.

Reluctant to leave Yuui dreaming of that, he shook him awake as he clambered off the bed.

Yuui whuffed out a breath of protest.

"I have to go. I have stupid school today."

Yuui cracked one eye open to glare at him blearily.

"Meet me in the field after school, okay?"

Yuui yawned, and nodded, and drifted back to sleep before Kurogane had even finished sneaking out the window. He looked back when he was safely perched on a tree branch, and snorted with amused jealousy. Chump. Just wait until _he_ had to go to school.

He ran home quickly, thinking that he could sneak upstairs and get into bed before Sonomi came to get him. He hadn't realized how early she got up to do her hair and makeup before she started the day for him and Tomoyo. She was just coming downstairs when he was silently shutting the door behind himself. She stared at him for a minute, then she smirked.

"I fell asleep by accident," he defended himself, then wondered why he was bothering. She obviously thought it was funny, not bad.

"I would have been worried if I knew you were missing," she said wryly. "Are you sure you won't drink coffee, Kurogane-kun? You look awfully tired."

"I'm fine," he muttered.

He decided not to tell her about the previous night's events. He wasn't supposed to know about them, and Ashura-san would most likely tell her about the witch himself. It seemed she had a closer attachment to Nihon than Kurogane had expected, but she hadn't told him about it, so maybe she thought he was too young to know. Kurogane had figured out that life didn't always care if you were too young for stuff. Well, he'd let her have her delusions a little longer.

He didn't tell her that he wished Yuui was going to school with him or that he was upset about summer being over, either. But she seemed to understand at least some of it, because she made a really good breakfast for him while he was upstairs taking a quick shower and putting on his uniform. He barely tasted it as it went down, though.

Then it was finally time for his first ride in Sonomi's car. He had resisted it to the very last, but the school was too far away to walk to, so she was going to drop him off there on her way to work. Kurogane clutched the edge of the seat with white knuckles all the way to the Kinomoto's house, where they were dropping off Tomoyo. Nadeshiko was waiting in the doorway with Sakura on her hip when they pulled up, and Kurogane saw with interest that there was a boy in the front yard with a school bag over his shoulder.

Sonomi smiled at him as she unbuckled Tomoyo from her car seat. "Good morning, Toya-kun! Would you like a ride to school? I'm taking Kurogane-kun this morning, as you can see."

"No, thank you," the boy replied politely, mounting a bicycle as he spoke. "I promised to meet Yuki at his house!"

"Okay. Let me know if you ever want a ride," Sonomi said, then let Tomoyo down so she could run over to Sakura and drag her into the house, already chattering a mile a minute. Sonomi and Nadeshiko spoke to each other for a minute, and they were both looking at Kurogane, so he scowled at them. They both laughed, then Sonomi came back to the car and got in. "You know, if you hadn't been so busy with Yuui-kun all summer, I would have brought you over here to meet Toya and Yukito. They're the same age as you are."

"Oh," Kurogane said, feeling a little bit interested in that. The Kinomotos were good people, or Sonomi wouldn't be friends with them. Maybe he could make friends with Toya. Then he could tell Yuui he had friends at school, like he wanted. He wondered what Toya was like, and who Yukito was. It didn't make him any more excited about the prospect of school, though.

When they pulled up to the gate, it was as bad as he had feared. Nondescript, industrial-gray buildings with rows of windows and a fence around the whole thing. It was exactly what he'd imagined a prison looked like when Sonomi had told him that's where the bullies were going to end up. Oh, great, the bullies. He hadn't seen hide nor hair of them since their confrontation at the beginning of summer, but what if they went to school here? He'd have to kick their asses every _day_.

Well, that would be a good way to relieve his frustrations, right? He shouldered his bag, took a deep breath, and walked through the gate without looking back at Sonomi-san. He had absolutely no idea where he was supposed to go, but he supposed if he just walked in, there would be a sensei who could tell him. He walked forward slowly, toward the nearest building. t had a sign with the school's name on the front of it. He guessed that was the first building you were supposed to go to.

To his surprise, he found that Kazahaya, Subaru, and Kamui were all standing together just inside, comparing sheets of paper and finding out that they were in the same classroom for most of the day. Well, good for them.

"Good morning, Kurogane-kun," Subaru said cheerfully. "Are you ready for your first day?"

"No," he muttered. "Are you?"

"Yep, I'm excited!" he said enthusiastically. Both Kamui and Kazahaya glared at him, but he was undaunted. Well, at least someone was happy to be here. Figured it would be Subaru. Although Kurogane did notice how close he was standing to Kamui, so maybe he was more nervous than he was letting on. Or maybe it was the yellow tint in Kamui's eyes that was making Subaru hover so close.

"You just have to go in there to that office and tell them your name and they'll give you a class schedule and tell you where to go," Subaru said, pointing to the room they were standing in front of.

Kurogane did just that. He marched inside, looked at the woman sitting in front of a computer thing, and said, "I'm Kurogane. I need my schedule."

"What's your full name?" she said calmly.

"My what?"

"Your family name," she said insistently. " _What_ Kurogane?"

"Kurogane of Suwa," he replied, mystified.

Suddenly her eyes lit up. "Oh, you're one of the new kids, are you?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

"Are you from the orphanage?"

"No."

She frowned. "So you're not using the surname Ouji like those other boys are."

"Oh. Try Daidouji."

Something under her moving fingers made a clacking sound, and her face brightened up. "Ah. There you are. Daidouji Kurogane, is it?"

"No. It's Kurogane of Suwa," he said grumpily. But he guessed he had to have some kind of name that made sense in Heian World, so he just accepted the print-out she gave him. He immediately began frowning at it. The characters looked so _weird_. They weren't beautiful at all, they were all in straight lines and they were marching down the page like soldiers and her computer had _ruined_ the language.

The door opened, and two more boys came bursting into the office, laughing about something. One of them was Kinomoto Toya, the brown-haired boy from before. The other boy had strange ashy-colored hair, with a pleasant face that made him seem like a nice person.

"Good morning!" the ashy-haired boy said the lady at the computer. "I'm Tsukishiro Yukito. May I have my schedule, please?"

"Of course," she replied brightly, bringing it up quickly and printing it out for him. "Oh, look at that! You and Daidouji-san are in the same class!"

The other boy looked at Kurogane with a smile. "Are you Daidouji-san?"

He sighed in exasperation. "Close enough. How can you _tell_? I can't even _read_ this."

"Can I have mine, too?" the other boy asked the lady impatiently. "Kinomoto Toya." He compared his printout and smiled in satisfacation. "We're in the same class, Yuki." He gestured at Kurogane. "He's that boy that Daidouji-san is taking care of. You know, my imouto-chan goes to play at their house."

"It's nice to meet you," the ashy-haired boy said brightly. "We're going to be in the same class, so you can call me Yukito if you want."

Kurogane glared at Kinomoto, not appreciating being referred to as "that boy."

"I'm Kurogane. _You_ ," he said, looking at Kinomoto, "can call me Daidouji."

Yukito just laughed and put a hand through each of the two larger boys' arms and dragged them to the door. "Come on, Kurogane-kun, we'll show you where our classroom is. Thank you, ma'am!" he called back to the computer lady. "Don't mind Toya-kun, he's grumpy but he's not bad. We're all going to be friends, I can tell!"

The three orphan boys were still standing around frowning at their printouts. They didn't know where to go, either. Kurogane made Yukito stop pulling on him so he could find out if they were okay. Yuui would want to hear all about the day, and he'd be pissed if Kurogane left them behind.

"Do you want help finding your classroom?" Yukito said enthusiastically. "Me and Toya can show you!"

"Okay!" Subaru said with a grin, and the two cheerful ones skipped on ahead with a trail of sullen boys in their wake. When Kurogane realized what a sight they were, it made him even more grumpy. Toya was glaring, too, clearly unhappy about sharing his friend with everyone, and Kurogane decided they might have more in common than he'd thought. Everyone was staring at them, so he scowled and shoved his hands into the pockets of his new pants. He had not known of the existence of pockets before he put these on, but he was already finding them to be incredibly useful.

"You have to get used to Subaru-kun. He's weird. And _nice_ ," Kurogane muttered to Toya. Toya looked vaguely disgusted by this fact. He and Kurogane fell into step beside each other, bonding over their mutual dislike of being here. Kamui preferred to sulk over being deserted by his twin in isolation, and then of course Kazahaya was an idiot anyway.

They left the three older boys at their new classroom and kept going to find their own. When they got inside, Yukito showed Kurogane where to put his things, and explained that they would be seated by their teacher. He explained the course of the whole day, how they would have different subjects taught to them, and a break for lunch—ah, that was why Sonomi-san had given him a box this morning and told him it was bento and he would need it—and then more classes and then they would get assigned a schedule for cleaning the classroom.

He hoped Motosuwa-san knew about bento and gave one to Kazahaya-kun. And he wondered how their classmates would take it when they found out why Kamui and Subaru didn't need one. He kind of wished he could be there to see everyone's faces. Just so he wouldn't totally miss out on the enjoyment of that, he broke the news to Kinomoto-kun and Tsukishiro-kun.

They both went wide-eyed in a very gratifying way, and he grinned. _He_ knew the vampire twins weren't going to hurt anybody, but it might be fun to keep that knowledge to himself for now. Their first sensei came in soon after that, and everybody had to bow and then get settled into a seat and be quiet so the sensei could talk.

The whole first day passed in a blur after that. Kurogane was seated close to the other two boys, but he pretended he didn't care and wasn't incredibly relieved. There was a lot of introductions and admonishments about the behaviour expected out of them and summarizations of their lesson plans for the coming year. Lunchtime was an even more headache-inducing whirlwind, since practically everyone in the class wanted to come and meet him and ask him what it was like to come from a different world. Really, how was he supposed to answer _that_? What was it _like_? Were they _stupid_?

"Are you all stupid?" he growled. "I miss Nihon. I'm going home as soon as I get old enough. Leave me alone."

They probably would have kept pestering him, but Yukito sat himself right on top of Kurogane's desk and Kinomoto dragged his desk up close, and they made a good barrier to keep the other kids away while they peered into each other's bentos and swapped a few things. Sonomi-san wasn't the best cook, Kurogane felt, but she _was_ pretty good at arranging things. Kinomoto's mother had made his bento into a work of damn art, which Kurogane thought was stupid, since he was just going to eat it. Yukito's mother did not appear to possess any talent in this direction, but a bite of the plain-looking food revealed that she definitely made the most delicious food out of the three women.

When they were finally let out for the day, Kurogane felt nothing but sheer relief. Lunch with the other two guys notwithstanding, he pretty much hated school. He followed them out to the front gate, where they unlocked their bikes but then stood around and said they'd wait until Sonomi-san came for him. Kurogane wondered if he should get a bike. Then he could just ride to school like they did. He remembered his resolve to find out how to earn money. He needed a bicycle and a practice sword.

Practice! He was going to meet Yuui-kun in the field to train this afternoon! Suddenly enlivened, Kurogane began to bounce impatiently on the balls of his feet, craning his neck to look for Sonomi's car. He told the other boys to go on and not worry about him.

She never appeared, but the three orphan boys did, and a minute later Ashura drove up in a beat-up car that Kurogane had never seen in motion until now. He didn't even think Ashura knew how to drive.

"Come on, Kurogane-kun," Ashura called to him. "I told Sonomi-san it was silly for her to leave work early to pick you up when I was already coming for these boys."

Kurogane climbed in behind Kamui, perfectly happy that he'd get to his training session that much faster. It was kind of close quarters with both him and the twins in the backseat, especially since Kazahaya was in front of him and wasn't leaving enough room for Kurogane's legs. He pressed his knees into Kazahaya's back with no regrets, hoping to annoy the living daylights out of him.

But then Ashura asked him softly how the day had been, and Kazahaya turned to him with his face pale and his lips drawn tight and said it was awful. There had been too many things to keep track of, and he'd ended up losing control and seeing a bunch of things he hadn't wanted to. Kurogane felt a little bit bad for him, so he tried to pull his knees back and stop poking him. Unfortunately, he had long legs, so it didn't work that well. Apparently Kazahaya was too exhausted to care.

Kurogane shot out of the backseat as soon as Ashura parked the car, throwing his bag carelessly onto the porch steps. Yuui came running out the door at the exact same moment, leaping nimbly over the sudden obstacle, and they took off for their field without a word to the others. It was probably rude, but Kurogane didn't especially care. Besides, it wasn't like Yuui was going to say anything to begin with, right? So why should _he_ have to?

He wanted to bring up what had happened earlier this morning, when he had seen those images from Yuui's dreams, but he decided to wait until later. It had been a bad day, and he didn't want to talk about stupid stuff like that. He tackled Yuui to the ground almost immediately, and they wrestled until Kurogane successfully pinned him—he suspected that Yuui let him, but he contented himself with a promise that he'd do it for real eventually. After he let him up, they finally started training and Kurogane started telling him about his day.

"It's totally boring and I hate it," Kurogane said confidently, as they went through the motions of a few empty-handed katas to warm up and stretch out. "I have to learn about the history of Heian, and I don't care. And I really don't care about math or anything. And we have a class that talks about social stuff so we can get along with the people of other worlds." He made a face of complete disgust. "Why would we need a _class_ for that? If I needed a teacher, I wouldn't be friends with _you_."

Yuui looked sympathetic to that much, at least. His face had been pretty skeptical about Kurogane's dislike, but having social studies clearly rubbed him the wrong way, too. Mollified to have that much agreement, Kurogane went on to tell him about Kinomoto and Tsukishiro and figured those two weren't so bad. He said Kazahaya had a bad day and that Kamui looked really tired, too. Thus proving that school was stupid and unnecessary.

Yuui just ruffled his hair and grinned at him, and Kurogane took the hint that he was whining like a little kid. They'd gotten plenty warmed up by now, anyway, so he shut up and went to retrieve the sturdy sticks they kept in the hollow of a tree at the edge of the field, where the forest started. They went through their sword katas until the sun started setting and they figured it was almost time for dinner.

Kurogane wanted to stay at the orphanage, but he knew Sonomi-san would be just waiting for him to get there so she could ask him all about school. And Ashura would want Yuui at home tonight to support the other boys after their crappy day, too. Kurogane scowled when they went their separate ways at the edge of the field. This was not enough time to have allotted to spend with his best friend.

"I'm going to make Sonomi-san talk to Ashura-san. We should have a schedule for when I come to your place and when you come to mine."

Yuui lit up with a happy smile at that, and he waved and hurried off home, but Kurogane looked back over his shoulder after a minute and saw that Yuui had started walking more slowly, with his shoulders slumped in disappointment. So Kurogane wasn't the only one disappointed about how fast time had gone. They still had to find time to talk about what had happened with the witch. And sometime, Kurogane was going to bring up the fact that he'd accidentally slipped into Yuui's mind while they were sleeping, because Yuui-kun really ought to know about that.

Tomorrow, maybe. Hopefully. But they wouldn't have time for both subjects and their training in just the couple of hours they would have. This might take the rest of the week to hash out. Kurogane was extremely frustrated by the time he arrived home. Stupid school. Stupid Heian. Stupid everything.

Later that night, when Kurogane was laying in bed and tossing and turning and trying to fall asleep—he should be exhausted, after his late night before, but he was too upset—he heard something bouncing off his window. He ran over and found Yuui standing outside and grinned happily. There was no tree at his house, so he had to sneak downstairs and let him in through the door. Yuui had never been in Kurogane's room, so he spent a minute poking around it and looking at the few things Kurogane had brought with him from home (excluding Ginryuu, which he'd already told Yuui was put away in the attic). He went over to the desk and flipped casually through the schoolbooks there, which Kurogane was supposed to read. Then he tilted his head with a questioning look, and pointed at himself.

"Yeah, I want to know what you learned today. It's probably way better than that stuff."

Yuui smiled, and came over to sit on the bed. He held out his closed fist, which Kurogane looked at blankly. Then he opened his hand, palm up, and there was a frog sitting in his hand. Kurogane blinked in surprise. He reached out to grab it, and his hand went right through it. His mouth fell open in shock, and he looked at Yuui to see that he was laughing. He closed his hand, opened it again, and the frog had disappeared.

"An illusion?"

Yuui nodded. He made a face of concentration, pantomimed both reading and writing, then held out his hand again and gave a firm nod.

"You'll make better illusions if you study?"

Yuui shook his head and made a motion like he was grabbing something out of Kurogane's hand.

"You could make a _real_ one?"

Yuui nodded happily.

"Neat," Kurogane grinned. Now, at last, he finally felt tired and ready to sleep. He climbed into bed, and looked at Yuui, wondering if he was going to go home now or if he would just stay. Yuui shrugged and climbed into bed beside him, closing his eyes immediately. He must have had a long day of lessons, too. They fell asleep very quickly.

 

* * *

 

pain

blood

snow

no

_No!_

FAI!

Kurogane jerked awake and saw immediately that it was still night, the moon still high in the dark sky. Yuui, too, had woken up with his sudden movement, and gave him a sleepy, puzzled look. Kurogane must have touched him again when they'd been sleeping. Cautiously, he reached out his hand and touched Yuui's shoulder.

pain—

no

not-pain—the good feeling

no snow anymore

Kurogane is here.

sleep

quiet

He took his hand away again, letting the whirl of feelings dissipate like smoke into the dark. He stared at Yuui, who was staring back at him in shock. He touched Kurogane's head and parted his lips like he meant to ask a question.

"Yeah," Kurogane said hoarsely. "I saw it. I saw it last night, too. I think it's only when you're asleep, and only if I'm touching you."

Yuui looked upset by that, chewing on his lip and clenching his hands up.

"Can you do that all the time?" Kurogane asked, as the _how_ and _why_ suddenly occurred to him. "You just _don't_ , right? But sometimes when you're asleep, you can't control it that well. You could let me see inside your head anytime we were touching, if you wanted to, couldn't you?"

Yuui shrugged. He honestly didn't know, Kurogane thought.

"Oh," Kurogane said as he realized the truth of Ashura's suspicions. "You did it to Syaoran-kun, huh?"

Yuui looked frightened. He made his hand gesture for Ashura and shook his head, then gripped at Kurogane's arm pleadingly.

"Why don't you want me to tell him? I mean, I won't if you don't want me to, but I think he might be happy."

Yuui was shaking his head violently, trembling, and Kurogane shrugged.

"Okay, fine."

Suddenly Yuui's hands shot out and gripped Kurogane's temples, and his fingers were awfully cold. An image crowded its way into Kurogane's mind, and it _hurt_ , because it was so strong and forceful. It was an image of Syaoran-kun, sitting in front of him, but it wasn't him because there was a robe over his crossed legs so it was Yuui that Syaoran was sitting in front of, and Syaoran was crying. Suddenly, both the image and Yuui's cold fingers were gone, leaving Kurogane gasping in shock and mild pain.

"You didn't hurt him," he said when he caught his breath. "You just scared him."

Yuui was covering his face with his hands, looking terribly upset and frightened and oddly ghostly in the moonlight. Kurogane didn't know what to do.

"I don't mind," he said after a minute. "If you want to do that to me, I mean. And it's okay if you don't want to. Either way, it's fine."

Yuui peered out at him in shock.

"I didn't see all of that bad stuff that happened in your country. Valeria, I mean. But I saw some. I guess it's okay that you get scared a lot and that you don't want people to know what you can do. I won't tell anyone, if that's what you want. But it doesn't really hurt or anything, you just surprised me, so if you want to show me stuff sometimes, you can."

Yuui's lips opened in a silent cry, and he took Kurogane's hand and squeezed it.

"I already knew you were weird. You're still my best friend. I don't care about that stuff. You know that I have to do weird magical stuff to fight monsters, right? And you know that I almost got eaten by them because I suck, and you still want me to be your best friend, right?"

Yuui nodded, and he tried to smile. It fell away in a trembling mess, though. He gestured at his own face in a helpless way.

"I saw him. For a second. I didn't see what happened to him, though."

Yuui hovered with indecision. Then he held out his hands and waited for Kurogane to lean forward with acceptance. His fingers clamped down around Kurogane's head again, cold against his scalp, and Kurogane closed his eyes and held his breath.

 

* * *

 

he'd been here so long with the bodies all around him

his magic was strong and he hated it

he didn't feel cold and he didn't feel hunger

he should be dead, but his magic was just too strong

Fai was up there

he had to get to Fai

if he could just get to Fai, everything would be okay again, because they were both so very strong, and together they could get out of the prison that the emperor had put them in, the emperor that was their uncle who was sick and bad, and how could he do this?

flash of light—moving to a different scene

bodies

flash

snow

flash

tower

flash

Fai

FAI!

falling, he was falling down, and he didn't understand how Fai could be falling because he was locked away in the tower but Fai was falling and he was hitting the ground now and Fai was gone, he was _gone_ , gone away to where he couldn't follow

FAI!

Fai…

Fai was gone

flash of light

looming above him, a living man, and he didn't believe it because nobody could still be alive here except himself

"I killed him," a voice says, crackling with madness and tarnish just like the edges of the falling-apart-world

"I only need one of you. Just one of you to fix this. Both of you is wrong, but one of you is strong enough."

flash

bodies

flash

snow

flash

"Fix this!"

hand across his cheek, snow rising up to meet him or maybe he was falling to meet the snow, falling like Fai

"It's your magic that broke the world! Fix it!"

blows rain down on his back and he doesn't care because it doesn't hurt enough, nothing hurts like it should because his magic won't let him die and he can't be with Fai even though he wants nothing else and he wants to hurt more than this because it can never hurt enough

"Stop screaming!"

flash

bodies

"Don't cry, you filth! Fix it!"

flash

bodies

"Shut up!"

smothering his face, smothering his mouth to keep him quiet, he must be quiet so the mad emperor won't come because he wants to be alone with Fai, even though Fai is gone, because Fai is still here in his memories and he must keep quiet and stop crying so the emperor won't come and smother him until he can't breathe

"Shut up, shut up, just _shut_ _up_!"

hands around his throat, hands he can't break free of, hands that hold him down and choke him and he can't breathe and it hurts it hurts like fire so bad that it might finally hurt _enough_ , and he's not breathing and his brain isn't working and there's blackness and nothingness and pain and _Fai is waiting_

flash

coughing

ragged choking

blood in the snow

he is coughing blood from his broken throat

flash

the emperor is a heap of nothing at the base of the tower

flash

a man and a woman

they look so shocked

who wouldn't be shocked by the falling-apart-world and the rusty dead emperor and the ragged half of a boy on the ground at their feet?

the woman is covering her mouth with her hands and she shouldn't do that because it means you can't breathe

the man is holding his hands out

"Come" he says

remember how to move

go to the man with the kind eyes who will kill you but it doesn't matter anymore

the man is crying

"I'm so sorry" he says

sorry doesn't make sense

sorry isn't real

"We'll take you away from here now"

to hell?

he wants to say that, but he only coughs and can't breathe and can't even stand up and his hand is weak and trembling and raw as it reaches up for help that won't come because it never comes

help comes

the man picks him up, and the woman puts her cloak over him

it's warm

magic swirls around them and the falling-apart-world has cracked and broken and turned to rust like the mad dead emperor and it's all gone and it won't come back and this is a whole world with whole people who don't rust and he shuts his eyes because he can't stand to look at anything so beautiful

green trees

soft wind

so quiet

warm

kind

_Fai…_

 

* * *

 

He gasped for air, feeling like it had been years since he last drew breath. He could barely see even though his eyes were open. There was a face looming in front of him, full of anxiety and fear and sorrow. Fai.

Not, that wasn't Fai because he wasn't Yuui. He's Kurogane.

Kurogane scrambled off the bed so quickly he nearly fell on the floor and raced down the hall. He made it into the bathroom just in time. He heaved up what seemed like everything he'd eaten since he'd gotten to Heian, his mind spinning as he clutched at the rug he was kneeling on, trying desperately to remind himself of where he was. His stomach purged itself quickly, and he frantically rinsed his mouth out with water so that he could go running back to his room as soon as the puking was over with.

Yuui waited on the bed, looking still and solemn as a statue.

Kurogane grabbed Yuui's shoulders and choked on his words.

Yuui returned his hands to Kurogane's head, and the first thing Kurogane saw was himself. Syaoran and Ashura and even Sonomi and all the others passed through his brain in flashes, with an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort that seemed to coat his raw stomach and soothe it back into a restful state. But all the others passed by, and Kurogane was left with the image of himself.

peace

safety

comfort

joy

meaning and reason

not Fai but good and strong and _right_

not alone

other half of everything

_mine_

Kurogane had no idea how to respond to all of it. He knew that Yuui was his best friend, but he hadn't known there _was_ another half of everything. He only knew that there was no other he wanted to train with, no one else he wanted to spend summers with, not another person whom he would allow to place their hands on him and walk right into his _head_ like that. He knew there was one part of it he did reciprocate, without doubt.

He didn't know if it would work. He didn't think he had the kind of magic to do it. But perhaps Yuui's magic would work for both of them, and maybe things could be shared both ways. He placed his hands to either side of Yuui's face, leaned close, and thought it with all his strength.

_not alone_

_mine_

Yuui's eyes flooded with tears, and he collapsed on the bed. Kurogane had to clear his throat several times before he could find his voice.

"Are you okay? Yuui-kun?"

Yuui grabbed his hand and squeezed, but it was weak. He was tired, Kurogane realized. He had used a lot of magic to do that. Probably way more than he was supposed to. Kurogane lay down beside him, and put his arms around him. Yuui did the same, until they were all but tied in a knot together on Kurogane's bed.

"You're right. Heian is a good world to be in. We're safe here."

Yuui cried silently against him, and Kurogane wanted to cry, as well. But he was supposed to be a man, and men shouldn't cry, especially when someone else needed them.

"I won't let anything happen to you anymore," he promised. "I know I couldn't protect my mother and father, but I'm training hard and when I grow up I'll do better. I won't let anyone do things like that to you."

An image popped into his mind that didn't belong to him. An image of the two of them standing back to back, wielding their swords with fierce smiles.

"Okay," he said. "We can protect each other."

There was nothing else to say after that, so they fell back asleep.

Sonomi didn't say anything when she came to wake Kurogane up in the morning and found them twined together. She seemed to know something had happened, and that it was a good thing. Yuui smiled at her, in fact, then made his hand gestures for Ashura and for the telephone, and Sonomi-san was smart enough to know what he meant without Kurogane having to explain. She called Ashura for him to explain where he was, and they could hear Ashura nearly break down crying with relief through the speaker of the phone.

Kurogane walked over to the orphanage with him, figuring he could just ride to school with them today. Ashura came running out and grabbed Yuui tight.

"You scared me half to death," he said breathlessly. "Syaoran-kun came downstairs saying you weren't in your room, and nobody could find you . . ."

Embarrassed, slightly terrified, and completely worn out, Yuui did nothing but go limp in Ashura's embrace, like he was playing dead. But Kurogane came up to them and frowned at Ashura and said,

"Don't do it so tight."

Looking stunned, Ashura loosened his grip without letting go.

Kurogane nodded and looked at Yuui. "It shouldn't be so bad for you if he's careful, right? You have to let him sometimes, though, because . . ." Well, because of everything they'd heard from the witch, and because Ashura had rescued him from that place, and Ashura loved him. Yuui seemed to understand, nodding in reply. He put his own arms tentatively around Ashura, who looked completely baffled instead of overjoyed that Yuui was reciprocating his affection.

"Kurogane-kun, what . . .?"

"I'll tell you a couple of things, but don't ask me how I know, because I won't tell you that," Kurogane said with a deep frown. He would hear no argument about this. "He's not scared of getting hugged, just of getting held too tight. And he really can't talk, even if he wanted to. That stupid, evil, _bastard_ emperor hurt him so that he can't make noise anymore."

"Oh," Ashura said in surprise. "How do you—"

"I'm not telling," Kurogane scowled.

"Right," Ashura said, patting Yuui's head and pushing him back so he could look at him. He was searching him for injuries or something, it seemed like.

"He's fine. He was with me. I wouldn't let anything hurt him. Not _ever_ ," Kurogane growled.

Ashura started to escort Yuui inside, keeping one arm around him even when Syaoran came flying out and attached himself to Yuui's legs. He was obviously completely confused, but Kurogane didn't care. Yuui was _his_ and he would protect everything that was his, even if it was just Yuui's secret.

 

 

* * *

 

For some reason, school wasn't so bad after that. Kurogane didn't truly hate it, even if he was bored by it. His days went by in a blur of indistinguishable teachers and lessons, with the only memorable parts being the lunch breaks he spent with Kinomoto-kun and Yukito-kun. He started to get used to being called Daidouji-kun by his peers, though there was a constant whisper in the back of his head that said _Kurogane of Suwa_ so he couldn't forget. Sonomi-san even gave him a bicycle so he could ride to school with his friends.

The vampires were making friends, too. There were two boys named Fuuma and Sorata that they started hanging out with all the time, even after school. Kazahaya still didn't make friends, but he seemed to get a lot less mean as he got better at controlling his talent. Kurogane figured out that Kazahaya wasn't really mean at all, he was just scared of all the things he saw and sad because he missed his sister. He was getting better. He could barely stand to be around Fuuma and Sorata, though, because they were even more skilled than Kamui at getting him to lose his temper.

Kurogane eventually found out that two of the bullies he'd fought with had graduated. Number Three's real name was Kyle, and he only had one year of school left, and he never even noticed that Kurogane was right under his nose at the school next door to his. Kurogane decided to completely ignore the guy unless he started something again. He had a feeling it would happen eventually, but picking a fight with Kyle was well out of his way, so he just didn't bother. He had more important things to worry about.

After school, every day, he went straight to their field to meet Yuui. They were both even fiercer than before about their training. When Kurogane ran out of things to teach, they just started making things up instead of quitting. They would never stop trying to get stronger and better. They would protect each other. Nobody would take away what was theirs, not ever again.


	4. Lessons

Kurogane's disdain for school only lasted into winter before it got him into trouble.

He liked two things about school: writing class and P.E. His family was important in Nihon, his father had been the lord of Suwa. They were expected to be able to read and write. So Kurogane studied and practiced his kanji diligently. And P.E. . . well, that was just _fun_.

The rest of his lessons were another matter entirely.

He knew Sonomi-san was upset with him that morning, because she was very quiet when she drove him to school, claiming it was too cold outside to ride his bicycle. Kurogane's teacher had called her about him, because he wasn't completing his assignments. He didn't know just how serious of an offense he'd managed to commit until after school, though.

Ashura pulled his car up to the front to collect his boys, and told Kurogane to get in.

"I'm supposed to take you home," he said soberly. "Sonomi-san said your teacher should have given you something for her today."

His teacher had given him a large envelope stuffed full of paper, with the admonishment that it must go straight to his guardian. Kurogane had agreed, feeling sour because he knew it was just going to get him into more trouble, whatever it was.

"Good. You are supposed to have all of your homework completed by the time she gets home tonight. Okay?"

"But she gets home at the same time I finish training with Yuui," he objected.

"I don't think you understand, Kurogane-kun. I'm taking you to _your_ house today. You and Yuui-kun won't get the chance to spend time together after school until you get caught up at school. That envelope from your teacher is full of the assignments you haven't done. You will be allowed to play with Yuui after you've turned those in to your teacher."

Kurogane's mouth fell open in shock.

"What?" he shouted.

"This wouldn't be necessary if you'd done your work on time," Ashura said in a strong voice. "So you just have to work hard to get caught up, and that will solve the matter."

The other boys were wise enough to stay silent and stare out the car windows. Kurogane would have killed them if they said a word to him, even if two of them were insanely strong vampires. Subaru looked upset, and Kurogane wanted to punch him. Where did he get off being upset?

Kurogane was actually speechless, and he got out of the car in front of the Daidouji home in silence, not even saying goodbye. This was so unbelievable to him that he hadn't quite gotten his mind around it yet. He was not allowed to see his best friend until the thick envelope he carried was empty. It could take weeks, depending on what was in it—he hadn't been paying the least bit of attention to these assignments. And he was mad at himself for not arguing with Ashura. Who was Ashura to tell him what to do, anyway? He might be Yuui's guardian, but he wasn't Kurogane's. And as pissed off as Kurogane was with him at the moment, he could kiss Tomoyo for insisting on that.

He let himself into the house, and went up to his room. He tossed the envelope on his desk and proceeded to sit on his bed and glare at it. He wanted a sword. He'd cut it in half. It was keeping him from his friend. He'd already been at school all day—how was it fair that he had to bring it home with him? He was tired of sitting still and being inside and reading about the history of Heian. He wanted to be _outside_ , and he wanted to be there with _Yuui_.

He went to his window and stared down the street. He was sort of hoping to see Yuui coming, even though he knew Yuui would do as Ashura told him. What was _wrong_ with the stupid grownups? Didn't they know how important the training was? Didn't they know how important _Yuui_ was? Why were they keeping him away just for the sake of this stupid school?

Some logical part of his brain did, eventually, take over. It told him that he'd better get _something_ finished before Sonomi-san came home, or she might do something even worse. He sat down at his desk and got out the math worksheets he was supposed to have done in class last week. He raged his way through them, cursing that he wasn't old enough to be able to just tell them all to go to hell and make his own way in the world. He entertained a fantasy of going up to the attic for Ginryuu and kidnapping Yuui and just _leaving_ , but he knew they'd probably just starve to death or something.

Sonomi came home with Tomoyo-chan and sent her to play with her toys. He heard her coming up the stairs, and he scribbled furiously at his worksheets, determined that he wouldn't even talk to her. He hated her.

She knocked on his door. He solved an equation.

"Kurogane-kun?" Stupid decimal places.

"I see you're hard at work," she said, sounding dry and amused.

He cut her a glare so ugly that even her good humour couldn't hold up to it. She straightened up and crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows.

"It's no use getting angry with me," she said. "Did you think you could just get away with not doing your work?"

Kurogane crossed his arms right back. "I hate school."

"Nevertheless," she said without an ounce of understanding, "you will be spending most of the next eight years there. I thought you were the type to accept reality and try to do your best with what you were given, Kurogane-kun."

His brief burst of pleasure at being characterized that way was buried under the avalanche of his horror at what he'd just heard. _Eight years_? He didn't understand that at all. He would be eighteen by then. He'd be a man! Why would they keep him here for so long?

"So I suggest that you buckle down and learn to focus on your studies. You may not like them, but you have to do them anyway."

Kurogane gaped at her.

"I know this seems really cruel right now, but once you get used to doing your work everyday, it won't seem so bad. Now please work really hard tonight. I'll come get you when dinner is ready."

He wanted to scream at her, but he didn't. He didn't know why he didn't. He cursed his way through a few more worksheets, then Sonomi-san came to get him for dinner. Tomoyo-chan figured out pretty quickly that he was in a bad mood and left him alone. Well. At least all this trouble had made the brat shut up for a while.

 

* * *

 

Things went on that way for a few days. Ashura would pick him up, but he was taken directly to his own house, and he went upstairs to work on a few of the assignments he should have done weeks ago. After dinner, he still had to do his current studies.

He couldn't keep up his rage for so long, so he fell into a sullen silence. Instead of feeling angry, he just felt tired. The weeks ahead of him seemed impossibly long and awful. The _years_. Sonomi was wrong, he _wouldn't_ feel better after he got caught up with the stuff he'd been skipping. There would just be new stuff waiting for him when he got there.

He started fantasizing about running away rather frequently. He didn't know where he'd go. His deliberate lack of attention during school meant he still didn't know much about this world, and he didn't know how to get home. But he was starting to not care. If the adults around him kept him locked up in his bedroom alone (he considered Ashura complicit in this entire thing, because Yuui wouldn't have stayed away unless Ashura told him to), then he would get away from them. He'd find his own way home.

Yuui was the only thing that held him back. Maybe Yuui wouldn't come with him if he ran away. And if he went home . . . Maybe he didn't want to go home, not yet. But that meant he had to stay _here_ , and do all this stupid stuff that Sonomi-san wanted him to do. So he felt tired.

One night after dinner, when he was reading the next day's chapter for social studies, he decided he was thirsty and went downstairs for a glass of water. He heard Sonomi-san talking on the phone, and she sounded upset. He knew it was wrong to listen, but he heard her say Ashura's name, so he sat down on the stairs and listened anyway.

"I hate it, though, I really do. It's like I've suddenly become his _enemy_. I hate being so harsh on him, but I don't know how else to do it. If I tried to go easier on him, he'd think it wasn't serious and he'd just ignore me. But _this_ way . . . He's been so quiet, all week."

They were talking about him. Kurogane burned with resentment, refusing to acknowledge how upset she sounded.

"I don't know anything about boys, Ashura-san. Maybe I'm just going about this all wrong. I need advice."

Kurogane squashed the slight flare of hope. Ashura-san was just as awful as she was. He was the one who kept bringing him home and making sure Yuui didn't sneak over to see him.

"Of course that's the real reason. You've never met my friend Nadeshiko's son Toya-kun, have you? Well, he and his best friend Yukito-kun are just like them. I always thought it was cute, but with Kurogane-kun and Yuui-kun, it's actually a little bit scary. I never would have thought it was possible for two people to latch onto each other like that, if I hadn't seen it. It's like they were just _made_ for each other, you know? I think that's why I feel like such a bad guy, right now. I hate keeping them apart."

Kurogane held his breath, mostly so he wouldn't cry out at her. _Why are you doing it, then?_

"You have it easy. Yuui-kun is so well-behaved. I'll bet he does all the work you give him right away. Well, maybe you don't have it _easy_ . . . Me? Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you? Not lately. He might possess the ability to speak, but he's not employing it with me right now. Besides, Yuui-kun's been over here for dinner plenty of times, and we manage to communicate just fine. Well, Kurogane-kun does a lot of interpreting. It's eerie how well he understands him. What? How is being apart good for Yuui-kun? Oh. Well, you might be right about him never learning if Kurogane-kun is always around. Except I think Kurogane-kun is more likely to beat him up to make him find a way than agree to explain Yuui-kun's thoughts all the time."

Kurogane hadn't thought about this until now, and he pondered it carefully. Was he really prepared to stay at Yuui's side interpreting things for him for the rest of his life? No. He wasn't a damn babysitter. Yuui _should_ find a way to talk to other people, even if he wasn't willing to just grab their heads and pour his thoughts in.

Why did Sonomi-san sound like she was about to cry?

"There has to be some better way for me to do this with him. I swear, Ashura-san, he hasn't said a word in two days. His teacher called me again today, because he went off to a corner to eat lunch by himself instead of with his friends. And he's usually the most enthusiastic participant in physical education, but the past few days he's been very lackluster. Yuui-kun's been what? Oh, I see. Well, I guess you're just as worried as I am. I don't know. Maybe you could talk to him?"

Like that would help, Kurogane groused. He didn't want to talk to Ashura anymore than he wanted to talk to Sonomi. But he did feel a little bit guilty. He didn't know she was so worried. Well, it was her own fault, so why should he care? The only thing he cared about was that comment about Yuui-kun. He's been what, indeed. What was wrong with Yuui?

"Oh," she said suddenly, like Ashura had said something that surprised her. "Well. Do you think . . .? No, it really might work. I know it wouldn't be that much _fun_ , but at least they'd be happier. No. Well, actually, I'm coming home early tomorrow. Yeah. Kinomoto-san has some important work function, and Nadeshiko is going with him. I'm taking Sakura-chan for the night, so I'll be pretty busy, but maybe . . . You know, that's actually a good idea. We've been meaning to introduce them soon. No, that's perfect. I'll be home before the boys are out of school. Sure. I'll make sure they're studying. Yeah. Okay. It's a plan! Sounds wonderful. Thank you, Ashura-san. I didn't mean to bother you for so long today . . . I know, but I still feel bad. I talked your ear off and I know you have things to do. Okay. Well, goodbye then. We'll talk when we see how it goes. Goodnight."

Kurogane darted back up the stairs when he heard her hang up the phone. He was already in enough trouble. But he was suddenly excited and anxious. Something was going on. Something that was supposed to make them happier. What were they planning?

He had to be nicer to Sonomi-san, he decided as he went back to studying. She was really upset about this whole thing. She didn't like what she was doing either, she was just convinced for some reason that it was necessary. He still didn't like any of this, but maybe he'd be nicer to her. Yuui would totally smack him if he knew Kurogane made her cry.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Ashura kept driving past the Daidouji house.

"Where are we going?" Kurogane asked, the first thing he'd said to him in days.

Ashura gave him a mysterious smile, and pulled up to the orphanage. Kurogane's heart began to beat faster with excitement. They were going to let him see Yuui-kun! He'd been working so hard this week, and maybe they'd decided that he'd earned it.

"Okay, listen up, Kurogane-kun," Ashura said, stopping him as the other boys piled out. "I need to do something with the twins tonight that's going to be a little bit dangerous. Just to be safe, I'm going to send Syaoran-kun over to your house. I heard Sakura-chan is going to be there, so Sonomi-san and I thought the three little ones could play together."

Kurogane's heart plummeted and his anger returned. They weren't letting him see Yuui. They were making him hold the stupid kid's hand on the way back to his house.

"So I want you and Yuui-kun to bring him over there with you, okay?"

"M-me _and_ Yuui-kun?" Kurogane stuttered out, seeing a sparkle in Ashura-san's eyes that meant he was being laughed at, but he didn't care at the moment.

"That's right. Yuui-kun needs to study tonight, and I don't want anything to distract him, so I thought, since you're studying too, that you boys could just study together."

"Yes!" Kurogane hollered, jumping out of the car.

"Kurogane-kun!" Ashura said, standing up and looking at him over the top of the car. "You boys _will_ study."

"Yeah, of course we will!" he said, running up the porch steps like he was running for his life. "Yuu—oof!" Just inside the door, he collided with the very person he was looking for. Thrown wildly off-balance, Yuui still managed to execute a little hop sideways to avoid crushing Syaoran underneath him, while Kurogane careened off the doorjamb and spun in a circle to right himself without falling.

Syaoran started laughing at them, thinking they were playing a game or something, even though Yuui was patting his arm to ask him if he was alright. He shrugged off Yuui's hand.

"I'm fine. Come on, let's go!"

Yuui grinned and grabbed Syaoran's hand. He gathered a couple of books off the bench that was beside the door, and led the way out.

"Be home before Syaoran's bedtime," Ashura said as they ran down the steps.

With both of Yuui's hands occupied, that made it Kurogane's job to wave a slight acknowledgement.

"Where are we going, Yu-kun?" Syaoran asked as he struggled to keep up. He was obliviously happy to be with the two of them, even if he had no idea what they were doing. And he _still_ couldn't get Yuui's name right, even though he'd figured out the 'k' sound—not that Kurogane wasn't grateful he'd figured out _that_ much. He would've wrung the kid's neck if he'd heard him say "Turone-tune" for much longer.

Yuui-kun should just answer him, Kurogane thought, but he knew he wouldn't. He hadn't yet acquired any kind of finesse, when it came to his gift. When he placed his hands on Kurogane's temples, it wasn't coherent sentences that came through, it was a jumble of emotions and images that could be exhausting to decipher, and sometimes left Kurogane with a headache. So he refused to use it to communicate with Syaoran, even though Kurogane thought that Syaoran-kun would be happier to hear his confusing thoughts than never hear him at all.

There was a brief but epic glaring contest between the two of them before Kurogane caved in and answered Syaoran.

"We're going to my house. So you can meet some new friends," he added, feeling indulgent because he was in such a good mood.

"Are they your friends at school, Kurone-kun?"

"It's Kuro _gane_."

"Sorry," Syaoran said, and it didn't sound like he cared at all, the little brat.

"They're friends for _you_ , anyway. They're little kids."

"For me?" he repeated, in tones of complete wonder. He stopped at looked up at Yuui-kun. "I get friends cause I was a good boy for Asha-san?"

Okay, that was pretty cute and all, but _seriously_ , Yuui was such a _sap_ sometimes. Kurogane wouldn't even dare to admit _out loud_ that it was cute, but Yuui was willing to go down on his knee and give Syaoran a big hug. He released a huffing breath that Kurogane suspected was sadness. What was he so sad about? Well, maybe Syaoran should have had some friends by now, ones who weren't so much older than him. Kurogane tended to be pretty generous when it came to Syaoran-kun, because he was less objectionable than Kurogane had thought babies were.

"Come on, let's go," he said impatiently, eager not to have any of this unexpected time wasted. He led the way to his house, only grumbling a _little_ bit about Syaoran taking his hand so he and Yuui could swing him by his arms.

He had to open the door to enter the house, with Yuui hanging back behind him. Kurogane himself felt no qualms about letting himself into the orphan's house, but Yuui had a lingering sense of politeness, even though he'd come over for dinner and snuck back in to sleep plenty of times by now.

"We're home!" Kurogane bellowed cheerfully, his good faith in Sonomi-san restored by knowing what she'd been scheming on the phone. "Syaoran-kun, shoes," he reminded the little boy when Yuui tugged his sleeve insistently and pointed.

"Hi, boys! We're in the kitchen!"

They ran in there and found all three of the girls working busily at the counter. Tomoyo-chan and Sakura-chan were both standing on stools so they could reach, of course.

"What are you making?"

"Onigiri!" Sakura sang out happily.

Tomoyo climbed down off her stool, a misshapen lump of rice in her hand, and held it out with pride. "I made this for _you_ , Kurogane-chan!"

He wrinkled up his nose and opened his mouth to say he wouldn't eat that monstrosity. "Oof!" he whuffed, more surprised than hurt at the sudden elbow in his ribs. He glared at Yuui, who glared back. "Oh, fine!" He swiped the messy thing out of the little girl's hand and pretended to take a bite. "Thank you," he said with insincerity.

She frowned up at him, her sticky rice-covered hands on her hips. "You didn't eat it," she said sternly, seeing right through the act.

Sakura got down from her stool and ran over with an onigiri in each hand. "For you!" she said to Yuui and Syaoran.

Yuui already knew Sakura-chan, so he just grinned at her and took his with an over exaggerated bow. But Syaoran stared at her, his eyes lit up again.

"You're s'posed to _take_ it," she said witheringly.

Kurogane had been wondering how long sweet-as-candy-Sakura would last before queen-of-the-universe-Sakura took over. Not long, apparently. Syaoran took it from her with wide eyes, watching her like he was afraid she'd be beating him over the head with it next. Kurogane figured he had a right to be afraid of that. She might.

"Hello, Syaoran-kun," Sonomi said, rescuing him from the little girl's insanity. "Welcome."

Yuui's insistent nudging made Kurogane give way to social necessities.

"Syaoran-kun, this is Daidouji Sonomi, that's her daughter Tomoyo, and that thing over there is Sakura."

"Not a thing!" she squealed.

"Kinomoto-kun calls you a monster," he replied.

"Sakura-chan is not a monster," Syaoran said, firm and deliberate. "She's pretty."

That made Kurogane roll his eyes, which made Yuui frown at him and ruffle Syaoran's hair in agreement. Sakura just squealed and went running back to Tomoyo, who informed her that she was _very_ pretty.

Yuui grabbed his hand while no one was looking, sending him images of Syaoran making a rice ball while he and Yuui went to Kurogane's room.

"We have to go study," Kurogane announced. "Syaoran-kun, you should help Daidouji-san and behave."

"Okay," he said.

"You'll have to wash your hands if you would like to help, Syaoran-kun. Do you want me to lift you up so you can reach the sink?"

Syaoran frowned at the counter that was still too high for him. "Yes, please."

"Kurogane-kun, you two go sit down in the living room and get to work. Once these are ready, you can take a break to eat, then I want you straight back at it."

"Hai," he said, but he grimaced at her once she picked up Syaoran. What, she didn't even trust him in his own room now? Yuui elbowed him sharply to make him stop, and Kurogane sighed. Yuui had been telling him all along that he was going to get in trouble, and his version of "I told you so" was going to be obnoxious at best, possibly painful and embarrassing.

Yuui pushed him into the other room, then sat down and opened his own book with deliberation.

"Oh, you're not even going to annoy me, you're just going to ignore me?" Kurogane muttered.

Yuui looked up with a flash of anger in his eyes. Oh. He was serious. He really just wanted to get all the studying over with so they could move on. Kurogane felt his cheeks heating up with shame. He knew he was important to Yuui, and he'd done something irresponsible that kept them apart. Yuui was mad that Kurogane hadn't just fixed it already. The injustice at the bottom of the situation—making Kurogane go to school and do this pointless work—did not matter to Yuui as much as putting it behind them did.

Yuui could tell Kurogane had figured it out. He smiled and patted the seat next to him. Kurogane sighed and flopped down to get to work. At least he was starting to get to the assignments that were recent enough for him to remember not doing.

Sonomi-san let them take a break to eat the snack that the little kids had made—oh, great, how had Syaoran gotten rice in his _hair_?—and they were surprisingly not bad. Well, they were smart kids, even if they were brats. Kurogane suspected that the rice was Sakura-chan's fault. Sonomi said cheerfully that Kurogane's teacher had called her to praise all the work he'd turned in over the past few days. She said she knew he was hiding some form of intelligence under all that bad attitude. Yuui kicked him under the table to keep him from saying anything rude.

They had to go straight back to studying after that. Kurogane did a lot of fidgeting and looking longingly out the windows at the big trees he could be climbing, and Yuui did a lot of elbowing him in the ribs to make him go back to work.

 

* * *

 

Sonomi and Ashura decided that the companionable studying was working, and they let Yuui come home with him after that. Ashura made a point of kneeling down in front of Yuui and making him promise that they would study hard without being distracted, right in front of Kurogane. Since Sonomi-san wasn't normally home until later, they would be there by themselves for a couple of hours. Damn Ashura. He knew Yuui would obey him. Yuui had a desperate need to make the adults happy—and since Kurogane could hardly blame him for it, he had to go along with it.

He had about another week before he'd be caught up, he figured. But, he thought bleakly, there would always be new assignments, too. They might let him and Yuui go back to training in the afternoon, but after dinner would still be time for homework. Still, maybe they'd keep letting Yuui come over and read while he studied. That would be better than nothing.

While he knew he ought to be working, he sometimes found himself watching Yuui study, instead. It was interesting. When he read something hard to understand, he would frown and read it over and over, and his lips would move. He was reading it out loud, or as close to out loud as he could. Kurogane felt sad for him, because he remembered _how_ to talk and that somehow made it even more unfair.

Then he reminded himself how annoying Yuui would be if he could talk.

Things finally came to a head the day that Yuui finished reading before Kurogane finished the assignments that Sonomi had picked out for him. He noticed that Yuui was done, and was just sitting there, waiting for him. He sometimes lifted his fingers a few inches and practiced drawing runes in the air, even though he didn't put any power behind them and the characters didn't actually appear. Other than that, he seemed content to sit patiently while Kurogane kept working. Sonomi had gotten home and they could hear her preparing dinner with Tomoyo playing at her feet. He just wanted to keep Sonomi happy.

Well, to hell with that.

"Come on. Let's go upstairs," Kurogane said.

Yuui frowned at him and pointed at his homework. Kurogane was pretty sure they'd established long ago that Yuui couldn't control him until he was capable of pinning him in a fight. He raised his eyebrows in an invitation to bring it on. Yuui huffed at him irritably. Kurogane just grinned. He'd been going without his daily routine for so long that his body was fairly screaming for a fight, and this was the perfect opportunity. While Yuui was busy debating it with himself, Kurogane was looking for floor space where they wouldn't bang into furniture.

"I told you, didn't I?" he grinned, getting up and moving that direction. "You can't tell me what to do."

Yuui stood up and glared at him. He pounded his hand on his own chest, then crossed his arms and sat down again with a huff. _You can't tell me what to do, either_.

He was refusing the match? Kurogane's frustration over this whole thing was beginning to make his blood boil. If he couldn't release some of this pent-up energy _somehow_ , he was going to go crazy.

Sonomi came in and frowned at him. "Kurogane-kun, sit down and finish your assignment. Dinner is almost ready. Thank you, Yuui-kun."

"What's the point?" Kurogane snapped at her.

Startled, she turned back to him. "The point of what?"

"Of getting caught up! There's just more work to do after that. I told you, I hate school!"

"And I told you that it doesn't matter if you hate it—"

"Shut up!" he screamed at her. Yuui leaped to his feet with wide eyes and hurried over to him, but he brushed off his friend's restraining hand. "You think you can tell me what to do just because you're a grownup, but you don't understand anything! I don't want to live here! School is stupid because I'm not learning _anything_! I don't need to know about this stuff! I'm supposed to train with my sword and learn about Suwa's diplomacy and how to rule an estate! Not stupid damn _computers_! Suwa doesn't _have_ computers! You act like I'm just going to stay here forever, but I'm _not_! You can't make me stay here! I don't want to live in Heian." His shouting was somehow turning into gasping, and he didn't know why, but the words wouldn't stop. "I just want—I want to— I want to go _home_ ," he choked, and abruptly realized with horror that he couldn't shout anymore because he was about to cry. He couldn't let anyone see him cry. Men of Suwa did not cry.

Yuui was grabbing hold of him, yanking his arm and dragging him out of the room. He pulled him all the way upstairs to his room, and he shut the door. As soon as they were alone, Yuui threw his arms around Kurogane. He knew Kurogane didn't want to cry in front of the girls, but he wasn't going to leave him alone, either. Kurogane dropped his head onto Yuui's shoulder with an embarrassing wailing sound. Yuui pulled him over and sat down on the bed.

For that moment, Kurogane stopped caring about what a man of Suwa was supposed to do. He fell into Yuui's arms and wept for the first time since his parents had died. It was okay. It was Yuui. Yuui had done this for his brother with Kurogane watching over him, just a few months ago. So it was fine if Kurogane just curled up and cried while Yuui rubbed his back, because Yuui was his best friend and best friends were allowed to do this.

Kurogane must have cried until he dozed off, because he was startled into wakefulness when someone knocked on the door. Yuui was sitting up, leaning against the wall, and he was curled up next to Yuui's outstretched legs. Yuui was quietly resting a hand in his hair and using the other hand to draw wind symbols and stir the curtains at the window. It must be Sonomi. Kurogane got to his feet.

"Come in."

Sonomi opened the door and was startled when Kurogane immediately bowed to her.

"I'm sorry, Sonomi-san. I was very disrespectful. I . . ." He didn't really know how to apologize for screaming at an adult, especially one who'd been generous enough to allow him to live in her house.

"It's okay," she said quietly, coming in. She sat down on his bed, giving Yuui a little smile, then patted the space beside her. Kurogane frowned, but sat down obediently. He should probably be obedient right now. If his parents had been alive, he'd have been in _so_ much trouble for this. "I need to apologize to you, as well, Kurogane-kun."

He was startled by that, but even more startled when she put an arm around him. He stiffened up.

"You were trying to tell me what was wrong, and I just wasn't listening. You act so grown-up sometimes, and I forget that you're just a boy." He bristled at that, and tried to squirm away from her. "I don't mean that I don't take you seriously, because I do. But I've been making a lot of mistakes with you. You see, girls are much better at talking about how they feel, and I forget that boys don't do that. I should have known that you miss your family and your home, and I should have heard what you were trying to tell me about school. I'm sorry, Kurogane-kun. Can you forgive me?" He was dumbfounded, but she was acting sincere. So he stuttered out, "Uh, sure, I guess."

He heard a huffing noise behind him that meant Yuui was laughing at his discomfort, but Sonomi was still holding him so he couldn't turn around and punch him.

"But I do want to have a serious conversation with you about school, okay? Can we do that?"

Oh, good. Kurogane had been afraid she wanted to talk about his parents. He would have had to run away or something. He was not going to cry in front of Sonomi-san. Not ever.

"Okay," he muttered, and this time she let him wriggle out of her embrace.

"Are you sure you're not learning anything there?"

"Uh . . ." Kurogane was immediately not pleased, but he had to be honest. "I need to learn writing."

"Uh-huh. What about social studies? Don't you think that's a good one? It teaches you about other worlds, and I think you could apply a lot of that when you are handling your neighboring countries in Nihon. What do you think?"

Kurogane fidgeted. "Maybe. I guess. That might be a good one."

"Okay. What about your math class? Don't you think you'll need that? You'll have lands to keep track of, that are producing resources, and you'll have men and horses and all kinds of things. You'll probably want to know some math. But that's only what I think. What do you think?"

Kurogane shrugged. "Yeah. Math is pretty good."

"What about geography? Do you think you learn anything in that class that would be useful in Suwa?"

Kurogane frowned. "Sometimes. The science part of it is good. Learning about maps of Heian is stupid, but I guess it's okay to learn about how rivers are made and stuff."

"Okay. What about your other classes? What do you think of them?"

"I hate computers. I don't want to learn about them. And I don't want to study the history of Heian anymore. I need to learn about the history of Suwa, not about here."

Sonomi was nodding thoughtfully. "I can see why you think that."

She really was taking him seriously, Kurogane thought hopefully. One of the first things Sonomi had explained to him, back when he'd first started school, was that just because she was an adult didn't mean she was in charge. There were other people she had to listen to, and sometimes it wouldn't matter what she thought because Kurogane would have to do as the principal of his school said or the governor of their town. But she _was_ listening.

"I really do think you have a point, Kurogane-kun. But I also want you to think about the idea that you might decide later on that you like it here, and that you want to stay. Or go to some other world. You might not want to go back to Suwa. You have a lot of options, you know."

That was just crazy, for one thing. Of course he'd want to. For another . . . "It doesn't matter that much if I want to. I have to."

"Why do you say that.?"

"Because it's my duty. That's my world. I was born to the protector of Suwa, and that means I have a duty to my people. I _will_ go back there."

"I see," Sonomi said softly, and she looked sad. "You're a lot more mature than your temper would indicate, aren't you?"

"Huh?" he said, wrinkling his nose.

"Nothing," she said, suddenly smiling again. "I'm going to have a meeting with your principal, okay? I want to talk to him about this. I don't want to get your hopes up, though, so you have to understand that this might not work out."

"What might not?" he asked suspiciously.

"I have to talk to Ashura, too. I want to see if he can get his hands on some things from Nihon."

"From Nihon?"

"You might be allowed to go to the library instead of to your computer and history classes, so long as they know you're going there to study. You ought to be learning the history of your own country. What do you think of that? Would you feel better about school, if we could work that out?" Feeling subdued, Kurogane just nodded. He felt really guilty, now. He'd been so disrespectful to her, and she was being so kind to him in return. "Good. Why don't you boys come downstairs and have something to eat, then? I'll take Yuui-kun back home after that so I can talk to Ashura."

Oh, right, they'd missed dinner. No wonder he was hungry. He stood up with Sonomi, but he waited for Yuui to catch up at the door. He didn't know how to say thank you for staying with him today—or for the last week. But Yuui blithely skipped past him and took Sonomi's hand. Sonomi looked down at him with surprise, but she just smiled and let him hold her hand all the way back downstairs. Kurogane found himself trailing behind them, slightly disgruntled at being ignored. But he also felt kind of warm or something, because Yuui was saying thank you to Sonomi and revealing how worried he'd been for him. Sometimes it was hard to figure Yuui out, and Kurogane hadn't known he was upset about this. He decided he was glad Yuui cared.

 

* * *

 

In the end, it was easy. Tomoyo-chan had overheard most of the argument, and even though she didn't really understand the whole thing, she'd reached out in her dreams to the Tsukuyomi. When Ashura made contact with them, they were already prepared with copies of the histories and folktales they thought Kurogane should have. Kurogane was allowed to spend a moment speaking to the Amaterasu through the small portal that Ashura had opened. She asked him if the people of Heian were taking care of him. They were. If he was still determined to come back to rule Suwa on her behalf. He was.

She was a stern woman, and Kurogane felt slightly chilled by her interrogatory questioning. But the little girl who was also Tomoyo sat beside her like a little princess and kept smiling at him, so he didn't feel too overpowered. The conversation was brief, but it made Kurogane feel a lot better. Now they all knew he wanted to come back.

He took the copied papers with care, and asked Sonomi for a sturdy notebook to keep them in. Every day, when the rest of his class was learning the history of Heian, Kurogane went instead to the library to study the history of his own country. He started keeping an eye out for ways to apply his other lessons to the life he imagined in his future. And after that pile of neglected work was taken care of, he was once again allowed to spend his afternoons with Yuui, in their field, practicing forms and mock-fighting until dinnertime.

He didn't want to go through any of that again. He wasn't late with a single assignment for the rest of the year.

 

* * *

 

When Kurogane threw his bag down on the porch steps and watched Yuui leap over it, he was giddily happy. It was the last time he'd do this for weeks, because it was finally, _finally_ summer again. Nearly a year of gray buildings and boring teachers and nothing to distract him but lunchtime with Toya-kun and Yuki-kun—over.

Summer was fishing in the creek and water fights and catching fireflies and no homework. Kurogane didn't even mind that his afternoons would be spent watching over Syaoran again. Syaoran had been playing with Tomoyo and Sakura too much, and he was starting to get awfully girly. Afternoons could be spent making him a boy again. He had started to carry around a stick in imitation of Kurogane and Yuui, even though he didn't know how to use it yet. Summer would be a good time to start teaching him. He wasn't a baby anymore.

They ignored their field, ran right past it and went all the way to the creek in the woods, with Kurogane whooping for joy and both of them shedding their clothes along the way and just hoping they'd find them stuck in tree branches on their way back. They dived right into the water and went straight to horsing around. Yuui wasn't quite as afraid of having his head go under anymore, not after such a long and peaceful year in this world.

That, and all the magic he was learning meant he could protect himself from drowning in all kinds of ways. Kurogane was amazed and shouted in surprise and delight when Yuui drew symbols under the water and created a whirlpool that swirled up around them, creating a tunnel of water with them at the center. He released it onto Kurogane's head, though, which meant Kurogane was required to tackle him and try to make him yield.

Once they finally wore out, they dragged themselves up onto shore and found a clean space to lie down and dry off.

"So what are we going to do all summer?" Kurogane asked, spreading his arms out and soaking up the last rays of sunlight.

Yuui had been doing the same, but now he rolled over and placed his hand on Kurogane's head. Images of Syaoran washed over him—recent images, Kurogane thought, pleased that he could think because he'd been working on keeping Yuui's thoughts from taking over his brain when they did this. Syaoran was sitting quietly beside Yuui, attempting to learn how to read just by looking at the book long enough. Syaoran was following Motosuwa-san around the house, trying to help her clean, and he was tying one of her frilly aprons on and tripping over it and laughing. When Yuui showed him the image of Ashura asking Syaoran a bunch of questions and Syaoran trying to answer with nothing but a few wordless noises, he projected the feeling of worry that had Yuui's stomach tied into knots.

"You're worried that he doesn't talk enough?"

Yuui nodded, removing his hand.

"You think it's your fault?"

Yuui nodded again.

"I'm more worried that he's getting all girly," Kurogane said. "We have to start teaching him how to fight."

Yuui smiled at that, but insistently pointed at Kurogane.

"Oh, fine. I'll try to make him talk more. But I think it's _great_ if he wants to be quiet. He won't be annoying that way."

Yuui raised his eyebrows, and apparently took that as a challenge. As soon as Kurogane closed his eyes again to enjoy the sun while he dried off, Yuui started tickling his face with a piece of grass. Kurogane put up with it for maybe about ten whole seconds before he roared and tackled Yuui and tried to pin him. Yuui was quick to get out from under him, but instead of retaliating, he ran back up the path and snatched up his clothes and tried to put them on while running away. Kurogane did the same, and they made it back to the orphanage right when Ashura started to get worried that it was getting dark and stepped outside to call for them.

They ran right past him, with Kurogane still shouting threats, nearly knocking him over. Ashura just shook his head and smiled as he followed them back inside. Kurogane chased Yuui upstairs, tackling him onto his bed.

"Hey," he said suddenly. "That worked really well. I remembered who I was the whole time and it didn't hurt at all. And you kept things from going too fast."

Yuui grinned.

Kurogane scowled at him.

"Talk to Syaoran-kun."

Yuui squirmed away and got up, huffing at him.

"Yuui-kun, he thinks you're his brother or something. If he ever found out that you talk to me and not him . . ." Yuui turned around with tears in his eyes and his lips forming words that Kurogane wished desperately that he could hear. But he knew that Yuui was just afraid that it would hurt Syaoran or scare him or make him dislike Yuui for being a freak.

"You're just being stubborn. And stupid," Kurogane said firmly. He went to the door and poked his head out into the hallway. "Syaoran-kun!" he shouted. "Come in h—oof!" he grunted as he was tackled to the floor. But it was too late, because Syaoran came running while Yuui was attempting to drag Kurogane back into the room.

"Hi, Kurogane-kun! Asha-san said you don't have school no more!"

Yuui scowled. Well, Kurogane was about to force him to do this, but he supposed he'd appease Yuui's desire for Syaoran to speak properly.

"It's 'anymore,'" he said, shaking his head. "And it's just for the summer. I have to go back in a couple of months. And really, learn his name. It's Ashura."

"I know," Syaoran said with an unapologetic smile. "We're gonna catch fish, right?"

"Yup. And you're going to do some sword training."

Syaoran squealed happily and hugged him.

"Oi!" Kurogane said, scrambling away from him. "No girly stuff! We're doing _man_ stuff this summer!"

Yuui was laughing at him, huffing a bit and poking his shoulder. Kurogane gave him a narrow-eyed look, and closed the door.

"Syaoran-kun, Yuui wants to show you something, but it's a secret. You can't tell anybody."

Yuui went stiff with fury and tried to punch him, but Kurogane just stepped to the side and dodged.

"Can you keep a secret? You won't tell _anybody_?"

"Hai," Syaoran said, nodding.

"Are you sure?"

"I got secrets," Syaoran said, sounding as serious as somebody his age could.

Kurogane remembered the witch. He wondered if Syaoran really did remember that his parents had disappeared like that. He was still confused about everything else that the witch and Ashura had talked about, but he remembered her saying that Syaoran-kun could never leave Heian. Did Syaoran already know that?

"You _have_ secrets," he corrected. "Show him, Yuui-kun."

Yuui had his hands clenched into fists and shook his head furiously. But Kurogane pushed Syaoran toward him, and Yuui reached out for him by reflex. Then he sighed with resignation and moved his hands to Syaoran's head. Kurogane was curious to see if Yuui's thoughts were focused only to one person, or if by touching him he would be able to see it, too. He put his own hands on Yuui's shoulders.

He saw that image from the previous summer, where Yuui had first used the gift and scared the little boy and made him cry. He felt the apology that Yuui was directing at Syaoran. He felt the love and protection that Yuui felt for Syaoran as his otouto, which stunned him by its fierceness. He felt it when Yuui pulled back and tried to stem the flood of his feelings to keep Syaoran from being overwhelmed. That was good, because he'd learned a lot more control. The first couple of times, he hadn't been able to stop until his magic was just worn out.

Then he pulled his hands away and shrank back, looking terrified. But Syaoran threw his arms around Yuui's waist and forced Yuui to hug him back.

"I love you, too, oniisan," he chirped. "I won't tell the secret. Are you gonna teach me how to swordfight?"

Yuui couldn't bring himself to let go of Syaoran for a minute, but Syaoran didn't seem to mind. Kurogane sat down on the bed and just waited while they had their girly moment. It looked like man stuff would have to wait for tomorrow. Then Ashura called up the stairs for them to come eat dinner, and Kurogane hoped guiltily that Sonomi knew where he was.

"Oi. You have something new to work on," he told Yuui as they went down. "Who can see it and who can't. I saw everything, too."

Yuui turned to him with a haughty look. Oh. Yuui had _let_ him look. Just so he didn't get too cocky about himself, Kurogane tripped him so he fell down the last three stairs. He was pretty confident that Yuui could keep himself from getting hurt. Yuui landed on his butt at the bottom and attempted to trip him, but Kurogane jumped over him.

"Mean, Kurogane-kun," Syaoran said, holding out his hand to Yuui. Like the little brat was actually big enough to help him up or something. Yuui wasn't as scrawny as he'd been last year.

"I called Sonomi-san for you," Ashura told him with a wink when they came into the dining area.

"Thanks," Kurogane said gruffly.

"So, boys, what are your plans for the summer?" Ashura inquired of all of them. "Other than lessons with me, of course."

Kurogane shrugged and answered for himself and Yuui, "Nothing much. Just hanging out."

Kazahaya, to everyone's surprise, had something to say. "My friend Daisuke's family has a shop that he helps out in during the summer. He asked if I wanted to come help him for a few weeks. With your permission, Ashura-san."

Kurogane was mostly just surprised that Kazahaya had friends. But Ashura looked amused.

"That would be fine. It'll be good practice for when you're older."

"Huh?"

"Nothing," he said, still sounding amused.

"Sorata and Fuuma said their families are probably going to the beach. They said we could come, if we wanted," Subaru said, sounding excited.

"I don't know if you two are ready to be that far away from me for so long. I don't want somebody to lose control."

"Actually, I think we might be okay," Kamui spoke up. "We've been doing really well."

Ashura looked thoughtful. "We'll talk about it."

"I think they just want to get out of town because we heard Seishirou's coming back for the summer and we all know what happens when Seishirou and Kyle are together."

Ashura looked at Yuui with worry, but Yuui straightened up and met his eyes.

Kurogane sat up straighter, too. "I chased them off before. I can do it again."

Ashura nodded, but he wasn't smiling. "You boys be careful. Don't let Syaoran-kun get hurt."

Chastened with the reminder that there was a younger one to look after, Kurogane nodded soberly. "We'll be careful."

 

* * *

 

In the end, caution was not necessary. Kyle and Seishirou wandered by, early on in the summer, and found the three boys at sword practice. They didn't notice the bullies right away, since they were hard at work. Their wooden swords crashed together, punctuated by Kurogane's shouts, and they were sweating with their efforts under the hot summer sun.

"Syaoran-kun, watch this!" Kurogane said, interrupting the easy stance Syaoran was practicing. "I won't use my whole strength, this is just a demonstration. Yuui-kun, make sure you're blocking me."

Yuui didn't even take his eyes off Kurogane's movements long enough to give his acknowledgement.

"Hama Ryoujin!"

Yuui planted his feet and swept his hand out, trying to draw symbols to keep himself from being hurt. He still got knocked back on his butt, but he wasn't harmed.

"Wow!" Syaoran said with wide eyes. "Teach me that!"

"No. That's my dad's move."

Syaoran pouted, and during that pause, they all saw Kyle and Seishirou standing there. Or, as Kurogane liked to think of them, Number Three and Nose Job. He still wondered how Seishirou had gotten his nose broken, but it wasn't like he was going to ask.

"Oh, look, kids with sticks," Kyle said, trying to sneer at them. It didn't work too well, since his eyes were really wide.

"Yeah, let's find something more interesting."

"Like that little boy you're so in love with?" Kyle snickered, clearly forgetting they could hear him and Seishiou clearly not forgetting since he punched Kyle's arm hard enough to make him stumble.

With that, they left. Kurogane and Yuui grinned at each other.

"Imagine that. Afraid of kids with sticks," Kurogane said, finding himself out of breath with the effort it had taken to use Hama Ryoujin, even if only at half-strength. He wasn't that good at the move, not yet. "Come on, let's teach Syaoran-kun another stance."

Syaoran was as eager as a puppy to learn the basics they gave him. He would happily work on them all afternoon while they fought each other, and he had proved to be surprisingly determined about getting them right. He never got upset like the little kid he was, even when Kurogane was barking orders at him. He would frown with concentration and do as he was told.

It turned out he was spending his mornings learning how to read while Yuui was continuing his magic studies. Kurogane had been extremely disgruntled to find out that his school assigned summer homework, but since he was allowed to go over and do it at the orphanage, it wasn't so bad. And Ashura set them free every afternoon after lunch to "go play." Except they were training, not playing.

Sometimes, if Kurogane couldn't explain something to Syaoran in a way that he could understand, Yuui would put his hand on Syaoran's head and show it to him. They practiced that, too. Yuui was working out a method to make sure his thoughts couldn't be eavesdropped on, learning to block out the person he wasn't talking to. Kurogane even practiced his ability to communicate back, which wasn't much. Mostly he could just press a feeling onto Yuui, if it was a very strong feeling.

All in all, everything was as perfect as Kurogane had been hoping it would be for his school break.

The really big thing didn't happen until mid-summer.

 

* * *

 

It was getting so _hot_. Kurogane didn't want to quit training, but even he was ready to take a break from it and just get out of the sun for a while. They had all tied on headbands to keep the sweat out of their eyes, but Kurogane wiped his face with his arm anyway, looking at Yuui for agreement.

In response, Yuui grinned and dashed into the forest.

"Oi!" Kurogane shouted, running after him. "Come on, Syaoran-kun!"

Yuui was headed for the creek, and Kurogane wasn't going to argue. An hour splashing around to cool off sounded perfect. He could hear Syaoran crashing along behind him, so he knew the little one was keeping up okay. He and Yuui ran down to the rocky narrowing that created a deep pool and they both dove right in. Kurogane came up gasping and swam hard away from the rocks. The narrowed passage created a bit of a current and he'd rather fight Yuui than the water. They immediately began trying to dunk each other, rolling in the water and sending up gouts of it that Kurogane assumed Syaoran was taking advantage of along the shore.

Then they heard Syaoran shriek. They both spun around just in time to see Syaoran's flailing body get sucked through the rocks and spat out the other side.

"That stupid brat jumped in!" Kurogane said in disbelief. "Can he swim?"

Yuui shook his head, already splashing madly for the shoreline so he could run downstream. But Kurogane could see how swiftly Syaoran-kun was getting carried away. He was churning his arms in the water, and that was worse than anything, because scared people drowned faster. Kurogane just kicked off the bottom straight for the opening Syaoran had gone through, using the current to shoot forward. He came through and immediately began kicking powerfully. When he turned his head to the side for air, he looked at Yuui, who was sprinting through the undergrowth, ignoring the branches scraping at him. That told Kurogane more than anything just how scared Yuui was—that, and his mouth wide open in a silent scream.

The next time he came up for air, he looked ahead for Syaoran. He was almost there, but Syaoran's movements had become sluggish, barely stirring the water. Just as Yuui was poised to leap back in, Kurogane snagged Syaoran by the hair, the only part of the boy he could reach, and dragged him up. Syaoran didn't take a breath right away. Kurogane got an arm around him and dragged him up to the shore, where Yuui waited with his hands desperately clutched in his hair.

Kurogane wrapped both arms around the little body and squeezed him, hard and sudden. Syaoran choked, coughed up water, and then threw up on Kurogane's arms.

"Ugh!" Kurogane shouted, shoving him at Yuui. He splashed back in to rinse himself off, then hurried back to shore.

Yuui knelt on the bank, holding Syaoran tight, and both of them were crying.

"I wouldn't let him drown, you know I wouldn't," Kurogane said, trying to sound scornful and failing miserably. "I won't let anybody I care about die," he muttered, and clutched his arms around himself because he was suddenly very cold, covered in goosebumps and shivering.

He heard his own teeth chattering, and thought that was weird because he wasn't _that_ cold. And he heard Syaoran whispering "Thank you," over and over.

Then a new wave of cold shock washed over him. Because that wasn't Syaoran's voice. Syaoran was crying noisily and burying his face against Yuui. The voice that said "Thank you" was raspy and tiny and sounded like nothing that Kurogane had ever heard before.

He knelt down beside them. He stared at Yuui, who had his whole body wrapped around Syaoran and his face hidden because his head was bent over the little boy.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you . . ."

"Yuui-kun."

Yuui's head snapped up.

"Yuui-kun, you talked."

Yuui frowned at him, like he didn't believe it.

"You did. Just now. I heard you."

Syaoran had stopped crying, and was looking up at Yuui with his mouth hanging open. "Say something, Yu-kun."

"But—" Stunned, Yuui clapped his hand over his mouth. His eyes, already reddened with crying, flooded with new tears. Kurogane grabbed his arm and made him move his hand.

"It's okay," he said with confidence. "Just try."

Yuui looked very confused.

"Just try saying my name," Kurogane said, feeling sorry for him. After not being able to say anything for so long, he must be wondering where to start.

A sudden, twisted little smirk appeared. "Kuro-chan," Yuui whispered in the same tiny and hoarse voice. Then he put his hand back over his mouth, surprised all over again.

"Figures," Kurogane snorted, even though he was so excited that his heart was pounding. "First thing you do now that you can talk is try to annoy me to death."

"It's so easy—" Yuui whispered, then broke off and began to cough. It sounded really ugly, like rusty metal being scraped together. He couldn't seem to stop coughing, even pushing Syaoran off his lap so he could hunch over on his hands and knees. Kurogane scrambled over and put a hand on his back. He jerked when Yuui suddenly spat out a mess of pink-tinged mucus.

"Is that blood?"

Yuui crawled to the creek and scooped water to his mouth with trembling hands. He took deep gulps, even though he'd told Kurogane that he wasn't able to swallow very much at one time.

"Yu-kun, did your magic fix you?" Syaoran asked, scurrying over to check on him.

Yuui looked up at Syaoran with wide eyes. He thought for a moment, then nodded. Then he jumped up and pulled Syaoran away from the water with a scowl.

"You could try to say my name," Syaoran said hopefully.

"S-Syaoran," Yuui said, still sounding raspy.

Syaoran grinned and hugged him again. Yuui looked at Kurogane, and there was worry in his eyes.

"You're my best friend. Told you I didn't care if you could talk."

Yuui grinned. "You might regret that, Kuro-chi," he whispered. He started coughing again, but it wasn't as bad this time and he didn't spit up anything.

Kurogane rolled his eyes. "Probably will. If you won't say my name right, I'll _kill_ you. But Ashura-san will be happy, anyway."

Yuui went back to looking worried.

"Baka," Kurogane snorted. "He'll pee his pants, he'll be so happy."

Yuui didn't look the least bit reassured. So Kurogane grabbed him and dragged him back to their clothes, and then dragged him up the path, back toward the orphanage. Yuui was making it clear that he was reluctant to go by scuffing his feet and making Kurogane pull him along. Kurogane kept his hand firmly clamped on Yuui's arm, and tried to project his feelings of relief and assurance into him. He was glad Yuui-kun was getting better. He was glad that Yuui could speak for himself and everyone would be able to understand him. He was certain that Ashura would be overjoyed, and the other boys would be happy for him. This was a good thing, even if Yuui was scared.

Yuui was more frightened than Kurogane had realized, though. As they got closer to the house, images began to creep over into Kurogane's mind. A barren expanse of snow, dotted with red droplets. A pair of glinting eyes. Mostly just the snow and the blood, but a couple of times it was the insane eyes.

"Yuui-kun," Kurogane said when they were finally outside the house. Then he didn't know what to say, so he just gave him a brief hug. "Don't tell him if you don't want to. I can't make you do anything. But it's _Ashura_." He sent his knowledge of one of Yuui's own memories back to him. Yuui was being plucked out of the snow and into Ashura-san's arms. Ashura saying, "I'm sorry," and arranging Yuko-san's cloak over him.

Yuui gave him a tight, uncertain smile. He squeezed Kurogane's hand, and nodded.

He took a deep breath, and went inside.

Ashura-san was in the kitchen, helping Motosuwa-san get started on dinner. With Subaru and Kamui gone away to the beach with their friends and Kazahaya spending most of his days at his friend's family's shop, Ashura had probably been sort of bored.

Ashura took one look at the three of them and asked, "What happened?"

Syaoran, who'd usually be the first to start babbling, kept silent. He knew it wasn't his place to say, this time.

"Yuui-kun, have you been crying?" Ashura asked in alarm.

Yuui nodded, his face tightening up with the need to cry again. Ashura held out his arms and Yuui ran into them. Once he was in Ashura's careful, not-too-tight embrace, he did it.

"I love you," he rasped out.

"Oh!" Ashura pushed Yuui back so he could look at his face. "Yuui-kun, you . . ." Whatever he saw made him pull Yuui against him again. "I love you, too," he said softly. Yuui's shoulders were shaking. "Shh, it's all right. Everything's all right."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you . . ."

Great, he'd started that again. But Kurogane had a feeling he was just trying to get out all the times he'd missed saying it in the past year.

"There. Stop crying. This isn't bad. This is great. Does it hurt?"

Yuui shook his head, but Ashura pushed him back to look at him again.

"Does it hurt?"

Yuui shrugged. That meant it did, but only a little.

"Maybe it won't after he does it more," Kurogane suggested.

Ashura said, "Maybe," but he also said, "Please promise me you'll tell me if it hurts you. I'll see if there's a way to fix it. Okay?"

Yuui nodded.

Ashura sighed. "I guess you need some time to adjust."

Yuui looked frightened, and Kurogane bristled. He didn't care if it _was_ Ashura, any hint that he was disappointed in Yuui for not talking more and Kurogane would punch his lights out.

"But that's perfectly understandable," Ashura assured him. "Can I have another hug?"

"Yes," Yuui whispered.

Yuui wouldn't leave Ashura's side for the rest of the day. Kurogane figured he'd better not tease him about that. Although that didn't keep Yuui from teasing _him_. Saying anything longer than a few words made him start coughing again, so the only things he said for the rest of the day were variations on the "Kuro-chan" game. It was not a game Kurogane wanted to play. He was forced to tackle Yuui and try to pin him to the kitchen floor.

"It's Kurogane, do you hear me, you idiot!"

Yuui laughed as he flipped Kurogane away from him and scrambled back up. It was a funny, rusty little laugh. "Can't tell me what to do, Kuro-puu!" Then he had to grab the glass of water he was keeping close at hand and take a few sips to soothe his throat, but that didn't take away the grin that Kurogane wanted to wipe off his face.

"I liked him better before," Kurogane told Ashura, mourning the silent future he would no longer have.


	5. Growing Pains

Yuui looked weird, Kurogane decided. He wasn't suited to the "proper" look.

And from his sparkling eyes, he knew what Kurogane was thinking.

"Tch. You're an idiot."

Kurogane gave him a half-hearted shove, but Yuui just straightened up with dignity and brushed off pretend dirt on his new, crisp, black uniform. At least black was a good colour for him—he was tanned and his already-blond hair was bleached from being outside all the time, so he just looked black and gold all over. His eyes were still sparkling as they surveyed the building that Kurogane had long since gotten used to being condemned to imprisonment in. So Kurogane leaned in closer and elbowed him.

"Stop pretending to be happy. I can tell you're scared."

Yuui shook his head in denial, which left Kurogane stumped. He could tell Yuui was telling the truth, but he didn't know what else the problem might be. Because there _was_ a problem.

"Not scared . . ." Yuui whispered, rasping out the words. "Just nervous."

He had a right to be. It had been a whole month since he'd started talking, but Kurogane wished they'd had longer before school started up for the autumn term. His voice hadn't really gotten any better yet, and his throat would inevitably hurt too bad to speak anymore by lunchtime. Not to mention he was still irrationally terrified of speaking in front of adults. Ashura hadn't wanted Yuui to know, but he'd told Kurogane that he'd already spoken to the teachers about being patient with Yuui.

Then there was the fact that no matter how quickly he learned, he'd had a lot of studying to do to catch up to where Kurogane was at, and no one was quite sure if he would be able to keep up. Because there had been no question about _that_ : if Yuui was going to school, he was going to be in Kurogane's class. No ifs, ands, or buts. Although Kurogane doubted they'd excuse him to the library to study Nihonese literature, so he'd be on his own for an hour a day.

"Stop being nervous," Kurogane scolded him. "What do you have me for?"

Yuui grinned at that, opened his mouth, and was cut off by Kurogane clapping a hand over it.

"Never mind. Don't even answer that. Come on, let's just go."

He removed his hand before Yuui could project anything into his brain—that was still a secret between the two of them and Syaoran—and led the way into the school. He was already thinking about the things he'd have to show Yuui. They'd have to go to the office first, because Kurogane had lost the paper Sonomi had given him about what classroom they were in . . . Then he'd show him around the school, show him where to put his stuff, explain about seating arrangements and bowing to the teacher and cleaning the classroom . . .

"I already know everything," Yuui rasped with a smile. "You told me all about it."

Right. He'd been talking/complaining about school for a whole year already. Trust Yuui to soak it in and remember every detail like some kind of detective on the case of a lifetime.

"What are you guys just standing out here for?" Kamui asked them brusquely, pushing them aside to get through the gate.

Subaru paused to pat Yuui's shoulder. "Come on, you'll love it!" he said cheerfully.

Yuui smiled at him and went in beside him, leaving Kurogane to plod unexcitedly forward with Kazehaya—who was surprisingly more pleasant by the day, as Ashura nurtured his magic and as he forgot his resentment. But Kurogane was scowling at Subaru. Honestly, could his judgement be any worse? For one thing, love was going to be the last thing Yuui felt for the public school environment, and for another, forcing him to smile and act cheerful when he was nervous was just feeding his bad habits.

"Kurogane-kun!" a voice called out to him happily, and Kurogane waved at his approaching friend. It was hard to be grumpy around a guy as refreshing as Tsukishiro Yukito. "Good morning, everybody!"

"Hi," Touya grunted in greeting as he sauntered close enough.

They'd already had the opportunity to meet Yuui, a few weeks ago when they decided that he'd be going to school this year. So Touya-kun figured that was a good enough and let Yukito-kun do the hard work of greeting everyone properly. Kurogane sympathized and just stood off the side with Touya while Subaru gushed, Kamui reined him in, Yukito was cheerful, and Yuui smiled ambiguously. It was Yuui's own damn fault for telling Kurogane he had to make friends, anyway.

Then they found out what classrooms they were in, and Kurogane was surprised to find himself just the tiniest bit disappointed.

"We're not all going to be together this year?" Yukito said in dismay.

"Sorry," Kurogane shrugged. He was actually a little bit sorry, oddly enough.

"At least you and me are still in the same class, right Yuki?" Touya said.

"Yeah, thank goodness," Yukito said. "And you two get to be together, so that's good . . . Well, we can see each other after school sometimes. Hey! We should all try out for soccer together this year! Then we could see each other at practice!"

Kurogane hadn't truly been considering it, but he didn't want to tell Yukito "no" right away. He just wanted to get Yuui through his first day, for now. They could worry about all that stuff when he found out if Yuui was even going to like it here or not.

"Are you guys going out for any sports or clubs this year?" Yukito asked the older three. He knew that Ashura hadn't wanted them to last year. The claim was that he needed time to mentor them magically, but that was nice and vague and palatable for the public. The truth was he had been worried about Kamui biting somebody or Kazehaya passing out all over the place.

"We might look into some of the clubs," Subaru said, indicating his twin and himself. "We're not allowed to play sports."

Right, they were vampires. They'd cream everybody without even breaking a sweat.

"I'm going to try baseball," Kazehaya said.

"Really?" Kurogane blurted out, and got a patented angry-Kazehaya-glare for it.

Toya wasn't loud-mouthed about it, but he sometimes saw weird things, too. He glanced up at Kazehaya with a shrewd look. "A lot of people touch the equipment, right? So stuff has a hard time sticking to it."

Kazehaya shoved his hands in his pockets and muttered something about being late for class. But he'd seemed surprised for a moment, and appreciative of Touya noticing. Kurogane inwardly rolled his eyes at the guy. He acted like such a jerk, but he was really one of the biggest softies out there.

"Well, let's talk about soccer later," Yukito said, because Touya was tugging on him and trying to convince him that they, too, would be late for class.

Yuui nodded at them instead of agreeing to anything. He hadn't actually spoken in front of the two of them yet. So far, he'd only talked to his family at the orphanage, and Kurogane. He was still working on speaking to Sonomi. He'd tried to a couple of days ago. She'd invited him over for dinner and had a bakery decorate a cake to congratulate him on going to school this year. He'd managed to say "thank you" and then he'd been shivering so hard he almost dropped his cake.

So it was to Kurogane's immense relief when the sensei introduced himself and proved that he understood the problem. Yuui whispered "Ohayou gozaimasu" in his tiny, tortured voice, and Sensei just smiled at him.

"I understand that you had an accident that makes it very hard for you to speak. I won't ask you to do so except on very rare occasions when I need your participation in class. I won't ask you to do any reading out loud, but I might need to ask you a question once in a while. Is that okay?"

Shocked, Yuui nodded, and Kurogane began to believe that their teacher may actually be the greatest person alive. They went to their new seats, and the girl who was sitting on Yuui's other side looked up and dropped her pencil. Yuui retrieved it for her, offering her a shy smile, and she squeaked at him and started blushing furiously.

 _What the hell?_ was pretty much Kurogane's entire opinion on that. Yuui seemed rather confused, too, so he just ignored her while she sat over there and blushed in his direction. The rest of the first day mostly consisted of the usual admonishments to obey the rules, followed by some review of the previous year's lessons to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything important. Yuui even volunteered to go up to the chalkboard to demonstrate a couple of math problems and some of the kanji he'd learned. Figured that show-off would pretend he knew what he was doing, Kurogane groused. Kurogane only went up to the board when the teacher made him.

A lot of people approached Yuui throughout the day to say hello and try to find out about him. Yuui smiled at all of them and nodded enthusiastically and nudged Kurogane to make him say things, but he didn't seem to want to talk to them. It wasn't long before he could see how much Yuui was straining himself to keep smiling. He wasn't used to being surrounded by so many people, and Kurogane didn't think he liked it. Well, it wasn't like Kurogane liked it, either. So after a while, he did what Yukito-Kun had done for him, and sat on Yuui's desk to block people out. Yuui seemed to appreciate it.

 

* * *

 

And so went the year.

Yuui, despite being silent most of the time, never failed to smile and pretend that all was right with the world. He was therefore about a hundred times more popular than Kurogane was. He told Kurogane that he didn't want to be popular, so Kurogane asked him why the hell he kept smiling at them. He didn't know—truly didn't, even let Kurogane try to look into his thoughts. But Kurogane didn't need to look in there, even if Yuui didn't know it for himself. It was just his past, still haunting him. He needed people to be happy, especially happy with him. He didn't want to get hurt.

Which was stupid. Kurogane would let _anyone_ hurt him, not deadly enemy nor blushing pencil-dropping classmate. Yuui knew that, even if school did make him nervous. He stuck close to his best friend's side. It was only about a week before he was able to be excused from class to join Kurogane in the library. When Kurogane asked him why, he just said Heian's history wasn't as exciting as Nihon's.

They declined to join the soccer team because they would lose all the time they spent practicing their sword forms. Touya and Yukito were disappointed, but Kurogane sometimes rode his bike over to the Kinomoto house on Sundays and learned a few of the sport's basic principles. He _was_ interested, even if he didn't really have time for it. As for Subaru and Kamui, they joined the art club and were heaped with praise from Ashura for trying so hard to fit in with people. Kazehaya got onto the baseball team and received similar treatment. Ashura didn't say anything about Yuui not being in a club activity, but Kurogane suspected he might, someday.

That year, he and Yuui stopped sneaking over to each other's houses in the night. They didn't talk about it, but then, they didn't have to. They were both nearly twelve. They might be best friends, but certain things were not meant to be experienced with an audience. Sonomi never said anything, so Kurogane didn't think she'd noticed. At least, he thought so until the day that Ashura sat down with both of them and told them he wanted to explain a few things about growing up. Kurogane immediately wanted to kill himself, or possibly kill all three of them.

"Did Sonomi-san make you do this?" he asked, his face so hot he thought he could fry an egg on it.

"Well, she said she didn't have a problem talking to you herself, but she thought you'd die of embarrassment," Ashura grinned.

Of course, this was immediately followed by uncomfortable silence, a few half-hearted attempts to actually raise the subject, then Ashura pretended he heard Syaoran crying and he escaped.

"We should have just told him we had a class about it at school," Kurogane growled at Yuui, who smiled back. He placed his hand on the side of Kurogane's head and re-played the last few moments in which Ashura's gracefulness and confidence had fled and left him a stumbling wreck. He actually laughed out loud, even though it made him cough. "You're an idiot," Kurogane muttered. All that just so Yuui could get a laugh out of it, seriously.

 

* * *

 

The entire year went by quickly, but the summer seemed to go by even faster. Now that Yuui was also in school and they saw each other every day, Kurogane wasn't as frantic to get out of the building and go home, but he still much preferred the days when their time was their own and they could beat each other up until they were exhausted. Syaoran was learning a lot from them, including how to swim without getting himself killed. Summer was over far too soon for Kurogane's liking.

School was a bit different that next autumn. The older boys had moved into the high school building. Syaoran and Sakura and Tomoyo started a part-time nursery school. Classes kept getting harder, and Yuui was forced to divide his time between actually learning and cajoling Kurogane into doing it, as well.

Also, there were girls.

Lots of them. Kurogane had never noticed before just how _many_ girls were in his school, but there were all _kinds_ of girls around, and they all had different things about them that he was forced to observe and catalogue for the purpose of understanding them better. Some of them were shy, and some of them were outgoing, and some of them had a daring way of wearing their uniforms. Long hair and short hair and different eye colours and different clubs and interests . . .

Yuui didn't seem to have noticed it, at least not at first. But then Kurogane noticed the girl who started monopolizing all his attention when he wasn't with the other boys. It was the girl who'd dropped her pencil on his first day, the one he had smiled at. Kurogane didn't think she was that cute—he was finding he preferred girls with longer hair and less blushing—but he didn't care if Yuui did. Much.

One particular day, he and Yuui were doing homework and the three little kids were all there doing their own version of "homework" (in which Sonomi had them practice counting and adding and subtracting by supplying them with rice snacks and letting them eat them). Kurogane was kind of bored, and he decided to see what Yuui really thought of her.

"So, what's up with you and Mizuki?"

Yuui flicked his eyes over to him, and then back to his homework.

"No, really. Is she . . . Are you interested?" Yuui shrugged.

"Why are you all the sudden serious? You're never serious!"

It struck Kurogane that Yuui had never talked about girls at all, Mizuki or any other. Maybe he didn't like girls? Kurogane wasn't stupid, he knew there existed possibilities outside of a boy liking girls. He just didn't know if Yuui did or didn't. He should know that, right? He was his best friend!

"She likes you, you know," he said, beginning to feel maybe just the slightest bit upset. "If you don't like her, you shouldn't make her think you do."

Yuui hunched his shoulders miserably.

Kurogane stared at him in disbelief, then he looked over to the little ones. Sonomi had left them to their own devices so she could start making dinner, but maybe he didn't want to talk in front of them or something?

"Let's go upstairs."

Yuui looked at all their homework and shook his head. "I like her," he rasped out, then winced. He'd had to talk a lot today, his throat was worn out. He stretched out his hand like he was going to touch Kurogane's head, but then he hesitated. Kurogane knew part of the reason was that Sakura and Tomoyo didn't know about his ability, but he knew the real reason for the hesitation was that Yuui just didn't want to tell him. He didn't care. He ought to know. So he leaned forward and pressed his forehead into Yuui's hand.

Yuui had kept practicing. He still communicated in images and emotions when that was the most convenient thing, but sometimes a coherent sentence would be there. Through these various techniques, Kurogane quickly learned the reason for his silent, confused misery. He didn't like growing up and he was in a state of obstinate refusal to discover the opposite sex. Girls would mess everything up. After everything he'd been through, he'd found a good life. He didn't want to change it. Kurogane was the person he loved most in the world, and he hated the idea that Mizuki would want to be important to him instead.

Some of Kurogane's panicked thought that Yuui liked _him_ must have come through the connection. Yuui was quite frank in addressing that, so much so that Kurogane actually yelped out loud and began to blush furiously.

 _We're still young,_ he thought audibly, and then arranged two opposing pictures in their shared vision. In one, he and Kurogane sat back-to-back and each had a girl leaning toward them to kiss them (girls without clear faces). In the other, he and Kurogane were each holding a sword loosely at their sides and were leaning in to kiss _each other_. His mind was conflicted on all of this, and Kurogane hardly knew what he thought, either. He was pretty sure he liked girls. But he hadn't considered how much that might change his relationship with Yuui. Would they still be able to be best friends if they were dating someone else? His brain still said _Mine_ when he looked at Yuui, but he'd never thought about it that way before.

"You're almost pretty enough to be a girl," he muttered aloud, pulling his head away.

"Should we give girls a chance?" Yuui whispered, brightening up a little when Kurogane didn't freak out. He'd probably figured Kurogane was going to be less mature about this. Well, he _wanted_ to be less mature about this. But he'd already lost everything he loved by acting like a child before. He wasn't about to do it again, even when it came to awful, embarrassing stuff like this.

"Maybe later," Kurogane muttered. Who dated before high school, anyway? "So you _do_ like Mizuki," he said casually.

"I guess."

This was, unfortunately, the moment that the little kids started paying attention. Sakura had weddings firmly on the brain, for the past several weeks. She kept insisting Ashura and Sonomi were going to get married, which always made the two adults cough awkwardly and change the subject. She immediately latched onto Yuui as her new target.

"Are you going to marry her, Yuui-kun?" she asked eagerly. She was already picking floral arrangements, Kurogane thought glumly. Touya was right, his sister was a monster. "Is she pretty? Will she wear a veil at the wedding?"

"How would he know? He's too young to get married!" Kurogane snapped at her.

"He can marry her when he grows _up_ ," she said with disgust. " _I'm_ going to marry Yukito-kun when I grow up," she added.

Syaoran looked dismayed by that. "I want to marry Yukito-kun," he pouted. He'd started going over to play at the Kinomoto house sometimes, and he'd latched onto Yukito as soon as he'd met him.

"You can't marry him, you're a _boy_."

"So?" he said stubbornly.

"Boys marry girls."

"Boys could get married if they loved each other," Syaoran insisted. "I marry Yukito-kun, and you and Tomoyo-chan get married. Okay?"

"No," she pouted.

"Can we _please_ go upstairs now?" Kurogane groaned, but Yuui was laughing at the kids and did not seem inclined to leave.

"Kurogane has to get married, too," Sakura said, eyeing him speculatively.

"No I don't!" he snapped, but realized with a sinking heart that he _would_ have to, eventually. Because he was going to protect Suwa, and he'd have to marry a miko of some kind, wouldn't he? If he was slaying monsters, somebody had to stay home and pray and put up wards. At least he knew he wasn't going to marry anyone in Heian, so he could stop worrying about girls quite so much. _That_ was a relief.

Tomoyo was giggling like a lunatic, and her eyes were on him. Kurogane abruptly became very worried.

"Tomoyo-chan," Yuui said. "Do you know who Kurogane is going to marry?"

Tomoyo nodded furiously, still giggling. And to Kurogane's horror, Yuui skipped over to her and knelt down and said,

"Tell me who."

And then she _did_. She whispered in his ear, and Kurogane couldn't hear what they said, and they were both looking at him and making fun of him and he was blushing to his _ears_. Yuui came back to sit by him and resume doing his homework, still laughing.

"How does she know?" Kurogane demanded. She was just a little kid, how would she . . . Oh. The Tsukiyomi. Kurogane suspected they still dreamed together sometimes. But how would the princess know, then? "It _is_ somebody in Suwa, right?"

Yuui shrugged.

"Tell me."

Yuui flipped his book to a new page.

"Tell me right now or I'll kill you."

Yuui laughed again.

"I'll go into the woods and catch snakes and put them in your bed."

Yuui grinned and turned his palm up. He drew a couple of runes, and a tiny snake appeared coiled in his hand.

" _Real_ ones."

The snake uncoiled and hissed at him. Kurogane blinked in surprise. The stupid illusion-snake was laughing at him, too. Kurogane picked up his book, put it in front of his face, and proceeded to ignore everyone until dinner was ready. Stupid Tomoyo. Stupid girls. Stupid everything.

 

* * *

 

There was another year of peace in their world. Mizuki and Yuui continued to blush at each other all through their final year of junior high while Kurogane told himself to ignore the girls of a world he wasn't going to stay in. Valentine's Day was a fiasco. Kurogane began putting it about as early as January that he hated chocolate, but that seemed to make girls pity him for some reason and he ended up in possession of the crap anyway.

There was a minor and recurring argument with Ashura and Sonomi that they needed to get more involved in school life. Ashura especially seemed concerned that they didn't have any real friends outside of Touya and Yukito and didn't even spend time with those two. But they had to study, and they had to keep their private practices going, so they didn't have time for anything else. Their classmates might talk about them behind their backs, but Kurogane didn't care. Weird, standoffish, arrogant . . . They could call him whatever they wanted to call him.

Yuui was more standoffish than he was, anyway. His effervescence when participating in class was nothing but a front, and everyone seemed to know it. He flinched when somebody moved too suddenly. He only spoke when the teacher asked him to. Even more than Kurogane, it was clear that he wasn't from this world. Nobody bothered him, content to leave the duties of friendship to his arrogant dark-haired companion.

 _Who needs 'em_ , they both thought. In their most honest moments, alone with no distractions, neither of them was quite sure which of them had thought it first and who was agreeing with whom. But the fact remained that they weren't like normal kids, and wouldn't fit in with them. They had the scars to prove it. They would fight together from now on, even if that meant they did it alone.

Still, it was interesting when a new student transferred into their class. They got the opportunity to hear what people actually thought of them.

Everyone gathered around the new kid excitedly and started introducing themselves, asking if he played sports or a musical instrument, and where he'd lived before, and all kinds of things that Kurogane had found incredibly annoying when he was new. He wasn't going to be one of the ones bothering the poor guy half to death when he had enough to figure out on his first day. Yuui stayed beside him, even though Kurogane thought he'd rather at least be making an effort to shake the new boy's hand. He wouldn't speak if Kurogane didn't go with him.

"That's Ouji Yuui, and that's Daidouji Kurogane," said one of the students, pointing them out where they sat at their own desks. "The blond one's nice, but he's really weird and he never talks. The dark one is kind of a jerk. They're best friends, for reasons unknown. Just leave them alone and they'll leave you alone. They're a little creepy."

 _Creepy?_ Yuui mouthed, playing it for laughs by placing his hand over his heart and pouting outrageously. The new guy chuckled, but didn't come over. Kurogane didn't care.

 

* * *

 

They had enough on their minds, Kurogane thought with a scowl. They were going to be starting high school in just a few short weeks. They didn't need a freaking crisis on top of it.

"You want me to stick around tonight?" Kurogane asked Yuui as the two of them cleared away the dinner dishes. "He goes to sleep faster if I tell him stories about my dad."

Yuui nodded gratefully, looking haggard. He had circles under his eyes.

"Go up and get him ready for bed," Kurogane suggested. "I'll finish the dishes."

"Kay," Yuui agreed, his voice rusty but strong. He'd been resting his voice during the day lately so he'd have some voice left at night when Syaoran needed him. He clapped Kurogane on the shoulder gratefully and headed upstairs to make sure Syaoran had brushed his teeth and gotten on his pajamas.

Kurogane did the dishes methodically, trying to think of some reason for what was going on, and how they could fix it.

Syaoran wasn't doing well. The seven-year-old had started having nightmares a couple of months ago—bad ones. The kind where you woke yourself up screaming. He had them almost every night, now, and Yuui had started sleeping in his room for the simple sake of expediency. Ashura and Subaru had tried calming him down, but the little boy just fought them off. Yuui was the only one he'd allow near him. All of them were exhausted from night after night of Syaoran's screaming and sobbing.

The reason they couldn't do much about it was that they didn't know what was scaring him so bad. Kurogane knew Yuui had told Syaoran about his old nightmares, to see if the boy would open up to him, but it hadn't worked. He'd said the dreams went away when he woke up. He could never remember them. But there had been a very odd moment when Yuui had said his old country was called Valeria, and Syaoran had asked if it was covered in snow. Yuui hadn't told him that part yet, but Syaoran already knew. He couldn't explain how.

Kurogane trudged up the stairs, feeling rather weary himself. He was trying to slog through his summer homework before school renewed, and he had a bunch of new material from Nihon he was supposed to study, as well—campaign diaries from military officers. The Amaterasu had said it was time for him to start thinking about these things. They had spent quite a long time together, in fact, when they'd been in contact a few weeks ago. She had quizzed him about his studies relentlessly, and then the little Tsukiyomi had started asking him about his home and his friends. He felt like he should be nice to her, since she shared dreams with the little brat who was capable of putting live crickets in his breakfast. The empress had seemed surprised that he knew how to talk to a little girl. They'd talked until Ashura had apologized and broken the connection, with sweat dampening his hair from the effort.

Kurogane had long since realized that he really needed to find a job. He needed to find a sword master somewhere in this world, and he needed money to pay for lessons. He and Yuui were as good as they could make each other, and now they needed a master's help. He would not go back to Nihon and make a fool of himself, not after all the effort the Amaterasu was willing to make to keep a place open for him.

His head was full of these thoughts as he passed by the room that Kamui and Subaru shared, and he heard the two teens talking. They were in their final year of school. Kazehaya would be going back to his world soon, but the two of them hadn't decided what to do yet.

"Look, Subaru," Kamui said angrily, making him stop in surprise. They were never really upset with each other. "I'm sure that he has all kinds of wonderful qualities hidden underneath that extensive mask of douchebaggery. I know how you are. He's a person. Every person has some kind of redeemable quality. I get that about you. But why _him_?"

Kurogane reflected that he shouldn't be eavesdropping. But it was the only way he'd ever learned anything useful, it seemed like. So he stood outside the door, breathing as lightly as possible and not moving so his clothes wouldn't make any noise.

"It was back when they were beating up Yuui-kun," Subaru said softly. Kurogane could picture what he looked like, sitting on the edge of his bed with his hands spread out in a gesture of helplessness. Kamui would be standing up, his arms crossed, being defensive even when he was being aggressive. "I wanted to do something, but I knew Ashura-san was right, that I wouldn't be able to control myself. I'd have hurt him if I tried to defend Yuui-kun."

Kurogane now had the sneaking suspicion he knew who they were talking about. And he didn't like it. Did. Not. Like.

"So I just went to talk to him. Told him that I couldn't believe he really felt like a man because he was hurting a terrified little kid like Yuui. I asked him to stop. I made sure he was alone so he wouldn't feel like he had to impress his idiotic friends. I said I'm sure he had his reasons, and that I'm sure they weren't good enough."

Kamui actually chuckled at that. "You're really ballsy when you want to be, you know that?"

Subaru laughed, too, but it was weak. "He didn't say anything to me at all. But it was only the next day that Kurogane-kun arrived to rescue him, so it worked out. But then . . . It was right before he moved away. He came and found me and said he'd been leaving the kids alone because I asked him to. And he gave me his address. He said I could burn it and he wouldn't care." Subaru's voice was soft, affectionate. Kurogane thought he might yak on the floor of the hallway. "I didn't want to burn it, so I tried writing him. Just to see what would happen. And he wrote back. So I wrote another letter . . ."

"You could have told me. I didn't have to find out by accident."

"Kamui, you're my twin and I'm not stupid. You'd have intercepted the letters."

"I just don't understand," Kamui said again. "He's not a nice person."

"Yes, he is," Subaru said with complete conviction. "I know what everybody sees, and he sees it now, too. He's said in his letters that he regrets it. There were reasons, you know."

"So he's really coming back?" Kamui said, sounding resigned. He wasn't going to argue with that? Kurogane didn't believe for a _second_ that he was a nice person or had regrets.

"His father's very sick. There's no one else. He's not actually moving back, only staying to take care of his father until he dies. He doesn't— ah, I shouldn't be telling you. He trusts me to keep the letters private."

"Does Ashura know you've been writing him?" Kamui demanded.

"I don't know. There's been a couple of times that I've thought he does, but he's never said anything to me."

Kurogane had heard enough. He stepped away carefully, his sock feet making no noise on the worn wood. He hurried on to Syaoran's bedroom, trying not to let it show how fuming mad he was. Yuui had tucked the boy in, and was sitting beside him, stroking his hair and smiling at him. Syaoran was laying still, but his eyes were wide open and troubled. Kurogane didn't like seeing that. A little kid like Syaoran shouldn't be afraid to go to sleep.

It actually just made him more aware that his own best friend was probably a little bit crazy. Not like when you called somebody crazy as a joke, but actually crazy. Yuui had never had trouble falling asleep, despite the things that waited for him in his dreams. He was _way_ too okay with the sight of blood and death and _way_ too afraid of people's anger. But Kurogane was reassured that Syaoran's problem bothered him, and that he retained enough sanity to know it wasn't normal. He'd been extraordinarily patient and supportive over the past few months. Syaoran was his otouto. He had no real idea of what a family ought to look like, but he wouldn't do anything to hurt the one he'd fashioned for himself.

"See?" Yuui said softly, giving Kurogane a curious look to ask what had taken so long. "There he is."

Kurogane shrugged irritably. Trying to lull Syaoran to sleep was hardly the time to be talking about what he'd just overheard. He couldn't even _deal_ with that shit right now. Subaru had officially earned an ass-kicking, but that was hardly going to get either of his two exhausted friends to sleep.

"There was a lot of dishes," he muttered. Syaoran wriggled to get comfortable when Kurogane sat down on his other side. He and Yuui could sit up with their backs leaning on the wall and with their legs stretched out, and Syaoran was so small that only by stretching could he put his feet where theirs were. "So, brat, you want to hear a story?"

Syaoran nodded, but he pointed to a book on the little red-painted shelf where he kept his things. "Will you read that?"

Kurogane picked it up and found that it was a book of children's fairy tales. With illustrations. He grimaced in distaste.

"That was your birthday present from Sakura-chan, wasn't it?" Yuui murmured.

Syaoran nodded, with a happy smile. "Tomoyo-chan said she didn't even help pick this time."

Kurogane chuckled, but it made him feel vaguely uneasy. Because Syaoran's friendship with Sakura made him remember the witch, and that clenched up something in his gut. The witch had said no one would be able to keep the two kids away from each other. She'd said that he and Yuui needed to be together. And she'd said that the disappearance of Syaoran's parents had left a mark on him. He was worried that Syaoran's nightmares were about his parents, and that he couldn't explain them because he didn't remember who they were. He wasn't sure how they could talk about that with a seven-year-old, though.

So he cracked open the book of kiddie stories and read one in his usual manner—without embellishment. That was Yuui's job. As he read, Yuui would provide the proper sound effects and any interjections he felt were necessary to spice things up. He was just here because his voice lasted longer. Which was good, since it was three stories before Syaoran finally fell asleep. Neither of them moved right away. It was all well and good to get the boy to sleep, it was another thing to keep him that way. Moving before he was really out would lead Kurogane having to read more stupid fairy tales.

"Where were you, just now?" Yuui asked, then coughed with a deep wince. There'd been a bear, so he'd been growling. Rough on his throat.

"Spying on the twins," Kurogane said without shame.

"Why?"

"Because that little prick has been writing letters to Seishirou."

"Huh? Subaru has?"

"How'd you know it was Subaru?"

Yuui gave him a look of pity. Yeah, Kamui wasn't really the letter-writing type. Then he made his gesture for _why_.

"I think it's one of those things . . . Like it was inevitable. You still remember the witch, right?"

Yuui nodded, his brow furrowing.

"She said something about them and Seishirou-san, didn't she?"

Yuui nodded again, slowly, thinking.

"So maybe Subaru can't really help it, but _damn_ I hate that guy. I am so going to kick his ass for this."

Yuui ran his tongue over his own canine teeth to remind Kurogane of how futile an endeavor that really was—unless he was planning to get a sword and use one of Suwa's attacks, he wasn't going to be able to hurt a vampire.

"Anyway, it wasn't the letter writing so much as— Seishirou's coming back."

Yuui grimaced.

"He'd better not try to mess with you," Kurogane muttered. "I'm not ten anymore."

"Neither am I," Yuui said. The he ran his eyes down Kurogane and wiggled his eyebrows. That little bastard. He'd started joking about that kind of stuff, not taking it seriously at all. Kurogane figured that meant he'd made up his mind about how he wanted things to be between the two of them. Kurogane was okay with that, because Yuui was pretty much the _only_ guy he'd have even considered in that respect. But it kind of irked him that Yuui hadn't said anything about it. He even knew when it had happened. It had been when Tomoyo had told him her secret. He knew who Kurogane was going to marry. Apparently he thought that gave him free rein to fake-flirt with him just to be funny. But no amount of beating him up in sword practice would get him to spill, so Kurogane had given up trying.

Syaoran whimpered a bit, but Yuui's hand in his hair made him calm down again.

"You tried your thing, right?" Kurogane asked, indicating the hand on Syaoran's head.

"Couldn't get in," Yuui said. "His mind's locked up tight when he's dreaming."

"Do you think it's what he remembers about his parents?" Kurogane asked.

Yuui bent down to press a sudden, possessive kiss in Syaoran's hair. "I don't know. I hope not."

Kurogane stayed for another minute, but he was pretty tired, himself. "You're a good brother," he pronounced at last, standing up. "Take care of him. I have to go home."

"See you tomorrow," Yuui said sleepily.

"Yeah," Kurogane muttered.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and glared at the road in front of him as he made the short trek to his house. Syaoran's nightmares. Seishirou back in town. High school. Nihonese campaign journals. Finding a job. Even a prophesied marriage, just to make things more interesting.

He was pretty sure life used to be less complicated.


	6. The Kids Aren't Alright

Kurogane stared at his best friend in disbelief.

"I don't want to take that class," he blurted out, even though he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

Yuui proved he shouldn't have said it by punching him in the face.

Well, he tried to. Kurogane ducked to the side and caught the very edge of the punch, the brushing of Yuui's knuckles over his cheek, and while Yuui was off-balance he picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. Yuui _should_ have rolled back up and tackled his legs or something, but instead he just twisted to make it a good fall, and lay there in the grass. Blue eyes met his, glittering with anger.

"Nobody said you had to."

Yuui could make his raspy little voice into something cold and deadly when he wanted to. Kurogane turned away from him and kicked a tree in frustration.

"This is stupid," he muttered. "You're going to hate it."

"Not the point, Kurogane."

Wow. Okay. He was calling him by his name, so that was bad. He was definitely really angry, not just annoyed.

"I know that!" Kurogane said. "You're doing this because you want to be normal."

There was a long period of silence.

"Is that so bad?" Yuui said at last.

Kurogane couldn't decipher it. All this time, they'd been more than enough for each other. Never needed anyone else. And suddenly Yuui had said he was joining an advanced literature class when they started high school. He had some summer homework if he wanted to get into the class, that he needed to meet with a group to complete. He'd explained the whole project, but the only part Kurogane had really listened to was the bit about how Yuui was going to study at the library with some other people who were starting their first year. Yuui. Talking to strangers. Without him.

Kurogane didn't think Yuui had ever done that before. The only time he spoke when Kurogane wasn't around was at home. Kurogane thought he'd be more enthusiastic if he believed Yuui was trying to get better. If he thought this was about moving forward, about healing himself of his fears, then Kurogane would support him.

It wasn't, though, was it? Yuui had as good as said so. This was about fitting in. This was about doing something "normal" so he wouldn't be ostracized. And _that_ was not something Kurogane was willing to support. Ashura would be doing cartwheels, he thought bitterly. Everyone would think it was a good thing. They wanted him to change himself to fit in. Kurogane knew what they didn't know: it was not _possible_ for Yuui to be normal. He just wasn't and would never be, and _that_ was a good thing because he ought to just be himself. All he would accomplish by trying to fit in was hurting himself.

"What if I said it was?" he finally said in response to Yuui's question.

Yuui shot to his feet, clenching his hands into fists. Kurogane just leaned back against the tree he'd kicked and crossed his arms. He didn't want to fight, not really. He just wanted to let Yuui know he hated this whole idea.

"You don't even get it," Yuui hissed. His voice was getting louder, as loud as Kurogane had ever heard his voice go. "You think it's not important! You're not going to stay here, so you—"

He broke off, coughing harshly when his voice caught in his throat.

"Never— mind—" he choked out.

"No, go on, finish that," Kurogane drawled.

When Yuui didn't, Kurogane touched a hand to his head, thinking that it was much easier when they just shared their thoughts. They hardly ever misunderstood each other because they could always just feel what the other was feeling. But Yuui glared at him. And Kurogane felt—nothing. Then there was a violent _shove_ , and it came from Yuui's hands and from his mind together, and everything that made up Kurogane was propelled backward, _away—_

He landed on his ass in the dirt and stared up at Yuui as the blond stalked off.

He didn't want to talk to Kurogane about this.

He wanted to do this without him.

None of this made any sense at all. And Kurogane had never been so thoroughly rejected in his life.

 

* * *

 

Kurogane had gone to their field in the morning as always, hoping for another chance to finish their conversation. And if Yuui didn't want to, he'd be willing to just practice with him and save it for some other time. He felt weird about what had happened the day before. They'd never fought like that. Yuui had never shut him out before.

Yuui didn't show up. So after a few solitary hours of individual practice and of hitting a tree aimlessly with a stick, Kurogane went home, feeling weirder than ever. It was like the whole world had tilted half a degree while he was sleeping, leaving him as the only one still standing in this position. Everything was just _off_. Was _wrong_ in every possible way. Yuui was going to meet up with a bunch of strangers at the library tonight, without him. They were fighting. Not speaking.

It made no sense.

There was a knock on his bedroom window, which startled him. He looked up to see Yuui's face peering at him through the glass. He was perched on what looked like a whole lot of nothing, a book bag slung over his back. There was some kind of wind stirring beneath his feet, with little leaves and bits of grass swirling in the empty air under him.

"How the hell—"

"Magic," Yuui said, lifting an eyebrow.

"Right."

"So . . ."

"So you're going."

"Yes."

"Why are you _here_?"

 _To apologize_. The words were shining in his eyes, but he didn't say them. He didn't reach out and let Kurogane feel them. So even though Kurogane knew they were there, it was like they weren't real. They didn't count.

"I'm worried about Syaoran-kun," he whispered.

He was here to ask Kurogane to check on the kid. He was going to be at the library while Syaoran was going to bed, and he wanted Kurogane to go over there and sit with him until Yuui came home. Well, he could think again, because Kurogane wasn't some goddamn babysitter to be called on when it was convenient—

"Fine," he heard himself snap. Because Syaoran was just a little boy, and he was waking up every night scared, and Kurogane wasn't going to punish him just because Yuui was being stupid. "Fine, I'll go over there. But you owe me, you bastard."

Yuui didn't say a word. He just climbed down the side of the house—seriously, half the time Kurogane forgot he was a wizard, and then he would do something like this—and scuttled off down their tree-lined street.

 _Life sucks_ , Kurogane grumbled as he excused himself from dinner and told Sonomi-san he'd be late, and _people always let you down_ when he walked down the street and let himself into the orphanage, and _it's not a big deal to get in a fight, anyway_ as he let Ashura know that he was going to be here with Syaoran tonight.

He still hadn't figured out what he was going to do to punish Subaru for being an idiot about Seishirou. In the meantime, he wasn't speaking to him, so he wound up playing cards with Kazahaya until Syaoran was ready for bed.

Syaoran said he wasn't mad at Yuui for not being there, and that he was happy Yuui was making friends with the big kids.

 _So what am I so mad about?_ Kurogane asked himself, tucking the blankets over the little boy who wriggled happily at having Kurogane's (mostly) undivided attention. _I don't know. I just . . . want him to talk to me._

 

* * *

 

Kurogane silently fretted while he waited. Yuui was _late_ , dammit. He had called Ashura to tell him the project was taking a while and he'd be late, but that didn't calm Kurogane down at all. The longer he waited, the more worried he got, thinking that Yuui was terrified and hated himself and needed Kurogane to come to the library. Kurogane hadn't gotten the chance to talk to him when he called, to find out if he was really okay or not.

That, and he'd had to do the sound effects and voices when he read Syaoran those stupid fairy tales. That was supposed to be Yuui's job. He felt like such an idiot. How did Yuui stand being an idiot all the time?

So now he was just sitting on Syaoran's bed, waiting for Yuui to come back. He could have gone to wait in Yuui's room, but it was probably better if he didn't leave Syaoran alone. The little boy was sleeping quietly now, but that wouldn't last. Kurogane was feeling pretty tired, so Yuui had just better hurry the hell up. He'd spent all day trying to rush through his own summer homework, and he had started applying for jobs, too. He wouldn't mind washing dishes or something at a local restaurant, but he was _not_ going to work at the ice cream parlour, no matter what Yuui said. If he wanted somebody to work at an ice cream parlour, he could do it himself. Kurogane had _seen_ the hoardes of giggling teenagers and tantrum-throwing children that patronized the place.

Kurogane dozed off, thinking about job applications.

He woke up suddenly, somehow knowing that Yuui was there even though he hadn't heard anything. Yuui stood in the doorway, watching the two of them sleep with a crooked smile on his face. He froze when Kurogane looked at him. His face became anxious. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He looked like he was trying to hide, even though there was nothing to hide behind. He looked strained and tired and upset.

"I'm not mad at you," Kurogane said, and then it was true.

Yuui sagged with relief, and turned his eyes down to the floor. He needed something, but he was too afraid to ask for it. Because he was stupid.

Kurogane got up and dragged him out into the hall. "Let's go to your room."

Yuui clung to his arm and followed him.

"Say something," he demanded. He could usually gauge, by the quality of Yuui's voice, how much pain he might be in.

Yuui grimaced at him, obligingly opened his mouth and . . . Nothing. What was probably meant to be a word was nothing more than a slight squeak that turned into an ugly cough. Kurogane put an arm around him and all but carried him to the bathroom, to make him gargle the stuff that Ashura had made for his throat. He was going to force some aspirin into him while he was at it. Yuui leaned into him gratefully, and Kurogane knew he was doing what Yuui had needed him to do. Manhandle him so he'd take care of himself, that's what.

Yuui put a hand on his arm and kept it there while he got the medicine, so he could show him a few of the things that had happened while he'd been at the library. One of their old classmates from junior high, one of the ones who called him a freak, had been in the group and had goaded the rest of them into being assholes. Teasing Yuui to try to make him speak, asking him really, really embarrassing questions about what he and Kurogane got up to— _hey!_ —and trying to find out where he'd come from. So stress about his disability, making him worry again about how he and Kurogane were not going out with each other, and then thinking about his dead twin brother. Great.

It didn't help that two of the people in his group were either morons or highly unmotivated—Kurogane couldn't tell which was true from what he saw, but the feelings radiating from Yuui were pure and unadulterated annoyance. Eventually, Yuui had given up and just led the whole study, and talked until his voice had literally given out. He'd been backed into a corner, and then he'd gotten angry enough to overcome it. No wonder he was so worn out.

Yuui led the way to his room and fell bonelessly onto his bed. "Tired," he whispered roughly.

Kurogane didn't care that they were getting too old for this. He lay down next to him and put his arm over him. They let their thoughts flow back and forth.

_. . . hear my own voice, it sounds so tiny and ugly and it's not my fault that I can't talk except I'm an idiot because I still get so, so scared of it . . . have to talk to them, they want me to, they can't hurt me it's okay I'm fine . . . shaking like a leaf inside but only inside because you can't let it show they can't see you're weak and scared because they'll hurt you so bad . . . can't breathe, can't breathe, can't even think dammit oh shit I might throw up don't let them see just don't let them see . . ._

He'd excused himself to the bathroom, locked himself in a stall, and tried to stop hyperventilating. He hadn't thrown up, and Kurogane was glad of that because he didn't want to _see_ it right there in Yuui's thoughts. But he could see, or rather he could feel, that Yuui had been thinking about _him_. How he never had a problem making himself heard. In Yuui's mind, Kurogane didn't care if he got hurt because everyone could go to hell and he'd do what he wanted no matter what they thought or did about it. And Yuui hid himself in the bathroom and tried to make himself feel like that. He'd gone out there still shaking and scared and had sat down to finish their assignment. That's when he'd started speaking up and taking charge of the project.

Kurogane could have said something. He could have said he didn't think less of Yuui for being afraid. He could have said he wished Yuui had let him be there so he could have protected him. He could have even said how ridiculously proud he was of his friend for gathering up his courage and going back to work. But he didn't have to. Yuui could feel it just fine. It wasn't like he didn't already know, anyway. So Kurogane just said, _Baka_ , and felt the flood of amused warmth in Yuui's thoughts. Kurogane deliberately imagined, in great detail, himself punching their old classmate in his fat mouth. Yuui chuckled a little, then started coughing again. It was a half-hearted laugh. It seemed like he really was exhausted.

Kurogane made his brain stop and say only one thing, say it with all his attention: _are you okay_?

Yuui's thoughts flashed and whirled and stuttered to a halt.

 _No_.

Kurogane scooted closer so Yuui could press his forehead to Kurogane's chest, so he could pretend he wasn't crying. Kurogane didn't care what this might have seemed like to anyone else. They were both boys, they were getting too old for this, they were going to be in high school soon—so what? If his best friend wanted to hide his exhausted, angry tears in his arms, then whose business was it?

 _Just take me away from here_.

Kurogane stiffened with surprise when he found that in Yuui's thoughts. He didn't think he was supposed to hear it. But Yuui had taken down all the guards he usually had on his brain, and he'd also stopped trying to communicate anything coherent.

 _Why?_ he ventured cautiously.

All he could read was Yuui's sick anxiety, which roiled in his stomach and stirred his mind into a confused mess. Kurogane couldn't find any proper words or images to latch onto. It was like it had been when they'd first discovered this talent, when Yuui couldn't organize things properly and it was all just raw emotions with no words. He couldn't tell anything for sure. He just knew Yuui was on the verge of falling apart screaming.

"I hate people," Yuui rasped, halting every time his voice caught in his abused throat. "I'm never going to get better. I'm always going to be afraid. I don't want to try anymore."

Kurogane frowned at him. "Don't say shit like that," he said gruffly. "You would hate yourself if you gave up like that, and you already hate yourself enough. I don't even know why, because there's nothing wrong with you. Seriously, it was just the first day, things will get better than that. And it's not like you hate _everyone_. If I took you away, you'd miss Ashura. And what would happen to Syaoran? He—"

An ear-piercing shriek rang down the hall. Well, speaking of Syaoran . . . They heard him thrashing in bed, and they both jumped up and hurried down the hallway to rescue him.

The little boy was sitting upright, clutching his blanket tightly to his chest and whimpering.

"Kuro-kun," he sobbed when he saw him. "I was scared you were dead!"

Kurogane cautiously approached the bed, while Yuui hung back in the doorway, waiting to see what Syaoran would say.

"Why would you be scared of that?"

Ashura slipped up beside Yuui and put his hand on his shoulder. Syaoran saw him, and he suddenly flew out of bed, his legs churning and propelling him straight into Ashura, whom he shoved with all the force in his little body.

"Don't touch him!"

It was almost a growl, sounding deeper and darker than anything ought to when coming out of this small boy. He sounded—different. Not like a sweet little boy. Like someone older and angrier. Kurogane blinked, but when he looked again, it was still the same child with big brown eyes who always followed him around like an eager puppy.

Yuui caught Syaoran and hauled him into his arms, sending an alarmed look at Ashura. Instead of confusion, they saw sadness and surprise on Ashura's face.

"Syaoran-kun . . ." he said softly. "Can you tell me what happened in your dream?"

"No!" Syaoran said forcefully.

He was nodding like he'd expected it. "What if I left the room? If I go somewhere else, can you tell Yuui-kun instead?"

Syaoran was slithering out of Yuui's arms, even as Ashura asked the question. He looked confused now, instead of upset. "N-no . . ."

"What about Kurogane-kun? Does that sound okay? Yuui and I will both go downstairs, and you can tell Kurogane about your bad dream. Do you want to do that?"

Syaoran looked back and forth between all three of them, confused and helpless and beginning to slide his foot backward to run away from them. "Maybe," he whispered.

Kurogane beckoned him over to the bed, trying to pretend he was a patient and nice person. Did they seriously expect him to do this? Well. If Syaoran would talk to him, then so be it. They could get to the bottom of this, and then they could end it. They could all go back to sleeping at night.

Ashura had to drag Yuui away, but finally they closed the door and retreated.

"Okay," Kurogane said uncomfortably. "You can, uh, tell me now."

Syaoran hugged his knees and started crying.

"It's okay, you know. It's just a dream. If you tell me, you'll, uh, feel better."

Syaoran just kept crying.

"Did you dream about me dying, or something? You said that before."

"I don't remember," Syaoran wailed.

"You don't remember, or you don't want to tell me? It's okay if you don't want to," he said hastily. That was something Yuui would say, right? "I just want to know if you really forgot or just don't feel like talking about it."

"I don't know," Syaoran wailed. "There was blood, but I can't remember. It's going away again. It always goes away when I try to remember."

"Uh, okay," Kurogane said awkwardly.

Syaoran fell against him, crying. _Aw, dammit, why me?_ Kurogane put an arm over him and tried not to think about snot.

"You guys can come back!" he bellowed when he saw Syaoran getting sleepy again.

Yuui burst into the room seconds later, although Ashura didn't reappear. He must have gotten tired of talking, because he used his made-up hand sign to ask Syaoran if he was okay.

"Tuck me in, Oniichan," Syaoran mumbled, blinking his eyes heavily.

So first he didn't want to talk to Yuui, and now he wanted to be tucked in? This was making less sense all the time. But it was clear they weren't going to be able to do anything more about it, not tonight. They stayed with Syaoran while he fell back to sleep. Kurogane could tell Yuui was thinking about sleeping in this room, but Kurogane wasn't going to let him. His day had already been difficult enough, and they hadn't really finished what they'd been doing when Syaoran had woken.

Once they thought Syaoran was okay, Kurogane dragged Yuui back to his room. They sat down on the bed. Kurogane tried to think of something to say, but there wasn't anything that sounded right. So he just put his arms around Yuui, like he used to when they were younger, pressing their heads together and closing his eyes.

 _Mine_ , he thought fiercely. _mine mine mine mine mine mine . . ._

They hadn't fallen asleep together since they were eleven, but it was the first time they'd ever been in a fight, so they could be forgiven for needing that.

 

* * *

 

"I told you, I was just studying those journals," Kurogane answered the questioning look. Yuui had to go back to the library to finish his group's project, but this time Kurogane had insisted on coming alone. He'd just done homework in the corner of the study area, trying to be inconspicuous. He wanted to be there if they got Yuui upset again. He would kick their asses.

They'd been a little less nasty this time, however. It seemed Yuui's determination to keep going had impressed them. Nothing had happened, and Kurogane had ended up actually studying a little, in between bouts of worrying and spying on them. His father had taken him to see a lot of things in Suwa, so he was able to follow what he was reading to some extent. Other times, it was so foreign to him that he had to pretend he was just reading a story and try to tamp down his resentment that he wasn't there to go see it for himself. He was working his way toward more recent texts, but there was a lot to get through. Suwa was a territory that was extremely loyal to the empress, and their soldiers had gone to war on her behalf pretty often over the years.

"I've been talking to Sonomi-san about my plan," he said. "I was thinking if I worked two days a week and worked on weekends, I could pay for my training and start taking care of some of my own expenses. She said it sounded sensible, but she didn't like it."

Yuui lifted his eyebrows. Kurogane scowled.

"She doesn't want me to work. She wants me to get more involved at school and join some of the clubs. She said she'd pay for lessons for me if I'd get interested in something at school. But I'm not going to," he said forcefully. "I don't care about those morons, and I don't want her paying for me, anyway. She tries to be all reasonable about it, telling me I'm really mature and we can have discussions like adults. Tch," he snorted. "She _says_ that. But she's started thinking she's my mom or something. She's not."

Yuui looked troubled by that, but his thoughts would have to wait until they got home. He wouldn't want to say that much aloud, and Syaoran was still the only one who knew about the mind-sharing. They could only do that in public if they were willing to tell people they were going out with each other and thus explain all the touching.

 _He's going to ask Mizuki out when school starts_. Kurogane could tell, even though Yuui hadn't actually said as much. _Otherwise I'd just say screw it and tell everybody I'm dating him._ That meant Kurogane should probably get a girlfriend, too. He wasn't counting on there being any girls he would actually be interested in, unfortunately. Maybe he'd just wait until Valentine's Day rolled around again and see if anybody gave him chocolate.

It was irony at its best: Kurogane had finally stopped his constant worrying about fighting or losing his loved ones, and was instead thinking about their dating future. Yet as they approached the street corner, blind because of a wall that ran around the warehouse built there, he was walking into an altercation. His first in this world.

"I told you, creep." That soft, deadly voice was Seishirou. "I hate this fucking town, and everyone in it. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to talk to anyone. I want that bastard to die already so I can get the fuck out of here."

Kyle let out a nervous laugh. "All right, man, I get it. Let go of me."

They peered around the corner to see that Seishirou had Kyle pinned to the wall, gripping the collar of his shirt. His face looked remote, but his eyes were wells of hatred.

"Seriously, Seishirou, buddy. I know," Kyle's voice went lower. "I can't believe you actually agreed to come back here. Just smother him with a pillow or something and be done with it."

Seishirou's hands tightened and he shoved Kyle further back into the wall, then he finally let him go. "No," he muttered, turning away and flexing his hands before his eyes as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "If I killed him, I'd just go nuts and kill this whole town."

They were going to have to walk past each other, anyway. And Kurogane wanted to go ahead and lead the confrontation, make it perfectly clear that he and Yuui weren't going to messed around with anymore.

"That's because you're a psychopath," he said casually, stepping around the corner. Yuui followed him, staying slightly behind. Kurogane liked knowing Yuui was at his back.

They both turned, and Kyle's face twisted into an ugly sneer. "Well, well, if it isn't the freaks of Tokaede Street."

"What do you want, midgets?" Seishirou sneered.

That made Kurogane's low level of hatred for him, always present, flare up. Seishirou was a big guy, true, but Kurogane was already really tall and he knew he was going to be kind of huge, like his dad. He wasn't some kid you could just dismiss out of hand. And it wasn't like Yuui was tiny, either. Seishirou didn't think he had to take them seriously. He was about to find out otherwise.

"I don't want anything," Kurogane said. "We're just walking."

"Then keep walking, freak," Seishirou said, sounding weirdly pleasant. Was he _enjoying_ this? Where did he get off, finding this _fun_?

"I will, as soon as I make something clear."

Seishirou interrupted him. "Kid, I'm having a shitty day. So do us both a favour: cram whatever you were going to say right up your ass, and just go. I don't care."

Oddly enough, it seemed like Seishirou really wasn't interested in a fight. But Kurogane couldn't back down now. That would just be proving that this guy was worth listening to. Kurogane couldn't live with that. Couldn't, because he remembered; he would never forget his first sight of his best friend. Yuui had been ten years old, lying on the ground with Seishirou kicking him in the ribs. Kurogane _could not back down_ from this man.

"No, really, dude, keep walking," Kyle said, sounding anxious. He was still against the wall, like he was afraid to move.

"So you guys can get back to your lovers' spat, or what?"

"Excuse me?" Seishirou said in an ugly voice.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot, you're with _Subaru_ now, aren't you?" Kurogane muttered. "So you two have to break up now, right? That must really suck for you, Kyle, it's not like you're _ever_ going to find anybody else."

"Listen up, you little twerp," Kyle snarled, but Seishirou was pushing his chest and pinning him in place. His eyes were glittering with hatred. Yuui was right behind Kurogane, and Kurogane could feel waves of disapproval radiating off his friend. He didn't like what Kurogane was doing. But Kurogane felt sort of drunk. He couldn't stop the words coming from his mouth anymore. He had to protect Yuui, so he had to know that Seishirou and Kyle were afraid of him.

"Stay out of shit that isn't your business," Seishirou whispered. "Got it?"

When he heard that whisper, Kurogane felt a tiny amount of fear. Seishirou was so upset that he couldn't even control his voice. Things would get ugly if he said anything else. He shouldn't. He should just walk away now.

"I've always wanted to ask," he heard the words, and couldn't believe he was being stupid enough to say them. "Did you get your nose broken in some kind of accident while you were sucking Kyle's dick?"

It was only because his reflexes had been honed by years of sparring with Yuui that Kurogane did not get his own nose broken. He ducked to the side, spun on one foot, and came up behind Seishirou. But he couldn't hold that advantageous position, because Seishirou was using his own momentum to spin around. He knew how to fight, too.

Kyle jumped forward, but Yuui lashed out with a hand and a foot and tossed the bigger man to the ground.

"You little fuck!" he shouted.

"You don't like that I learned to fight back?" Yuui rasped.

Kyle looked comically surprised; he'd probably never heard Yuui speak before. But Kurogane couldn't exactly pay attention to what the two of them were doing. He had a good 80 kilograms of pissed-off psycho on his hands. He and Seishirou were circling each other cautiously. He heard Kyle cry out suddenly, but Seishirou didn't even twitch, much less turn to look. He knew better.

Screw this cautious stuff.

"So you started writing to Subaru when he was, what, twelve? Thirteen? _Classy_."

Seishirou struck out again. Kurogane blocked it with his forearm and sprang forward. His long legs and his long arms didn't give him any advantage with such a large opponent, but Kurogane had learned speed. Yuui was fast, so Kurogane had to be. His kicks and punches were actually landing on the other man. He was amazed. He was _winning_.

"You think you know everything, you little shit?" Seishirou was screaming, ignoring the blood trailing from his broken lip. "Fuck you! I'll kill you and your little boyfriend!" He slipped past Kurogane's defenses and got his hands around his throat. Kurogane's heart began to pound as he tried to step sideways, tried to twist down, tried to punch his sternum, and failed. Seishirou was bending him backward, his hands tight. He was going to choke him to death. "I'll kill all of you, this whole fucking city! You think I care anymore? _I'll kill you_!"

Kurogane tried to kick him. But he was seeing stars in his vision.

"I hate hypocrites like you. You're the one who wanted to fight me."

Kurogane could faintly hear the clicking noises in his own throat, but he was losing the energy to do anything about it. Was he going to die?

There was a wooden fence that began where the cement wall ended. Yuui had put Kyle on the ground somehow, and he wasn't getting up. So Yuui ran to the fence and kicked it as hard as he could. He grabbed the broken slat and wrenched it free. Then he ran back to the still-struggling opponents and cracked the board across Seishirou's back. It broke in half.

Kurogane straightened up, gasping for breath, just in time to catch the broken half of fence slat that Yuui tossed to him. Seishirou lunged at him again, and Kurogane clocked him on the chin. Seishirou staggered backward and caught Yuui's second blow to his back. He turned around, rage in his eyes.

"I shouldn't have listened to him," he muttered. "You're a menace, I should have just beaten the hell out of you."

Yuui swung at him again, eyes wide with fear, but Seishirou caught the board in his hand and tried to wrench it away from him.

"You're mine, you defective little freak."

Kurogane hit him in the back of the head. Seishirou was stunned senseless for a moment. So Yuui repeated the action, sending the wood cracking over the bigger man's skull. Her wobbled for a moment, then slowly, almost gracefully, fell over. He did not get back up.

Yuui took his first real breath since the moment Seishirou's hands had gone around Kurogane's throat. He gagged on it, turned, and spattered vomit down the side of the wall.

 

* * *

 

Kurogane and Yuui waited together, sitting on the edge of his bed. They could hear Ashura talking, still on the phone. He'd been on the phone for a couple of hours, with several people. Apparently, if these phone calls didn't go well, they were going to be talking to the police, so the two of them were being very patient and making no noise at all. They would just let Ashura try to handle this.

"Who cares if they think it's wrong?" Kurogane muttered suddenly. "I'm not sorry."

They heard footsteps on the stairs, and they both tensed up. When Subaru appeared in the doorway, Kurogane just felt even more tense. He was probably really, really upset.

His face was very grave. There was a line between his eyebrows that didn't belong on someone as nice as Subaru.

"He had to be taken to the hospital," Subaru said softly. Why was he being so quiet? "You two could have killed him. Do you understand that? You honestly could have killed him."

Yuui flinched. Kurogane just scowled.

"But we didn't. He deserved it. He was—"

" _Deserved it_?" Subaru repeated. He didn't raise his voice at all, but it was chilling and dangerous. "Exactly what did he do to deserve it? He hasn't gone anywhere near you for the past four years."

"He was going to kill me," Kurogane said. He didn't let his voice waver, because he was pretending that the thought didn't scare the hell out of him. "He honestly could have killed me, too, you know."

"I doubt he would have taken it that far, for one thing. But I got the whole story. From _Kyle_. Yuui-kun broke his hand, by the way." Yuui looked down at his lap. "I know you provoked him, so don't try to blame this on him."

"Okay, I know I said something stupid, but seriously, it was just petty schoolyard bullshit. Isn't he supposed to be old enough to—"

"Do you want to know how he broke his nose? _Twice_?"

"No," Kurogane muttered.

"His dad hit him. His dad used to hit him all the time, until he got old enough to hit back. They beat each other bloody for most of his final year of high school. He swore when he left for college that he'd never come back here. Nobody ever lifted a finger to help him. He doesn't even _like_ Kyle, he just hung out with him because Kyle's parents would let him stay over. And now he had to come back, because his dad, the guy who used to beat him, is so sick he can't take care of himself. And he's too much of a jerk to have anybody else in his life who'll come help. Do you know, I actually told Seishirou that I'd take care of his stupid dad, just so he wouldn't have to come back here? He hates everything about this place. But he refused my help. He said he'd never allow me and his father to be within a mile of each other. He said I'm the only thing in his life that hasn't been tainted, and he wants to keep me that way."

Kurogane felt sick. He'd never seen Subaru angry before. What he'd said to Seishirou . . . Oh, man, what _had_ he said? He hardly remembered.

Subaru looked so disappointed, and so serious, like he'd never smiled in his life.

"You don't have any idea of what's going on with anyone, do you? You're so wrapped up in the world you've built for just the two of you. You don't pay any attention to anyone else. You're so selfish. Both of you. You just have no idea . . . You think you two are the only ones who've ever experienced pain? You're just so blind. You're so obsessed with each other that you can't see the world."

Kurogane wanted to say something. But he couldn't find anything to say. Yuui was crying. Silent tears were streaming over his cheeks.

"You'll have to excuse me. I'm going to go to the hospital to make sure Seishirou-san is okay. If I were you, I'd sit right here and stay very quiet. You have _no idea_ how angry Ashura-san is with the two of you."

"I . . ."

Subaru paused when he heard Yuui's voice, choking on his tears. Kurogane turned to Yuui and felt himself go cold.

"I don't care," he whispered.

His eyes . . . They were like ice. Fragile and empty and frozen.

"I don't care if we might have killed him. He was choking Kurogane. I can't—you don't know, Subaru-kun." Yuui's hand crept up to his own throat, rubbing at his skin as if he wasn't sure it was still there. Kurogane could see how badly his hand shook. "You don't know anything. I can't lose Kurogane. Not ever. So I would have killed him if I had to. And I wouldn't have cared."

Subaru opened his mouth to object. Yuui lunged forward and slammed his palm against Subaru's head, slapping it down and gripping with his fingers. Subaru cried out, in pain and shock. Yuui's face was grim and ugly.

Kurogane knew what Subaru saw.

_snow_

_blood_

_cracked and broken eyes of hate_

_a body amidst a thousand other bodies_

_the only body that mattered_

_feeling cloven in half_

_giving up and laying down and waiting to die_

_a warm cloak and arms that couldn't be real_

_a saviour who arrived at the moment he hoped they'd kick his ribs in and kill him_

_a black-haired boy who took his hand and never let him go_

Subaru backed away, breaking the contact. His eyes were full of tears. "Yuui-kun, I'm sorry. I understand how important he is to you. But that doesn't make it right, you know it doesn't—"

A howl of wind swirled through the room, tossing the curtains and bed sheets into the air and making the window rattle in the frame. The door slammed in Subaru's face. Yuui turned back to Kurogane, the purple glow of his runes lingering for a moment around his fingers. He looked miserable and tired, and he flopped down onto the bed and buried his face in his pillow.

"You do care, though," Kurogane muttered gruffly, sitting beside him. "Don't you?"

Yuui's shoulders twitched, like he was trying to shrug. He didn't lift his face, so Kurogane knew he was still crying.

He didn't know how to feel. It was true that he'd kill anything that tried to take Yuui away. But it was also true that they'd gotten the upper hand in a stupid, meaningless fight and used it to nearly bludgeon a man to death. It was true that he wanted to protect what he loved at all costs. It was also true that he'd lost control and gone beyond the call of protection. And Yuui might say he didn't care what they'd done, but he was lying.

They heard footsteps again, and the door opened without any warning knock. Ashura stood in the doorway, looking haggard and old. That was strange to see. Kurogane had always had a weird feeling that Ashura _was_ old and would never look it.

"Sonomi-san is on her way over now," he said. "You two come wait downstairs."

They obeyed, even though Yuui wouldn't let Kurogane drag him off the bed until Ashura had retreated again. None of the other boys seemed to be in the house. Kurogane guessed Ashura had told them to make themselves scarce, and sent Syaoran over to the Daidouji house, where Kinomoto-san would probably watch over the little ones.

That answered his doubts about how serious this truly was.

Ashura stayed in his office until Sonomi arrived. She let herself into the house, coming into the sitting room and hurrying across it to gather them both into an embrace. Kurogane submitted to it with a strange feeling of numbness. He didn't want to think about what was going to happen next and he didn't want to feel anything about it; he was shut down to the point that he wasn't even annoyed with Sonomi's dramatics. Ashura came out of the office, and the two of them looked at each other then sat down without a word spoken.

Yuui had yet to raise his head.

"Just get it over with," Kurogane mumbled.

"Nobody's going to press charges," Ashura said immediately.

"Press . . . charges?"

"I've worked it out," he said smoothly. "Both you and Seishirou-san could go after each other for assault, but it's up to Sonomi to do that for you and she's not going to."

Kurogane looked at her, confused. She nodded.

"I could press charges against Seishirou for what he did to you. But I won't. Because if we did that, he could do the same to both of you."

She knew what she was doing, and it pissed him off. It was an underhanded tactic. He and Seishirou going at each other was one thing, but Seishirou hadn't attacked Yuui. She was letting him know that pursuing Seishirou would land Yuui in trouble, and subtly telling him she knew he wouldn't do that. Damn her.

"That's not all," Ashura said grimly. "Your high school wanted to cancel your acceptance completely. As it is, they're still going to accept you as students, but there are some conditions."

"It's not just conditions that the school wanted," Sonomi added. "These are things that Ashura and I also discussed."

"Will you stop dragging it out?" Kurogane mumbled. "Just tell us already."

"First of all, your first month of school will be spent under a mild suspension."

"What?"

"You're going to spend your lunch hour doing homework under adult supervision. And you will have to stay every day and clean the classroom until I come to pick you up."

That rankled, but it wasn't terrible. It was better than jail or something, right?

"And you will be joining an after-school club," Sonomi said.

Wait. What?

Yuui was looking at Ashura as if he thought his guardian had lost it. Kurogane was pretty sure he had. Seriously, their punishment for almost killing Seishirou was joining a _club_?

"Subaru was right, boys," Ashura said. Why did he look so sad? Wasn't he supposed to be angry? "You've really lost touch with all of us. It's fine to have a best friend, and I know that you have your reasons for holding on to each other, but lately you've been acting like the rest of world is out to get you. Your attachment to each other . . . It's getting unhealthy."

Kurogane couldn't help the snorting noise he made.

"This is not a joke, Kurogane-kun," Ashura said sharply, cutting his eyes over to him.

"I know that you're planning to go back to Suwa someday," Sonomi said softly. "But I had thought we worked this out a while ago. You were going to try harder to fit into this world for the time you're here. But you don't try, Kurogane-kun. You do what's required of you and no more."

When were these people going to _get it_? He didn't _want_ to fit in here. He would do what was required of him, but like hell he was going to do anymore.

"That ends today, boys. For both of you."

"Yuui tries," Kurogane objected, finding it unfair that they were being painted with the same brush. If that wanted to pick on him that was one thing, but Yuui was going to ask out the girl he liked, and he was joining a class and doing group projects . . .

"He'd be trying a lot harder if you weren't holding him back," Ashura said.

Kurogane turned a stunned look on Yuui. Yuui had been sitting silent, hanging his head the whole time. He still didn't look up, but he seemed to feel Kurogane's eyes on him. He flinched. Wait, did that mean it was true? Was Yuui really just holding back because he thought Kurogane wanted him to?

"Bullshit," he breathed. He grabbed a handful of Yuui's shirt in his hand. "You know better than that! You're the one who says I can't tell you what to do, you idiot!"

Yuui just sat limply while Kurogane's fist yanked on his shirt.

"Stop that _now_."

Kurogane shrank back, eyes wide. Ashura was _terrifying_ when he was angry.

"Do you see what you're doing?" he snapped, gesturing at Kurogane with his hand. "Is violence your first response for everything, these days? Do you have any self-control at all?"

Kurogane let go of Yuui, then stood up and crossed his arms in a huff. "This is completely ridiculous. I got in a fight with a guy, we hurt each other, and it's _over_. Now all the sudden I have to do all this bullshit to be a part of Heian when I'm not even _from_ this world?"

"Kurogane-kun," Sonomi-san, in a voice as sharp as a blade. "It has nothing to do with being a part of Heian. It has to do with being a part of _some_ world. You don't try to relate to people. Not to anyone. Not to your classmates, not even to us, and we're the closest thing you have to a family."

"You're _not_ my family!"

Kurogane heard himself shouting, the sound coming dimly through a roaring in his ears. His anger was doing battle with overwhelming grief. How dare she bring up his family like that? His mouth filled with a bitter taste, and suddenly he'd never missed his parents so badly before. "My family is _dead_. Don't you get it? They fucking _died_ , right in front me, and there— there wasn't anything I could— they died because I didn't act fast enough—"

"And you think your father would be proud of what you did to Seishirou-san?" Sonomi asked softly.

Kurogane burst into tears. How stupid could she be? Didn't she understand that his father would never be proud of him again, because Kurogane had let something take him away?

"Do you, Kurogane-kun? Do you think your mother would be pleased by her son today?"

Kurogane's head was filled with flashes of memory. His mother's smile. Her arm torn free from her body. His father tossing him high in the air. His father crushed by a falling building. The roaring pain that overtook him when he was lifted by sharp teeth, the sword in his hand, stabbing a monster in the eye and falling to the ground and _screaming_ —

"I know that you want to be brave, and you want to be strong, but what you did today wasn't brave or strong—"

"You're not my mother," he choked out. "You don't know what she'd think. Don't you get it? I'll never know what she would think. So shut up."

"I'm not _your_ mother, but I am—"

"Shut _up_ , I don't care, I—"

"Kurogane!" Ashura said sharply. "That is disrespectful to Sonomi-san! You—

" _Stop it_!"

The shriek rang around the room, echoed. It was like listening to the sound of glass shatter. Kurogane looked up, shocked. Yuui had never been able to scream like that before.

He had his hands clutched in his hair.

"Stop it, stop it, all of you stop it," he said hysterically. " _Please_ ," he whispered.

Yuui was shaking all over. The level of anger, the shouting—it was destroying him, Kurogane realized. This used to be the place for him where anger didn't happen, with people who wouldn't hurt him. But now he was backing himself into a corner, trying to get away from them, trembling. Kurogane was amazed he'd found the strength to say anything at all. He immediately rushed over to plant himself in front of Yuui. The rest of it could wait; he had to make Yuui feel safe.

"Yuui-kun is right," Ashura sighed, looking old again, his anger fled. "We aren't getting anywhere right now. We're all tired, we're all upset. This isn't a good time to do this. Why don't you two come back tomorrow, and we can try to talk this over?"

Sonomi nodded, the grooves around her mouth making her look like she was grieving. But Kurogane didn't move. Yuui was leaning against his back, drawing comfort from him, and he didn't want to go.

"Kurogane-kun," Sonomi said quietly. "You have ten minutes."

She left, and Ashura threw up his hands and walked out of the room after her. Oddly, it wasn't until then that Kurogane felt guilty. Sonomi-san could have insisted that he leave with her, right then. But she hadn't.

She didn't deserve to have such hateful things yelled at her. He already regretted what he'd said. So maybe it was true. Maybe he had no self-control. Maybe he was violent. Maybe he had no ability to relate to the people around him. He told himself he didn't care. He told himself the warm presence leaning against him was all he really cared about, and the rest of the world could burn. But even if all that was true, Sonomi-san was correct.

His mother and father would be so terribly disappointed in him.

 

* * *

 

Kurogane and Yuui both flipped through the student handbook for their school glumly. Matters had been decided, for the most part. They had decided to try out for the soccer team. They were also going to be joining a kendo studio, which they had to research and find for themselves. Kurogane was still seething with anger over that. Somehow, Ashura had made what Kurogane had already wanted into a punishment. And he had actually _apologized_ for it, which somehow made it even worse.

He'd said he was sorry that he hadn't realized sooner what they needed. They knew how to fight, but not when or why, and he had said it should have been his responsibility all along to teach them. Then he said it was probably best if someone else taught them. Kurogane kind of hated him right now, acting like he wanted to be their father, but then backing off like a coward. He wasn't sure which part of that was worse.

But they'd have to deal with that later. Right now they were supposed to be reading the student handbook in preparation for the test they'd be given when they got to school. Their month of suspension was going to be boring as hell. So were the few weeks remaining before school started.

 _You could have killed him_ , Kurogane reminded himself. That didn't work, so he made himself think about how Subaru would feel if that had happened. It was becoming clear that Subaru hadn't been writing to Seishirou just because he was bored. Even _Kamui_ was being nice and walking with him to the hospital to visit the guy. Kurogane couldn't shake the feeling that he had very nearly destroyed the vampire's destiny. Not to mention the feeling that Sonomi was right; he would have known about Subaru and Seishirou if he'd been paying more attention to the people around him.

They heard subdued giggling in the hallway, and a soft voice. Syaoran and Kazahaya. Yuui looked at the open doorway, but neither of them appeared, so he went back to his reading. His shoulders were hunched with unhappiness. It was weird that Kazahaya, of all people, had been willing to give Syaoran so much attention the past couple of days, but at least someone was taking care of him while Kurogane and Yuui were getting yelled at.

Maybe it wasn's so surprising. Kazahaya had mellowed out a lot in the past couple of years. He and Ashura had started having really serious conversations, late at night when the other boys were sleeping or studying. It was his final year of school. They were talking about Kazahaya's sister Kei, what a bad influence she might have been, and Kazahaya had been learning to accept that it was better for him to come here. They talked about the people he was going to meet and how they needed his help. Ashura was helping him strengthen his talent as much as he could.

"Agh, no!" Kazahaya shouted in the hallway, but he was laughing.

A bouncing ball skittered into the room and rolled under a chair. Kazahaya and Syaoran both came running in, but Syaoran stopped in the doorway. He regarded Yuui with troubled eyes. Ashura had explained some of the situation to him, but Yuui and Kurogane hadn't had the chance to talk to Syaoran themselves.

"Syaoran-kun, come here," Kazahaya said kindly, gesturing to him.

Syaoran shook his head. Boy, he needed a haircut. Ashura was still really bad about those.

"These guys are in trouble, but they're still allowed to talk to you," he said patiently. "Yuui-kun misses you."

Syaoran just watched Yuui, who didn't move. Was he seriously just going to sit there and wait for Syaoran to come to him? Idiot. Kid was seven, he didn't have a clue what was going on. Kurogane nudged Yuui roughly.

"Yeah, come here," he said gruffly, holding out his hand.

Syaoran took a step forward, which made Yuui open his arms. He only held them a little apart, looking hesitant. It would kill him if Syaoran was afraid of him, Kurogane thought.

But that was all the invitation the boy needed, because he ran across the room and leapt into Yuui's lap with such force he nearly tipped the sofa over. If Kurogane hadn't been sitting on it, he would have. Yuui held onto him so tight Kurogane was afraid the boy wouldn't be able to breathe.

"Yu-kun, Yu-kun, don't get in trouble anymore, okay?" Syaoran wept into his shoulder. "I _need_ you."

Kurogane and Kazahaya almost looked at each other, then pointedly looked away. They really didn't need to see the tears in each other's eyes to know this was a touching moment. Aw, hell, were there really tears in his eyes? Kurogane leaned low over his student handbook and blinked rapidly.

"Love you," Yuui rasped, clutching Syaoran's head against him, like he was still a 2-year-old going down for a nap.

"Did you see where his ball went?" Kazahaya muttered at Kurogane.

Kurogane pointed at the chair it had disappeared under. Kazahaya bent to retrieve it.

"Ashura-san said you hurt somebody," Syaoran whispered. "Don't do that, okay? You're my onii-chan, so you have to be good and help people."

Yuui didn't speak, but Kurogane suspected his throat was just too tight to manage. He had his hand on Syaoran's head, so he was probably saying something that way.

A sudden feeling hit him. He didn't know why. Something was wrong.

His eyes snapped to Kazahaya. The teenager hadn't gotten up, still on his knees in front of the chair where he'd knelt to retrieve the ball they'd been playing with.

"Kazahaya-kun?"

His fingers were clenched around the ball, his knuckles white. His eyes were staring at the chair blankly. His shoulders were stiff. He was seeing something, Kurogane realized with alarm. The ball had some kind of memory to show him. It didn't look like he was breathing.

"Hey. Kazahaya," he said more sharply.

No response. Kazahaya was beginning to tremble.

Yuui and Syaoran were both turning to look at him now. Kurogane got up, to shake Kazahaya's shoulder and snap him out of it. But when his hand touched him, Kazahaya erupted.

"No!" he shrieked, his eyes seeing something that wasn't there. "Nonononono!"

He jerked with some kind of shock. He would have fallen over if Kurogane hadn't been there to catch him. He began to scream.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh! No! NO!"

"Kuro-tan!" Yuui cried out, struggling to move Syaoran out of the way and get up.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaah!"

"Kuro _gane_! The _ball_!"

The ball, right. Kurogane reached for it, and had to pry it out of Kazahaya's rigid grip. As soon as it was out of his hands, he stopped screaming.

"Oh, god," he whimpered. He gasped for air, limply leaning against Kurogane.

Kurogane tossed the ball aside, leaving both hands free to haul Kazahaya up and put him in the chair. But Kazahaya struggled out of his hands and skittered a few steps away from him. He stared at Kurogane like he'd never seen him before.

"Don't touch that ball," Kurogane warned the other two, approaching Kazahaya again cautiously. "Hey. What? What did you see?"

Kazahaya shook his head violently.

Ashura came rushing into the room. "What is going on in here?" he cried out. "Is somebody hurt?"

Yuui must have been frightened, because he went to Ashura's side immediately. It was pure instinct by now for Ashura to simply lift his arm and tuck Yuui against his side when he needed a moment of comfort. But Kazahaya's head snapped around, and he suddenly ran to them and yanked Yuui out of his grip.

"No!" he shouted. He spread out his arms, standing in front of Yuui protectively. "No, don't _touch_ him. Don't come near him, not ever! You—" He choked on tears. "What did you—? Ashura-san, I don't understand, you—" He buried his face in his hands and began to weep. "Why did I see that?" he cried.

Syaoran put his arms around Kazahaya's waist soberly. "You saw my dream," he whispered.

Kazahaya shuddered and shoved the little boy away from him. "What did you do?" he gasped. "Syaoran-kun, what did you _do_?"

Syaoran burst into tears. Yuui started to reach for him, but Kazahaya knocked his arm away.

"And you," he said in a furious whisper. "I can't believe what you did."

Yuui drew his hand back to his chest, looking shocked. Kurogane snuck a look at Ashura. The man's face had gone completely white and he was covering his mouth with his hand.

"What about me?" Kurogane drawled, trying to sound calm even though he felt sick. "What did I do?"

"You—" Kazahaya choked on a sob, and looked at him with pure pain in his eyes. "I think you died."

Stunned, all he could manage was a quiet, "oh."

"No, he didn't," Ashura said softly.

They all turned to look at him.

"He lived through it." He gave Kurogane a twisted smile. "You are really hard to kill, you know that?"

Kurogane crossed his arms and glared at him. "If you know what the hell is going on, you'd better tell us now."

Ashura nodded wearily. "I think I've finally figured out what Syaoran's dreams are. They're memories. His father's memories, in fact. Not only that, but they're memories of things that will never happen."

"They won't?" Kazahaya whispered.

"No," Ashura said. "They can't happen, not anymore. They could have, but we stopped it. Yuuko, the Witch of Space and Time, had a vision of what was to come. And she chose to intervene at a moment that would keep it all from happening. But to do that, she had to give up her own life. So she asked me to take care of you boys in her stead. I should have realized . . . The dreams just started when he turned seven."

"We heard you talking," Kurogane blurted out. "Me and Yuui. The night that she died. We didn't know what you were talking about. You said . . . _She_ said that she'd killed a little boy, but I think it was an accident. And you said Syaoran's parents disappeared, and Syaoran is a paradox. And you were a _king_."

Ashura was quiet for a long moment.

"Ashura-san?" Yuui whispered. "What did Kazahaya see?"

He sighed. "I'll explain as much as I can," he said. "But first I need you to understand . . . I . . ." He looked sad and confused. He didn't seem to know what to say.

"You love them," Kazahaya said quietly. He had been standing in front of them, trying to keep Ashura away from them, but now he stepped aside. "You won't hurt them, right? This world is good for you, too."

Ashura covered his eyes for a moment. "Yes. Yes, I love you boys very much. Let's all sit down."


	7. Sticks and Stones

Kurogane wasn’t sure what to believe.  About any of it.

Ashura hadn’t just told them, he’d shown them, projecting the images into their minds and striking a cold sense of fear within Kurogane as he realized what a powerful mage Ashura really was—and what Yuui could be.  Right now, Yuui could comfortably do this with only Kurogane and Syaoran, the two people whose minds he was most familiar with, and only when he touched them.  Ashura did it to all four of them from across the room.  The images were blurry, as though seen underwater: Ashura’s memories of what the witch had shown him, through her own visions of the older Syaoran’s mind.  They rippled and if you tried to look too close, they scattered apart into droplets like throwing a stone into a shallow pool.  You could only watch them washing over you and try to make sense of them.

What Kurogane had seen of himself . . . Now he knew why Ashura and Sonomi had been afraid after the fight with Seishirou.  That Kurogane, the older and angry version of himself, killed.  Killed viciously and without remorse.  Kurogane didn’t feel it truly was him that he’d seen, but it was something like him, and he could understand that man.  But the senselessness of it struck a chord of grief in him.  He didn’t want to be like that.  Was that what they thought he was?

He looked at Yuui.  Yuui, who had called himself Fai, whose every smile had caused anger in not just the projection, but in Kurogane himself—and torment, because he knew what that older Kurogane did not, knew how to help that false Fai, and could not reach him.  The truth of that Kurogane’s sacrifices rang deep within him, for he knew he would not hesitate if such things came to pass.  He would give his life’s blood to Yuui without question, right now if it was called for.  Even if Yuui became that selfish lying Fai thing, he would do it.

But Yuui wouldn’t, he thought, even as he was creeping closer to his friend, hesitant to touch but at the same time needing to touch, reassure them both.  Yuui wasn’t going to do that.  Among other things, the witch had kept that from happening.

Among other things.  The splitting of a person, and the seal upon the heart of another copy.  Two princesses, both the same, both of them lost at the moment of their creation in a swirling melee of treachery and loyalty.  The breaking of the world.  Barely averted, and pieces left in ruin, with the warriors limping away from the battle burned and broken.  They’d saved things at the end, but the cost was too high.  So the witch, Yuuko-san the Witch of Dimensions, had stopped it.  She’d found the moment to cut things off, after the clones went back and had their baby, and the witch had kept them all from happening.  All the events were rendered null, ended up being only in the memories of the copies who had chosen to disappear.

Those memories were inside Syaoran, now.  Who had turned seven, who had felt the tug of a destiny that wasn’t his anymore.  That princess whose kindness had moved all three of the embittered men around her when nothing else could, she couldn’t exist.  That boy who was meant to replace Syaoran, who loved the witch and loved another and denied his own heart, he couldn’t exist either.  Syaoran’s own parents.  But they were all there in Syaoran’s head.  He kept them in there and dreamed of them at night, and woke up screaming because of their pain.

Syaoran was hunched up on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees and his face hidden.  He wasn’t crying, or if he was, he was making no noise or movement.  Kazahaya was still coming out of his daze—even though he wasn’t a player in this tale, he’d probably felt the grief as strongly as they did because of his abilities—and he was closest to Syaoran but couldn’t seem to reach out to him, with his hands gripping his knees to find an anchor.

“Syaoran-kun,” Ashura said softly.  “Come here, child.”

Syaoran didn’t even look up, he just shook his head.  Was he blaming himself for this?  Kurogane started to get up and go to him, tell  him not to be stupid.  He was just a tiny kid and he hadn’t done anything wrong, he’d done none of those things because he’d been here with them the whole time—

“Syaoran!” Ashura said sharply.  “Come to me!”

Syaoran stood up jerkily, and so did Kurogane and Kazahaya.  Tense, ready to snatch the boy away from the madman they’d seen with hands and robes streaked with blood.  They did, but not Yuui.

Yuui watched Ashura’s eyes close with grief, watched him cover his face with his hand.  Yuui stood up slowly and went to him.  He knelt down beside where Ashura sat, and he pushed his head and body into Ashura’s arms.  Ashura slowly uncovered his face, looking down with disbelief at the boy.  Then he sighed, shaky and weak, and bent to press his face against Yuui’s tousled hair.

“You always believed in me,” he whispered.  “Even when I . . . you still loved me.  I don’t know how— I can’t even thank you, I—”

“I’m sorry,” Yuui rasped.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t do it.”

It took Kurogane a moment to figure out what Yuui was apologizing for.  By the time he opened his mouth to argue, bristling with rage, Ashura was already answering.

“Don’t, Yuui.  Don’t ever apologize for that.”

“Okay,” Yuui said, sounding peaceful.

“I am the one who must apologize,” Ashura said, his face still pressed close and taking the redemption being offered to him.  “How can I, after I broke your trust in me so?”

“Didn’t,” Yuui said simply.  He sighed, quiet for a moment longer, then he lifted his head to look at his— his mentor, or his king, or his father, or _what_ he was looking at, Kurogane wasn’t quite sure.  “You didn’t.  You’re here.  I like it here.  And I love you.”

Ashura choked on a cry and gathered Yuui into his arms, almost into his lap.  “My heart,” he murmured.  That was all he said.

Syaoran was still on the floor, curled up tight in himself, but he spoke after that.  “Where is Clow’s magic?”

Ashura looked up in surprise.  “Mmm?”

“It was supposed to go into— into—”  Syaoran was clearly grieving the interrupted fate of his other self, unable to speak his name.  “Now he didn’t get born, and so I want to know where Clow’s magic is.”

A weighted pause before Ashura said, “It’s here.”

“It’s not in this house,” Kazayaha objected.  “I would have felt it.”

“No, not here the house.  Here, all of it.  Heian.”

“What?” Kurogane spat out.

“All the power that should have been in the other, in Watanuki—it was funneled into this world.  Syaoran’s very existence is a paradox, and it’s Clow’s magic that stabilizes this world and contains the imbalance he creates.  The witch made sure of it.”

She’d given up everything for them, Kurogane realized suddenly, with a painful thump against his ribs.  That night under the stars when she’d disappeared, it was the end of everything for her.  She’d sacrificed herself in every way possible.  She’d given them _everything_.  He fought a hard lump in his throat and wondered why she had done that for them.

“We even had some thought that later on, in many years when Syaoran passes away, Watanuki might be born in this world after all.  Yuuko-san won’t be here, but I cannot say how long I might live.  I may be here to guide him.”  Ashura looked at Syaoran and gestured with one arm, keeping the other one around Yuui.  “Will you not come to me, Syaoran-kun?”

Syaoran untangled himself and crept forward with a look of stubborn nothingness on his face.  Ashura pulled him by the arm and directed him into Yuui’s embrace, Yuui catching him with a startled look but plenty of fervor, wrapping his arms around Syaoran so tight it would be a wonder if the kid could breathe.  Ashura put his own arms over both of them, together.  That was when Syaoran-kun finally began to cry.

Kurogane eyed Kazahaya uncomfortably.  It wasn’t his tale, but they’d had little choice about including him, after what he’d seen.  What was he thinking?  Kurogane felt an aching that called him forward into the embrace with the others, but he couldn’t do it when Kazahaya was looking at him.  So he stayed where he was and set the mask on his face that he seemed to need so often.

Later, when Ashura was leading Kazahaya from the room to talk to him in private, or maybe to give the three of them privacy, he stopped and put his hand on Kurogane’s shoulder and squeezed.  Kurogane didn’t react, but when he turned and saw Yuui curled up on the sofa with Syaoran, he dove in next to them without thinking.  He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at his lap, soaking in the warmth of Yuui pressed against his side and feeling the tension in him beginning to leak out.

“I will.”

The words hung suspended in the air.

“I’ll get big like that and really strong, like I was supposed to.  I’ll protect you guys.”

Yuui sighed and leaned into him, letting him catch the trail of his thoughts.

_—was the point, so don’t have to, you dope—_

“Hey,” Kurogane muttered, but he was leaning against Yuui, too.  “Maybe not from the same things, but I’ll still protect you.”

“Kuro-daddy,” Yuui said with a rusty chuckle.

“Don’t even start, you air headed moron.”

Syaoran was leaning on Kurogane, too, the both of them were, and Kurogane didn’t move because they were supposed to do that, lean on him, that was what he was for—

_—don’t want to dream anymore, want Oniisan to make it stop—_

Both of the older boys jerked in shock, looking at each other before their eyes traveled down to Syaoran.  The boy hadn’t sucked his thumb in probably three years, but he was doing it now.  His head leaned on Kurogane and his legs were sprawled over Yuui’s lap, and his troubled-looking eyes were on his own hand, the fingers flexing over and over.  Magic, he was thinking about that magic he’d done in those visions.  They hadn’t been able to see it closely enough to replicate.  Yuui’s power was able to bridge their close connection and let them hear these snatches of the boy’s thoughts.

Yuui’s hand closed over Syaoran’s fingers and held the small fist tight.  “The dreams will go away soon,” he whispered, then grimaced and cleared his throat.  “I’ll stay with you at night until they go away.  You won’t be afraid of me anymore?”

Syaoran shook his head, sucking his thumb ferociously and frowning.  He was blinking a lot, but it wasn’t enough to stop the big, fat tears that were waiting at the corners of his eyes.

“What?” Kurogane asked him gruffly.

Syaoran pulled his thumb out.  “I’m not the right one,” he said.

Kurogane and Yuui took a moment to try to figure out what he meant, but Syaoran was already trying to struggle away from them, to run away.  Kurogane snagged him by the shirt and dragged Syaoran right into his lap, locking him there with his arms.

“The hell are you talking about, brat?”

Yuui smacked his arm for that.

Syaoran’s full eyes were looking determinedly forward.  “I’m not the right one.  You weren’t friends with me.”

Kurogane whuffed out a breath, mostly because he was worried Yuui was about to start crying.  “Don’t be stupid,” Kurogane scolded the boy.  “We’re not those guys, either.  You’re the right one here, with us.  That stuff isn’t even going to happen, so stop worrying about it.  Just worry about Heian.  In Heian, you’re our little brother so that’s good enough.”

Syaoran blinked too hard and those waiting drops spilled over his cheeks.  Yuui reached out to wipe them away, and suddenly the kid was wailing like a siren and cuddling up to them and being all slobbery and _disgusting_.  Kurogane didn’t let go, though.  Something told him if he did, Yuui would kill him.

After Syaoran cried himself into an exhausted sleep and Yuui needled Kurogane into carrying him upstairs, they went out to their field.  They didn’t spar with each other.  They just leaned against the trunk of the tree and turned their faces up to the warm summer breezes and were silently together.

Kurogane had always felt grateful for the fact that Ashura and Sonomi chose to care for a handful of orphans.  Now that he knew the full of it, he could finally do something he had never thought he’d be able to do: be grateful to be in Heian.  This place was the only reason it was possible for them to be together like this, in peace and quiet and without a threat that they would pit their bodies and very souls against.  The faded scar on his shoulder was nothing when he considered that he very well might have lost the arm attached to it.

He reached around the rough bark of the tree and found Yuui’s fingers digging into the grass.  When he felt Kurogane’s warm hand upon his, he turned his palm up.  They didn’t try to communicate, although a few warm swells of affection buffeted between them.  They sat holding hands without speaking until the sun went down.  
  


* * *

 

“Kurogane?” Souma knocked on his half-opened door.

He was filling out a bunch of forms.  Kendo studio, soccer club, job applications . . . He’d written down his name and address so many times that the words were starting to blur and turn into a meaningless jumble of characters.  Souma had offered to help, but Kurogane had declined.  After everything that had happened, he was still feeling a little raw.  He was spending a lot of time alone in his room, trying to avoid talking to anyone.

Seishirou was in a coma.

They’d thought he was going to be fine, and then two days ago he’d fallen asleep and hadn’t woken back up.  They’d thought he was getting better, and then suddenly they were shouting about pressure and swelling and they’d missed a spot of internal bleeding . . .  He wouldn’t wake up.  Subaru barely left the hospital, the scent of all that blood not even stirring him into hunger.  His face was thin and lost and he didn’t seem to hear Kamui’s desperate pleas to go get some rest.

Ashura had spoken to him.  None of them knew what he said, but it certainly wasn’t a demand that he come back to the house or forget about Seishirou.  He’d gone to the hospital and sat with his arm around Subaru for a while, or so said Kamui who’d been relegated to the waiting room, and then he’d come home without the young vampire.  Neither Kamui nor Yuui knew what Ashura and Subaru talked about.

Nobody said it was Yuui or Kurogane’s fault.  Nobody had said that.

“Kurogane?” Sonomi said softly as she entered the room.  “Ashura’s downstairs.  He says he’s ready.”

The Tsukyomi had reached out into Sonomi’s daughter to ask if Ashura would prepare a connection for an audience.  It seemed the empress would like a word with all of them.  Kurogane in particular, but she wanted Sonomi and Ashura as well.

Kurogane stood up and wiped his sweating palms on his pants.  He didn’t know what the Amaterasu wanted and he was afraid to find out.  If she knew about Seishirou . . . Maybe she had some more serious punishment in mind.  And for all that he lived here, she was still his empress.  He would bow to her will.

He bowed in truth, going to his knees when he saw the severe face gazing at him through the portal, like a face rippling underneath the surface of a pond.

“Kurogane of Suwa,” she said.

“Your Highness,” he said carefully, keeping his head lowered, heart hammering.

“I understand you are being punished for a grievous injury you caused during a fight.”

“Yes, Highness,” he mumbled.  He hadn’t been given permission to raise his head, so he didn’t.  He’d rather not look at those sharp eyes, anyway.

“Tell me,” she commanded.

Kurogane recounted how Seishirou had hurt Yuui years before, and recounted his own shameful part in picking the recent fight.  But he couldn’t keep the heat out of his voice when he said, “He was trying to kill me, he honestly was.  Yuui and I did the only thing we could do to stop him.  But now he’s . . .”  Kurogane felt something clench in his stomach.  “He’s going to die, I think.”

And Yuui wouldn’t talk to him about it.

“I am sorry for the responsibility I bear,” he said carefully.  He didn’t know what she wanted from him, but he knew his pride and feelings mattered little when speaking to the ruler of his country.

The empress was looking down on him with her brow carved in half by a frown.  Kurogane was only risking small glances up toward the portal.

“I have been willing to leave him in your care to raise him as you see fit,” she said, and her eyes were cutting behind Kurogane’s kneeling form.  “But in this I must interfere.  Kurogane. You have seen for yourself that you made bad judgment in choosing this fight.  I think the punishment you have been set must stand, to drive home the lesson of discretion and fighting wiser battles.  But I would also say to King Ashura and to Sonomi: what child do you think you are raising?”

The hair stood up on the back of his neck when he heard that frosty tone.

“Do you think you have some common boy from Heian, destined to become a bank clerk or a restaurant waiter?  No.  No, you are raising the son of Suwa, the _only_ son of Suwa.  He has many hardships and battles in his future, and I would not have you send me some weakling _boy_ afraid of bloodshed!  Afraid of his own shadow!  This is my subject, and he will be a true man of Nihon.  What do you think you are making of him?”

“A man of many worlds,” Ashura said quietly.  He didn’t bow to her, never had.  Kurogane was still reeling with the idea that Ashura had been a king in his world, and it raised goosebumps to see him stand with head held high before the woman to whom Kurogane knelt.  “A man of wise counsel who chooses diplomacy over warfare.  I wasn’t trying to make him fear bloodshed.”

“And yet you would have him cowering at the mere idea of a man dying at his hands?  This man Seishirou will not be the last life Kurogane takes by the sword.  If we include demons, he is not truly the _first_.  Kurogane has killed already, Ashura of Celes.  As have you.”

Ashura looked more grieved than chastised by the empress.  He looked so sad at the thought of anyone’s death.  Sonomi, for all that she was so confident and bold, didn’t understand the ways of Nihon and was staying silent, her eyes watchful and wary.

“Kurogane, lift your head and look at me.”

He did.  He met her eyes and saw her calculating and judging.

“You are not a boy anymore,” she said, her voice going softer.  “Your mother’s cousin is growing weary of managing Suwa’s affairs on your behalf, few that they are while we wait for you.  I’ve half a mind to bring you home now.  You would spend a year or two here at the castle of Shirasagi, and then I would send you back to Suwa to see what can be salvaged.  She is waiting for you, that province.  Waiting for her rightful lord.  Perhaps it’s better for you to return now, and not wait any longer.” She tapped her lip with her finger, thinking.

“Your Highness,” Kurogane said breathlessly.  His heart was pounding.  Go home?  Leave school, leave these restrictions, leave the toothless sword lessons?  Leave behind this world that was not his and go home, to what was real and right and _his_?

_Tumbling down the riverbank into a cool stream.  Spring breezes cooling their sweat as they brushed away the horses’ winter coats.  Fields of grass waving merrily at the clouds scuttering across the sky.  A tree shading a long wooden verandah.  Music winding through the paper screens at night, chasing soft firelight._

Home.

He wanted it, wanted it so badly.  But it wasn’t there.  Suwa’s fields had burned and the tree over the veranda had fallen and caved in the roof.  Suwa was empty but for the rubble.

_Remake it.  It’s time.  There will be men who will come with you to put up the walls.  There will be women who will roast the fish from the stream near the house.  And you will be there, their young lord, on the tallest horse and with Ginryuu on your back.  You will . . ._

“My apologies,” Kurogane rasped, feeling it like a punch in the gut.  “I am not ready yet, Your Highness.”

“Not ready?”

“I have things still to learn here in this world,” he said, boldly meeting her eyes again.  “And people to whom I am not ready to say goodbye.”

_Men, and women, and horses, and home . . . But not him._

* * *

 

In the day or two after the talk with the Amaterasu, Kurogane thought extensively about Suwa.  He’d sit down to his summer studies and come to an hour later with the realization that he’d been doing nothing but gazing out a window.

He wasn’t the right man to be the leader of Suwa, not yet.  He had to be brave, yes, and a warrior.  He had to be fair and just and noble as well.  He had to think about the future of his province and be ready to hear disputes and go over quarterly profits in addition to honing his skills with his sword.  
  


He rearranged his schedule to include his school’s optional course in justice studies.  And he signed up for a course in creative writing.  Just because Suwa was pretty much the uneducated backwater of Nihon didn’t mean he shouldn’t possess the skills of a gentleman, so he should know at least something about art or whatever.  Who knew where he might be able to take Suwa in the future?  The empress had taken a special interest in him due to the fate of his parents, and his loyalty might lead to a rise in Suwa’s standing.  He had to be prepared for that, as well.

Overnight, the three years of school he had left began to seem like not _nearly_ enough time.

And he decided there was something he needed to do.

Subaru had been forced to go home to rest, by not just Kamui but the nurses and doctor in charge of Seishirou’s case.  They said they didn’t need an extra patient right now and they’d have to admit him for treatment if he wouldn’t take care of himself.  So he came home and slept for about fourteen hours, and Kamui called Kurogane when he woke up, as requested.  Kurogane went over to the orphanage with a feeling of weight on his shoulders.

Yuui wasn’t home.  Probably studying with the people in his advanced lit class.  Syaoran attached himself to Kurogane the second he came in the door and started to babble about some kind of stupid kiddie argument he was having with Kinomoto’s little sister.  Something about a race at school.  Kurogane wasn’t really listening.  He ruffled Syaoran’s hair and pretended he was while the boy followed him upstairs, but he used the hand in his hair to tip the boy’s head back when he got to the twins’ door.

“Hey.  I’ve got to talk to Subaru right now, okay?  You can tell me the rest later.”

Hurt sparked in Syaoran’s eyes, which, yeah, ouch.  Kurogane already felt like an immature child and a total asshole and possibly a murderer and he really, _really_ missed talking to his best friend, who’d been avoiding him ever since they’d gotten the news about Seishirou’s coma.  He didn’t need to also feel like a total heel for ignoring the kid.

“Okay,” Syaoran said, ducking his head to hide the fact that he was getting all wibbly.  “Can you come over again soon, because you haven’t forever and I wanted to tell—” this was around the point that he dropped his head so low that it practically cut off his air supply and the mumble became unintelligible.

“Hey,” Kurogane said gruffly, still palming the back of his head.  “I promise.”

Syaoran darted away, and Kurogane took a deep breath before knocking on the door.  Kamui opened it and Kurogane tried not to wince.  He looked tired and heartsick.  The toll this was taking on Subaru was coming out of him, too.

“Hey.  Can I . . . have a minute?”

Kamui looked back over his shoulder at Subaru, who was curled up on his bed and—wow, whoa, _hell_.  He had his claws out and was dragging them slowly over the pale skin of his opposite arm, not hard enough to open a wound, just enough to leave faint lines.

“Just . . . I’ll be downstairs,” Kamui said with pain.  And then as he brushed past Kurogane he muttered, “fuck this up and I’ll bury you, Daidouji.”

“Love you too,” he muttered in return.

Subaru didn’t even sit up when he came into the room, although his eyes at least expressed interest.  It made it clear that Kurogane wasn’t being overdramatic in coming here and doing this.  Well, maybe he was still being a little dramatic.  But he’d never seen Subaru like this.  It was true.  To him, Seishirou was . . .

Kurogane dropped down to a knee, his eyes never leaving Subaru’s face.  “I’ve taken something important from you.  I’m here to ask what I can do to make up for it.”

Subaru gaped at him, finally sitting up.  “What?” he asked in bewilderment.  His claws retracted.

“I remembered that I’m going to be governing a province in my homeworld soon enough.  I need to start figuring out how to pay for it when I make mistakes, so I make them less often. And, um. You’re.  My friend. So. ”

Subaru just blinked at him.

“I’ve taken . . . Probably the most important thing in the world to you,” he guessed.  It was a toss-up.  That might be Kamui.  But still.  “I really doubt I can give you anything in return, but I want to try.  What do you want me to do?”

Subaru’s face slowly twisted and he looked away.  “Kurogane . . .”

“I’m serious, Subaru.”

“Would you at least get up?”

“No.”

“Don’t you get it?” Subaru whispered, still stroking his fingers over his arm even though his claws were sheathed.  “The only thing you could give me that would pay for it is Yuui.”

There were several problems with that.  One, he couldn’t actually _give_ him Yuui.  Two, that while Yuui and Subaru were friends, he was hardly an adequate replacement for the person Subaru wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Three, that if . . . 

If Yuui was the actual price demanded, Kurogane would say to hell with restitution and fight to his last breath before giving him up, his honor be damned and fuck his friendship with Subaru, too.

His breath was sharp as a knife in his chest, so he held it for a moment.

“But you wouldn’t ask for that,” he said, assured.  Subaru wouldn’t.

And Subaru shook his head, agreeing.  “Because I couldn’t do that to a person.  Take something like that from them.”

“It was an accident,” Kurogane said, almost begging.  “If I’d known he was . . . What he was . . . To you . . . I  . . .”

And he supposed that was the point of all this, after all.  That any life he took was the most important life to someone, and he had to judge every time whether or not he was willing to face the consequences of taking it.

“I know,” Subaru said gently.  “That’s why you don’t have to make it up to me.  I don’t want anything, Kurogane.”

So he was supposed to let this guilt sit heavy on him forever?  That even without his intent, he’d taken Subaru’s entire world?  It was his decision to start a fight, his decision to goad the man on, when he knew, he _knew_ that Yuui was too fragile to be able to handle it.  Yuui had fought, too, but it was for Kurogane to take responsibility this time.

Kurogane looked at him incredulously.  “Don’t you at least want to set me on fire or something?”  If someone killed Yuui, he’d burn the whole world down around the bastard.  “Subaru, I—” he choked, suddenly feeling like he was going to start sobbing any moment.

Subaru’s hand covered his mouth.  Little choking noises of his own.  Kurogane’s head and eyes were swimming with his determination not to cry in this moment when he was trying to be a man, and he didn’t realize what Subaru was doing, at first.  Then Subaru’s hand slipped, and a helpless giggle issued forth.  He stared at Subaru in shock.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Subaru was laughing.  Well.  Maybe he wasn’t, really.  He was giggling hysterically and tears were sliding down his cheeks.  Maybe he’d just finally broken.  Maybe he’d just gone nuts or something.

“Oh, Kurogane,” he said, when he could.  “I’d just about decided that I wouldn’t do it.  I was going to tell them to pull the plug.  Do you know that he had a living will made up with _me_ as the one who could make decisions like that?  He couldn’t stand the thought that it would be his dad.  Me. I had to decide.  And I had almost decided . . .”

He stood up from the bed.  He reached down and took Kurogane’s hand and squeezed it.

“This might ruin everything, and I hope you don’t end up hating me, but I . . .”

He looked like such a slight little thing.  But he was a vampire, and he hauled Kurogane to his feet without even seeming to try.

“Kurogane . . . You can’t give me anything that would make up for losing Seishirou, you know that.  But you don’t have to worry about that.  Because I think you just gave him _back_.  I know what I’m going to do now.”

Vampire.

He was a vampire.

Subaru, with his claws and his fangs and his . . .

“ _Fuck_ , Subaru,” Kurogane said, his voice strangled with a combination of disbelief and awe.

Subaru grabbed a clean shirt and quickly swapped it out for the wrinkled shirt he’d slept in.

“Right now?” Kurogane asked weakly.

“Before I lose my resolve.”

Kurogane followed him.  They slipped out quietly, not letting Kamui know.  Kamui might try to stop this from happening, Kurogane didn’t know.  But he didn’t want Subaru to make the trip back to the hospital by himself, for some reason he couldn’t explain.  Maybe it was just that if Subaru really thought Kurogane was somehow responsible for this, he needed to see it through.  He didn’t know why Subaru thought this could ruin things.  He didn’t know why it might make him hate Subaru. But he felt like he ought to be there to find out.

The air was hot and thick.  Both of them were silent.

Kurogane felt like each footstep was a separate thing.  This wasn’t exactly a thing that happened every day.  This was a thing with repercussions.  He wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t stop Subaru at the last second.  But then Subaru would probably kill him or something in some kind of berserk vampire rage.  He walked at Subaru’s shoulder all the way to the door of the room where Seishirou lay, then he hung back in the door while Subaru went in.

He looked smaller, laying there like that.

Subaru turned around for a second.  His eyes had gone to yellow and his fangs had slipped out, little points stark white against his lips.

“Hey,” Kurogane said suddenly, wondering why this had never occurred to him before.  “Where have you been feeding, all this time?”

Subaru raised his eyebrows.

“I mean, I know you guys are purebloods and you don’t actually _have_ to feed . . . But you do.  I’ve seen you after.  Your eyes are red for a few hours, and you move kind of . . . like a snake, actually.  Just for a few hours.”

Subaru shrugged.  “Ashura,” he said, the words distinctly maimed by the encumbrance of his fangs.

Seriously? Kurogane almost blurted out.  But he didn’t, because why would that be surprising?  Ashura didn’t do anything by half-measures, not even adopting magical kids.

“Who will he feed from?” Kurogane asked, because he was an idiot.

And then he saw the wavering sadness in Subaru’s eyes, the reason he’d decided not to.  He didn’t know.  He didn’t know if he would be able to control what he was about to do.  But facing the alternative, the not having him, even if it caused trouble . . .

Kurogane wouldn’t stop him from doing this, he decided, and leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed.  _Get on with it_.  He’d make sure nobody tried to come in.

It wasn’t any kind of spell or flashy magic or glamorous ceremony.  All Subaru did was sink his fangs into his own bottom lip until blood welled up bright and glimmering on his skin, then leaned down and kissed Seishirou.  His hand caught the man’s chin and squeezed his cheeks to widen his mouth.  He kissed him hard and full, and slowly stood back up to survey the bloody smear he’d made of Seishirou’s mouth.

Nothing happened for a long time.  Well, it felt long.  A minute or two, maybe.

Then it all happened at once.

Seishirou’s eyes slammed open, desperate and slanted and yellow.  His whole body went stiff, his fingers clawed and his arms flailed.  Tubes and wires that were attached to him were jerked around and a couple of things went crashing to the floor.  He cried out, his back arching up.  His fingers dug into the bed and he screamed horribly, over and over again.

Kurogane kind of wanted to comfort Subaru, because the vampire was hugging himself and weeping silently.  But he was busy trying to hold back the nurses who were trying to get into the room.

“You can’t come in here!” he shouted, and pushed them back.  “Seriously, don’t, it’s dangerous!  We’ve got this handled, okay?  Just back off!  You need to _stay out_!” he bellowed, and swept his arm out in a move that should have used a sword but somehow knocked them all back a few paces nonetheless.  They all froze for a moment, gaping at him.

Subaru appeared at his elbow.  “I’m doing magic,” he said sweetly.  “Please don’t interrupt.”

Silence.  Three people just stared at them both in shock.

“Don’t you have other patients or something?” Kurogane growled.  “Get out of here.”

They scurried away, no doubt to call security or something, with Seishirou’s shrieks echoing after them.

“Does it hurt that bad?”

Subaru grimaced.  “It’s re-making his whole body,” he said.

“Oh. Yeah.”

An uneasy feeling came over him, the after-images of the ghostly, watered-down Yuui screaming and clawing at stained sheets welling up in his mind. . .

“It should be almost over.  I think.  I’m honestly not sure.  I haven’t exactly done this before.”

And just like that, the screams tapered off into whimpers, and then silence.  Subaru went back to the side of the bed, and Kurogane continued to hang back in the doorway with one eye on the hallway to get rid of whoever came to interfere.

Seishirou’s eyes were yellow and gleaming.  Two weeks in the hospital had wasted his body, and his skin had gone sort of pale, making the hollows of his face more pronounced.  He lifted his hand to stare at the claws poking from his fingers, and his whole arm trembled.

“It might take a day or two to get all your strength back,” Subaru said softly, his face so wide open that it hurt to look at.  “And it brought you back, but it’s not perfect, it wouldn’t have healed any injuries you still had . . .”

Seishirou had a weird look.  Maybe it was just weird that he wasn’t angry.  He was just staring at Subaru, and he seemed kind of scared.  That was _really_ weird. Since when was Seishirou afraid of anything?

“S-something,” he stuttered.  “Something’s wrong.  I-I don’t— something’s . . . who are you?  Where am I?”  His voice pitched upward, his eyes widened and his breathing was shallow and desperate.  “I don’t know what—who am I?  What happened?  I don’t . . . _What_ am I?” he gasped, looking at his claws again.

Subaru’s devastated eyes met Kurogane’s.

“Shit,” Kurogane whispered.  “Shit shit shit shit _shit_.”

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Subaru whispered.

Kurogane thought fast.  “You—you just said it wouldn’t have healed anything— he had, his head, Subaru I think he’s got brain damage—”

Subaru whirled around with a cry, staring at the shaking mess of the man in the bed.  Then Kurogane saw him take a deep breath and let it out.  In that moment, Kurogane would have sworn Subaru’s spine turned to pure steel.  He reached out a hand, caught Seishirou’s and kept him from clawing up the bedding any further.

“Please try to relax,” he said softly, warmth in his voice.  Friendly.  Soothing.  “You had a terrible injury, and it may take time to recover, but you will recover, I promise.”  It wasn’t a promise Subaru could make, but in that moment Kurogane could believe anything the other boy said.  His voice was pure conviction and drive.  “I’ll be here to help you.  You don’t know me now, but we’ve been friends for some time.  And there’s something—”  That strength in him wavered, for a moment.  “There’s something that only you and I know, and I need you to remember it, or at least believe me when I tell you.  Because I’m sure Kamui is already . . .”

There was a noise in the doorway, and Kurogane whirled around to find someone he barely knew standing in the doorway.  Fuuma, he remembered.  Fuuma, who was well-liked even if he was a bit arrogant, one of the school’s top athletes.  He was a senior this year, wasn’t he?  Kamui always made this face when he was mentioned, like he’d just stepped in dogshit, so Kurogane had always assumed Fuuma was either a total asshole or Kamui was totally in love.

There was a Fuuma in a world where the rain turned to acid, where Kurogane had begged for Subaru and Kamui to do this to Yuui.  Fuuma had been there.

Kurogane gaped at the older boy.

Was he . . .?

“Kamui called you,” Subaru said softly.

“I . . . yeah,” Fuuma said hoarsely.  His eyes were flickering around the room, but always going back to Seishirou’s yellow eyes.  “You did it, huh?”

“Yes,” Subaru said simply.  “If you’re here, then I suppose you know, too.”

“Yeah,” Fuuma muttered, a wry smile on his face.  “He just told me.  Because I’m going on with school, I’m taking college entrance exams soon, and he said he was going to help me pay for it.”

“Who is he?” Seishirou asked Subaru.

For a guy who didn’t remember, he sure seemed to like holding Subaru’s hand, Kurogane noticed.  His claws had retracted and he was holding onto Subaru’s hand like his life depended on it.  Hah.  It sort of did, after all.

That twisted smile dropped off Fuuma’s face so fast Kurogane wouldn’t have been surprised to see the thing hit the ground and shatter.

“His mind is a little scrambled right now,” Subaru said slowly, taking it with grace when Seishirou reached up his other hand and started clinging to his whole arm.  He just sat down on the edge of the bed to make it easier for the bastard.  “He’ll be okay.”

Fuuma looked . . . odd.  On the verge of something desperate and angry and grieving.

“I don’t give a shit about him, he doesn’t look important,” Seishirou said suddenly, nodding at Kurogane, “but what’s he doing here?  Who are you?” he demanded of Fuuma.

Yeah, not much had changed with the head injury then.

“I’m your brother,” Fuuma muttered.  He looked away, toward the wall, as if this whole thing was nothing but a bore to him.  As if they didn’t all know better.  “But, uh, it’s supposed to be a secret.  You only told me where my mom was getting the money a few weeks ago.  I thought it was from my dad.  I guess it was you the whole time.  You said you didn’t want our dad to even know about me.  You don’t remember that, huh?”

Kurogane felt something hot buzzing around his head as that knowledge sank in.  With Seishirou and his father both about to die, tongues had loosened about what a sack of crap the father was.  It made sense that you wouldn’t want him to know he had a kid, if you could help it.  So it looked like Seishirou had found out on his own and supported his little brother, somehow.  The knowledge made Kurogane feel completely embarrassed.  He shouldn’t know this.  He shouldn’t even be here.  He’d just come to make sure Subaru was okay.

“I’m gonna go,” he blurted out.

“You do that, sport,” Seishirou drawled.  He was still holding Subaru’s hand, the sap.

Kurogane made it as far as the doorway before he turned around, the realization smacking him in the face and leaving him slightly short of breath.

“But they’re _them_ ,” he said, looking at Subaru with wide eyes.  “You’re . . . you and Kamui, you were going to be . . . I knew that.  These two, if they’re really brothers, then . . . It’s _them_.  Not a copy.  They’re the hunters.”

Subaru’s face looked pinched and miserable as Kurogane blurted it out, looking at Fuuma with new eyes.  He’d grow up.  He’d don a really stupid pair of sunglasses.  He’d make a deal with a witch and bring Kurogane a mechanical arm—

But no, he wouldn’t, would he?  There _was_ no witch, now.

“Don’t you see?” Subaru was saying softly.  “Ashura told me that it could still be important.  This, I mean,” he said, lifting the joined knot that was his and Seishirou’s hands.  “All of this.  Could still change things, somehow.  Some of the players acting out their part might be . . . But I couldn’t leave it like that,” he said desperately.  “I couldn’t leave it with you feeling guilty for the rest of your life.  And I didn’t— didn’t want—  Fuuma to be alone.”

Seishirou sat up, suddenly, finding the strength somehow, and put his arm around Subaru and all that unhappiness he carried so tightly coiled in his chest.

“I thought you didn’t remember,” Subaru whispered.

“Don’t need to,” Seishirou said without concern.  “I can just tell I like you.”

Fuuma just looked impatient.  “Somebody want to tell me what the hell is going on?”

Kamui appeared in the doorway, and Kurogane dragged him forward with relief.  “That’s your cue, buddy,” he muttered, and swept past him out the door.

As he left the hospital and started mulling it all over in his mind, he started to piece it together.  Ashura had talked to Subaru, alone.  He must have been telling him about their interrupted future.  He must have told him about the world with acid rain.  And from what Subaru was saying, it seemed that by saving Seishirou, he might have screwed up the pocket of safety that Heian held them in.  Ashura must have told him that it might happen.  Subaru had planned to . . . To let Seishirou die.  To protect the rest of them.  And then he’d saved him instead so Kurogane could sleep better at night.

Kurogane wanted to turn right back around and go punch that pretty little vampire right in his pretty little face.  What a _stupid_ reason.  If he was going to save Seishirou, it should have been because he wanted to and nothing else.  When this all settled down, Kurogane was going to punch him _so hard_.  What was Heian _for_ except to make people take care of themselves better?  Kurogane was beginning to feel a lot more sympathy for Kamui.  That kid had his hands full with those three jokers.

He went straight to the orphanage.

Ashura was in the kitchen, putting away some dishes from a dinner that he’d probably eaten with just Kazahaya and Syaoran.

“He did it,” Kurogane muttered.  “I don’t know what you’re afraid’s gonna happen, but don’t worry about it.  I’ll keep an eye on everybody.”

Then he stomped upstairs and found Yuui, who’d come home from his study group and was sitting at his desk filling out the forms for the soccer club.  He jumped to his feet when Kurogane strode in without knocking, looking alarmed.

Kurogane slapped his hand onto Yuui’s forehead and let everything spill out into him, wondering if any of it made sense.  He was too tired and confused to sort it out, so he left that to Yuui.  Everything he’d seen and heard tonight.  The possibility that their future might be threatened.  His own determination to protect them all no matter what.

 _keep Syaoran away from that creep_ was running through his mind right alongside _cut it off anyway even if nobody can travel and get me a new one don’t care_ and his thoughts kept going back to that sharp, clear moment in which he’d realized that for all his integrity and desire to pay for his mistakes _nothing takes you away nothing you’re my best friend won’t leave you not yet they can’t take you_

It all whirled around in a jumble until Yuui pulled his hand away, fingers closing in a tight circle around his wrist and tugging sharply.  His face was screwed up with pain, and Kurogane realized he’d dumped too much all at once and left Yuui with a headache.  But Yuui didn’t say anything about that.  He just pushed him over to the bed and made him sit down.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered.  His voice sounded worn out.  “We’ll do whatever we have to do to protect Syaoran.  I don’t mind if something happens.  I don’t want Subaru to give up someone he loves for our sake.  We can take care of ourselves.”

It sounded so much like something Kurogane himself would say, albeit softened, that he found himself grinning.  “Heh.  Yeah.”

Yuui opened his mouth, then closed it, and looked sad and angry about something.  Then he shook his head violently.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t give me that crap.”

“Nothing I want to talk about yet,” he amended.  Then he touched his hand to Kurogane’s head softly, nothing like the assault Kurogane had battered him with a moment ago.  A feeling of being sick and scared and exhausted welled up between them.  Kurogane wasn’t even sure which of them was the one needing comfort, but it didn’t really matter.

Without a word, Kurogane toed off his shoes and stripped off his shirt and laid down on the bed.  The images and feelings in Yuui’s mind were asking him to stay the night.  He wasn’t about to argue, not about it being too early for bedtime or how they were too old to be sharing a bed anymore.  The entire concept that you could get too old to want your best friend beside you after something big happened made him feel prickly and angry anyway.

Yuui turned out the lamp on his desk, changed clothes in the dark, and crawled in beside him.  Neither of them said a word about it only being eight-thirty.  Neither of them said a word at all.  They just lay beside each other, listening to Ashura bringing Syaoran upstairs and settling him into bed, sharing their thoughts about what might happen now that Seishirou was a vampire by simply pressing their heads together onto the same pillow.

He’d forgotten how comfortable it was, to fall asleep when he could hear Yuui breathing and feel the brush of his clothes.  It was never that easy for him to fall asleep, normally.  But he felt more at peace this way.  He drifted off in mere minutes, and wished the two of them could get away with this more often.  
  


* * *

  
It didn’t take long before things started to fall apart.

For one thing, high school _sucked_.

They were avoided by the nicer kids at school because they were labelled troublemakers, and the real thugs hated them on principle.  It was only by Yuui’s quick thinking that they avoided a couple of serious scrapes with some dangerous upperclassmen.  But they’d already set themselves up as weirdos, as _the kids who almost killed that guy_.  They were isolated for the first month, restricted by their suspension, and they were looking glumly at finishing school with no friends and whispers trailing behind every step they took.  They’d survive, but the prospect was a little daunting all the same.  Yuui, at least, had hoped to make some real friends.

It got a little better when they showed up for soccer practice, at least, and found Touya and Yukito waiting for them.  Yukito greeted them as cheerfully as he had when they were kids, waving and calling out as they approached, and while Touya wasn’t exactly as effusive as his best friend, he too welcomed them to the team and immediately dragged Kurogane out to start drilling him to see what he remembered from their casual play years before.  It was nice to have at least a couple of people who still liked them.  They didn’t even ask about the trouble over summer.

And boy, was he glad to be done talking about that.  
 

Kurogane and Yuui had helped the twins pack up their stuff to leave, but none of them had said much about it.  They wanted to keep Seishirou with them at all times until he had a better handle on his thirst for blood, and they obviously couldn’t keep him in the house with Syaoran.  If for no other reason than because Kurogane and Yuui would have _pitched a fit_ if they’d tried.  So they were moving into their own place, and Fuuma was going with them, so they were all transferring to a different school for their final year.  Fuuma had shown up to help with the boxes, and all of Kurogane’s questions were answered when he saw the bruising and scabbing on Fuuma’s neck and at his elbow.  It was his turn to take care of his brother, it seemed.

They said Seishirou had gotten a few snatches of memory back, but not a lot.  It was probably better that way, and Kamui made faces in the background when Subaru explained shy and awkward that he and Seishirou were reading all the letters they’d written each other together so Subaru could remind him of things.  They kept finding weird little things that had resulted from the injury. He didn’t know how to fight anymore, it seemed, but he suddenly had this enormous love for ice cream that he never had before.

The orphanage seemed a little empty without them, though.

Not that Kurogane would know.  He wasn’t there as often as he used to be.  The reason had a name, and it was Mizuki.

It wasn’t like he blamed Yuui.  They’d seen themselves, bitter and angry and violent men, and they’d seen themselves _together_ and suddenly it seemed really unclear what they were supposed to be.  That day under tree they’d been grateful that they were both alive and whole, but that was the last day that the world made sense for what felt like a very long time.  And really, he should have seen this coming.

Mizuki, she of the short hair and long stockings, ignored all the drama swirling around them and all the rumours, and kept being friends with Yuui.  As Kurogane had thought, the two of them started dating seven weeks into the school year.  It was nothing dramatic.  They just ate lunch together and Yuui walked her home after school.

Kurogane didn’t ask him about it and Yuui didn’t volunteer any information.  They never had a legitimate conversation about Mizuki.  It was just that one day Yuui said he was walking her home and he’d see Kurogane tomorrow.  Kurogane watched them go with a feeling of loss so deep that all he could do was ignore it entirely.  Yuui wasn’t just his anymore, and Kurogane had no response for that.  That was the way it had to be.  He knew that.

He just . . . hadn’t wanted it to happen yet.  It was too soon.  They still had three years, didn’t they?  Couldn’t they just have a year or two to keep being the world to each other before they had to do this?

He didn’t know what to do.  So he just filled up his days until he was too busy to think about it.  Since his weekdays were filled up with homework and soccer and kendo, he had to get a job that was okay with just working on the weekends, and he wound up at a warehouse for a furniture company.  It was hard work, but he kind of liked it that way.  He always felt less manic when he could move and work up a sweat and wasn’t left with his thoughts.  Thoughts about how he and Yuui were great additions to the soccer team, how they worked so well together, how there was something important about that.  Thoughts about how he hated seeing the two of them together, Yuui and Mizuki, two heads of short blond hair leaning together over Mizuki’s phone and giggling at something, and why he had started studying at lunchtime and eating alone. Thoughts about how Yuui had deliberately signed up for a different time slot at the kendo studio and they never saw each other there and he didn’t know why and he was _afraid_ to ask, truly afraid to ask _why_ Yuui didn’t ever touch his forehead and tell him anything anymore or—

No.  Hard work, being busy, that was better than thinking.

He started to feel hungry all the time.  Sonomi laughed and said it was from all his hard work, and re-filled the cupboards every time he emptied them with good-natured teasing.  And Kurogane _grew_.  Too quickly for him to keep up, sometimes.  He’d thought going through puberty was bad, with his voice cracking and his cock developing a mind of its own—this was even harder, forgetting that he’d shot up in height until he bumped his head on a low doorframe, or forgetting how broad he was getting through the shoulders until he ran into someone in soccer practice and they had to go to the nurse with a concussion.  Touya and Yukito teased him about that for weeks, and he just hunched his shoulders and tried to pretend it was funny.

This gigantic body made him feel so awkward and stupid and _conspicuous_.  That image, that once upon a time idea that maybe, just maybe things with him and Yuui would be . . . No, of course not, not now.  Mizuki was small and cute and blond and soft and plump.  Kurogane was still growing, made of nothing but sharp bones and the lean muscles building up in his shoulders and arms, and he was too tall to sit at his desk without his legs cramping in pain.  It made sense, right?

Kurogane’s grades were consistently among the top in the class, that year.  He didn’t have anything but homework to distract him, and suddenly the support Sonomi had always given him was the only thing he had left so he wanted to make her proud of his hard work.  Tomoyo started creeping into his room sometimes and quietly doing her own homework or drawing pictures, sprawled out on his bed while he sat at his desk.  She never said why she did it, and Kurogane didn’t bother her about it.  The sound of pencils scratching on paper behind him while he studied would soothe his often frayed nerves.

He didn’t know if it was her own idea, or if the Tsukiyomi had told her to do it, or maybe even her mom.  He didn’t ask.  He’d rather just let the little brat do whatever made her happy.  She wasn’t even as much of a brat as she used to be, honestly.  He hadn’t found a frog in his bed in ages.

The orphanage got even more empty when Kazahaya left in the spring.  The vampire twins wrote and called once in a while to say how things were going, but things were always quiet, and then Kazahaya left, too.  He was going back to his own world, to join the people he was meant to be with.  Kurogane came to say goodbye to him, and Syaoran clung to him the whole time he was there.  He felt guilty for that, even though he knew from Touya that Syaoran spent three quarters of his free time at the Kinomoto house now, anyway, because Syaoran was his little brother and he ought to pay more attention to him.  But he couldn’t bring himself to keep coming to the orphanage when he wasn’t sure he was welcome anymore.  Seeing Kazahaya leave just felt even more like something had come to an end.  He looked excited to be going, cheeks pink and hugging Ashura with all his strength and thanking him with tears in his eyes for everything he’d done.  He had a destiny waiting for him.

Kurogane was starting to hate the word destiny. He was starting to wonder if he’d made the wrong decision. Maybe he should have gone home when the empress had asked him to.

Ashura had put a hand on his shoulder when he was leaving, after he’d sent Kazahaya off.  He’d made sure only Kurogane could hear him.  All he’d said was “Be patient,” and he’d left Kurogane irritated because he didn’t know what that meant.  He had to get to work, so he hadn’t stayed to find out.

So that was what he had.  A little midget who drew pictures in his room, a foster mom who kept feeding him even though he felt like an idiot about it, and homework he could pile up to the ceiling.  The only thing he still felt good at was his sword lessons.

Home was an ache in his chest. He could call them and tell them he was ready, but he didn’t.  Even when things were like this, he still wasn’t ready to leave him.  
  


* * *

 

There was one good thing that happened, if you could call it good.

Kurogane had been sitting on top of a desk at lunch, his stupidly long legs crying with relief at being freed from the confines underneath.  He was reading some stuff about Nihonese economics that someone at court had written recently and the empress had sent him.  Yuui and Mizuki were feeding each other bites of their lunches and Kurogane was so disgusted by it that he wasn’t even eating his own.  
 

Then he looked up, because he felt eyes on him.  The eyes he found were dark and calm as deep water at night, and he immediately felt sort of soothed by them.  She had long dark hair that fell in shining sheets over her shoulders, and she started blushing very prettily when he looked up.

They’d worked on a project together once.  He thought very hard and produced her name.  Akane.  She was petite and slender and she played the flute.

He probably shocked the hell out of the entire class, but no one more than himself, when he set down his book, got up and walked over to her, and asked her to go see a movie with him on Saturday afternoon.  The even bigger shock was her saying yes.

They enjoyed the movie, at least, even though he spent the whole afternoon feeling like an idiot, not knowing if he was supposed to buy her a snack or take her out somewhere afterward or _what_ , and he was terrible at making conversation anyway.  Akane didn’t seem to mind.  She could talk enough for both of them, it turned out, and she thought it was _cute_ , apparently, when he flushed and tried to cover his embarrassment with a scowl.  So then they were dating, even though he didn’t remember asking her if she wanted to.  She came over and met Sonomi, even.  Tomoyo seemed to think she’d found her new best friend and monopolized the conversation the whole time, but Kurogane hardly minded.

It wasn’t that bad, but he felt weird the whole time they were going out.  She was so comically smaller than him than holding her hand felt like holding onto a child.  But she assured him she liked how tall he was and she certainly didn’t seem like a child when she grabbed onto his shirt and dragged him down for a kiss, which she did rather more often than Kurogane really cared for.  And it was nice for a while.  Because Akane talked too much and it filled in the silence.  Because she found him attractive and it filled in the doubt.  Because she was _someone_ walking in the empty space at his side.  For a while, that was better than nothing.

Akane was the one who broke it off.  Gently.  Saying she could tell that kissing her wasn’t doing anything for him, and she ought to have guessed that.  Him sitting there in silence with his ears burning deliberately biting his tongue and not saying _What do you mean you ought to have guessed?_   Saying it was okay, it wasn’t his fault.  Saying they’d still be friends, even though he knew they wouldn’t be, because by the time it stopped being awkward he’d probably be gone.

He’d felt confused and embarrassed and unlike himself the whole time they were dating, but in the end that’s what made him think it was a good thing.  Now he knew better than to think he could talk himself into anything other than what he really wanted.  And he knew what he really wanted now.

It was just that he couldn’t have it.

High school sucked _so much_.  
  



	8. Words and Vows

Kurogane’s sixteenth birthday had come and passed without much notice made.  He could tell Sonomi-san and Tomoyo wanted to make a big deal out of it, but neither of them wanted to make a big deal about Yuui, so they didn’t.  They just teased him at dinner about the big cake covered in whipped cream and strawberries that they’d made and were going to watch him choke down, practically ruining his whole meal at the thought that he’d have to actually eat some or Tomoyo-chan would give him those _sad eyes_.  Then they’d pulled out a bowl of matcha manju instead, saying that even though they were forcing him to eat something sweet they didn’t want him _actually_ choking on it.  He didn’t mind those, so the three of them shared the bowl together and talked about what Tomoyo was learning at school.

And that was that, and he was relieved.  If they’d wanted to invite Yuui-kun over, he didn’t know what would have happened.

He was trying to remember the last time they had really talked to each other.  They spoke, certainly, trading class notes and calling out to each other on the soccer pitch, and exchanging small talk the few times Kurogane had worked up the nerve to come over to Ashura’s house for dinner.  But they hadn’t . . . it wasn’t the same.  He came to hear the latest news from the twins and spend time with Syaoran, and Yuui was there but quiet and distant and evasive and Kurogane hadn’t seen the inside of Yuui’s room since they’d started high school . . . It had been over a year, but it seemed like even longer since that night they’d last slept beside each other.

He was thinking about all this while he was rough-housing with Syaoran-kun.  He was still tiny and everything, but he’d been taking some martial arts lessons, and nothing seemed to make him happier than testing out his skills on Kurogane and being soundly trounced by him.  He didn’t seem to expect to ever beat someone twice his size, but he liked it anyway, for whatever weird reason made sense in his tiny bratty head.

“—and then she said I just need to drink more milk or something, and then she beat me in the long jump, too!  And she’s always trying to be _nice_ about beating me at everything, it’s soooo embarrassing, and— hey, Kurogane-kun?  Do you want to stop?”

He’d been blocking the kid’s kicks and punches with little effort, barely making a show of pretending he was listening to the trials and turbulence of your best friend being a girl and better than you at sports, wondering if he would really actually finish school and leave for Suwa without ever talking to Yuui about anything important . . .

Kurogane shook off his dark thoughts, like a dog shaking off water.  Yuui wasn’t even home today, and it was stupid to be dwelling on all this right now.  It was a nice day, the windows open and breezes buffeting the curtains, and he’d come over specifically to spend time with Syaoran.  He should focus on the kid and stop being such a goddamn embarrassment to himself.

“Naw,” he grinned.  “This is fun.”  Then, without warning, he swooped Syaoran up in his arms and swung him around, making the boy screech and squirm, and he threw him down—carefully, obviously, not wanting to actually hurt him—onto the floor and starting wrestling those wiry little limbs to hold him down.  He was trying to get in there and tickle the kid, just to make him laugh, but Syaoran was whooping up a storm, showing a surprising gift for breaking holds, and Kurogane was mostly caught up in trying not to get kicked in the groin or punched in the mouth.

“You’ve got a long ways to go before you can best me!” Kurogane mock-roared.

“No, no, no!” Syaoran shrieked with laughter as Kurogane’s fingers dug into his ribs, and he twisted sideways and nearly wriggled free.  “Kurogane-kuuuuuuuuuuun!”

“Hold still, midget!” Kurogane laughed, and then whuffed in surprise when a flailing elbow got him right in the stomach.  “Oh, I’m gonna get you for that, brat!”

“No way!” Syaoran panted, giggling.  “I’ll take you do-o-ow-ooooowwwwwwn!”

In all the commotion, they shouldn’t have even been able to hear the soft noise in the hallway, but they did.  They both paused and rolled over, grinning and red-faced, expecting to see Ashura shaking his head, a ready quip about Kurogane’s age on his lips.

It was Yuui, come home from wherever he’d been, and he was just looking down at the two of them in silence, his lips drawn tight and his eyes—

Kurogane surged to his feet.

“What happened?”

Yuui’s eyes flicked up to his face, didn’t meet his gaze.  He started to smile.  “Oh, nothing, really.  You boys look like you’re having fun!”

His voice was hoarse and harsh, sounding tired and overused.  He scrunched up his face with a cheerful grin, and Kurogane almost threw up.

He bounded across the room, hands out, barely even aware of what he was doing.  He caught Yuui’s shirt in his hands and slammed him into the hallway wall.

“ _Don’t_ ,” he rasped, feeling short of breath and the corners of his vision going dark.  “Don’t you— don’t you _smile_ and _lie_ and turn into— into that guy, into Fai, don’t you _ever_ , that’s not you, it isn’t, don’t pretend you’re happy when you’re not, don’t fucking _lie to me_ , Yuui, I can’t—  I . . . I can’t . . .”

He couldn’t even speak past his own desperation.  Yuui’s eyes were frightened and very blue, and very close to his.  He hadn’t even noticed.  Hadn’t even truly realized that as he was shooting up in height, Yuui was doing the same.  He was still so terribly thin, but maybe he couldn’t help that.  He was tall.  Kurogane wasn’t looking down at him the way he had to look down at everyone else these days.  Yuui’s lips were parted, trembling as they fought for what to say, but Kurogane was stuck in those eyes that were looking up at him with such sorrow and grief that they stripped him of words.

“Then you don’t.”  Yuui stopped, swallowed, took a breath.  “You don’t turn into that guy either, okay?” he whispered.  “Don’t get angry, please.  You’re hurting m-me.”

Kurogane let go of his shirt, slowly.  He didn’t know what had made him lose control like that.  He just couldn’t stand the thought of Yuui ever trying to cover up his pain with a smile, like that guy Ashura had showed them.  And Yuui was hurting, hurting bad, he could tell.

“I won’t,” he said, flexing his hands and staring at his fingers, wondering what had possessed them to want to hurt Yuui even a little bit. “I’m sorry.  Just . . . Yuui-kun, what’s wrong?  Just _tell me_.”

Yuui shrugged, the ghost of the smile still on his lips.  “It’s not that bad,” he said placatingly.  He had to cough and clear his throat.  “I broke up with Mizuki, that’s all.”

“You did?” Kurogane could feel his pulse too strongly.  It was pounding in his head.  “How come?”

“Just different reasons,” Yuui said evasively, shrugging again.  “It’s fine.  You broke up with Akane, you should know.  I mean, why did you break up with Akane?  You guys seemed like you were getting along.”

That was old news, it Kurogane’s mind.  That had already been forever ago.  Sonomi had already quit teasing him about it.

“Ah, it was just . . . You know, whatever.  We just didn’t fit together the right way, that’s all.”

“I guess I could say the same thing.  Me and Mizuki, I mean. It just wasn’t working out,” Yuui said, and coughed again.

“Oh.”

"I’m just going to my room for a while,” Yuui muttered.

“Turns out I prefer blonds,” Kurogane blurted out, hardly loud enough to be heard, but Yuui froze, only half-turned away.  His shoulders hunched.

“Is that so?  Well, Kuro-chi is a very good-looking guy, I’m sure there are lots of blondes who would like to—”

“Yuui . . . Just don’t, okay?  If you don’t want to talk about it, then fine, whatever, just _whatever_. But don’t, you know, do _that_.”

Yuui paused for a long moment.  “Okay.”

Kurogane blew out a breath, and that was enough, apparently, to startle Yuui into moving again.  He made a beeline for the stairs and disappeared into his room.  Kurogane went into the living room and flopped down on the couch and threw his arm over his eyes.

“Hey, Syaoran-kun.  Come here.”

The kid scurried over, and hovered in front of him anxiously.

“Yuui’s pretty sad about breaking up with his girlfriend, so make sure he doesn’t spend too much time by himself, okay?  Go in there and bother him later.  You’re his otouto, so he’s gonna need you to make him feel better.”

Syaoran nodded, Kurogane saw him nodding in agreement when he peeked out from under his arm, but his eyes were still deeply troubled.

“Are you mad at Oniisan?” Syaoran asked softly.  “You guys aren’t friends anymore, and I . . . did Yuui-kun do something wrong?”

Kurogane let his arm slide down so he could give the kid a serious look.  “No, he didn’t do anything wrong.  It’s my fault, okay?  I’m not mad at him.  Don’t worry about it.  I just need you to cheer him up for me since he doesn’t want to talk to me right now.”

“Okay,” Syaoran said, sitting down next to him and curling up with his knees in his face.  “But I think you guys shouldn’t date people anymore.  You were never mad at each other before you started dating those girls.”

Kurogane couldn’t help but chuckle.  “Yeah, maybe you’re right,” he said, ruffling up Syaoran’s hair.  He left his hand there, warm on Syaoran’s head, pulling the kid close against his side.  He was a good kid.  He must have been worried about them for a long time.

“Are you going to stay here and have dinner?” Syaoran asked with bright, hopeful eyes.

“No,” Kurogane said, and tried not to see the way the kid looked down and away, hiding his hurt.  “I don’t think Yuui would come downstairs if I stayed,” he said quietly.  “I’ll go home.  You and Ashura-san take care of him.”

Syaoran was clutching his hands into his knees, so tight that it looked painful, and he whispered something that Kurogane didn’t hear.

“Huh?” he asked, leaning closer.

“Taking care of him’s your job,” Syaoran whispered again.

Kurogane dropped a hand onto Syaoran’s head for a minute, then he stood up and hurried out of the house.  He went to his kendo studio and he didn’t go home until they closed.  Sonomi was sipping tea in the kitchen when he came in. She looked at him, clammy with half-dried sweat and shaking with exhaustion, and quietly poured a cup for him.  She didn’t push him to say anything.  They just drank their tea in silence, and then Kurogane went upstairs to shower.  
  


* * *

  
  
Kurogane was dozing off in his math class, his chin sitting heavily in his hand and his face turned toward the warmth of the sun pouring through the window beside him.  He never could pay attention to math anyway, and he was worn out from picking up an extra shift at the warehouse last night in addition to working practically the whole weekend.  He allowed himself to do it; he was always aware of the room around him even when he was half-asleep and he was very good at snapping to alertness whenever he felt their sensei’s attention falling near him.

Miraculously, he did not have work, kendo, or soccer after school today.  He did have quite a lot of homework, but he was contemplating whether or not he could get a nap in before he started.  But maybe today was the day he was supposed to watch over Tomoyo-chan and make her something for dinner while Sonomi was working till late to finish a project . . . Or was that tomorrow . . .?

His chin was in danger of slipping off his hand and revealing his impromptu napping when the door to the room opened and a student from another class appeared, bowing low.

“I apologize for the interruption.  I’m looking for Daidouji-kun?  Is this the right class?”

Kurogane leaped to his feet immediately, feeling his pulse start racing.  “Is it Sonomi-san? Tomoyo-chan?  Did something happen to them?”

“Who?” the student asked in a brief daze, then shook his head impatiently.  “No, I’m from the advanced lit class, it’s Yuui-kun, something’s wrong and nobody knows what to do, and somebody said we’d better get you . . .”

Kurogane had his bag slung up onto his shoulder and was out the door into the hallway before the other student could finish his sentence, not bothering to bow or apologize as he left.  He didn’t really know where he was going, but his long legs were eating up the hallway a lot faster than the other kid so he was all but leaving him behind.  He only caught up with himself halfway down the hall, his mind screaming at him, nothing but _Yuui Yuui Yuui oh shit please be okay Yuui please_

“Um, we’re not sure what happened,” the kid said hesitantly, as if unsure whether or not Kurogane really cared.  Kurogane shook his head, trying to calm his panic, and slowed himself down as much as possible to let the student catch up.  “He’s been sorta . . . weird the past couple of weeks, just really distant and he doesn’t look like he’s been eating or sleeping much, I mean everybody knows him and Mizuki just broke up, but um, anyway . . .” he trailed off and stuttered under Kurogane’s heated glare, but gamely picked up again once Kurogane looked away to hide the shame he felt because he’d recognized Yuui’s decline but hadn’t known how to stop it.  “We have a substitute teacher this week, the regular teacher never would have . . . Yuui-kun looked like he wasn’t really paying attention, so the sub sort of raised her voice?  Not bad, but you know that sometimes makes Yuui-kun nervous?  So he sort of froze up, and she started badgering him, like, getting in his face and he wasn’t answering her, it sort of looked like he _couldn’t_ talk, it was weird, like he was trying but he . . . Anyway, um, she was yelling and then suddenly she just stopped because he . . .”

Kurogane actually paused and turned to the other student to look at him, his heart hammering in his throat.  Had Yuui _hurt_ someone?

The student was holding up his hands as if to surrender.  “He just snapped or something.  He’s just sitting there.  It’s like he can’t see anybody or hear them.  We’ve been trying to get his attention, the teacher even apologized, but he’s just sitting there staring at his desk and shaking.  Like, _shaking_.  He . . . We didn’t know what to do, but somebody said you guys have been friends for a long time, so we thought—uh, this door, we’re here, he’s in here—”

Kurogane threw open the door and waded in.  He shoved at the cluster of people hovering over Yuui’s desk with so little care that he probably injured a few of them.  Yuui was, as the student had said, just sitting at his desk, his face white and drawn, and his eyes were . . . gone.  For a moment, he didn’t know what to do but stand there feeling sick.  He hadn’t seen his friend in such a bad way in years, and he hated that he hadn’t been here a few minutes ago to protect him when it counted.

The he stopped being such a useless jerk, and started trying to help.  Kurogane slapped his hand onto Yuui’s forehead and forced his way inside.  Yuui wasn’t even blocking him, his mind open and undefended.  Kurogane got sucked in so fast that for a moment, he lost everything around him, and Yuui’s brain was all there was.  
  
Snow  
Screaming  
Blood  
Hurtshurtshurtshurts  
Fai  
Fai  
Snow  
FaifaifaifaiFAIFAIFAI  
Stop  
Please stop it hurts  
Stop  
Scream  
Snow  
Help me please  
Fai no  
No no no no  
Fai  
Fai  
Fai  
  
Kurogane yanked himself out with difficulty and saw everyone standing just out of arm’s reach, staring and buzzing with conversation, frightened and curious.  It was grotesque.  He caught the eye of the substitute teacher, who was just sitting at the front of the room with her head in her hands, clearly wondering if she was going to be fired for this.

“You gave him a flashback, you idiot,” he said with disgust.

All the people surrounding him could only be making it worse.  It was too many faces and voices that would feel too hostile right now.

Kurogane stripped off his uniform jacket and threw it over Yuui’s shoulders and pulled it up over his head like a hood.  He bent over to put his arm around Yuui, and lifted him up out of his seat, pulling him stumbling out of the classroom.  In all honesty, Yuui’s feet barely touched the ground.  He hugged him close to his side and all but carried him out.  He used the physical contact between them to try to communicate.  
  
You’re safe  
Yuui it’s me  
It’s fine  
It’s just school  
You’re here  
You’re safe  
You’re with me  
Yuui come on it’s me I’m here  
  
By the time Kurogane had led him out of the front doors of the building, Yuui was starting to look alert, although his teeth were chattering and there wasn’t a hint of colour in his face.  Kurogane dragged him to a bench and sat him down.  He kept his jacket pulled up high, just a bit of Yuui’s face peeping out, trying to block out most of the sensory input around them, and kept his arm tight around Yuui’s shoulders.

“Okay, we’re outside.  I’ve got you.  You know where you are.  You don’t have to talk, okay?  You don’t have to, but just do something in my head, let me know you’re in there.”

Yuui leaned hard into him and released a gusty sigh.  “I’m here,” he said aloud, then clutched his fingers into Kurogane’s shirt and fell silent again.

The rush of relief was overwhelming.  Yuui was okay, was leaning against him, was snuggled up in his jacket—and they’d both been too alone for too long, and having this back so suddenly with all this adrenaline coursing through him, it was more than he could bear . . . Kurogane shuddered, down to his bones, and then he turned his head and pressed a kiss on top of Yuui’s head before he could stop himself.  He got nothing but the fibers of his own jacket against his lips, and he completely froze, half-hoping that Yuui hadn’t noticed.

But Yuui did.

And now he was crying.

“I hate this,” he said, his voice terribly raspy and weak.  “I hate this so much, Kurogane, please, please, we have to stop this, I hate it . . .”

“What do you mean?” Kurogane asked, feeling a terrible dread that Yuui was about to end their friendship forever.

“Being _apart_ ,” Yuui gasped, and then fell silent, grabbing Kurogane’s hand tight in both of his.

_Can’t be apart from you like this, I tried so hard to be strong for so long but it’s not working you’re my best friend you’re everything please please please I can’t stand this anymore I can’t stand it that you’re not always there anymore I can’t stand not eating dinner with you I hate this why don’t we do homework together anymore what am I doing I shouldn’t say this, I shouldn’t, Kurogane please please please please please please—_

Kurogane butted his forehead gently against Yuui’s, trying to avoid the jacket buttons.

“Shut up,” he muttered.

_you’re such an idiot Yuui, I’m right here, I wouldn’t have gone anywhere if you hadn’t made me, you’re my best friend too I hate it just as much as you do I don’t want to do this anymore so yeah let’s just fucking quit doing this, let’s just fucking not, I’m coming over tonight I swear every night Yuui Yuui Yuui just don’t do that to me again please—_

They both pulled away from each other for a moment, trying to calm themselves down.  They both breathed deeply a few times.  They just looked at each other for a long time.  Then Kurogane’s mouth twitched up into a grin, and Yuui’s followed suit.  Yuui started laughing first, but Kurogane followed soon after.  It was weak, and shaky, and only partially from humour, but they laughed in each other’s faces and felt the weight of the world drop away.

“We’re both fucking _stupid_ ,” Kurogane said with feeling.

Yuui looked down at his lap.  “We had our reasons.”

“Yeah, but they’re stupid anyway.  Yuui . . . You let me in your brain, you can’t stop me from seeing shit once I’m in there . . . You . . . You’re just as interested as I am.  I mean, I know you genuinely liked Mizuki, okay, I’m not denying that, but I could see the way you feel about—about _me_ —”  And here he blushed to the roots of his hair, because while he could barely sort out the complicated snarl that comprised Yuui’s feelings about him, he knew that they were deep and fierce and included what he looked like when he took his shirt off after soccer practice and went to a faucet to rinse the sweat from his hair.  “And you can see— you can see the way I feel—“ He tried again, but stuttered when he realized he couldn’t sort his own feelings any better than he could sort Yuui’s.  “Can we just try it?  Please?”

“Try what?” Yuui asked, sounding innocent. Bullshit.

“You’re really gonna make me say it?” Kurogane asked in dismay.  His pulse was pounding so hard and fast that he felt sick and dizzy with it.

“One of us has to, and I’m the cowardly one,” Yuui murmured, smiling at his own hands.

Kurogane butted their foreheads together again.  “Will you please just go out with me already, you idiot?”

He held his breath.  A taste of Yuui’s gut-wrenching fear ripped through Kurogane, projected mostly by accident.

“I don’t want to ruin things,” Yuui whispered.

“We already ruined them,” Kurogane snorted, and then suddenly his palm was sliding over Yuui’s cheek.  He hadn’t meant to do that.  He held Yuui’s eyes.   He wondered if his own eyes looked half so desperate and frightened as he felt.  “We can hardly make it worse than it’s been lately.  We both want this.  Let’s just try it, okay?”

Yuui drew Kurogane’s hand into his lap and threaded their fingers together.  “Okay.”

Kurogane took a breath that felt like his first in hours.

“But.  Slowly.  Please let me do this slowly.”

“Whatever you want,” Kurogane muttered, his shoulders sagging suddenly and a strange shudder coursing through his veins and his voice.  It was all he could really manage to say around the tightness in his throat.  His thumbs stroked the backs of Yuui’s hands.  “As slow as you want, I promise.”

Yuui’s genuine smile was really the most breathtaking thing.  He couldn’t think of anything more marvelous.

Then let’s go home together after school so I can tell Ashura,” Yuui said, his smile turning slightly giddy.

“Unless I’m supposed to babysit Tomoyo tonight. But that might be tomorrow.”

“You’re hopeless,” Yuui said fondly, and squeezed his hands before letting him go and jumping up off the bench.  “We should probably go back to class before we get in trouble.”

“It was that teacher’s fault anyway,” Kurogane grumbled, getting up with far less enthusiasm.  “If anybody should be in trouble, it’s her.”

Yuui just poked him.  “Come on.”

Kurogane spent the rest of the day reeling between happiness and worry in equal measure.  The two of them were probably going to screw this up.  But they were going to try anyway, and he couldn’t get over the way Yuui had said “okay” in his scarred-up voice.  They were dating.  Him and Yuui.  Dating.  He kept suddenly grinning for no reason and having to duck his head down to hide his face.

When they got to the orphanage that afternoon, they sought out Ashura in his study.  They stood in the doorway holding hands, neither one of them wanting to be the one to start the conversation.  Their palms were damp with sweat together.  Ashura just looked them over for a second and rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Finally,” he sighed.  “Are you both quite finished moping now?”

Yuui giggled nervously, and Kurogane scowled.

Ashura smiled, and they both felt each other’s relief through their joined palms.  “Truly, you two, I’m happy.  Just be careful with each other.”

“. . . Thanks,” Kurogane said after an awkward pause.

uui giggled again.  “We’re going to my room to study!” he said, dragging Kurogane along behind him.

“Leave the door open!” Ashura called after him.  “I mean it!”  
  


* * *

  
  
Dating was like this:

Teasing each other across the soccer pitch and not caring who heard, and Yuui spraying him with water and running away laughing when he chased him to get revenge.

Kurogane buying canned coffee or fruit milk from the vending machine at lunchtime and giving it to Yuui and feeling _ridiculous_ the whole time.

Walking home from school so they could hold hands and spend an hour talking silently in warm gusts of feelings and snatches of thought.

Staring coldly at people who freaked out or gave them shit about them both being boys, deciding exactly how they’d split up the work of kicking the offender’s ass.  Someone inevitably reminding the idiot flavour of the week that they were _the kids who almost killed that guy_ and so they never had to actually get in any fights.

Studying together after school (downstairs because apparently they were not allowed upstairs in either of their own homes when they were together) and trying to hide from their guardians that they were mostly just brushing their feet together under the table and little homework was getting done.

Getting paired up to spar at the kendo studio, because they went there together now, and the instructor thought it was fair because they both had such a long reach.  They didn’t joke around in the studio.  They did their level best to wipe the floor with their opponent.

Yuui coming to the warehouse where Kurogane worked just so he could walk home with him.

Kurogane sitting on Yuui’s bed, pretending to read when he was just watching Yuui copy down magical runes onto scratch paper, over and over, his forehead furrowed up and his lips moving silently.

Kurogane pretending not to notice that Yuui always suddenly found something to do when he started studying material from Nihon.  Yuui pretending the same when he started looking at university options.

Going to the movies together on the rare occasions that they weren’t busy, and sitting in the back just so they could move the divider between their seats and sit closer.

Waiting for Yuui to say he was ready for something physical.  Kurogane reaching out and being buffeted gently back by anticipatory grief.  Both of them thinking about what they had someday coming to an end, and letting it stay there like a barrier between them.

 lot of time in the shower.

A lot.  
  


* * *

  
  
It was summer before their final year of school that Kurogane noticed Yuui was punishing him.

Anytime he talked about the future, even just to say he was probably going to be taller _still_ when he got older, he was met with a sudden attack of homework that Yuui had forgotten, or Yuui’s abrupt need to go talk to someone else for a minute, or a mouthful of some horrible sweet thing he must try, and even on a few occasions, rare and raw and aching, silence.

Yuui even sort of accidentally misplaced his stack of campaign journals during an inspired bout of spring cleaning.

Kurogane had been thinking about home, _Nihon_ , more and more all the time.  He couldn’t help it.  His plan had always been to go back there once he’d got finished with his schooling here—not that he needed the schooling, particularly, although enough had been said on that topic over the years, but simply because it seemed easier to say goodbye during a time that signified endings and beginnings.  And now there was only a year left.  Yuui was steadily retreating from him the more he thought about Ginryuu, still tucked away in the attic, or how badly he’d embarrass himself getting back on a horse for the first time in so long.

He didn’t think Yuui was doing it on purpose, and he wasn’t angry or anything.  It made sense.  That didn’t mean he liked it.  Their dating life was hardly different from being best friends, except with the addition of holdings hands and playing footsie and Kurogane sometimes kissing Yuui on the forehead.  (There was that one time Yuui had slapped him on the ass when he’d been bent over a drinking fountain after soccer practice, but since there hadn’t been a repeat Kurogane figured Yuui regretted it.)

Being best friends was almost good enough—almost—but not when Yuui was slowly retreating back into the silence that had plagued them during their first year of school.  Were you really best friends if you couldn’t talk about something so important?  Kurogane didn’t know what to do.  He wished they could talk about this, but for the first time in his life, it seemed, he was truly too afraid of something to tackle it head-on.  If Yuui didn’t want to talk, if Yuui broke up with him . . . There was only a year left.  He’d rather have something than nothing.  He didn’t like that, either.  He didn’t like knowing there was something he was so afraid of that it actually stopped him from doing what he wanted.

He wondered if it meant that he was afraid of Yuui.

It probably made sense to be afraid of something that could hurt you that much.

There was one day where he’d volunteered to watch Tomoyo for a few hours so Sonomi could go do whatever shit adult women did when they didn’t have bratty kids or their random teenaged foster sons hanging around.  He wasn’t about to be alone with the little terror and get so desperate to keep her entertained that he let her practice makeup on him again, so he ended up taking Tomoyo over to the Kinomoto house so she’d bug Sakura instead of him. Touya and Yukito were there playing a video game, and they’d told him he could stay and hang out with them.  He mostly just watched them play, since he’d been told he was frighteningly competitive about video games.

And, well.  Even though they didn’t talk about it or make an exhibition of it, Kurogane was pretty sure they’d been dating for longer than he and Yuui had.  So he did a stupid thing and just asked them what they thought about his problem.

To his surprise, Touya didn’t sucker-punch him and Yukito didn’t laugh at him.  They both just kind of looked at each other like they were having a whole conversation with their eyes.  (Hell, maybe they were, Kurogane couldn’t really say that was impossible when he and Yuui could have a whole conversation with their hands.)  And then Yukito said,

“You should talk to him.”

“I should?” he asked, picking up his cheek, flushed with heat, from the arm of the chair he’d plastered his face into while they were silent and thinking.

“Yeah.  Even if it doesn’t go well, it’s better than you guys not understanding each other.  You don’t know what he’s really thinking, and you shouldn’t assume until you ask him.  Miscommunication is one of the worst things for a relationship.”

“I guess,” Kurogane muttered.

“Touya agrees with me, don’t you Touya.”

It wasn’t exactly a question.  Touya just sort of grunted at him and went back to the game.  This was why Kurogane liked Touya.

It wasn’t as though he didn’t already know that was the right answer.  But still, if it went horribly wrong, maybe he could blame it on Yukito or something.  
  


* * *

 

Kurogane knew, intellectually, that having an “ex” usually wasn’t a good thing, but it wasn’t something he really understood.  He knew Sonomi had one, since she had Tomoyo, but the one time he’d tried to ask her where Tomoyo’s father was she’d gotten a hard expression and answered that the less said of him the better.  Clearly he wasn’t in the picture.  And Yuui’s ex, _wow_.  Mizuki had always been so sweet and kind, but once they broke up, she got _nasty_.  She was one of the ones you could always count on to gag and act disgusted if he and Yuui were so much as holding hands.  Kurogane had never thought he’d want to hit a girl, but Yuui started to look hunted whenever she was around and he started fantasizing about punching her in her fat mouth the way he wouldn’t have hesitated to if she’d been a guy.

He didn’t really get it because he had an ex, and they always got along great.

“Did you do the questions for tomorrow’s homework yet?” Akane asked, sweeping her hair aside and taking a nibble out of her lunchbox.  She was sitting on his desk, her ankles crossed and her feet swinging lazily.  “I did them already but I wanted to see what you had for number seven.”

Yuui was across the room with a couple of people from the school festival planning committee.  They had all bolted down their food and the others were gesturing and talking loudly about their ideas.  Kurogane was watching Yuui, who stayed quiet and took down notes and kept glancing over at him and making faces.

“Hnn?” was his answer to Akane.

She shoved a piece of omelette into his mouth.  He glared at her but ate it anyway, because her mom made awesome _tamagoyaki_ while he was personally crap at it. He always made part of the bento for himself and Tomoyo at night, usually just packing rice and some vegetables, and half the time he’d just take off with that in the morning before Sonomi or Tomoyo could throw stupid animal-shaped eggs or apples or whatever in there.  Akane had been letting him steal the good bits out of her bento ever since they’d been dating.

Yuui’s grimace was particularly gruesome just then.  The other committee members were bound to notice that one.

“Whenever you’re done mooning at your boyfriend,” Akane said patiently, “I wondered if I could see your answer to question number seven on tomorrow’s homework.”

“I didn’t do it yet,” he shrugged.  “I’m doing it tonight after soccer.  I’ll show you in the morning.  Hey, is that pork?”

Akane rolled her eyes and let him pick out a piece.  “I’m going to tell my mother to just pack you a lunch when she makes mine.”

“Sonomi-san would kill me,” he said with his mouth full.

Yuui looked genuinely angry.  Huh.  Maybe they weren’t listening to his ideas.  Kurogane might have to go over there and knock their heads together.

“Hey,” he said, suddenly turning his attention to Akane as he remembered something.  “Are you dating Hikaru from the archery club?”

“No, of course not, why?” she said, quick and sharp.

“Nothing, just somebody said you were.”

“Well, I’m not,” she replied, but her cheeks were turning pink and she was trying to hide it with her hair.

Kurogane was stumped.  Blushing meant she was into Hikaru, right?  And if Hikaru wasn’t into her, he wouldn’t be talking about her all the time—talking about her with extreme respect, of course.  He had almost talked about her in a less respectful way, once, except that Kurogane had walked over to him and towered over him and glared down at him until he turned rather pale and changed the subject.

“Well, you should,” he said, scooping up the last of the rice out of his own box and shoveling it down.  “He’s stupid but he’s not a bad guy, and you could probably train him.”

Akane giggled.  “You think so?”

Kurogane shrugged irritably.  “What’s it matter what I think, anyway?”

Akane kicked him with her swinging feet, probably on purpose.  It didn’t hurt at all so he just stole the last piece of pork from her lunch instead of getting upset.

Man, what was wrong with Yuui?  He looked really, really upset.  Kurogane stood up, not even caring that the planning committee was none of his business, whatever they were doing to make Yuui look so hurt and angry was going to stop, and it was going to stop _now_.  He stalked toward them, and suddenly Yuui slammed his pen down, jumped to his feet, and ran out of the room.

Kurogane looked down at the nearest person.  “What the hell were you guys talking about?”

The girl gaped up at him.  “I don’t . . . Yuui-kun wasn’t even talking, he just kept looking over at you.  Are you guys having a fight?”

“No,” Kurogane said, and immediately took off after his boyfriend feeling rather unsure that this was the correct answer.  Maybe they were.  Just because he didn’t know about it didn’t necessarily mean there was no fight.  He still hadn’t actually talked to Yuui about that avoidance of the future problem.  Maybe this was about that conversation they’d had last week, when Yuui said he might have to drop out of kendo so he’d have time for cram school and Kurogane’s response was _“I don’t know who I’m supposed to spar against if you’re not there, but if you feel like you have to I guess I’ll live._ ”  Maybe he was supposed to beg Yuui to stay or something?  But that was stupid.  Yuui had to start studying for his university entrance exams.  Obviously.  Why would he be upset that Kurogane _wasn’t_ trying to hold him back?

“Hey!” he bellowed when he finally caught sight of Yuui, loud enough to rattle the windows, making sure there was no way Yuui and everybody else within a half mile could miss it.

It was effective.  Yuui turned back around, and his face was streaked with tears.  Kurogane jogged the last few yards, grabbed him by the arm, and yanked him into a classroom that he knew wasn’t being used this term.

“Yuui, whatever it is, just talk to me,” he muttered, wanted to hold him but feeling Yuui’s resistance like a physical barrier to his touch.  He took a step back.

Yuui slowly sat down on the teacher’s desk.  He braced his hands on the edge and hunched his shoulders and didn’t say anything.

“H-hey.  Listen.  I don’t know if this is about the cram school thing but . . . Whatever I did, I’m sorry, okay?”

They had less than a year left together, and Kurogane was trying to tamp down a rising sense of panic that the little time they had was going to be wasted on this misery.

“You didn’t do anything,” Yuui said softly. “It’s more about what you’re going to do.”

"Huh?”

“I hate it when you two just sit there and eat lunch together.”

"What?  You mean Akane?  Why?”

For a long minute, Kurogane thought he wouldn’t answer.  He kept dragging in these painful-sounding breaths and then letting them out.  He obviously thought talking about it was going to make it worse instead of better.  Well, too bad.  It wasn’t like Kurogane was going to walk away from this.  From him.  So he crossed his arms and waited, for however long it took.  It felt like an hour before Yuui spoke.

“She can’t have you,” he whispered.

“Huh?” Kurogane responded, so surprised that he uncrossed his arms and took a step closer to hear better.

“I don’t— I don’t care.  I don’t care if she dreamed it.  I don’t care about the ways of your country.  She can’t have you.  You’re mine.”

Kurogane gaped at him.  “This is about _that_?  About how I’m going to get married later?”

Then it struck him.  Yuui was too upset to guard his words carefully, and Kurogane suddenly heard in that blurted-out confession the secret that Yuui had been keeping.

“She dreamed . . . _that’s_ who I’m going to marry?!” he yelped.  “Freaking _Akane_?”

Yuui almost smiled, an ugly little twist at the corners of his lips.  “Not this one.  The Tsukiyomi in Nihon knows a different Akane.  This one’s a miko priestess who serves the princess.  Tomoyo-chan told me back when we were kids.  Akane’s been waiting for you.”

Kurogane didn’t know how to argue with the visions of a Tsukiyomi.  If that was truly what she’d foreseen. . .

“I don’t want you to go back there,” Yuui rasped out, raw and ugly.  “She can’t _have_ you.”

He was shaking, Kurogane saw.  Yuui’s hands were clenched into the fabric of his pants, resting on his knees, and they were shaking.  He was staring at the ground, either not realizing or not caring that he was crying.

Was that was this had been about, all this time?  Not just that Kurogane would leave, but that he was choosing Akane over Yuui.  Which was stupid, because he hadn’t even _known_ there was another Akane in Nihon.  But still.  How would Kurogane ever choose anyone over Yuui?  He wouldn’t.

Oh, but he was, wasn’t he?  In choosing Nihon, he was.

“Yuui,” he muttered hoarsely.

Yuui was so afraid of being alone.  He always had been.  And Kurogane had always, _always_ been there, ever since they were kids.  How did he still not see it?  How had he still not understood that nothing else mattered to Kurogane as much as Yuui himself?  He knew he had to get married to a miko and produce an heir, if he wanted to be the lord of Suwa.  That was how Suwa worked.  He hadn’t known there was another option.  He hadn’t had any idea that Yuui wanted him to stay.  He’d never said that.  Nihon . . . or Yuui.

Kurogane felt like someone had grabbed hold of his lungs and torn them apart from each other.  He felt torn open, halved.  Nihon was his home, his past, his parents and his people and his culture and his identity.  But Yuui was . . .  Yuui was . . . _Everything_ , something in his mind whispered.  He didn’t know what he’d _do_ if he stayed in Heian, but maybe that didn’t matter.

“Are you really asking me for that?”

Yuui caught his breath and looked up, a wet shimmering in his already-too-bright eyes.  “What?”

“If you,” Kurogane said slowly, stepping forward as he spoke, “tell me not to go to Suwa . . . Then I won’t go to Suwa.  And if you tell me to marry you instead of her, then I will.”  As he spoke, he came deliberately forward.  He stopped mere inches from Yuui.  He looked down at him and strained to somehow project all his conviction and willpower into Yuui without actually touching him.

“Why would you do that?” Yuui whispered, looking pinned and helpless.

“Because you are the most— You’re the most important person I have.”

“I know, but—”

“Don’t you get it?” Kurogane said quietly, feeling gutted.  “There’s everyone else.  Then there’s you.  You’re mine . . . and I’m yours, too, stupid.”  He reached out his hand and touched the back of Yuui’s head, threading his fingers into the fine hair that was never combed well enough, and pulled Yuui closer.  Yuui’s eyes went wide and he ducked his face down, choking on a sob.  So Kurogane pressed his kiss into that soft tangle of hair, instead.

“So tell me you don’t want me to go back to Suwa,” he whispered, his lips tickled by warm hair that smelled like shampoo.  “And tell me to follow you where you’re going.  Tell me to stay with you.”  He leaned close over Yuui, whose hand rose up toward him and then clenched into a tight fist in the air and lowered again.  It was like he could actually feel Yuui’s torn-up heart struggling to beat out of his chest.  He could feel the dam of words that Yuui was trapping inside his throat and choking himself with.  “Tell me what you want, Yuui.  And I’ll do it.”

“No,” Yuui whimpered at last.  Kurogane closed his eyes and breathed in that skin-shampoo-warm sunlight scent.  He honestly didn’t know if he was glad or disappointed.  “No, I won’t tell you what to do.”

“You could if you could beat me up,” Kurogane said wryly, reminding him of their childhood agreement.

“No,” he sniffled, and now his hands clutched into Kurogane’s shirt and drew him close.  “Because I can’t do that to you.  I don’t even want to know if I can beat you, I won’t try.”

Then he took Kurogane’s free hand, pulling it up and pressing Kurogane’s palm to his chest.

“I won’t tell you what to do with your life,” he said, his voice getting stronger.  “But you have to do one thing for me.  You have to let me have you before she does.”

He didn’t mean—shit, he _did_.  Despite the fact that his stomach was swooping so hard he honestly felt like throwing up, Kurogane managed to quirk an eyebrow and smirk at his own big hand splayed out over Yuui’s pounding heart.

“Not— It doesn’t have to be right now,” Yuui said, his face turning red.  “But I get you first.  I— that’s mine.”

Kurogane nodded.  “Yeah.  It is.  I promise.”

 

* * *

 

“Bring those over here.”

Kurogane obediently brought the skewers of chicken over to the lunchboxes that Tomoyo was making.  Sonomi was sitting in the other room sipping coffee and typing notes on  a project.  She said she’d be working all night and might even go back to the office, so Kurogane had waved away her attempts to pack them lunches and set himself to the task of cooking chicken.  He was, at least, better at it than Tomoyo: it was not burned.

Tomoyo carefully packed it away in their lunches with the other dishes they’d already prepared earlier.  Kurogane stole a few pieces, regretting nothing because he knew for a fact that Yuui was going to steal most of his tomorrow anyway.  His stomach lurched when he thought about it.  They were . . . Things were suddenly different now.  There was a strange quality to the air, ever since their conversation, a heightened clarity.  Kurogane couldn’t look away from Yuui’s lips most of time, and Yuui would suddenly become uncommunicative and blush without provocation.

He hadn’t figured out exactly when or how . . . But he’d promised Yuui.  And there was less than a year left.  They were going to . . . Well. Things.  It was hard enough not thinking about it all the time before, but now they were actually gonna _do it soon_.

“How come you’re all red?” Tomoyo asked, frowning slightly as she cut a stupid cute face into her hardboiled egg.

“What? I’m not—it’s warm in here from the oven, so what?  Why are you making two of those?”

She tucked one into his box and beamed up at him.

“I’m not taking that to school.  Take that back.”

Tomoyo hunched her whole body over the  box to fend him off.  “It’s not for you!” she said firmly.

“Why are you putting it in my lunch, then, brat?” he asked in exasperation.

Lacking the necessary conviction to actually move her out of his way, he settled for grabbing some of her hair and pushing it back behind her ear to keep it out of his food.  It just slipped right back out again, and he glowered down at her.

“What the hell have you been doing, your hair’s all over the place and it’s gonna get in the food.  You need a new braid.”

Tomoyo patted her hair and glared back at him—like it was his fault her stupid hair was going everywhere or something.  “I don’t want to bother Okaa-san.”

“Well, then, don’t,’ Kurogane said, rolling his eyes and reaching out.  “Hold still for a minute.”

It wasn’t like he actually knew how to braid hair, but he’d watched Sonomi doing it to her often enough, and it wasn’t the most difficult concept in the world.  He made short work of undoing the remnants of the previous braid and starting a new one.  Luckily Tomoyo was standing on a stool so she could better reach the countertop, because she was so short he probably couldn’t even reach her head without kneeling down on the floor.

“Grow faster, brat,” he muttered.  Geez, how was she even going to survive in this world if she didn’t get any taller? She was already nine!

“Oh, Kurogane, you’re so silly,” she giggled, although she (mostly) held still.  “Not everybody can be a giant like you.”

“I’d rather be a giant than a shrimp.  And I didn’t forget, so who’s the egg for?”

“It’s for Akane!  You said you eat lunch together all the time, and I didn’t want her to forget me!  Can you tell her I said hello?”

“Uh, sure,” Kurogane said, and fumbled both words and hair.  “Um, Tomoyo-chan, um, about Akane . . . You know she and I broke up, and I’m dating Yuui, and so . . .”

“I know,” she said peacefully.  “But that doesn’t mean Akane and I can’t be good friends!  She’s so nice!”

Akane and Yuui.  His past, his future, Heian or Nihon, the things he wanted and the things he was born to and maybe those were the same thing but maybe they weren’t.  He didn’t know what to do about it anymore.  He didn’t want to lose Yuui.  And he didn’t want to lose Suwa either.

“Kurogane?”

His hands had gone still at the end of her braid.  Tomoyo turned around, not caring about the work she was undoing, and grabbed hold of them.

“Yuui told you about the vision of the other Akane, didn’t he?” she asked.  “He wasn’t _supposed_ to.”  She stamped her little foot for emphasis.

“Then you shouldn’t have told him, right?”

Tomoyo pouted.  “I know, but that was a long time ago, and I didn’t understand yet.”

Kurogane felt bad for her, rather suddenly.  She’d been seeing visions of someone else’s future through shared dreams with a girl in a parallel world, ever since the age of three.  And it was because of him, because of him and Yuui and Syaoran coming here.  It didn’t seem fair, somehow.  Wasn’t it scary?  It was one thing to be the Tsukiyomi, to have been born and raised to her duties as a priestess, although maybe it wasn’t really fair to her, either.  And maybe it was too much to ask a ten-year-old boy to pick up his father’s sword and battle hoardes of demons, too, but that was how Nihon was.  Heian was different, and the Tomoyo who lived here . . . was just a little girl.  She never seemed to mind, or at least she never complained.  But Kurogane kind of wished he could have kept it from happening to her anyway.

“Well, since you told him than it‘s only fair I should know too.  Tomoyo, that princess, is that what she really dreamed?  Me and Akane?”

Tomoyo suddenly seemed to grow taller, a little bit.  Her small face was so serious, and it looked strange on her.  She was usually all smiles and laughter and devious scheming.  She didn’t look right, all solemn like this.

“Does it matter to you so much what she dreamed?”

“Well, I—huh?”

"We’re not supposed to tell people what happens in dreams,” Tomoyo said softly, still holding his hands, “because it isn’t always true.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“The future isn’t always clear, that’s all.”

"So I’m _not_ going to marry Akane?”

“Do you want to?”

Kurogane hadn’t really thought about this. He wanted Suwa, he wanted the fields and the fish in the creek and the paper screens by the long porch.  Akane came with Suwa, and he honestly hadn’t much tried to separate the two in his mind.  But that was what Tomoyo seemed to be asking him.  Not if he wanted to go home. Just if he wanted to marry her.

Did he?  She was pretty and she was smart and she was funny.  She wasn’t afraid of him.  She had an easy laugh and a quick wit.  She’d be a good wife.  She’d know how to manage a household.

“I can’t,” Kurogane said, and a rush of relief swept through him just at saying it.  “I can’t marry her.  I don’t love her, and I’m not going to marry anybody if I don’t . . .”

The breath went out of him and he nearly went to his knees.

“What about Yuui?” Tomoyo asked.

Kurogane gripped the edge of the counter and tried to hang on while his stomach did a complete backflip.

_I love you_

The thought popped into his head, and then it was there and he couldn’t do anything about that.  Yuui was his, he was Yuui’s, and it was because . . . because he _loved_ him.  He loved Yuui’s hands when they held a sword and he loved Yuui’s eyes when they were silently mocking him.  He loved Yuui’s voice at the end of a long day when it got tiny and scratchy and nearly wasn’t there.  He loved when Yuui brushed their fingers together so he could say something sassy without anybody hearing it.  He loved Yuui when his forehead wrinkled up while reading something important.  He loved Yuui when magic spilled out of him at the dinner table just because he liked using it sometimes.  He loved Yuui’s face when he slept.  He loved Yuui.

He loved him.

There was a soft little hand on his arm, and he looked up and saw Tomoyo smiling at him.

“Kurogane, are you in love with Yuui or are you getting sick?” she asked in a serious voice.

“Very funny,” he said hoarsely, although maybe it was a valid question because his stomach was still doing weird things.

She suddenly clapped her hands and giggled.  “Kurogane, you have to tell him!  You have to do a confession after school!”

“That’s stupid, we’re already dating,” Kurogane objected, straightening up.

“But you _are_ going to tell him, right?” she asked, clasping her hands together and looking up at him like he was her favourite t.v. drama.

“Course I am,” he muttered, and bopped her lightly on the head just to bring her down a peg.

“But when?”

“Uh.”

_don’t be an idiot don’t be a coward this is so stupid I don’t even want to how lame is this I’m so freaking pathetic Yuui would just laugh Yuui always laughs at me that’s why I love him oh shit Yuui I think I love you_

“Right now,” he said suddenly.

Tomoyo squeezed her hands together and practically swooned, but before he could move she was grabbing his arm.

“Not until you fix what you’ve done to my hair,” she said firmly.  
  


* * *

  
Kurogane knew that the first move was his to make.  Because of— well, because of everything.  Because it was his life being set into motion, and Yuui was trying to respect that.  There was a deep hollow place in his belly where Kurogane wished Yuui would simply take what he wanted.  But he loved Yuui as he was, and that meant loving his hesitation as much as he loved the rest of him.  As nice as it might have been to be surprised, simply knowing what he needed to do brought him the same happiness.  Loving him somehow made it fine either way.

Now that he’d attached a word to it, he couldn’t stop thinking it.  Love.  Love was a dumb word, and it didn’t mean half of what it was supposed to.  But it was the only word people seemed to have, so he’d just think it until it did mean all of it.  He’d use the word “love” until he could force it to mean “I need you” and “you’re perfect” and “I wouldn’t be the same without you.”  There was more than that, but even he didn’t know what it was.

_Mine._

That was the first thing he’d ever said to him, when they discovered the ability to speak without words, back in the beginning when all they had to offer was a storm of emotions, before they learned control.  _Mine mine mine. You’re mine, Ouji Yuui, and Fai Flourite and anything else you might have called yourself in a thousand worlds.  I don’t care what they call you, I just need to call you “mine.”_

He’d fixed the braid in Tomoyo’s hair in a complete daze, and he didn’t notice he’d left the house until he felt the bark of the tree under his palms.  He’d gone to the orphanage without paying a scrap of attention and here he was below Yuui’s window.  He hadn’t tried to sneak up this tree since he was eleven.  This was ridiculous, it wasn’t that late.  He could just go in by the front door.

It had been a long time since he’d climbed a tree.  He found that his added height only made it that much easier, scaling the branches without even having to stretch.  He simply crouched there on the only limb sturdy enough to hold him for a while.  Watching Yuui.

He was sitting at his desk, studying something, his back to the window.  The lamp on the desk gave his hair a glow of buttery gold and the flutter of his hands over pages cast odd shadows.  Kurogane’s mouth felt very dry, and he couldn’t stop swallowing.  He didn’t really know why he was here, if he wanted to do this right now.  He thought maybe he’d just sit in this tree and watch Yuui all night.

Maybe he felt the eyes on him, maybe Kurogane inadvertently made some sound that alerted him.  Whatever the reason, Yuui suddenly stiffened up and whirled around, his fingers in front of him with a purple glow at their tips.

Instead of trying to get out of the way, Kurogane just smiled at that.  He already knew Yuui wouldn’t hurt him, and it made him proud in a _completely illogical_ way that Yuui was a budding mage.  It wasn’t like it had anything to do with Kurogane, and yet somehow his chest got tight when he saw Yuui’s talents growing.  It was stupid.

Yuui’s face when he saw what was outside was priceless.  The moment of shock turned to complete withering disdain as he yanked the window up.

“… scared the shit out of me,” he was muttering.  He glared up at Kurogane when he didn’t jump through the window right away.  “Well?  Are you coming in, you idiot?”

“Maybe if you get out of the way,” Kurogane drawled, glad that his voice sounded normal.

Yuui stepped away, and Kurogane clambered inside.  He stood up straight and then froze.

“. . .  Hi.”

“Good evening,” Yuui returned, lifting a pale feathery eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Kurogane said.

Yuui made a clicking noise with his tongue.  “I’m studying.  Let me know when you’re ready to tell me why you’re sitting in my tree like a creep.”

Kurogane grabbed his arm as he was turning away, feeling his heart beating out of his chest.  He couldn’t find the words he needed . . . but then, the two of them rarely needed words to begin with.  He grabbed Yuui by the chin, twisting his head back, and Yuui was surprised enough to let him.  His lips closed over Yuui’s too hard to be a kiss, he just wanted to hold him there until Yuui saw.

 _Ouch_.  The sharp pain in Yuui’s mouth spiked into Kurogane’s brain with reproach.  _What are you doing?_

Fine.  Slow, then.  Whatever it took.

Kurogane pressed into Yuui while the other boy stepped back, one foot at a time, until Yuui was pressed against his desk and Kurogane was wrapping an arm around Yuui’s back to keep him from falling onto his study notes.  He kept his other hand on Yuui’s face, cupping his chin and jaw and angling his face.  He kissed him, and kept kissing him, even though Yuui was stunned and not doing anything in return.  He’d kiss him until it got through.

_Mine.  Mine mine mine and I’m yours all that matters is this don’t care about anything just mine not letting go not ever never going to let go please don’t let go of me I want to be yours I need you you’re mine mine mine_

He felt it, when Yuui finally understood.  The slender body lost its stiff posture.  His lips opened.  Kurogane plunged forward into the kiss and fell into Yuui as the other boy raised his hand, brushed his fingers over Kurogane’s knuckles where he still held Yuui’s face.  Yuui tilted his head out of Kurogane’s grip to get a better angle, and then both hands were sliding over Kurogane’s back, scrunching up his shirt, exposing a slice of skin to the cool night air and making him shudder, leaning over Yuui until Yuui had to lean back over the desk.  Kurogane pressed him down onto the wooden surface, felt Yuui’s legs part so Kurogane could stand between them, bent over him, kissing frantically and sending the lamp skittering to the very edge.

_Yes yes of course yours and mine forever please please please_

Yuui’s brain was erratic with words and sparks of desire that flooded through both of them.  Neither of them could get a complete thought together, it was all a tangle of tongues and _finally_ and wet and warm and _forever_ and spikes of heat through their bellies.

They stopped knowing whose head they were in.  It didn’t matter.  It might have been Kurogane who sucked desperately at Yuui’s neck and made him release an aborted cry of pleasure, or it might have been the other way around.  It might have been Yuui whose hand slid down the back of Kurogane’s pants and made him groan with the need for more, but maybe not.  They both felt it, all of it, got lost in the dizzying rush of it and didn’t care.

It was definitely Yuui who wrapped his legs around Kurogane’s waist and his arms about his neck, and it was definitely Kurogane who stood upright and staggered toward the bed with a lithe blond boy kissing him frantically.  He pitched them forward onto Yuui’s bed, falling on Yuui too hard.  They were still kissing, and their teeth knocked together painfully.

 _Idiot_ the affectionate word was warm and trailed heat down his belly and he didn’t apologize.

_I lo—_

No, this deserved to be said aloud.

“I love you,” Kurogane muttered into the curve of Yuui’s neck.

Yuui froze in shock.  Kurogane waited for some kind of feeling to pass between them, but there was nothing, so he pulled back his head to look at Yuui’s face.  He was just staring, his eyes huge and his lips slack.  Kurogane dived down to kiss him again, frantic that this moment should be over with.  He should have waited, he should have said it earlier, he shouldn’t have said it at all—

Yuui’s hands were grabbing his hair, he was breathing heavy and hot, but he was turning his face away, to the side, away from Kurogane’s mouth.

“You . . . You do?”

Kurogane could barely think past his own pulse, and it took him a moment to understand what he was supposed to be responding to.

“Yeah.  I do.”

Yuui with sunlight in his hair, Yuui cheering at a teammate with his blindingly bright smile, Yuui hunched up on a bed with his knees drawn to his chest, Yuui hugging Syaoran tight against his side . . . Kurogane let it go thundering through him, every stray moment of beauty he’d noticed and everything that made his heart squeeze up tight in his chest.  He didn’t try to hold it in his own skin.  He pressed every inch of himself against Yuui and tried to push it into him, instead.

Yuui gasped, and his clutching hands grew painful.  He shuddered.  Kurogane didn’t say anything about it.  He didn’t move.

_I love you idiot so much always loved you_

“Kuro— _hah_ ,” Yuui gasped, and then he tore Kurogane’s shirt off in a spill of purple runes that rose up instinctually to aid him.  He latched his mouth onto Kurogane’s collarbone and then it was nothing but heat and white sparks where thoughts should be.

Kurogane began to believe in that moment that even if Yuui rescued entire countries from danger single-handedly and performed moves with a sword that were physically impossible and charmed the Empress of Nihon with nothing more than a wink, even then Kurogane was going to say that the most amazing thing about him was his mouth.

His mouth was— _holy hell_ —everywhere.  And perfect.  And— _oh_.

“You’re loud,” Yuui murmured, even though Kurogane hadn’t said a word, and there was a gleam in his eyes that was purely wicked and Kurogane had never seen Yuui do that before, and his mouth went dry and his cock ached so badly that he literally couldn’t move.  Yuui’s hand crept to the waistband of his pants, and for a moment uncertainty shone past the rest.  “Are we going to . . .?”

“ _Are_ we—” Kurogane choked.  “Yes.”

Yuui undid his pants and pulled them open and touched Kurogane’s cock.  It was just the faintest brush of his fingers, but Kurogane briefly worried about passing out.  Just looking at Yuui’s hand there was already incredible.  He slowly wrapped his hand around it, and then he grinned.

“What.”

“Mine’s bigger.”

“No it isn’t, shut up.”

"It is.”

“Prove it.”

“Oh, I plan to.”  He stroked experimentally.  “Aren’t you going to undress me, Kuro-chi?”

“Yuui,” Kurogane said hoarsely, and gripped his shoulders.  “Uh.”

“I’m not saying yours is so bad, you know,” Yuui continued to tease, still stroking.  “I’m just saying mine is—”

“Yuui!”

Kurogane jerked, shuddered, and came.  Yuui flung up a hand and managed to avoid getting it in the face, but it pretty much just made a huge mess.  Kurogane groaned faintly and fell down on the bed and buried his face in a pillow.

“Kurogane.”

“Nope, shut up.”

“Kurogane, you didn’t even undress me yet.” 

“Yuui stop talking, I’m trying to die.”

“Kurogane.”

“Shut up, Yuui.”

“Kurogane do you even know how much you owe me right now.”

“A lot.  Shut up.  Dying.”

“Our first time and you lasted like thirty seconds.”

“I owe you, I get it.  Go away.”

“Kurogane, you stupid oaf, I love you too.”

And that was how Yuui talked him into their first blowjob.  There was zero skill involved but plenty of enthusiasm and really for all his talk Yuui didn’t last very long either.  
  


* * *

 

 

Things progressed slowly but steadily from there.  Ashura gave up on the idea of them leaving the bedroom door open relatively quickly— in fact, right after he walked into Yuui’s room and found them in the middle of their third-ever blowjob.  Presumably he wanted something when he came in, but he walked mechanically into his office and shut the door and didn’t answer anyone’s knocks for two hours.  Kurogane would have apologized for traumatizing him if he’d been able to look him in the eye at any point the following week.

They were content to keep things at that level for the time being.  Yuui pointed out that they could only have sex for the first time once, after all, so they should take their time getting there and make sure it was really good.  They occasionally did . . . research.  They usually spent the whole time looking away from each other laughing helplessly and red in the face, but for all that they did learn a lot and it usually led to a heavy make-out session.  Actually, being in the same room for more than five minutes tended to lead to a heavy make-out session.

Everything was perfect.  They were in their final year of school, their soccer team was headed for the semi-finals, and they had each other.  They studied together and rewarded correct answers with kisses.  They spent Sunday afternoons taking quiet walks through their neighborhood, saying nothing and only holding hands.  They went places with Yukito and Touya and nobody said it was double dating because it was too embarrassing to say out loud.

There was just the one thing.

Yuui quit kendo and signed up for a cram school.  And that was something they just didn’t want to talk about yet.  
  


* * *

  
_so good so good Kurogane ummm yes more more more please oh god_

Kurogane chuckled.  Yuui’s mental defenses were at an all-time low right now and the only reason Kurogane could even remember which of them was which was his own focus.

_fuck you don’t laugh oh wow it feels weird but so good don’t laugh unless you want me to come right now I might come right now ummm Kurogane I think—_

Kurogane slid his mouth off Yuui with an obscene popping noise and lazily plucked a t-shirt off the floor to keep Yuui’s mess from getting on his bed.  Sonomi had just washed all the sheets two days ago.  He kept his finger crooked inside of Yuui until the blond’s body went slack, spent with pleasure, and then he carefully slid it out.  He dropped the shirt into his hamper and hurried into the bathroom to wash his hands.  Upon returning, he flopped down beside Yuui on his bed.

Yuui curled up like a shrimp, inviting Kurogane to spoon up behind him.  Kurogane was only too happy to oblige. 

“Thank you, my darling,” Yuui said drowsily.

“’m not your darling,” Kurogane muttered against the shell of his ear.

“Thank you, my grumpy boyfriend who just _has_ to be a sourpuss after he sucks me off so I won’t think he likes me or anything.”

“That’s more like it.  You’re welcome.”

“Ummm.  I wanna try sixty-nine next time.  Can we?”

Kurogane’s heart fully skipped a beat.  “Holy hell.  Yes.”

“Okay.  Good.  Thanks.  So what’s wrong?”

It was dumb to try to lie to Yuui when he knew him so well and when they were pressed together like this.  It was dumb to lie to Yuui at all.  So Kurogane didn’t try to deny anything was wrong.

“We’re graduating in two months,” he said promptly.  “So we should probably talk.”

Yuui shifted restlessly several times, moving his feet and arms and unable to get comfortable.  Finally, he flipped around so they were laying face-to-face.  His eyes were heavy.

“Yeah.”

Apparently that meant Kurogane was going to go first.  Fine.

“It’s just . . . I want to stay here for the summer.”

Yuui’s hands were on his sides, slowly tracing his ribcage, and they buzzed with hope and trepidation.  “Really?”  His eyes were looking at Kurogane’s chest, but Kurogane could see how bright the blue of them was.

“No job, no kendo, no school . . . I mean, you probably were planning on working to save up money, but we’ll have a lot of free time.  To just.  You know.  Be together.  I want to spend the summer with you.  I . . . I want to see what your university campus looks like.  Can I go to your entrance ceremony?  I want to stay for your first day.  I want to be able to picture it in my mind.  If.  You know.  That’s okay.”

Yuui pressed his face against Kurogane and inhaled deeply.  “You smell good,” he muttered.  Then, “Yeah, that’s okay.  I’d like that.  I would.  I just.”

 _wish I could see what Suwa looked like so I could have something to picture too._  

“I could try to do that,” Kurogane said aloud.  “Right now, the only way I know is for Ashura and the Empress to make contact, but I might be able to find a way to talk to you from Suwa.  I’ll try.”

Yuui was pleased at his sincerity, but not hopeful.  He was letting Kurogane have access to his feelings.  Maybe it was lazy in some way to do that instead of trying to talk things out, but Kurogane infinitely preferred this.  There was so little room for misunderstanding or error when you could literally feel what your lover was feeling.

_Lover?_

_Aren’t you?_   Kurogane made sure to include the mental equivalent of a scowl.  He didn’t like being made fun of.

_I suppose I am. Is Kuro-pinta turning into a romantic on me?_

_Do you ever shut up?_

_I thought you wanted to talk!_

_I hate you_

_No you don’t_

_No, I don’t_

Warmth built up between them, a steady flame cradled between their two chests, filling them until they ached with it.  In a few months, just a few short months, Kurogane would be gone.  They would never have this again, not with anyone else.  Boyfriends, lovers, best friends, two halves of a whole.  The thought itself was a bruise that it hurt to press against.

Someone knocked on the door.  They both winced.

“Please, please, please have clothes on this time,” came a small, muffled voice.  Then Syaoran opened the door.  “Oh, good,” he sighed.

Yuui had put his pants back on, and Kurogane had never taken his off.  It was halfway decent, anyway.  But Yuui was sitting up, pushing Kurogane’s long arm off him.

“Syaoran, what is it?”

“What are you doing at my house, brat?” Kurogane added, with worry more than anger.  Sakura wasn’t here today, and while Syaoran and Tomoyo might be friends he didn’t think Syaoran would ever come over to hang out with her just the two of them.

Syaoran was worrying his thumbnail between his teeth.  “Your scary Empress lady called Ashura.  It’s urgent, she says.  She has to talk to you right now. Ashura said come get you and make sure you come right away.”

Kurogane jumped off the bed and dragged a clean shirt over his head.  “Shit.  Okay.  Run back and tell them I’m coming.  Yuui, where did I put my— oh, thanks,” he said as Yuui held Kurogane’s belt out to him.

Syaoran darted away, hurrying back to the orphanage, and Yuui and Kurogane were only moments behind.  They didn’t touch each other en route, but Kurogane could feel the worry boiling off Yuui anyway, and no doubt Yuui could feel his mood getting darker every moment too.  The Amaterasu wouldn’t call for no reason, and she usually told them at least a day ahead of time.  Kurogane kicked off his shoes in a hurry and almost tripped over them in his haste to get into Ashura’s office and throw himself to his knees in front of the portal.

“Your Majesty,” he said, lowering his head and bracing his hands on his knees.  “What do you need of me?”

She was wearing something stiff and formal.  The Tsukiyomi was behind her, hair all done up in ostentatious ornaments, a grave look on her young little face.  Kurogane could see a few other retainers behind them.

“Kurogane, it is my duty to inform you of the death of your mother’s cousin.  He took ill only days ago and the fever spread rapidly.  We employed the best of our physicians, but he passed away this morning.”  She waited a beat of silence, in case Kurogane wanted to grieve, but he didn’t much.  He’d never met the man.  But his heart was pounding so rapidly that he was worried it would leap from his chest any moment.  This cousin had been running things in Suwa.  Kurogane knew now why this was so urgent.

“There is now no one from your family to continue managing the estates in Suwa.  Kurogane, we must call you home now.”

“Now?”

That was Yuui, choking out that one word in a horror so deep that it sounded quiet and calm.

“We understand that you will want to say goodbye and settle your affairs in Heian.  You have one week, Kurogane.  Seven days from now, you will come back to Nihon to claim your inheritance.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, Majesty,” he muttered, bowing low again.

“Good.  I have much requiring my attention and I must leave you now.  I will see you soon.”

The curt words abruptly flickered and cut off.

Kurogane remained on his knees, feeling numb.  One week.  He had one week.  He wasn’t going to graduate after all.  Wasn’t going to spend his summer convincing Yuui to go skinny-dipping in the creek where they’d played as kids.  Wasn’t going to teach Tomoyo and Sakura self-defense moves.  Wasn’t going to see Yuui’s school, wasn’t going to lose count of kisses, wasn’t going to—

Yuui knelt down beside him and squeezed his hand.  “We have a week,” he whispered.  “Let’s make it count, okay?”  
  



	9. Like This I Love You

Chapter Nine

Like This I Love You

 

Kurogane leaned down and touched his forehead to Yuui's, closing his eyes to block out the sight of tears in those beloved blue eyes.

 

“Come on. Time to say goodbye.”

 

“I can't,” Yuui whispered raggedly, clinging to Kurogane's shirt with desperately curled fingers. “I can't.”

 

Kurogane found himself grinding their heads together too hard, painfully. He clenched his teeth and tried to find the breath to say, “You can change your mind, you can still change your mind. I want you to be happy.”

 

Yuui tilted his face up, relieving the bruising pressure, to kiss him. “I will be.”

 

Kurogane didn't want to say goodbye, either. But it was time.

 

* * *

 

Five days earlier:

 

The knock at the door was sudden and immediate. He hadn't heard, or maybe just hadn't acknowledged, the footsteps leading up to his door.

 

Kurogane tried to shake off the heavy feeling that had settled over his shoulders and caused him to sink down to sit on the edge of his bed and sit there slowly turning a soccer trophy in his hands. He noticed that his hands looked kind of . . . freakishly large, with the little golden thing resting in them. Their team had won state just a couple of months ago.

 

Sonomi-san came in and sat down next to him, clearly thinking that if he wasn't objecting vocally, it meant she could come in. Well. He didn't mind having her here for a minute.

 

“Hey. Um. I was wondering if there was a, I don't know, donation center or something where I could leave my clothes and books. I started packing,” he gestured at the three piles of stuff he'd been sorting his belongings into, “but I didn't really know. What to do with any of it.”

 

“Keep, donate, throw away?” she guessed.

 

“Yeah,” he muttered, looking at the pitiful size of the “keep” pile. He wasn't going to be able to wear the clothes he'd accumulated, he wasn't going to take the school textbooks, there was no point bringing things like soccer trophies.

 

“I'm sure we can find good homes for everything,” Sonomi said.

 

“Is this gonna be a guest room.”

 

He cleared his throat, wondering why that question had come out so flat and strange. Sonomi's hand landed on his shoulder and patted it.

 

“No.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“It's a little bigger than Tomoyo's, and I thought she might need that, and she'll, she'll want the desk too I think . . .”

 

The desk was really nice. Kurogane remembered when the delivery truck had dropped it off here, when he was twelve and still trying to figure all this out. It was the first time he'd truly realized that Sonomi was planning to have him for a long time. Was planning for his presence in her house and her life. Had suddenly felt like this really could be his home.

 

“I think I'd feel very weird about putting anyone in this room who wasn't . . . family,” Sonomi said, very quietly.

 

Kurogane's hands clenched down hard on the little soccer-playing statue. “Yeah.”

 

“Do you need help packing?”

 

He didn't. “Is that why you came in?”

 

“No. No, I came in to say something, actually. I came in to say . . . Kurogane, if you don't feel ready to leave, then you don't have to. That land is yours, you have the right to it. I know that what the empress wants is important to you, but what's important to me is how you feel. Suwa will wait for you, if that's what you need. Ashura-san and I can—”

 

“Uh, no,” Kurogane blurted out, horrified at the very idea of Ashura and Sonomi engaging in some kind of battle of wills with the Amaterasu. For one thing, he couldn't predict the winner of that stand-off. “I . . . I know that I'm not ready, but I'm going anyway. I honestly could never be ready for this. What have I been doing the last few years? I've been studying, but mostly I—I play soccer! I pack up delivery trucks! I'm not ready to rule Suwa, not by a long shot, but. But it's my . . . it's . . .”

 

“It's your home.”

 

“Sonomi-san,” he said hoarsely, because this was his home too, this was the family that had let him—no, practically forced him—to become part of them— This was the woman who'd given him so much, and he never wanted her to think he didn't understand and appreciate what she'd done.

 

“It's fine,” she said, smiling and squeezing his shoulder again. “It's all right. What I really came into say . . . is that I unlocked the attic and got the stairs down, but I thought maybe you'd want to go up and get it yourself.”

 

It had been sitting in the back of his mind for two days, ever since the empress had demanded his return. All last night when he'd been sleeping with Yuui clinging to him like a wet plaster, he'd been staring at the growing piles of his stuff and thinking that today he'd go up to the attic. He just hadn't quite decided to get the key from Sonomi yet.

 

Still smiling, she grabbed his hand and tugged him to his feet. “Why don't we go get it together, then?”

 

He wasn't sure he wanted her there when he put his hands on it. But then he wasn't sure he could do it alone. He wanted . . . he wanted his real mother.

 

He stopped dead in the hallway when he understood his own thoughts, and he quickly spread his palm over his face so that Sonomi couldn't see that he'd started to cry. He tried to fight off this confusing sudden pain. He had never been any less than practical about what death meant. He didn't spend time wishing his parents could magically return to him. He didn't dwell on them.

 

He wanted them now and he could not fight it. He lifted his other hand and hid his face and cried, and finally understood that he was afraid. He was afraid to touch Ginryuu and face memories of loss and pain and teeth in his skin. He was afraid to go back to Suwa, to scrape together ash and memory and rubble and build it up into something meaningful with only his own heart for mortar. He'd been too spoiled by Heian. He was afraid to be alone.

 

Sonomi had always been so good at understanding him. There was a light hand against his back, nudging him forward, and he went up the stairs blindly knowing that she was following him. Not leaving him alone and not trying to make him explain himself either.

 

“It's over here,” she said quietly, and then she stood back.

 

Ginryuu had been wrapped up and left atop a short stack of boxes full of heirlooms from Sonomi's mother. The sword had been in good company here. He ended up sinking down onto his knees before picking the sword up carefully in both hands. He brought it slowly to his chest and pressed it hard against him as though he could push it right through his skin to meld with his bones. Father's sword. Father's courage. His own. He had slain demons with this blade.

 

“All right,” he breathed out. “Yeah. Let's go home.”

 

“Hello?”

 

The voice startled both of them.

 

“Sonomi-san? Kurogane-san? Anyone home?”

 

It was strange. Ashura must have started calling him by that honorific some time ago, but he hadn't noticed until just now.

 

Kurogane descended from the attic with the wrapped sword tight in his fist, noticing that the weight and length of it were perfect. He hadn't held it since he was ten and he'd quite literally doubled in size since then. He could already feel it, the heft of the blade as he swung it into demon hide and chased the last of the monsters out of his homeland. It already felt good. Syaoran-kun and Ashura-san were at the foot of the main stairs, sort of gaping at him with wide eyes and loose jaws.

 

“What?” he asked in bewilderment.

 

Ashura cleared his throat, saw Sonomi just behind him and turned his eyes to address her. “Sonomi-san, I'm here to ask a favor.”

 

Kurogane noticed that the bag on Syaoran's shoulder wasn't his usual school bag; it was stuffed full.

 

Sonomi smirked at him. “You know you have to tell me what it is before I agree to it.”

 

Ashura's hand fell onto Syaoran's shoulder, and now it was easy to see that both of their guests were looking subdued and uncertain.

 

“I need you to watch Syaoran-kun for a few days. Normally I wouldn't mind him just staying there with Yuui, but . . .”

 

Yuui had other things going on right now. They sort of all did. Kurogane was about to _leave_ , and not come _back_ , and suddenly Ashura was taking off for a few days?

 

“Where are you going?” Kurogane demanded.

 

Ashura looked at him squarely, but his answer was cryptic. “I won't be in Heian.”

 

. . . what? He was going fucking _dimension hopping_ at a time like this?

 

“When will you be back?”

 

“I don't know,” Ashura said. “Hopefully no more than two or three days. Possibly as many as five.”

 

“I'm—” Kurogane stopped himself from pointing out that in five days he was leaving for good. It wasn't like Ashura didn't know, and it also wasn't like Kurogane understood why it was so important that Ashura be here when he left.

 

And yet the thought of not getting to say goodbye to him twisted in his gut just like grief. Ashura seemed to notice, because his face softened for a moment.

 

“I know,” he said gently. “Five days, no more than that. I promise.”

 

Sonomi was massaging her forehead with her fingers. “Fine,” she muttered, clearly holding back a lecture with those fingers. “Syaoran, sweetheart, you don't mind sleeping in Kurogane's room right?”

 

Maybe _Kurogane_ minded the brat sleeping in his room, and yet Sonomi was already fixing him with a wry, knowing look. What?

 

“That's okay, right?” Syaoran asked nervously, looking up at Kurogane. “I won't get it messy or anything.”

 

Like Kurogane would let him— oh. Ohhhhh. Yeah, why _would_ he care? Yuui was in the orphanage alone for the next two or three days, or possibly five. Yeah, Syaoran could have that room all to himself, in fact. Sonomi had gotten there before he had, and that was just— what kind of a dirty mind would just jump straight there, anyway? She was a sick woman.

 

“Tch. It's fine, kid.”

 

(It felt like double-vision for a moment, like he was there and also not-there, like this was Syaoran at ten and also Syaoran at fifteen, and it was like drugs but also like drowning)

 

He blinked to clear the weird blur in his vision and looked down at Ashura ferociously. “You better have a damn good reason to leave him without you right now,” he said. He wasn't talking about Syaoran-kun. They both knew it.

 

Ashura nodded, wearing that funny sad smile he got sometimes, and then he drew spells into the air and they all watched with a feeling of disbelief as the floor turned to smoke and swallowed him up and he was gone. The blast of freezing cold air smelled like ozone.

 

Syaoran looked tiny and lost down at the foot of the stairs by himself. Kurogane buried his worries for long enough to take care of that. He went down there and snatched up Syaoran's bag to sling it onto his own shoulder, and then he slung the kid up there for good measure. He carried them both up the stairs with a lot of extra jostling to try and elicit at least one good laugh out of him. He deposited the kid and the bag safely on his bed, cuffed him lightly on the head, and said, “Be good for Sonomi-san and just come over if you need anything, you got it?”

 

Syaoran nodded.

 

He'd kept the sword rest in his room, and now he laid Ginryuu, still wrapped, into it. “You keep an eye on this for me, okay? You promise?”

 

Syaoran darted up and hugged him hard. “I will.”

 

Kurogane cleared his throat a few times and ruffled his hair before letting him go.

 

Sonomi was still waiting in the hallway by the stairs, and she accepted it calmly when he just nodded at her and said “I've got my phone,” and walked out of the house.

 

He'd already meant to spend as much time with Yuui as possible when Yuui wasn't at school. But he really doubted Yuui was going to class today, and he definitely shouldn't be alone. He didn't even bother to pack a bag before heading over. Perks of living a ten-minute walk away.

 

He headed upstairs and found Yuui exactly where he'd expected to find him. In his room, at his desk, studying. “Hey,” he said from the doorway.

 

Yuui turned his face and said, quiet and bitter, “I always was afraid I'd have to be alone. Still, Ashura could have at least waited until I got used to you being gone.”

 

Kurogane lifted an eyebrow. “Really?” he said dryly.

 

Yuui let out a little laugh that sounded far from amused. “I'm only about forty percent serious.”

 

That was what had Kurogane crossing the room to gather Yuui up into his arms. “That's at least thirty five percent too serious,” he muttered. “Ashura-san's coming back, stupid.”

 

Yuui hadn't cried yet. He started crying now. “I know he is. I just. Did he really have to take Syaoran to your house, too? It's too quiet. I can't—”

 

“Idiot,” Kurogane murmured, too close to his ear, his breath hot there against Yuui's skin. “They just wanted to let us be alone.”

 

Yuui melted into him, into the heat of his mouth and the vestiges of pain that clung to the front of Kurogane's mind when he let his forehead fall to touch Yuui's. He led them to the bed. They made out for a long time, nothing but slow, sturdy kisses and desperate paths traced over one another's skin. They didn't even undress. They let it devolve into simply being wrapped in one another's limbs and laying with their cheeks pressed together.

 

“Tonight,” Yuui whispered.

 

Kurogane buried his face into Yuui's neck. “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

They were well-prepared. They'd furtively read something that Yuui had ordered and hidden from Ashura-san. Not because Ashura-san didn't know they were going to have sex, but simply because it was kinder not to let him see which pages they'd marked for personal reference.

 

They'd gone to the drugstore to get supplies. Twice. Separately. Because Kurogane could handle buying lubricant but could not handle the drugstore clerk seeing both of them at the same time and knowing what they were using it for. He'd probably get over it at some point. Yuui could stand to be a bit less mocking and a bit more gracious about the whole thing, in the meantime.

 

So now here they were, in the dark in Yuui's bed and naked, damp with sweat from an athletic bout of kissing and groping. Yuui kept breaking into giggles as he picked up and put down the lube. He wasn't even trying, the asshole.

 

“So maybe we should have talked about this before now. You know. Um. Which one is going to . . .”

 

Yuui giggled helplessly again. “We can't do it if you can't even _say_ it. Which one of us is going to be taking it up the ass?”

 

“Yuui,” Kurogane said in agony, dragging a pillow over his face. “Don't— don't say it like _that._ ”

 

“Well, what were you imagining, when you . . . you know, thought about this?” Yuui asked, his eyes skittering over the dark room in search of escape. Hah, he _was_ embarrassed.

 

The first time he'd really envisioned it, he'd thought about what it would feel like to be inside of Yuui. He'd found himself panting alone in his room, rubbing himself, and then he'd envisioned a horrifying scene in which Yuui screamed in pain and he couldn't even do it. And then he'd thought about how terrible it would be if he only lasted thirty seconds again.

 

After that . . . he'd started imagining it a different way. And he realized only now, with Yuui kneeling on the bed giggling, that it was what he really wanted. Yuui would be perfect, and beautiful. He could bury his face in the mattress and scream himself hoarse and Yuui would be in control . . . that was what he wanted.

 

And so he turned over to lay on his stomach. “I want you,” he said quietly.

 

“Oh-oh,” Yuui stuttered in surprise.

 

“Please.”

 

And so that was how it was.

 

* * *

 

Their mental link had become so strong while they were making love that they'd both felt all of it. It was Kurogane kneeling with his knees tucked under his body and his teeth clenched into the sheet, but he felt the galactic elation and the burn of the muscles in his hips that Yuui was feeling. And Yuui was reveling in the pulse and slide of being inside of him, but he was also trembling and shuddering with the quiet and intense pleasure that Kurogane felt.

 

They weren't any coherent thoughts, not that he could remember. It was like for a moment they became one person. They breathed in sync. Their hips were perfectly timed. They gasped together. Every time one of them opened their mouth, both of them groaned. It turned into a ritual as they moved, something sacred that only they could do. They didn't have thoughts, but they felt every last aching thing that either of them had ever felt. They felt it together. They dug their fingers into each other's skin and felt as though they were melting and merging.

 

It was everything there was, for a few minutes, and then it was over. Kurogane felt turned inside-out, like everything he kept hidden under his skin was splayed out on the sweaty sheets. His blood still pulsed so strongly it felt like a drumbeat in his veins. He felt like he couldn't move if he tried, and also like he'd never possibly want to. Yuui's skin was sticky against his. He smelled so alive.

 

How could he ever want to live without this? It was unthinkable.

 

Kurogane took a deep breath, let it out. Took another. Sighed it out.

 

“ _Yes_ , Kurogane, _what_.”

 

“It was so selfish, even thinking about it. It's so fucking selfish of me, Yuui.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You need your family, you fucking _are_ your family, you need to be with Ashura and Syaoran, and you—”

 

“Kuro-sama you have ten seconds before I show you my new spell for making idiots explode.”

 

“Come with me, Yuui.”

 

Yuui sat up, got tangled in the sheet, flung it off of himself with a vicious curse. “What? _What_? Kurogane, just. What?”

 

Kurogane curled his hands up, felt his nails bite into his palms. “I wanted to say this three years ago, but it was so selfish. I don't care anymore. I can't go back there alone. I can't go anywhere alone. I can't be without you. I can't. Ever. I can't do anything if I don't have you. Yuui, we're. We're supposed to happen. You saw it, Yuui, you saw it. We were destiny. We always were.”

 

Yuui covered his mouth with his hands.

 

“Fuck visions of the future. Fuck everything that isn't you. Come to Suwa with me, Yuui. I have demons to slay and I need you at my back. I need you.”

 

Yuui giggled from behind his hands. “You pathetic sap. You certainly do.”

 

Kurogane sat up straight and put his face an inch from Yuui's face and snarled in pain and anger. His heart was beating out of his chest. His skin felt too tight, like he would burst out of it. “Do you honestly think this is funny?!” he shouted.

 

Yuui blinked in shock. Then his hands dragged into Kurogane's hair and he smashed their mouths together so hard that Kurogane tasted blood.

 

“No, I don't,” he gasped.

 

“I'm serious about this.”

 

“I know. I'm going to go with you and fight demons and live in a different dimension and be a foreigner and get made fun of for my hair and never ever be any good at chopsticks, and _I'm going to go with you,_ you stupid asshole and you'll fuck up all the time but I'll always forgive you because _I love you so much_ —”

 

The kissing, at that point, got to be a little too intense to allow for intelligible speech. Yuui laughed and cried against Kurogane's lips, and Kurogane's hands held him so tight he was afraid he was leaving bruises.

 

“My stuff is pretty close to packed,” Kurogane gasped out after a few minutes. “We'll work on your stuff tomorrow. Wow, you have to start studying. There's so much you need to know.”

 

Yuui snorted. “Where did you think those campaign journals went for three weeks?”

 

“You said you accidentally stuck them in that weird pocket dimension and couldn't figure out how to get them out.”

 

“I read them, you dolt. I wanted to know what it was I was losing you to.”

 

“You're not losing me,” Kurogane said fiercely, fingers clenched in Yuui's hair, teeth scraping at his shoulder. “You never were. I can't believe you were going to give up that easily. Don't you dare just let me go.”

 

Yuui coughed delicately. “I won't, but you might let go of me. Ow.”

 

“Marry me, idiot.”

 

“Can we start with moving to a new dimension for you? And you wanna stop pulling my hair?”

 

“Not really,” Kurogane muttered, but he let go.

 

“Can we, um, do the cuddling thing now and try to sleep?” Yuui whispered, his kisses softening. “I'm tired, and we need to visit school tomorrow.”

 

“What the hell for?”

 

“To drop out, of course.”

 

“Ugh. Fine.”

 

“I'm too awake,” Yuui complained. “Massage my back.”

 

“You are not serious.”

 

One facial expression, and Kurogane was pushing Yuui to roll over and was digging his fingers in. Yuui sighed with contentment, and he didn't know whether to punch him in the head or just kiss him until he started to hate kissing.

 

This was too easy, but it was probably just because none of this seemed entirely real yet. Maybe Yuui would panic tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

It was with new eyes that Kurogane looked at the school building and his (soon to be former) classmates. At first, the unfamiliarity of it had raised in him nothing but disgust and confusion. What was this place, and why? He'd been looking at it with Nihonese eyes.

 

Now he was looking at it with those eyes again. It didn't feel the same even if the staggering feeling of difference was still there. They didn't _do this_ in Nihon. Childhood was short and happy and then you learned the trade of your father. This building, cramming you in and elongating your childhood and giving you choices, it was so strange and foreign—but wasn't it good? Wasn't that the one thing they pushed more than anything else in their social studies classes, that each land in each world had its own way of doing things and each deserved respect?

 

He'd miss this, maybe. Casually talking to friends during school breaks about insignificants and trivialities. Getting to play sports just because they were fun. No, it wasn't all bad. It wasn't right for Nihon and it wasn't the way he'd have wanted things if he'd stayed there. But he was glad, in the end, that he'd taken part in this. That he'd gotten to put away that sword and find out what _else_ he was, beyond his father's son.

 

“Ow,” he muttered when Yuui's grip on his arm became too bruising tight.

 

“Sorry,” Yuui muttered in return, letting go.

 

“Tch.” He chased down Yuui's hand and grabbed it in his. He twined their fingers together. “What are you so nervous about?”

 

“I don't know,” Yuui admitted with close-lipped smile, and ran his thumb over the back of Kurogane's hand. “Nothing. You ready to do this?”

 

“When have I ever _not_ wanted to do this?” Introspection was all well and good, but really there hadn't been a day when he wouldn't have been thrilled to drop out of school. Yuui didn't need it anymore than he did, not really, but Yuui at least loved learning useless things. He'd never complained about the work.

 

“Are you really sure this is the best decision for your future?” the lady in the office asked hesitantly when Kurogane informed her of their purpose.

 

“Fine by me if you don't want to give me the paperwork, but I thought I'd save you all some time wondering why we both stopped showing up to classes. We're moving.”

 

“Oh, why didn't you say you needed to transfer?” she asked, brightening a little. “You'll actually need to get that paperwork from the school you're transferring into, but we'd be more than happy to provide copies of—”

 

Kurogane groaned, and Yuui giggled. “You don't know who we are, and I'm not gonna bother explaining, but trust me when I say the place we're moving doesn't need our transcripts. Just. Take our names off the class list, would you? We are not going to _be here_ next week. At all.”

 

She meekly slid a few forms to him. She'd already taken them out of her filing cabinet before she'd started to argue with him. Yuui snatched them up and went over to some chairs lined up by the door, still laughing.

 

“Idiot,” Kurogane sighed, not even sure who he was talking about. He sat beside Yuui and for a minute things were quiet and filled in only by the sound of computer keys clacking and their own pens scraping over paper.

 

That's when Taka-kun, an insufferable pig from one of Yuui's advanced classes, came in. Kurogane had never liked the kid, not since Yuui first started high school. The guy bullied and intimidated Yuui all the time, mocking his voice and his magic and later on the fact that he broke up with a cute girl to date _Kurogane_ of all people. Yuui's policy had always been to ignore rather than engage, no matter what Kurogane said or thought. He had to deal with the guy in class every day and he wanted some level of peace. It was Yuui's classmate and it was Yuui that was bearing the brunt of it, so Kurogane deferred to what he wanted in the matter.

 

But still. Kurogane had fantasized more than once about punching Taka-kun in his fat mouth.

 

Yuui was sort of silently vibrating, and Kurogane turned to see him trying to contain laughter. He'd sort of not been paying attention to the fact that their arms were pushed together and he'd been spilling his thoughts all over Yuui.

 

 _He does have a fat mouth_ , Kurogane thought at him grumpily. _He has weird plump lips. They look like earthworms_.

 

Yuui snorted, and of course that drew Taka-kun's attention.

 

He sneered at the two of them. “You just do everything together, don't you? How _cute_.”

 

“Yeah, we're fucking adorable,” Kurogane said flatly.

 

“What are you doing, anyway?”

 

“Minding our own business,” Yuui said in a cool voice. “Same as you should.”

 

Taka-kun came and bent over to read Yuui's forms upside down. Kurogane immediately bristled, but Yuui's arm was still touching his and he kept sending calming sensations at him, asking him to stand down.

 

“You're leaving, huh? Where are you going?”

 

“I'm dropping out of school to get married,” Yuui said sweetly, blinking up at Taka-kun with the most guileless expression his blue eyes could produce.

 

Taka-kun snorted in disgust. “Yeah, right.”

 

“No, really,” Yuui insisted, still smiling sweetly. “I decided I'm best suited to a domestic life.”

 

Taka-kun's face suffused with red splotches. “You are unbelievable, you know that Ouji-kun? You almost had me convinced you had enough brains in your head to be somebody. Guess you're always just gonna be a coward who hides behind this tree stump.”

 

All the while, Yuui had been pushing Kurogane to stay seated, to shut up, to leave it alone. And now suddenly it was Yuui surging to his feet, Yuui pushing his face close to those earthworm lips and splotchy cheeks.

 

Yuui's fingers spitting little sparks of purple light.

 

Yuui burning tiny holes in the office carpet.

 

Yuui's eyes blazing with light that had no earthly source.

 

“You know what's really unbelievable?” he snarled. His voice was so hoarse with passion that Kurogane worried he'd tear something in his throat. “That I ever thought I could fit in here, in this world, with _you_. I am rapidly becoming the most powerful mage in every dimension I know of, and what's unbelievable is that I was going to apply to business school. You have _never_ seen power like mine. You know why I held back? Because it felt like cheating to use it on a little _ant_ like you.”

 

Taka-kun was gulping, his feet stumbling backward, staring with terror at the light coming from Yuui's hands.

 

Yuui laid his mouth so close to Taka-kun's ear it was practically a lover's caress, and he whispered tenderly. “I have a thousand murders I've stored up in my fingertips and if you don't walk away and leave me the fuck alone, I'm going to start letting them out.”

 

Taka-kun broke. He ran out of the office like Yuui had lit the seat of his pants on fire.

 

Yuui turned around, looking shocked. He shook his fingers like he was trying to shake off drops of water. Kurogane jumped to his feet and grabbed Yuui by the elbows and felt him shivering.

 

“I can't believe I did that,” Yuui laughed.

 

“Home. Now.”

 

“What? We still have to finish filling—”

 

“Home. Bed. I, fuck. That was so fucking hot. I need you. Right now.”

 

The office lady was gaping at them, her mouth moving, her hand frozen on top of her desk phone as if she'd meant to call the police or something. She looked like a fucking carp.

 

Kurogane pushed Yuui out of the office, hands digging into his hips and teeth scraping at his ear and not even caring who saw it. He had no idea. No idea how sexy Yuui could be when he was threatening somebody. And now that he knew, all he could think was that they were never going to manage to get anything done in Nihon at all.

 

* * *

 

The next two days were a vicious cycle of sex, sleep, packing, and practice. Yuui and Kurogane were trying to figure out what to say and how to present themselves to the court. As friends? Lovers? Kurogane would first introduce him as a priest who would protect Suwa's borders, but it was going to be tricky to turn down the probably-impending marriage offer to Akane when he had already lined up a replacement.

 

They practiced kneeling and flowery phrases. Yuui quizzed Kurogane non-stop about cooking in Suwa, about the layout of Shirasagi castle, about the architecture he envisioned for the new provincial manor house, about the hierarchy of nobility. Actually non-stop. Kurogane tried to stutter his way through an explanation of how his mother's dead distant cousin was related to him and why it mattered while getting a handjob in the shower.

 

They never actually did go back to the school to finish withdrawing from their classes, but really what did it matter? It wasn't like anybody was going to hitch a ride with a wizard to come arrest them for truancy.

 

They only broke the spell that seemed to have fallen over the orphanage to create a private world for them once. They called Touya and Yukito to thank them for their friendship and say goodbye to them. There was no one else that Kurogane felt merited a phone call. Everyone else he cared about, he wanted them there on the day of his departure so he could see them together just one last time.

 

Yuui showed off a little bit and made Kurogane watch while he laid a spell on Ashura's locked office door and let himself in. He started poking around in the bookshelves and cubbyholes where Ashura kept scrolls, helping himself to the most advanced study material he could find. He even broke into Ashura's desk looking for two scrolls which Ashura had told him were the lesson plan for the summer after he finished school.

 

Even knowing that Yuui could be a bit blasé about things like rules and authority, Kurogane still found himself slightly shocked. This was Yuui's father, not the school library.

 

“Won't he . . . y'know . . . miss those?”

 

The look Yuui turned his direction was twisted up with so much fear and anger that it made Kurogane's stomach feel tight. “If he's going to leave at a time like this and not be here to choose what he wants to give me, then I'll just have to decide for myself, won't I?”

 

Kurogane shut up and just helped him stitch together little pockets inside his school bag for safely carrying the scrolls. He almost asked Tomoyo to do it for him—she was frighteningly good at sewing, for a ten-year-old—but he felt absurdly guilty when he thought about how she might dream with the Tsukuyomi and the princess of Nihon might end up knowing they were sort of stealing.

 

They really had a lot of sex in those couple of days. Enough that Kurogane was starting to feel glad they might not get an opportunity for a few days once they arrived in Nihon.

 

In fact, they'd just finished having some and were sort of just laying there trying to find the motivation to carry Yuui's things over to join Kurogane's at the Daidouji residence when someone knocked on the door.

 

Figuring it was probably Syaoran, for one reason or another, but too lazy to care a whole lot about his innocent and tender age, Kurogane tossed a sheet over the two of them and said, “What?”

 

The door opened, and Ashura strolled in.

 

A single eyebrow could really say so much, Kurogane thought as he scrambled frantically to somehow drag all the blankets over himself and yank his pants on underneath it all. Yuui was still totally composed, and _totally Ashura's son_ , just giving him The Eyebrow right on back and laying there underneath the sheet wearing nothing but a slight smirk.

 

“I'll be in my office when you're dressed,” Ashura said mildly, and closed the door.

 

Yuui continued to lay there, although he'd removed both smile and sheet, while Kurogane finished dressing.

 

“Come on,” Kurogane said sharply. “He promised to come back and he did, and we don't leave until tomorrow. At least find out where he went before you get all bitchy with him.”

 

“I. Am. Not. Bitchy.”

 

“Yeah you are.”

 

“Come over here and say it again,” Yuui rasped, lifting his fingers with a threatening glow around the edges.

 

Kurogane stuck his face right above Yuui's. “You're my favorite person and you're completely awesome, but the passive-aggressive thing _is_ bitchy. Kinda cute, though.” He leaned over just a bit more to kiss him, then straightened up and smacked him on the thigh with the flat of his hand. “Get dressed already.”

 

He sat down at Yuui's desk and fiddled with Yuui's soccer trophy while Yuui complied. Once finished, Yuui came over and laid a careful, not-very-painful bite into Kurogane's neck.

 

“You're mean,” he complained.

 

“Yep.”

 

“I love you,” Yuui sighed grumpily, and led the way to Ashura's office.

 

Ashura was sitting at his desk, seeming to be completely unperturbed by the ransacked state of his bookshelves. In fact, he smiled proudly as Yuui came in to sit at the desk with him. Kurogane hung back in the doorway, unsure if his presence was actually required at this meeting or if Ashura was about to send him home so they could talk privately.

 

“You did well at choosing your study materials,” Ashura said kindly. “You got everything I had planned to give you, although I think you _might_ have accidentally taken one I needed to keep. Don't worry about it now. You can check later.”

 

Yuui's cheeks immediately flushed.

 

“I'm going with him,” he blurted out, looking at Kurogane for a stretched-out moment before returning his attention to Ashura. “I'm going to Nihon. He asked me, and I — it's just that I—”

 

“Yes. I know,” Ashura said quietly. He reached down and picked up a huge bag and thunked it onto his desk. “I got these for you.”

 

Yuui peered inside, and Kurogane felt worried when his cheeks went pale. It looked like it was just more study materials, books and journals and scrolls . . .

 

“Where did you—?”

 

“I went to Celes,” Ashura said, folding his hands together on top of the gleaming wood. “I only meant to be gone for a single day, but there was a lot of other things that had to be factored in. Slight differences in the time between the two dimensions, how long it might take my magic to recover for the return jump, how hard it might be to track some of these down. Well. I knew I'd better tell you I'd be gone at least a few days, just in case. I wanted to return sooner, but I got a little bogged down with . . . arguments.”

 

“Arguments with who?” Yuui asked, looking amused. “Did you steal these?”

 

“They were mine to begin with, so no I did not. No, it was only a family matter. My nephew is a tolerable king but he's not strong. He is fair and just and well-liked, which is something I suppose. The borders are weaker than they could be. He pestered me the entire time I was there with questions regarding foreign policy and making a show of strength to avoid conflict with a southern neighbor. He frets more than he acts.”

 

Yuui was still pale, and now he looked a little sick. “They asked you to stay. To come back and advise him?”

 

Ashura's lips were a thin line. “They knew better.”

 

“You could— I mean, you really could do that,” Yuui whispered.

 

“Remove Syaoran from Heian and risk the dissolution of reality? I hardly think so.”

 

“Sonomi would take care of him,” Kurogane spoke up from the doorway, although he was stuck with angrily staring at the ground rather than meeting Ashura's eyes. Were they really trying to convince Ashura to do this? It felt cold in his gut, the thought that Ashura might consider his job done here and leave.

 

“I don't know if the two of you think I'd genuinely be happier to be ruling Celes, but I assure you that I have no intention of returning there,” Ashura said. He eyed them both sternly, as if reprimanding them for even suggesting it. “This is my life, and my home, and Syaoran is my son. Did you forget that I am the only father he's ever known outside his dreams? He's been mine since before he was two. You can't possibly think that I would leave him.”

 

Yuui burst into tears. “I'm sorry,” he gasped. “Ashura, I'm sorry, I want to stay with you, I love you, but I have to go, I just have to.”

 

“Oh, child, I know,” Ashura murmured. He got up and pulled Yuui into his arms, and Kurogane let himself out of the office and closed the door behind him.

 

He found himself smiling, feeling some of the weight on his shoulders disappearing. The warm spring sunshine felt good. He was relieved that Yuui was finally having that breakdown. He was glad Ashura had returned, and _obviously_ he wouldn't really abandon them. He'd _known_ somehow that Yuui would decide to go to Nihon. He'd known before they did. He'd gone to a place he hadn't really wanted to go just to get study materials for Yuui. He wanted Yuui to be a powerful mage, wanted to see him go as far as he could.

 

He was a really good dad, Kurogane thought warmly, hands in his pockets and a stupid little smile on his face. He hadn't tried to be Kurogane's, but maybe the reason that Kurogane had so often let him fill that role was simply because he didn't. Kurogane had eaten Ashura's cooking and gotten his help with homework and let Ashura be the adult when he and Yuui had gotten into trouble with the law. Ashura had never forced his advice or help, but it was there anytime Kurogane had needed it.

 

He wasn't the same kind of father that Kurogane's had been, but he was good. And Kurogane wondered if maybe there was some way to meld the two things together. Someday he'd have kids and maybe there was a way to be brave and strong and also wise and caring. If Yuui was going to help raise them, he'd have to be their mother—not that he'd mind that, Kurogane snickered. Those poor children.

 

“I'm home!” he bellowed as he came in the door of his own house. Well. Not really his house, not anymore. But still, wherever Sonomi and Tomoyo were, it would always be home in some small way.

 

“Welcome back!” Tomoyo trilled from the living room.

 

He poked his head in and then immediately retreated, trying to stifle his barking laughter and failing. Syaoran was sitting stonily on the ground with his face drawn into a careful expression of nothing at all. And Tomoyo was sitting on the couch behind him, putting little braids in his hair.

 

“Sakura-chan's at band practice, and then she's coming over for dinner,” Tomoyo said with excitement.

 

“Nice,” Kurogane said briefly, got his face under control, and then rescued Syaoran. “Ashura's back, kiddo. You'd better go home, I think they'll need you there tonight.”

 

Syaoran bolted up from the floor and ran out the door with his fingers already frantically trying to undo the braids. “Bye, thank you!” he hollered.

 

Kurogane crossed his arms and leaned on the doorjamb as he gave the overly-innocent Tomoyo a wry look. “You are pure evil. I've known it since you put frogs in my bed to welcome me to Heian.”

 

She just grinned.

 

“Tell Sonomi I'm finishing packing and I'll be down for dinner,” he said, rolling his eyes.

 

“Hey, I'm supposed to tell you!” Tomoyo blurted out. “Tomoyo-hime says she stopped dreaming about you marrying Akane-chan almost three years ago!”

 

Kurogane stopped, but didn't turn around. After a moment, he started back up the stairs again. Yeah, he probably should have guessed that.

 

* * *

 

“I'm going to be happy with you,” Yuui said insistently against his lips. Kurogane could feel Yuui's heart pounding. Was he afraid to leave, or just excited?

 

Then Ashura tugged on Yuui's arm. “Come here, let me hold you one last time,” he murmured.

 

Yuui fell on his father with a weird little whimpering noise, and Kurogane nodded a little to himself. Afraid. He was afraid. He was pressing his face into Ashura's shoulder to hide, but Kurogane knew he wasn't crying anymore. Rather, he was trying to compose himself. This was Yuui after all. He'd enter Nihon with a smile on his face even if though he was frightened and ill-prepared, even if it killed him.

 

And they were such idiots. All of them. Wow.

 

Kurogane exploded into laughter. He couldn't help it. “Yuui, stop crying, seriously.”

 

Everyone was looking at him with shock or possibly disgust. Like he'd just murdered someone. That made the whole thing seem even funnier, because really. Here he was, the rash and impulsive and emotional one, being the only one somehow who'd managed to come to the adult and rational realization? He dragged Yuui back into his own arms and chuckled at his red eyes.

 

“Look, you don't have to come _now_ , you know.” It honestly did hurt a bit to say it but he did it anyway and laughed his way through it. “What was the point of all this? It was to let us be young, to give us the freedom to make our own choices, to let us be safe and spare us pain. That's what Yuuko and Ashura did for us, and it worked. So why are we acting like we've only got one chance at this? This is really, really dumb. Yuui . . . just stay with Ashura and Syaoran a while longer. If you're not ready to go, then you're not. So what?”

 

Yuui wasn't saying anything aloud, but mentally he'd started laughing, too. He was sharing it through their skin, letting Kurogane feel the ebb of his fear and the tidal surge of gratitude and relief. He rubbed his tear-streaked cheek playfully on the sleeve of Kurogane's shirt.

 

Fuck. Fuck he loved this boy so much. Enough for sacrifice and blood, enough for commitment beyond words, enough to find laughter and tears when he wasn't sure he remembered how. Loved him enough to span dimensions and realities and lifetimes and immeasurable losses. He was pretty sure now that he could survive a separation of a few years.

 

“We're only seventeen,” he reminded Yuui with a snort. “We're rushing into this like a pair of idiots. If you're not ready to leave your family, then don't, stupid.”

 

Yuui was smiling and it was not one of those forced, pained things. Just a small one, soft and real. “So I can . . . I can just come when I'm ready, _whenever_ I'm ready, and you— you'll—”

 

“I'll wait,” Kurogane answered strongly. “I'll wait for you. I'm sure I'll be going back and forth between my home in Suwa and Shirasagi Castle all the time, at least for a year or two. We'll find some way to— I can give messages to the princess, and Tomoyo-chan can give them to you.”

 

Tomoyo had been quietly observing the dramatics up until now. She grinned at Kurogane and skipped forward to wrap her arms around his thighs. Sadly, that was the highest she could comfortably reach on him. “Of course we will. If you buy us presents.”

 

He tugged on her braid and scowled. “Brat.”

 

“Age-appropriate messages only,” she added cheekily.

 

Kurogane found himself laughing again, and he swung her up into his arms so he could give her a proper hug, so tight she squealed in protest. “I'm gonna miss you,” he whispered just for her. Then, louder: “Raise hell around here and be sure to torture Syaoran for me, okay?”

 

Syaoran's wounded expression spoke of ultimate betrayal, but he still obeyed the unspoken request to come forward and get a hug of his own. Yuui stepped back out of the way while the others said their farewells. Kurogane found himself allowing all kinds of things he'd never admit to later—Sonomi kissed his cheek and reminded him he had a home anytime he was in need of one, and Tomoyo somehow managed to get a flower to stay in his spiky hair that she said was “for luck.” And Syaoran shyly mumbled that he'd been a good oniisan and he'd miss him, which made him clear his throat and put the boy down because he swore he'd never cry the day he left Heian and he wasn't going back on his word.

 

Kurogane almost shook Ashura's hand when it was his turn and Ashura almost allowed it, until Yuui snorted in disgust. Then Ashura pulled him into an embrace and quietly said, “Thank you.”

 

What for? Kurogane wondered if he meant for convincing Yuui to stay behind, or for . . . well, for rescuing him from a couple of bullies one long-ago summer afternoon. But then, it didn't matter.

 

“Two years at most,” Kurogane mock-growled. “You'd better send him to me by then, or I'll come _take_ him.”

 

Ashura laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “No promises,” he said. But then he held onto his shoulder instead of letting go. “Hold still.” His other hand spread out against Kurogane's chest and conjured a glow of light that sank into him. “Forgive the sentimentality. An old Celesian custom. A spell of protection for travelers.”

 

Kurogane touched the spot on his chest and wondered if he was imagining the warmth of it.

 

Finally, it was Yuui's turn.

 

When he stepped forward again, Sonomi clapped her handa and ushered the kids to her house. Ashura still had to do the sending, but he retreated out of earshot and pretended not to see them. Yuui laid quietly in Kurogane's arms and ran two fingers over his chest where Ashura had worked the spell.

 

“I want to live in Nihon with you,” he murmured. “I really do.”

 

“And you will.” Kurogane didn't have any doubt at all. They'd overcome two realities and a hundred dimensions of obstacles already. This was nothing. “You'll come when you're ready, when you want to. I said I'll wait.”

 

“Yeah, you did,” Yuui smiled. He had that mischievous look that struck fear deep into Kurogane's heart. “I'm going to do something incredibly cheesy now, so shut up.” He grabbed the hem of his shirt and tore it wide.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Shhhh. Magic.”

 

Yuui unraveled the string from the hem carefully, one long piece. Then he pinched it between two fingers and with a low-pitched little whistle the string turned from cotton white to vibrant red. Kurogane suddenly understood. Every child knew the story of the red string of fate. So he lifted his hand before Yuui even asked, and let him tie the end around his pinky finger. Yuui left one end long and broke it off to tie the other half around his own pinky. He grabbed the trailing bit on Kurogane's and looped it around a few more times before tucking the end under.

 

“Don't make fun of me,” he muttered.

 

“I didn't,” Kurogane said, and carefully tucked the end of the string more thoroughly under the loops to keep it safe.

 

He held Yuui by the shoulders while he kissed him goodbye. The kiss was slow and full and their minds were silent and the sunlight was caught in Yuui's hair.

 

“See you soon,” he whispered as he broke the kiss.

 

He stepped back and went to Ashura. Neither of them spoke. Ashura just nodded and lifted up the staff he'd brought with him, waiting for Kurogane to buckle Ginryuu into place. Kurogane closed his eyes as the mage drew those familiar illegible runes around his head. He couldn't remember what it felt like, beyond terrible and frightening. He'd been in a lot of pain and in shock and lost in grief the first time. He hoped it wasn't as bad as he remembered. He braced his legs and held his breath.

 

He started to feel a curious sinking sensation, the kind he got in that moment just shy of falling asleep. After a few seconds, it went away and he frowned. Maybe it didn't work, maybe Ashura had done it wrong. He risked a deep breath and found that the faint scent of cherry blossoms coming from a few blocks down had become so thick and cloying that the smell filled his mouth as much as his nose.

 

He opened his eyes, and drew another choking breath in shock. He was surrounded by a pink and white snowfall. Blossoms from a massive sakura tree rained down on his head and shoulders, and high stone walls topped with tiled roofs rose all around him.

 

He was in the courtyard of Shirasagi Castle. He'd arrived, and he'd barely felt a thing.

 

“Damn Ashura, you _are_ good.”

 

He nervously checked to be sure Ginryuu was belted safely to his hip and touched the string on his finger to be sure it had come with him. He breathed out carefully. A fierce grin took over his face.

 

He'd made it back. Once Yuui got here, he'd finally be able to say he'd come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pulled a bait-and-switch last minute, because I am a dick. But don't worry! Soon (not like tomorrow, but perhaps by the end of February) I will be posting another story as a companion to this one. I didn't want to tack on an epilogue so much as start something new. It will be from Yuui's perspective. That is all I'm going to say about it right now. :3
> 
> This story has taken a longer time to write than anything else I have done. Perhaps because of that, I think I can say this is also my best story. Thanks for being here and reading this, everyone. I appreciate every last one of you.


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